Chapter Seventeen
Sam was skulking, and he blamed it all on Hayley. Of course, what didn’t he blame on Hayley these days?
She was the very bane of his existence. It was driving him absolutely nuts not to have seen her for twenty-four hours. Which was a special kind of sick and twisted.
He hadn’t expected her to show up for their scheduled hike. He hadn’t expected her to follow him around on his kayak excursion this afternoon. He had been certain Will or Brandon would take that over.
But as the morning went on, he still found himself listening for the telltale sound of her car. And then, worse, so much worse, he was now skulking around Mile High trying to figure out who had taken her and where. He was an idiot, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to stop.
Which was another fault of Hayley’s, because he had always been able to stop, before she showed up.
Skeet was grunting away at the front desk, and Lilly was busy in her office. Will and Brandon were nowhere to be found, which meant they were likely out on excursions.
Sam wasn’t stupid enough to think he could ask Lilly about who Hayley was with. The woman would read into things. He kept talking himself out of asking Skeet about the schedule, because while Skeet might not read into things, he would undoubtedly tell Lilly everything Sam had asked. For some reason the man who’d once been the surliest, grumpiest SOB in the place—which was saying something, of course—was completely softened and undone by Lilly.
Sam couldn’t understand why she kept having that effect on people. Or maybe after Hayley’s invasion in his life he could, and that was not a thought he wanted to dwell on.
Lilly emerged from her office just as Sam was pouring himself some coffee in the kitchenette. She stopped in the doorway and looked at him strangely.
“What are you doing here?”
“I work here,” Sam returned, not meeting her too-shrewd gaze.
Lilly rolled her eyes. “But you never come in this early when you don’t have excursions until afternoon.”
Sam shifted uncomfortably and lied easily. “I was out of coffee.”
“Well, I’m going to town to bring Hayley some soup if you need me to pick you up some while I’m out.”
“Why are you bringing Hayley soup?”
“She called in sick today, and I thought it would be a nice gesture. The boys both have excursions this morning, and it seems a little sad to be sick all alone.”
Sam knew he shouldn’t say anything. He shouldn’t do anything. He should let that be that. But he couldn’t help himself.
“I could do it.”
Lilly raised an eyebrow. “You could do what?”
Sam tried at a casual shrug. “I could deliver the soup. Like I said, I’m out of coffee, so I have to run into town anyway. It would be easier for me to do it, unless you have other errands to do.”
“No, I guess I don’t.”
“Then I’ll do it and kill two birds with one stone.”
Lilly gave him an all too knowing look. “You know, you volunteering to bring someone soup is about as normal as, say, I don’t know, Skeet offering to do it.”
“Skeet does stuff for you all the time now.”
“Yes, because he likes me. He finds me charming, and in need of care. Is that how you feel about Hayley?”
“I’m offering to help. If you don’t want to take it, you don’t have to.”
Lilly clearly didn’t believe a word he was saying. And she shouldn’t. It was all a bunch of BS.
“All right then. Pick up some soup, maybe some crackers and some ginger ale. Then do whatever you have to do. You think you can do all of that before your excursion this afternoon?”
“How long does it take to drop off some soup?”
She smiled innocently. “I guess that depends on what you do when you drop it off.”
“What do you mean, what I do? I’ll just drop off the soup. What the hell are you getting at?”
“You really want me to answer that?”
No. Not at all. So, Sam got the hell out of Dodge before Lilly could make him even more uncomfortable.
He drove out of town to the small mercantile in the next town over. He grabbed soup and crackers, ginger ale and tea. When he found himself standing in front of a display of flowers for way too long, he grunted in disgust.
Flowers? He was going to bring her flowers? What the fuck was wrong with him? He stomped away from them before his latent idiocy could win.
Irritable and grumpy, Sam bought the supplies, including a bag of coffee just in case Lilly quizzed him, and drove back to Gracely. When he arrived at Hayley’s apartment complex, he sat in his Jeep for a few minutes, trying to figure out what he was going to say.
All you have to say is the truth. That Lilly was going to bring her the soup, but he had stepped in and done it because he had errands to do. It was the truth. It was as close to the truth as he was going to think about.
The fact of the matter was he now had no choice but to do it. He had told Lilly he was going to bring soup. So, he had to bring her soup. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
He trudged up to Hayley’s apartment with twin feelings running through him. The first being horror at his own stupidity for getting himself into this situation, and the second . . .
He didn’t want to acknowledge the second. But it was there. He wanted to see her. He was excited to see her and make sure everything was okay. Because he was a sick fuck.
Cursing himself, Sam knocked on Hayley’s door. He waited for a few seconds, still cursing as he waited.
But when the door opened, his mind went completely blank.
It wasn’t Hayley. It was a man. A man about as tall as him and almost as broad. Young. Clearly suspicious.
“Who the hell are you?” the man demanded, and if Sam were in a different situation, where Hayley wasn’t in her apartment with this guy, he might have been intimidated by the glare.
Instead, Sam glared right back. “Who the hell are you?”
“Sam?”
This came from Hayley, her voice surprised and something far too close to delighted for his own comfort.
You were the one who wanted to come here and talk to her, you moron.
“You know this guy?” the man at the door asked. He was still blocking Sam’s access to the apartment.
Hayley came to stand next to the man, wide-eyed and clearly uncomfortable.
But as she looked at him, something in that expression softened into guilt. Guilt over what, Sam had no idea. It wasn’t like they were some kind of couple or something. Hell, if she had a boyfriend, that was just fucking fantastic. Of course, she probably shouldn’t have kissed him the other night if she had a boyfriend, but what business was that of his?
“Sam, this is my stepbrother, James. James, this is Sam. I work with him.” Her gaze ping-ponged back and forth between him and her stepbrother, which was an inordinate relief, and then they landed on the bag in his hand.
“Lilly said you were sick.”
“So you thought you could come and take advantage of her?”
“James, oh my God.” She smacked her stepbrother’s chest. “Don’t be weird.”
“Why did you call in sick?” James demanded, turning his gaze sharply to Hayley.
“Because you’re here.”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just told Lilly I’d . . . She . . .” Get it together. “She wanted me to bring you some soup. I mean, she was going to, but I, you know, I mean, I was coming into town, so she thought . . .” Holy shit, he was some kind of messed up. “I’ll go and you guys can have your family moment and I will go.” Because this stuttering, rambling man was even more horrifying than the man who’d come here because he wanted to see her.
He could be a socially inept hermit, but no one needed to see it.
Before he could flee, Hayley looked at him with far too many things in her expression. Sam definitely needed to go, but she grabbed his arm.
“James, I’m going to take a really short walk with Sam to talk about work. Obviously work. You sit tight. Take that shower you said you needed to take, and I will be back in a little bit.”
James crossed his arms over his chest, and Sam figured he was supposed to be intimidated. Like hell he was going to be intimidated by her stepbrother.
He was too busy being intimidated by the woman whose hand was clamped on his arm.
“If you’re not back in—”
“No. You do not get to tell me what to do. You’re not my father.”
“I’m your older brother.”
“And I’m a grown woman. Now come on, Sam. We’ll be back in a little bit. Make yourself at home, my uninvited guest.”
James gave them both a glare that reminded Sam that Hayley had said her brother was a police officer. He could see it right there. He felt like he was being sized up like some kind of criminal.
But Hayley pulled him into the hallway, and Sam wasn’t about to argue. Hayley pulled and pulled until they were exiting her apartment complex. When she finally stopped, she looked up at him curiously. “So, Lilly sent you?”
He knew she was fishing. He shouldn’t fall for it. He was trying to create distance between them. He’d drawn the line.
And you’re the idiot stepping over it.
“I had some errands to run, so I offered,” Sam muttered.
Hayley pressed her lips together, and he could tell she was trying not to smile.
“I was out of coffee, so I was going to the store anyway. I figured it would be easier if I just did it.”
“Yes, of course.” This time she couldn’t seem to fight that smile, and the worst part was he wanted to smile back. No, the worst part was her hand was on his arm. Or maybe the worst part was the sun glinting off her mass of pulled-back curls.
It was all the worst part, because he wanted to kiss her more than he wanted almost anything. And he’d been the one to draw that line. Him. He had to stick to it. There were reasons.
He wished he could remember them in the golden late-morning light. “Why did you call in sick instead of saying your stepbrother was visiting?” Because if they were talking there could be no kissing. Or so he’d keep telling himself.
Hayley looked down the street, and then started walking down Aspen. Sam could only be glad she’d let go of his arm. Yeah, glad was this shitty band around his lungs.
“I don’t know. I didn’t . . . Everything is so weird right now. You know? I just had this moment with Brandon and Will and I didn’t know how to . . .” She shook her head. “I’m just figuring this whole Brandon and Will thing out. I don’t know how to balance both of my families. I don’t know how to add James into the mix.”
“So it went okay? With Brandon and Will, that is?”
She looked up at him as they walked toward Hope Street. He would take no symbolism from the street name.
“It was good.” Her brow furrowed and she looked down at her feet, then up at the mountains in the distance. “If you were so interested, why didn’t you stick around and see?”
He blinked at her. Here was the part where he should lie. He should say it wasn’t any of his business and he’d decided to leave of his own accord. But lies around Hayley were hard to find.
“Lilly told me to.”
Hayley stopped and whirled on him. “What?”
Sam kept walking. What did it matter? Lilly had been right. They hadn’t belonged there. It had been none of their damn business. Lilly had kept her distance, and Sam had left and . . . that was just right. The way it should have been.
When Hayley scrambled after him, clearly expecting an answer, he shrugged. “The thing between you and Will and Brandon isn’t my business. Lilly was right. We didn’t have any business being in there. I didn’t belong there. So I left.”
“It didn’t occur to you that I might’ve wanted you there?”
Sam didn’t dare look at her. Too much would be revealed in his expression because he had a feeling Hayley saw way too much, things he never wanted her to see. Things he didn’t want to see himself.
“Why would you want me there? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does. Because you can pretend to be closed off and uninvolved, but you’re here. You care.”
“Be careful of how much care you’re ascribing to me,” he said, not bothering to slow down his concrete-eating strides. Hayley had long legs, she could keep up.
“No. I won’t be careful. Maybe I get that the kiss was a mistake. At least, in your mind. But that doesn’t mean we’re not friends. That doesn’t mean you don’t care.”
“I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
Hayley laughed. A little too hard. “I didn’t get wrong ideas all on my own. Believe me, if I went by your cues . . .” She slid him a little glance. “Actually, Sam, you’re in such deep denial, I don’t think you realize you give out cues.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Of course not. You’re a big, strong, silent rock of a man.”
“I thought I was a sad little bear.”
Hayley laughed again and he hated that it did something to him. Was like the sun peeking through the clouds after days of rain. Warmth and a pop of light against the dark, which made it that much brighter. Which made him want to laugh.
He was here because she was something like irresistible. Or some kind of... disease. Yeah, he liked that idea better. She was something communicable. She’d kissed him and now he’d never be able to get the taste of her out of his mouth. He’d never be able to forget the feel of her, sweet and pliant in his arms. Because she was a walking germ he couldn’t get rid of. She was like Lyme disease or something.
He should tell her that. He should tell her he was comparing her to Lyme disease in his head, and see how amusing she found it. But he didn’t.
“Sam, I have a very serious question for you.”
Everything in him tensed as they turned onto Main. Serious questions could never be good.
“Do you think you’ll ever be honest with yourself?”
“Honest with myself?”
“I realize that that’s kind of what my problem was for so long. I couldn’t be honest with myself about my real problem. Which meant I couldn’t be honest with my family. I just wonder if you think you’ll ever get to the point I’m at. Where you’re brave enough to say you’re your own problem. And you’re the only one holding you back.”
It hit uncomfortably close to home. The truth in it. Of course, what Hayley didn’t seem to understand was he knew he was the problem. But if you were your own problem, how did you ever get over it?
Even Brandon had said it last night. Anyone would blame himself in Sam’s position. There was no one to absolve him. There was no one to forgive him, because the person who needed to forgive him was dead. He’d never know what she wanted or if she’d blame him. So, he could only guess. Maybe grief wasn’t the best place to guess, but it was all he had.
“I want you to think about that. Because I might not know exactly what you’re going through, and I’ve never experienced grief like that, but I think we’re the same.”
Sam felt some uncomfortable emotion clog his throat. So much so that he couldn’t find the words to respond.
How did you respond to the truth? How did you respond to an honesty you didn’t want? Usually he ran away.
Maybe . . . Maybe that time needed to end.
* * *
Hayley held her breath. Sam wasn’t running. He wasn’t even shutting down exactly. Oh, he was silent as a tomb, but he was considering. At least she thought he was. Taking in those words and really thinking about them.
It was the most hope she’d had in regards to him this whole time. She thought maybe she was actually cracking this man open. Was it possible? Was it remotely possible she was getting through to him? That he might see how similar they were, and maybe even how good they could be together?
She thought they really would be. Because for all their similarities there were differences that complemented each other too.
“Maybe . . . Maybe you’re ri—”
Before Sam could say she was right, which Hayley was certain he was about to do, a dog’s incessant bark interrupted them. But it didn’t just stop at a bark, the dog approached Sam and pounced.
Hayley let out a little screech before she realized the dog wasn’t attacking, it was happily and ecstatically wagging its tail and jumping on Sam as though Sam was someone it had always known.
It was the first time Hayley had ever been jealous of a dog.
“Holy shit.” Sam exhaled, scratching the dog behind its ears. “Will’s not crazy. It is you.”
Hayley didn’t have a clue as to what any of that meant, and when a woman approached, Hayley figured she didn’t like it.
“Sarge, dammit. Sit.” The dog obeyed the order, though his tail still wagged so hard he wiggled.
Sam froze and looked up at the woman. She wasn’t very tall. In fact, Hayley had a few inches on her at least, but she had an aura of strength and toughness to her that Hayley immediately envied.
Even more so when Hayley looked over at Sam and saw the look on his face.
“Holy shit,” he muttered.
“Hi, Sam.”
“It really . . . You’re here.”
Hayley had felt like a third wheel a lot of times in her life. This was really taking the cake. Sam knew this pretty little woman with this big German shepherd dog, and he was looking at her like she was some sort of ghost. But not as though that was necessarily a bad thing. He looked shocked, but not scared or angry.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“That’s an interesting question that’s really too complicated to explain.”
“Try, Tori.”
Tori. Hayley racked her brain trying to think of any mention of a Tori before. The woman glanced at Hayley, something like suspicion and curiosity in her blue-green eyes.
Sam finally seemed to remember Hayley’s existence, and turned his gaze to hers. And frowned.
Hayley tried not to read too much into that.
“Tori, this is . . .”
He trailed off like that, not saying her name or explaining who she was. What bullshit, the jerk.
“Hayley. I’m Hayley.”
“Hey,” the woman replied, not offering her name in return, or a handshake, or even a friendly wave. She didn’t offer anything, and for some reason that made Hayley just as angry at this woman as she was at Sam.
“Maybe I should leave you two alone,” Hayley offered irritably.
“Could you?” Tori said with a saccharine quality to her voice that seemed more sarcastic than genuine. “That’d be great.”
Hayley stared, baffled at this nasty woman and her happy giant dog.
“Tori . . .” Sam raked a hand through his hair. “Hayley is Will and Brandon’s half sister.”
The woman swallowed. “Half sister?”
“It’s a long story, but she’s, you know, related to them.”
Hayley wasn’t sure how to feel. Sam was being downright personable. And nice! And helpful! Why was he never this way with her?
“Well . . .” The woman grimaced, though Hayley thought maybe she was trying to smile.
“Yeah . . .”
“So now that we know who I am, why doesn’t someone tell me who you are?” It wasn’t the nicest way she’d ever talked to someone. But hey, the woman hadn’t been nice to her first. Wasn’t it her prerogative to be a little snippy right back?
“Tori used to—”
“How great is it that Brandon and Will have a sister. They’d be amazing brothers.”
Hayley could only stare at this woman who was refusing to introduce herself.
Sam shook his head. “Tori is an old friend of mine and Brandon and Will’s.”
Tori fisted a hand on her hip and sighed dramatically. “Some more than others.”
“That a dig at me or Will?”
The woman’s eyes narrowed and Hayley realized the history here was beyond anything that was going to be explained to her here on the street. Which was obnoxious. She wanted to know exactly who this woman was. To Sam. Besides an old friend.
Sam glanced down at Hayley with something she didn’t want to see in his eyes. Something like apology.
“I guess you should get back to James.”
She felt unaccountably hurt that he was dismissing her. After coming here and bringing her stupid soup. He could claim Lilly had asked him to, but Hayley had her suspicions. Now he was going to shoo her away because this other woman had shown up. An old friend.
Sam moved, putting himself between her and this Tori woman. “Before you go, I want to let you know that . . .” He looked incredibly uncomfortable, but he straightened his shoulders and met her gaze. “Obviously, if you want to train with Will and Brandon from here on out, that’s fine.”
It hurt far more than it should, even more than his dismissal. Because part of her did want to get to know her brothers that way. But not at the expense of losing Sam. She had to swallow down the lump in her throat, but before she could get well and truly upset, he continued.
“But we can still train together, too. If you want to. I mean, I could also train you, along with Brandon and Will. This doesn’t mean that . . .”
“So you still want to train me?”
She expected equivocations, but he glanced back at Tori, then met Hayley’s gaze straight on. “Yes, I do,” he said resolutely, even with that woman standing behind them with her dog looking at them strangely.
“Tomorrow? Hiking in the morning and rock climbing in the afternoon?”
He nodded tensely. “I’ll be . . . waiting.” He turned abruptly away from her then, walking toward the Tori woman.
Maybe it was silly or crazy to think that was some sort of step. Some sort of something. But she felt like the world had opened up for her. Even as he walked down Main Street with Tori and her dog, Hayley knew he wanted to spend time with her.
Even if that was just friendly, she could use a friend. There was always time for everything else.