There’s an indescribable deafening silence when I drop my bags to the hardwood floor in my foyer and glance around the house. It’s the one thing that I fought for in the divorce settlement. A house in the Hollywood Hills had always been my dream, and once I finally achieved it, I’d be damned if I’d just hand it over to him and his mistress.

The sprawling home, with its picturesque views and dark wood siding, is more reminiscent of Luke’s log cabin than a typical Hollywood mansion. I fell in love with it the instant I stepped foot inside. The deep chocolate wood floors and river rock fireplace that kissed the twelve-foot ceiling had me signing on the dotted line before I’d even seen the entire house. Add in the view and nothing else could compare.

I stare out the bank of floor-to-ceiling windows lining the back of the house, overlooking the valley, and I can only think of one person. I’d asked him to come with me, and he begged me to stay. But in the end, neither of us got what we wanted.

I didn’t have a choice. I had to come back. I’m not here for Jeremy or because he asked me to return. Really, I’m not even here for myself. I’m only here for one person… Susan. She’s treated me with more kindness than anyone in my own family ever has, and I can’t turn my back on her now.

Luke didn’t seem to understand. No matter how I tried to explain it, he never would. It’s just another example of how different we are and why we wouldn’t work, but when I’m with him, none of that matters. He makes everything else melt away. I’ve never been so present with someone. It probably had to do with the lack of distractions. No cell phones, television, or Internet makes focusing on each other inescapable.

I’m so lost in thought I don’t even hear the front door open.

“Madison.”

I jump and spin around to face Jeremy. My heart pounds furiously in my chest and I narrow my eyes. “What the fuck? You can’t just let yourself in, Jeremy. This isn’t your house anymore.”

He waves me off with his usual cocky attitude. “I still have a key.”

I roll my eyes, but I want to hurl myself across the living room and wrap my hands around his neck. “Gimme the key.”

He strides forward, dangling the key between his fingers. “You’ll have to earn it.”

I square my shoulders, place my hands on my hips, and glare at him. “I’ve earned it by sucking your dick since we were teenagers, only to have you cheat on me.”

He presses his hand to his chest and staggers backward like I hurt his feelings. “Ouch. You wound me with your words.”

“Your acting doesn’t work on me. Just give me the goddamn key.”

“It used to work.” He smiles and runs his hand through his hair, giving me his signature headshot smile. “What happened?”

Folding my arms in front of my chest, my gaze turns icy cold. “The fairytale illusion of you has worn off, Jeremy. What are you doing here?”

He places the key on the mantle of the fireplace that splits the windows and the view. He slides his hand across the smooth mahogany mantle and pauses near the photo from our wedding. “We were happy then.”

I take a step toward him and place my hand on his chest. “Jeremy.” My voice is sweet, too sweet, but he’s clueless.

He glances down at me with hope in his eyes. “Yeah?”

How can he even be serious? After all the shit he put me through, does he really think I want him?

“This…” I lean forward, almost pressing my lips to his.

“Yeah,” he breathes, turning his head to line our mouths up perfectly.

“Will never happen,” I say quickly and push against his chest, rocking him backward.

“Madison.”

“What do you want?” I grab the key from the mantle and jam it in the back pocket of my jeans.

“I thought we could drive over to see my mom together.”

“I don’t need an escort.”

Looking at him now, I can’t remember why I ever loved him. He’s always been self-absorbed. Everything was about him and his career. I thought I fit into his life and that I was a priority to him, but I was just foolish.

“I’m not escorting you. Don’t be difficult.”

“Difficult?” My voice cracks.

How dare he call me that. During our entire relationship, I caved to his every whim and desire. When he couldn’t make rent with his acting gigs, I worked double shifts bartending to make ends meet.

“Well, yeah. I’m trying to be a gentleman, and you’re being a bitch.”

“Get out.” I’m surprisingly calm. I can’t even muster enough emotion to yell. I’m not angry with him. I’m disappointed in myself for wasting years of my life in a relationship with a man who only loved one person—himself.

He balls his hands into tight fists at his side and his top lip curls before he speaks. “You think that asshole loves you?”

“It doesn’t matter, Jeremy. You’re not part of my life anymore. That’s the one thing I do know for sure. You lost your place the day you slid between someone else’s legs.”

“You’re fooling yourself, Madison. He’s just using you for pussy. You mean nothing to him.”

His words are meant to sting, but they don’t. There’s nothing Jeremy can say that would make me think that Luke doesn’t have genuine feelings for me. Sure, we started out as a wild, uninhibited sexual escapade, but it’s morphed into something more…something deeper.

“I obviously meant nothing to you either.”

“You always lived in a dream world.”

“Last time I’m going to ask. Go, Jeremy, or I’ll tell Susan that you’re treating me badly.”

His stare hardens. “She’s sick. You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet?” I cock my head and smirk, finding an inner strength that I never knew I had when dealing with him.

Weeks away have given me clarity. Spending time with Luke has given me a renewed sense of self and inner strength. There’s nothing Jeremy can do to change that. I’m no longer the woman I was before, but he’s still the same asshole. But I’m no longer looking at him through rose-colored glasses either.

He stalks toward the front door, mumbling to himself with his arms flailing around like a madman. “You always were a bad fuck,” he says over his shoulder before walking out and slamming the door.

The old me would’ve cried from his declaration. I would’ve been wounded by his words, but I no longer believe anything he says. “Asshole,” I mutter to myself, giving him the middle finger even though he can’t see it.

An hour later I’m settling into a chair at Susan’s bedside. She’s a shell of the woman I once knew, hooked up to so many machines that I can’t tell which cord goes with what contraption.

“Madison,” she whispers behind the oxygen mask, reaching out to me.

I smile softly and take her hand in mine, placing it at her side. “Susan, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

My apology is genuine, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. What do you say to someone who is dying? There aren’t words to adequately describe how you feel about them when they’re knocking on death’s door. Susan has been a part of my life since I was a kid and knows exactly how I feel about her, yet I want to say more.

“How are you, my sweet girl?”

Tears sting my eyes. “I’m fine, Mom.”

A faint smile forms on her lips, and she squeezes my hand tightly. “My son still being an asshole?”

“Jeremy is Jeremy. You know.” I shrug it off, because no more explanation is necessary.

Susan knows exactly what kind of man her son is and everything that he did to ruin our marriage. He’s the last person I want to talk about when this very well may be the last time I speak to her.

“Find your happiness.” She shifts in her bed and grimaces.

“I am.” I nod, causing the tears that lined my eyes to slide down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry for me, love. I had an amazing life.” She smiles softly and releases my hand. “Crawl up here with me.”

I don’t hesitate doing what she asks. Kicking off my shoes, I climb onto the bed, careful not to lie on any tubes, and settle into the crook of her arm. This is our goodbye. I know it’s the last time I’ll see her, but I can’t quite believe it’s true. I don’t want to either.

She places her hand against my back and holds me as tightly as she probably can. “Most men aren’t like Jeremy. I’ve had a blessed life with his father. I wouldn’t trade a day of my time with him for someone or something else.”

“I know you love Jim.” I curl into her and close my eyes, memorizing her smell, feel, and sound. Even on her deathbed, Susan possesses the elegance and calmness that’s always drawn me to her.

“Don’t settle for anyone who won’t put you first. You hear me?”

“I do.” My fingers curl against her gown. I never want to let go.

My heart aches for her. For my loss. A life without Susan is something I’m not quite sure I can bear. She’s always been a constant in my roller coaster life, especially during my separation and divorce from her son.

“I’m dying, Madison.”

“I know,” I whisper softly as more tears cascade down the side of my face, wetting her shirt.

“But I have no regrets about my life. I can’t think of one thing I’d do differently. Instead, I’m surrounded by people I love and more happy memories than one should be allowed to have. I want the same for you. Find that happiness and don’t let go.”

I glance up at her. “No regrets. I promise.”

“I love my son, but don’t go back to him. He isn’t worthy of you.”

I blink slowly, letting her words sink in. She’s spoken them before, but this time they have more meaning. She’s spilling her soul to me and imparting wisdom before it’s too late. “I love you,” I tell her, but I want to repeat it over and over again until my voice is hoarse, but instead I cry harder.

“I love you too, Madison. You’re the daughter I never had. Don’t be sad for me. Be happy that I had such a blessed life. If you want to really remember me, find that slice of happiness and the one who makes you breathless when he’s near.”

“I love you,” I say again, because all other words fail me.

We lie like that until she falls asleep, clutching me tightly to her body. I stay a few more minutes, watching her sleep, before I crawl off the bed and slip on my shoes.

“Goodbye, Mom,” I whisper and bite down on my lip to stop the sob that’s climbing up the back of my throat.

She looks so frail. I want to scoop her into my arms and make her feel the peacefulness she’s always given me. I stare down at her for another minute. I take a mental picture of her and recount our conversation to store away when things get rough.

As I walk out the door, I turn one last time and mouth, “I love you,” before running down the hallway of the hospice center and bursting into tears.

I lasted four hours without Madison before the walls started closing in on me. I filled a bag with some clothes and headed out the door without a second thought. Nothing felt right without her there. I should’ve never let her go alone. The thought of LA and the people and traffic makes my skin crawl, but nothing compares to the ball of unease in the pit of my stomach without her by my side.

Before I hit the road, I stopped at the Avalon and asked Lou for directions to the address that Madison jotted down on the hotel stationary before she left. I try to make sense of his chicken scratch and focus on my destination instead of what’s going on around me. I’ve never driven on busier roads than those in LA. My heart’s racing but I keep my attention trained on where I’m going and not the incessant blaring of car horns around me.

My muscles relax when I finally pull off the highway and start winding through the Hollywood Hills. The homes I pass—at least the ones that aren’t hidden by gates and fancy landscaping—can only be described as mansions. They’re grotesque in size and opulence. There’s no mistaking where I am. Northern California is no match for the overindulgence and sin of Hollywood.

I slow in front of Madison’s home. It’s smaller than I expect compared to the other homes in the neighborhood, but still overshadows the quaint cabin I’ve been living in. I’m surprised by the country feel of the dark brown home that blends in with the trees and brush around it.

I take three deep breaths, exhaling slowly after each one, and pull into her driveway. The sun sets in the distance, giving everything an ethereal glow. Her car is parked just outside the garage and the lights are on inside the house. I hoped she’d be here when I arrived, because I didn’t want to wait outside too long. People around these parts probably aren’t keen on strangers, especially ones who look like me.

The tightness is back as I walk to the door. Maybe she’s pissed at me for not coming down with her, but I’m hoping my presence now makes up for it. I knock with two quick raps and square my shoulders, trying to be patient as I wait.

I scan my surroundings as a nosy neighbor snaps a photo of me over the bushes. People in Hollywood are strange, but I give him a quick wave so I don’t seem unfriendly. The door swings open and the air in my lungs whooshes out as soon as my gaze lands on her gorgeous face.

She stares at me in disbelief. “Luke?”

Before I can speak, she hurls herself into my arms and buries her face in my neck. “Thank God,” she whispers against my skin.

I lift her and let her legs wrap around my middle. “I couldn’t be away from you,” I admit, holding her tightly.

I missed the feel of her against me. I didn’t think being apart, even for a few days, would be an issue until the silence set in sooner this time and I couldn’t take another minute without her.

Her hands cradle my cheeks as she peppers my face with kisses. “I was about to drive back up because I missed you so much.” Her face has splotches of pink, and her eyes are swollen, but she smiles through her tears.

“You’ve been crying.” Guilt floods me. I should’ve never let her come back here alone.

“I already saw Susan.” Her head drops to my shoulder.

I carry her inside and kick the door closed with my heel, not willing to separate our bodies for a second. “How is she?” I don’t take in the beauty of her home until I’m seated on the couch with her curled in my lap.

“She’s as can be expected.”

“How are you doing?” I glance down at her, trying not to get distracted by the amazing view outside the windows lining the back of her house. It’s almost as beautiful as mine on my mountaintop. For being smack in the middle of Hollywood, there’s more greenery than I expected, and it doesn’t feel claustrophobic either.

“Awful,” she says. “But better now that you’re here.”

Leaning back, I pull her with me, adjusting our position so we’re both more comfortable. My body’s already reacting to her nearness, her warmth, and the scent that’s hers alone. “I’m here for as long as you need me.”

She stares up at me wide-eyed with a smile and more tears. “Do you mean that?”

“I do,” I tell her, and I mean every word. “I’ll stay.”

“I know this place isn’t for you.”

“A month ago, I wouldn’t have said you were for me either.” Touching my lips to hers, I close my eyes and relish in the feel of her against me.

She pulls away and laughs softly. “You’ve come a long way, Mr. Dawson.”

“Only because of you, Ms. Atwood.”

She settles against me and silence falls between us. But unlike when I’m alone, it’s not deafening. It’s comfortable and warm, just how everything with Madison always is. There will be a time to make love to her and a time to talk, but for right now, I just want to hold her.

My eyelids feel heavy and I fight to stay awake, but she drifts off first. Sleep hasn’t been easy for me in years, but there’s something about Madison that chases away my demons and puts my mind at ease. She’s still in my lap, with her body slack against mine, as her soft snores pull me under too.