I wake to the sounds of birds singing outside the window. I roll over and pull Luke’s worn quilt around my naked body. Blinking my eyes open, I only see an empty cabin and a bright spring day pouring sunshine through the windows.

Luke must be doing some work outside. He teasingly reminds me I’m the one on vacation, while his existence here requires daily effort. I get it, and I respect it. But there’s no way I could live this way day after day. I’ve been off the grid for a couple weeks, and I’ve loved it. I feel like I’m myself again, without the hectic life and convoluted relationships that brought me low. But I recognize that I’m getting restless. Unlike Luke, I don’t have a purpose here. Unless being Luke’s twenty-four-seven lover counts as a purpose, which I’m completely fine with.

Still, I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in the real world. I’d texted all my friends before I left that I wouldn’t be in touch much, and while a few have checked in, for the most part, the people in my LA world have been quiet. I stretch, and with the quilt still around me, I get up to grab my phone from my bag and make myself a cup of coffee. There’s already a pot warmed up for me, and I smile at Luke’s unfailing thoughtfulness.

I settle into the chair we fucked on last night and power on my phone. Who knew trimming a man’s beard would be so erotic? There was something oddly intimate about the act. His trust in me, and then seeing a different side of him physically had driven me wild. As the days go by, the more intense our lovemaking becomes. I’m seeing shades of Luke he never showed me before.

My thoughts float from memory to memory, each one arousing me more and making me wonder where the hell Luke is. Then my messages start to load and my heart stops when I see one from Jeremy.

A dozen more messages come in, some from him trying to get in touch with me, others from some mutual friends asking me if I’d heard about his mom. Good God, what happened?

I text Jeremy back, confirming he’s in Avalon. He replies just as Luke walks in. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, looking perfectly and effortlessly gorgeous as usual.

“Hey, beautiful.” Smiling broadly, he comes toward me, leans down, and kisses me sweetly. “I brought you some blueberries for breakfast. And these.” He puts a small bouquet of tiny pink flowers bound by a thin green leaf into my hands.

“They’re beautiful, thank you.”

His eyes soften as he watches me. Then he straightens and moves toward the kitchen, pulling out the canister where he stores his oatmeal.

“I hope you’re hungry.”

I am, but I have to figure out what’s going on with Jeremy and his mother. “I have to go down to Avalon.”

He turns with a frown. “Why?”

I draw in a deep breath, because suddenly the prospect of telling him that my ex-husband is in town is a little terrifying. Worlds are colliding in a way I wasn’t expecting. Nothing about this trip was expected though.

“Jeremy is here,” I say simply.

He turns to face me completely and braces his hands on the wooden counter behind him. “Your ex?”

I nod. “Something’s going on with his mom. It sounds like it’s an emergency.”

“How does he know you’re here?”

I hesitate and think about that, because I hadn’t told him. We haven’t exactly been on speaking terms for a while. “He must have found out from a mutual friend. I can’t imagine he’d come all this way if it wasn’t important.”

He’s silent, turns back to the counter, and continues fixing breakfast.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mutters. “I’ll walk you down after breakfast.”

I stare down into my cooling coffee. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“What, are you afraid I’m going to kick his ass?” There’s humor in his voice, but there’s something else. Something serious and worrisome.

I chuckle softly, but a little part of me is concerned he’ll get protective and lash out at Jeremy. Because Jeremy is a superficial prick. He’ll never understand a man like Luke. And knowing what I do about Luke, he’ll instantly hate my ex, perhaps to the point of violence. If there’s a real emergency, I don’t want to complicate it with unnecessary relationship drama.

“I appreciate you offering to take me, but I think it’s better if I go by myself. If something’s really wrong, it’s going to be uncomfortable explaining…”

He turns to me, his expression hard, a far cry from the one he walked in with. “Explaining what? Me?”

I take in another deep breath, because I’m pretty sure I’m screwed with this conversation either way.

“Luke, we just got a divorce.”

“And he’s moved on, right?” His lips are tight.

“Yes, but—”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I sigh and walk to the bed where my clothes are. I dress swiftly, because I can’t deal with where this conversation is going. I still have to get my ass down the mountain and deal with Jeremy. I can’t get into it with Luke right now.

I’m dressed and have my bag ready when Luke’s arm comes around my waist, turning me toward him. I suck in a breath when his mouth is an inch from mine.

“Madison…” His lips part but no words form for a few seconds. “I love you.”

Why can’t I ever get used to those words out of his mouth? I’m struck with the gravity of the sentiment every time. My heart twists. I want to consume and be consumed with the love that’s radiating through me.

“I love you too, Luke. More than you can possibly understand. Believe me.”

I wrap my arms around him and kiss him gently, teasing the tip of my tongue along his lower lip. The one kiss turns into more and has our hands roaming, my heart racing, and a hundred memories of rapture flying through my mind. But, we can’t do this right now.

“Luke…we can’t. I need to go figure out what’s going on.”

He’s quiet, but his caresses slow.

“You know I want to stay,” I whisper.

“If you’re not back by sunset, I’ll come down to you.”

I nod. “Okay. I hope I’m not that long.”

We pull ourselves from another heated kiss, and after he insists on taking me a few more times, I get on my way, alone. A few feet from the cabin, I can’t ignore the sense of doom that creeps in around my heart as I’m walking away from him.

---

I spot Jeremy’s slick black Beamer next to mine immediately. Our matching luxury vehicles used to be cute, but I can’t wait to trade mine in. I shove that thought away and remind myself that something’s gone wrong. He didn’t come here to hear me catalogue all the ways I’d grown to loathe him.

I check my room, but it’s empty, so I head into the main building. I spot him at the front desk chatting with Indigo. No, he’s flirting. He’s got his fuck-me eyes going, but Indigo only laughs nervously and avoids his roaming gaze. God, he’s such a douchebag.

Keep it together.

“Jeremy,” I say loudly, hoping I sound as emotionally detached as I want to be.

He turns with a practiced smile, which fades a bit as he sizes me up. “Wow.”

I frown and cross my arms defensively. “What?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Nothing, you just look… I don’t know, different.”

I tuck my hair behind my ear and feel heat rushing to my cheeks. I can’t imagine how I must look. I can’t imagine it because Luke doesn’t keep mirrors all around his one-room cabin. I haven’t worn makeup in weeks. Hell, I’ve scarcely worn clothes.

“Well, I’m not working or networking or socializing here. It’s a retreat. It’s not about how you look.” There’s nothing emotionally detached about my tone. I’m defensive and snappy and I want to rip Jeremy’s face off thirty seconds into our conversation.

“No, I get it. That’s not really what I meant.” He sighs and all the humor has fled his features. “Listen, I’m sorry to bother you here. I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see.”

“I got your text. What’s going on with Susan?”

He shoots a quick glance to Indigo, who’s listening to every word, and then back to me. “Is there any place to get a coffee around here? I left at the crack of dawn and could use a pick-me-up.”

“Café is that way, all the way at the end of the hallway,” Indigo says, pointing us in the right direction.

I lead the way, noting amenities the retreat offers that I’d never bothered to notice before, including a little store and a beautiful meditation room that I’ll never use—because these people scare the hell out of me for some reason, and because I’d rather be in Luke’s bed than anywhere else. That’s my Zen place.

Together, Jeremy and I venture into the little café, order coffees, and take a seat by a window that offers a perfect view of the trail that leads up the mountain.

Great. I groan inwardly, because I already miss Luke. I miss our oasis in the mountains and the perfect simplicity that we’ve enjoyed for days on end. Despite all that, I shift my focus back to Jeremy and the issue at hand.

“So what’s going on? Your text really worried me.”

For the first time in a long time, I really look closely at him. Does he look different because we’re divorced and I’m seeing him in a new light? I can’t be sure, but worry lines etch his forehead and the skin around his eyes. His features seem sharper, less boyish. He lifts his gaze to mine, and suddenly I’m worried that something really has gone horribly wrong.

“She went into the hospital for walking pneumonia last week. She was really weak so they kept her. She had other symptoms though so they ran some tests. They think she’s got some sort of blood poisoning. She’s septic, and…” Tears glimmer in his eyes. “I don’t know how much time she has, but she asked for you. My brother and dad are there, but when I couldn’t reach you I just drove out here.”

“Oh my God.” I press my fingers to my lips, but I can’t stop the tears from collecting and spilling down my cheeks. I launch out of my chair and he rises, pulling me into a tight embrace.

All the hate-filled words disappear. All I care about is getting back to LA to see his mother. She was a second mother to me, sometimes even more so. She was heartbroken when we split up, and I regretted the pain it put her through. More than that, I regretted how we’d never be in each other’s lives the same way again. Family dinners, holidays… I’d never give her grandchildren.

“I can’t believe this.” I sob into his chest, because I’m so completely overwhelmed that she might die.

He holds me closer and strokes my back. “I know. I can’t believe it. Honestly, I think I’m still kind of in shock. I’m not sure if it’s really hit me yet. But if I’m being honest…”

He pulls back enough so I can look up at him. He strokes my cheek and smiles sadly. “The only silver lining from any of this is seeing you again. I was scared you wouldn’t want to see me, but I can’t tell you how good it feels to be with you again.”

I swallow over the painful emotions and nod. I can’t handle what he’s saying. I can’t process all of this so quickly.

“Madison.”

I jump back at the sound of Luke’s voice.

If Madison was worried about me beating the shit out of her ex, she officially had good reason. I ball my fists tightly, and I feel an odd mix of sickness and blind rage as I approach them. She’d jumped back out of their embrace the second she heard my voice. I recognize the worry in her eyes as she looks from the man I’m ready to grind into sawdust back to me.

Before I can, Madison is coming toward me, positioning herself between us. “Luke, what are you doing here?”

I glare down at her, because I can’t goddamn help myself. “I wanted to make sure you got down okay, so I followed behind. What are you doing here?”

Only then do I notice the tears in her eyes. Is this guy giving her shit? What the fuck is going on?

“Jeremy’s mom is sick. They aren’t sure how much time she has. I have to go home.”

The nausea comes back with a force that threatens to knock me on my ass. I’m six feet seven, two hundred and fifty pounds, and this woman leaving my life has me ready to crack.

I shake my head. “Madison, no.”

“I’ll come back,” she says in a pleading voice.

My chest hurts. Like a goddamn tree trunk landed on it. I can barely breathe. “When?”

Jeremy sidles up next to her, but is wise enough to keep a couple feet of distance between us.

“I’m Jeremy Cleary. I’m Madison’s husband.” He holds his hand out.

“Ex-husband,” Madison clarifies quickly.

I take his hand and crush it as much as I can with a shake. “Luke Dawson. I’ve been fucking her since she got here.”

“Luke!” She glares at me, her mouth gaping.

“What?” I shrug like she’s being crazy, but I know it’s all me right now.

Jeremy’s face turns grim. “What a gentleman.”

I take a step forward and he immediately takes one back. “Gentleman? You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

“Stop it, right now.” Madison takes my hand and leads us out of the café.

We get to the reception area and pass Indigo. Madison drops my hand, and I follow her toward the annex where her room is. She unlocks the door, and the second I shut it behind us I feel a measure of relief. To be alone, with her.

Even if she looks like she’s ready to kill me. I can handle that.

“I’m sorry,” I start, but I know she’s not going to have it.

“You’re sorry? First, you blatantly disobey my wish to meet with Jeremy alone.”

“I was worried about you. That’s never going to change, and I’m not apologizing for it.”

“Okay, then you barge into the café like a fucking caveman ready to engage in a full blown pissing contest with my ex.”

“Yes, and? What am I supposed to think when I see you in his arms? You’re mine, and maybe I’m crazy, but I wanted him to know it.”

She’s quiet for a second, and I’m not sure why. She turns and starts packing her suitcase. “I know this wasn’t the plan, but I have to go,” she says quietly.

“She’s his mother. Why do you need to go?”

She stops and comes toward me, fire in her eyes like I’ve never seen. “Because, Luke, you fucking idiot, I love her like a mother. And no matter what Jeremy did to me, she always stood by me. I love you, and I do not want to leave. But I have to go, because this might be my only chance.”

I swallow hard because I’m so conflicted. I can’t fix this. I can’t protect her from the pain she feels, and nothing I can say will keep her with me. I consider the impossible…and make it possible.

“Let me come with you.”

Her shoulders fall and her anger fades into sadness. “Luke, if circumstances were different…”

I nod before she can finish, but everything is locking up inside. Each wave of pain freezes into a wall around my heart. She’s leaving, and though the reasons may be perfectly sound, it’s ripping my heart out.

“Fine. Let me know if you need anything. You know where to find me.”

I turn to go. I have to get the hell out of here. I take two long strides toward the door and am reaching for the knob when she grabs my arm. “Luke, wait. Don’t go.”

I turn, slam her against the door, and keep her there with the strength of my body. She sucks in a breath and slides her fingers roughly through my hair. I crash my lips onto hers and kiss her savagely. I do more than taste and suck. I’m fucking her mouth. I’m devouring her. I’m sucking and biting, delving into her the way I wish I was other places. And she’s groaning the way she does when she can’t wait a minute more to have me inside of her. In a matter of seconds, her pants are at her ankles and I’m struggling to get my cock into her fast enough.

I kiss her, pull her legs around me, and slide inside her with one hard shove.

She cries out, and I lose myself in the bliss of her body. I tell her I love her a dozen times. Maybe more. I’ve lost count. I should hold it back, to protect myself, but I can’t. She’s leaving, and a thousand things could keep her from coming back to me. This could be it.

She’s coming, moaning and scratching her nails down my back. I want to come, but I don’t want this to end. This can’t be the end…

“Madison…baby…I can’t.” I can’t let you go…

“Luke, I want you to come. Come inside me. Mark me. Make me yours. I’m always going to be yours. Believe me. God, please, you have to believe me. I love you so much.”

Her unfiltered words finish me. I thrust so hard, the wooden door at her back squeaks like it might not be able to hold up the force of me fucking her against it. Not with this kind of passion spiking my veins, not with this kind of desperation driving every move.

She screams and her next orgasm takes me under. I can barely keep my feet under me, but I manage as I fill her with my release.

I’m not sure how many minutes pass. Eventually her legs slip past my hips and her feet find the floor. I get my bearings enough to realize she’s got tears in her eyes again. She’s also got a huge hickey on her neck, and I probably left marks from fucking her so roughly. I wince with regret. The tree trunk is back on my chest with the force of all the emotions that I can’t begin to sort through right now.

“I want to beg you not to go,” I whisper.

She cradles my face in her palms and whispers back. “Come with me.”