Chapter 48

___________________

Rose

THE RINGING OF MY phone caused me to stir from my sleep. Had this all been a bad dream I was now awakening from? When my eyes opened wider and adjusted to the surroundings of the hotel room I had checked into several hours ago, I knew it wasn’t. Instead, it was my sad, cold reality.

“Hello,” I answered Marisa’s call just before it went to voicemail.

“Rose, are you okay? Lucy told me everything that happened, and I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I sat up and looked at the clock, surprised to see it was after four, and I had slept for three and a half hours.

“Are you sure? You don’t sound fine.”

“No, really, I am. As fine as I’m going to be, considering the circumstances.” My stomach burned from a mixture of hunger and nerves. “Oh, shoot, we’ve got Lamaze class tonight!”

“Rose, don’t be silly, after everything you’ve been through today, I don’t expect you to be at the Lamaze class.”

“No, I want to. It’ll help take my mind off things.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Rose, umm…” She paused. “Alex, he’s really worried about you. Could you at least call him or send him a text and let him know you’re okay?”

I raked my hand through my hair, my eyes burning with just the mere thought of him. “I can’t, Marisa.” My voice cracked with emotion. “I’m just not ready to deal with things right now.”

“Understood,” she replied.

“Thanks,” I whispered. “I’ll meet ya at six?”

“Same place, same station.” She laughed.

I feigned a chuckle back, wondering if I’d ever be able to laugh, ever be able to smile, or ever be able to trust again.

After we hung up I scrolled down my phone. As expected there were several missed calls from the people who pretended to be my parents and two from Marisa. How had my life come to this? I was held up in a hotel with nowhere to go because everyone I thought I could trust had betrayed me. I checked my emails in an effort to calm my nerves, happy to find one for my advice column. I was hoping this anonymous person’s dilemma was worse than mine to help put my mind at ease. Doubtful there could be any other situation more screwed up than the current situation in my life, but I remained hopeful when I clicked on the little envelope.

Dear Miss Demeanor,

I met this girl who at first I judged pretty harshly and treated really bad. As time went on our abhorrence for each other morphed into a mutual tolerance, then a weird kind of friendship, and finally into a love like I’d never known before. This girl I’d told myself to hate without ever taking a minute to know her turned out to be the most kind and caring person I’d ever met. I was miserable with my entire existence, thinking my life was over because all my dreams had been crushed. Then she came into my life and showed me my dreams were just beginning with her, until I screwed up, and now she won’t even talk to me.

If she were reading this today, I would tell her I’m sorry for not being perfect. I’m sorry for hurting her in the way I did, and I’m sorry she’s no longer in my life. I love her more than anything, and I’d do anything in this world to have a second chance with her and prove it. I’d promise her the truth always, no matter how hard it was to take, and I’d promise to give her my heart freely and keep hers safe with me forever.

So, my question is, do you think she could ever find it in that giant heart of hers to forgive me?

Signed,

Pompous Ass

I covered my mouth with my shaky hand and was filled with a gamut of emotions. I stared at my phone for some time, reading his message over and over again before finally finding the courage to reply.

Dear Pompous Ass…

_______________

“Alex sent me an email,” I said to Marisa as we finished up dinner after the Lamaze class.

Her eyes widened. “What did it say?”

“He actually wrote into the advice column, saying how stupid he was for screwing up with some girl, and would she ever be able to forgive him?”

“Will she?”

I bowed my head and stared at the plateful of pasta I had hardly touched. “I…I want to so badly. I love him. I really do. I never told him that directly because I was too scared, the same way I’m scared of giving him a second chance. What if he breaks my heart again?”

“And what if he doesn’t? What happened to the girl who taught me not to be afraid of taking chances? The girl who helped me with one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make? Your advice to dump Mateo for what he did was spot-on. I should’ve known better than to stay with a man who put his hands on me in anger. But I gotta tell you, your reason for cutting off Alex is dead wrong.”

“But he—”

“He didn’t tell you something he did as a joke back when you both were going tit for tat with each other. Okay, maybe he should have said something when you guys started getting serious, but, Rose, that’s no reason to cut him out of your life. You have a guy who really and truly cares about you. I saw how upset he was this afternoon. He was so worried about you being by yourself through all this. If you love him, tell him. Don’t let your own stubbornness stand in the way. He’s a great guy, who made a mistake, but I think you already know that.”

“When did you become the counselor and me the patient?” I smirked.

“Pregnancy hormones. They give you wisdom.” She laughed.

“I think we’re going to make an excellent team in that delivery room. I can’t believe it’s almost here. You’re getting down to the home stretch!” I said, trying to shift the subject from Alex.

“Yup!” She leaned back in her chair, rubbed her hand over her expansive belly, and smiled. “I just want you to know I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. Thank you so much, Rose.”

I immediately thought about Aunt Kate. She had been around Marisa’s age when she was pregnant with me. Scared, alone, and no partner to help her. The same way Marisa was when she found out she was pregnant. What would she have done if she hadn’t confided in me, and I hadn’t talked her into being brave and going through with it? Would she have given the baby up for adoption or worse yet? What if my mother and father were my aunt Kate’s Rose—her one and only support system to get her through a difficult time?

“I never thought I’d say this, but I cannot wait to get my period again, so I know this is finally over,” Marisa continued, triggering something in my memory and causing my mind to begin mentally calculating at warp speed. “Rose, are you okay?” Marisa asked.

“Yeah, I mean no…I mean…Marisa, I think I need your help with something.”

“You don’t have to ask twice.” She reached over the table and took my hand in hers.

I smiled a genuine smile filled with excitement, and oddly enough, on a day I thought was the worst day of my life—happiness.