When I raced outside, I saw blue lights all around, but I couldn’t comprehend they were police officers. Seeing Blake go over that railing, and then trying to find Everly, consumed my every thought. My thoughts were like a ping-pong ball bouncing back and forth.

Everly. Blake.

Where is she? Is he dead?

Everly. Blake.

How is all of this going to scar her? How did he become that person?

My baby girl. A man that should have never been my husband.

“Ma’am,” someone, a man, had called out.

“Ev. Everly.” I looked all around, finally spotting Shane’s Tahoe.

“Ma’am.” I ignored him again, running toward the vehicle.

“Mom.” Her voice made me stop a few feet from being able to snatch the door open. She wasn’t inside. The sound of her voice was somewhere else, so I looked in the direction I thought I heard it. I looked left, across the street, spotting her sitting on a curb in front of a police cruiser.

“Ma’am, please stop. I need—”

I took off, running toward her.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” I pulled her to her feet and clutched her to my chest. I was finally able to breathe again. She was okay. At least physically she was okay and that was enough, for now.

That was two hours ago. Two hours that I’ve been able to take air into my lungs. Two hours that I’ve felt relief like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life. Not even the moment my memories returned did I feel this settled.

Blake’s gone. He’s dead. The father of one of my children died today, and I feel settled? What the fuck kind of fuckedupness is that? I don’t voice any of this though. No, I keep all that inside.

“Buckle up, Ev,” I tell her when we all slide inside Shane’s Tahoe with me in the driver’s seat, Shane in the passenger, and Everly safely in the back. Both are quiet. Shane is the quietest of us all. He’s thinking. I can tell he keeps getting caught up inside his head.

We were questioned at the scene of the accident. Accident, my ass. Sure, Shane never meant to push Blake over that railing. That part was an accident, but the whole thing wasn’t an accident. Blake planned it. I don’t know what he thought the outcome was going to be, but he planned it. It was no accident. He’s dead now because of his own selfish reasons. He did this.

I called Jacob, not knowing who else to call. He called Shawn who was closer. Shawn met us at the bank and Jacob arrived just as we got to the police station to give our statements of what happened.

Jacob says there will be an investigation into everything that happened. Protocol, he said. He also said not to worry. It’s mostly over, and he’d deal with anything else that comes along. I’ll probably be questioned again. He told me this, but I also figured as much. We’ll all have to re-live today’s events, at some point. But for now, it’s over.

I’m taking us home. Shawn is going to follow. He wanted Shane to ride with him. Said we could all fit in his truck and he’d come back for our vehicles later, but I wanted to drive us. Driving helps me think. It’ll help clear my head by the time we get back to the apartment. At least I hope so.

I shove the keys in the ignition and crank it. When I go to sit the bottle of water Shawn bought me into the cup holder it won’t go in, making me look down to see what’s blocking the hole.

It’s darker now. Dusk is upon us, so the inside of the truck is too dark. I reach in, pulling out a small box. It’s velvet. I know this from the feel of it before I pull it up. It’s unmistakable. It’s a ring box. I open it before I realize I’m doing so. My eyes grow wide with shock. My mind sparks, and my chest swells.

It’s a ring.

It’s an engagement ring.

I don’t have to be told that to know that’s exactly what this is. I promptly sit it back down, not closing the lid like I should. I pull my hand back, still looking down at the diamond that sits nestled in the jewelry box. It’s an oval cut, with small diamonds around the band. I can’t see beyond what’s visible so I don’t know if the diamonds go complete around the brand.

Shit, that’s pretty. That’s freakin’ gorgeous.

Oh my God! Another realization dawns—he was going to ask . . .

Fuck.

Focus, dammit.

I glance down at the open ring box again. Stop it!

I look over. Shane’s head is resting on the headrest and he’s looking up. Eyes open. He’s freaking out inside his head. I know he is. I see it. He saved us yet a person is dead. This is going to eat him alive.

I look in the rearview mirror. Everly is biting her nails. She must be wigging out too.

Hell, I’m freaking out now too, but not because someone died. I’m freaking out because the man next to me wants to marry me.

Emersyn.

The thought pops up. Where’s Em? Panic bubbles up my throat. Where the hell is Emersyn?

“Shane? Babe, where’s Em?” I touch his forearm where it’s resting on the console.

“Rox has her.”

Rox? Who the fu—

“Roxanne your neighbor? Roxanne that wants you? That Roxanne has my daughter!?”

Ah, fuck. I’m screaming at him, and I can’t stop myself. Roxfuckinganne? I just dealt with a crazy psycho. I can’t deal with another.

“She’s fine,” he assures me. “I’ll explain later. I can’t . . . think.” He sits up, abruptly taking his head off the headrest and starts looking around, searching for something. “My phone! Where’s my phone?”

“Here.” Reaching behind the center console, I grab my purse.

One of the police officers found his phone on the ground earlier. They asked if it were mine when we were at the police station. It wasn’t, but I took it knowing it was Shane’s. I pull it out it, handing it to him.

“I told her to take her to Gavin. I’ll call him.”

Relief doesn’t come until he’s spoken to his boss and confirmed he does in fact have Emersyn.

Thank God.

“He’s going to bring her home. He’ll meet us there,” he tells me when he puts his phone down. His eyes stay cast down. When I look where he’s looking I see his eyes are on the opened ring box. “You saw it.”

It’s not a question. He knows I did.

I grab his hand, entwining our fingers, and I lean over. He looks at me, then my lips meet his. It’s not a passionate kiss. It’s not sexy or erotic. It’s just a kiss. But it’s a kiss that tells him everything he needs to know at this moment.

It says we’re here together, forever.

I just have to figure out a way to get him past what happened today. To get our family past today’s stupid, tragic events. But first I have to confront the people that put all this in motion to begin with.

Mommy and Daddy, I hope you’re ready for me, because I’m bringing a shit-storm to your door very, very soon.

* * *

Gavin was waiting in the parking lot when we arrived home last night. Seeing her unharmed, and as the same bubbly three-year-old she always is, killed the panic I felt when Shane told me he left her with that bitch. Maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh, but she didn’t care that his heart belonged to someone else when she kissed him.

Shane told me about his conversation with Roxanne. The one that prompted him to locate Everly’s cell phone via GPS when he couldn’t reach me.

If he hadn’t bought that phone for her, I don’t know if she or I would be standing here today.

I hadn’t said one word to him until yesterday because of that phone. What a bitch I was. I was a fucking child who treated him like shit. That could’ve easily been the last thing I’d done. I could have really died this time, and he probably would have questioned my love. That thought sickens me. I don’t want him to ever doubt the way I feel about him.

And he was going to ask me to marry him despite it all. God, I don’t deserve this man I love with all my heart.

The same thoughts continue repeating in my head. Shane saved us. Yet, he can’t get past the fact that a man is dead. A man I’ve told him over and over in the last twenty-four hours deserved everything that happened to him. I wish it hadn’t happened at our expense, but it did.

I pick my glass up, knocking the finger of whiskey back in one swallow.

Shane isn’t the only one eaten up with guilt. So many emotions are rolling through me, and I’m trying to be strong, but fuck, it’s hard.

All I want is to take the damage of yesterday and flush it down the toilet. What Everly saw yesterday can never be unseen. Shane may never get past someone’s life ending because of a push from his hand. It doesn’t matter that all of this is Blake’s fault. I can’t flush any of this away. And I don’t know how to make this situation better for my family. I don’t know how to take Shane’s guilt away. Guilt that should have never pierced his soul.

What if the permanent damage Blake has caused the people I love is too great? What if Shane can’t get past it? He’s in his last year of residency. He has six months left. He has to prepare for his board exams. He doesn’t need this in his life.

My stupid head keeps telling me he doesn’t need me in his life. My heart fights like it should. Like I need it to. I’m not weak. I tried to force myself to be weak when I didn’t know who I was, but that person kept trying to get back up. That person was fighting to come back, I just didn’t allow myself to embrace it. I allowed my parents and Blake to fill me with lie after lie.

I pick up the bottle on the counter, pouring more liquid into my glass. I fill the glass, pouring a lot more into it than I should, and then I take it to the table.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to hurt someone for causing the people I love most, so much pain. For causing me all this agony.

I want to give up too. The pressure in my chest is so great. The agony that consumes my head is too much to bear.

You’d think with Blake dead, life would feel easier. There’s no one I have to share Emersyn with. No more taking her to her father every other weekend. No more excessive texts. I don’t even have to wait for my divorce now. He’s gone. Actually I’m a widow.

But everything he left in his wake . . . What the hell am I going to do with it? I keep coming back to, how do I fix this mess? And my problem is I don’t know how. It’s making me question too many things. It’s making me feel undeserving when I know in my heart Shane and I are meant to be together forever. He’s my foreverly after too.

I’m about to drink from my glass when I cringe, remembering the doctor’s words from yesterday. It’s positive. Shit. Fuck. Damn. Motherfucking son of a bitch, no I didn’t . . .

I sigh in frustration, mad at myself. Not only did I forget about being pregnant, but I also drank alcohol. Not much, just an ounce, but I still . . . I shake my head. Seriously, Whitney. Who the hell forgets they’re pregnant?

I haven’t even told Shane about the baby. Nor have I told him what Blake divulged yesterday about Emersyn and my birth control pills that weren’t real.

I don’t want to put too much on him. I just want to ease his pain, his guilt. I want to take it in my hands and squeeze the life out of it.

I sit the glass on the table, pushing it away from me, disgusted.

“What the hell, Whitney?” I look over to see Shawn stomping toward me with his arms crossed.

I think the feeling of wanting to cry outweighs everything. I push what I’ve just done to the back of my mind and focus my thoughts on Shane.

A tear drops, making me feel weak when I just want to be strong. I don’t know how to fix Shane, and that feeling is crushing my heart. Or maybe it’s ripping it open. I don’t know.

He grabs me, wrapping both of his hands around my biceps and hauling me up onto my feet, bringing me inches from his chest.

“Get your shit together!” Shawn yells in my face, making me rear my head back as far as possible after being hit with spittle. “He killed a man. Whatever you’re feeling right now . . . Guilt? Loss? I don’t know. Get over it. He. Killed. Someone. What’s going through his mind is a hundred times worse than what’s going through yours.”

He thinks I don’t know this? Really? What the fuck?

“I was a bitch. A stupid, stupid bitch to him. And Shane? Shane was going to propose anyway?”

“Of course he was. He loves you, woman. He’s always loved you, and only you. And from what I remember and from what I’ve heard, you were a bitch in high school but he still wanted you—still loved you in spite of all that. Some guys like that, the same way some girls like major dicks. Case in point.” He points to the center of his chest.

“I don’t think you’re a dick.” I sniffle, then wipe my nose with the back of my hand. Okay, maybe he is being somewhat of an insensitive dick, but I know he’s just worried about his brother. I get it.

“Give it a few months. You haven’t seen all my colors yet. And I’ve been on the best behavior of my life lately.”

“Thanks, Shawn.”

Some of the weight eases off my chest. He’s right. He’s so fucking right. Shane does love me for me. I know this. Shane’s told me this, countless times.

“For what?”

“Reeling me in. Getting me out of my head.”

“Look, you gotta accept he loves you for you and nothing more and nothing less. Then, wherever that strong bitch-girl is, bring her out and go fix my brother. He needs you right now. And I need you to take care of him and make whatever demons crawling around in his head disappear.”

I want to. I want to do that so badly. But can I?

Images of my parents flicker through my mind, hardening my chest. I need to face them before I attempt to fix my man. I have to fix the me they damaged first.

“I will.” I finally say. “I will do everything in my power to help get him past this. But first, I have to do something for me. You’re staying here, right?”

“I can.”

“Stay. I need to go see the bastard assholes that fucked with my life. Okay?”

He’s silent. He’s thinking. And then he nods his understanding of what it is I need to do. I don’t know how he could understand, but I’m grateful he does. He has wonderful parents.

I bypass him then stop, turning around. “Hey.”

He picks up my glass, bringing it to his lips. “Yeah?” he asks over the rim.

“Maybe take your own advice,” I offer.

He tosses the whiskey down his throat. “Meaning what?” He places the glass back on the table.

“She loves you for you too, you know. Truly loves you for the man you are.”

I believe that too. I think he and Taralynn are meant for each other the same way I know Shane and I are.

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t nod or address it at all. Instead, he takes the glass to the counter, and I watch him bring a second glass down from the cabinet. He’s going to make Shane one. I know it. And I’m okay with it. Shane needs something until I can get back.

“My parents said the girls can stay with them for as long as you need,” he says with his back facing me.

I’m grateful for them. I really am, but as soon as I make Shane believe what happened, happened for a reason, then we’re going to get our kids and we’re starting our family. The five of us.

* * *

Do I knock? Or do I walk right through?

I don’t feel like knocking. I don’t want to treat them with respect. They didn’t respect me. They didn’t treat me like a human. They made me their puppet. But why? It’s the one piece I do not understand. I don’t believe it was because they didn’t like Shane. They didn’t know him.

I reach for the knob but stop. Looking at the brass door handle, my hand pauses mid-air. After a beat, it falls, and I let out a sigh.

I am going to be strong. I am going to be what my family needs. And they need me to be an adult. They don’t need me barging in, even if it is what I want to do.

I knock, and then I wait.

Within seconds the door pulls open. Surprise crosses my mother’s face. “I wasn’t expecting you, Whitney.”

“Is Dad home too?”

“Yes. He’s getting ready to leave though. A business trip,” she clarifies, waving her hand as she turns, leaving me on the doorstep. “It’s awfully late, dear.”

If I’d come this morning, she’d be telling me it was awfully early.

I step over the threshold, following her through the foyer, and then into her sitting room. AKA the living room for normal people.

“Have a seat; I’ll fetch Martin.”

She turns, leaving to find my dad the same time my cell phone sounds off with an incoming text message. I take it out of my back pocket, then perch my butt on the edge of the couch arm.

Shawn: New plan. Taking him to my house. Go there after you tell off the fucks you call parents.

Me: Don’t get him too drunk.

I have things I need to tell him.

The palm of my free hand goes to my belly. I’m pregnant. The shock is still there, but with everything that’s happened today, it has been at the furthest section of my mind.

Shawn: If that’s what he needs then that’s what he’s getting.

“Whitney.” I look up to see my father strolling in. He has a bag on wheels he parks next to the wide entryway. “What brings you here unexpected?” He walks up to me, stopping in front to kiss my forehead. I allow him, knowing there’s a huge chance I’ll leave here never speaking to my parents again.

“Blake’s dead.” There’s no sense in sugarcoating it. Might as well rip the Band-Aid clean off.

“What?” My mother gasps for breath.

My dad takes a step backward, away from me, but says nothing.

“Blake’s gone?” My mother’s hand covers her mouth and tears prickle her lower eyelids while my jaw drops. “The poor Lanes. Their only son. Dear, Jesus. This is . . .” She leans against the entryway, across from us where my dad left his small suitcase. Business trip, huh? I want to laugh, but that’s not why I’m here.

“He kidnapped Everly from school yesterday. I’m surprised you didn’t hear the story on the news.”

“Kidnapped?” My Father’s eyebrows turn in, scrutinizing what I’ve just told them.

“She’s his daughter, Whitney.” My mother stands straight, placing her hands on her hips. “If he picked her up from school it wasn’t kidnapping. The poor man hasn’t seen her in weeks. You’re the one that has kidnapped his children from him.”

Wow. Just wow. I got nothing for that.

“She is Shane’s daughter. She was never Blake’s. How could the two of you do what you did? If it wasn’t for Shane, she and I could both be dead right now instead of Blake. He had a gun. He was determined to hurt Everly because she wasn’t his.”

“That boy killed him, didn’t he?” Her tone is accusing. How dare her.

“Fuck you. If the two of you hadn’t played God with my life, Shane would have never been placed in the situation he was put in last night. He saved us. Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say the two of you have done. This is y’all’s doing. Blake is dead because you both fed me lies. You both stole my life and gifted it to a man I didn’t love.”

“Don’t you see why we never wanted you with that boy?”

“You didn’t even know that boy.”

“Christ,” my dad blows out. “It was a business transaction, Whitney. Grow up. We gave you a good life with a man from a good family. And in exchange Blake’s father pulled my company out of a financial hole. Without their help, we would have gone bankrupt. You should be grateful instead of sitting there cursing your mother and me like you’re doing.” He flicks his wrist, looking down at the expensive watch adorning his arm. “I’m going to miss my flight if I don’t hurry. Judy, deal with her please.”

My mother waves her hands like it’s nothing at all. Like I’m nothing more than a snag in her pantyhose. I guess if I think about it, that’s really all I am to her. That’s all I’ve ever been to her. To both of my parents.

A fucking business transaction he called it?

“I need to call the Lanes. Give my condolences. Oh,” my mother places her hand on her head. “I just can’t believe he’s gone. So sad. What am I supposed to say to them, Whitney?”

“How about, ‘go fuck yourselves’?”

My dad rushes out, apparently not wanting to face what he’s done. And my mom? She’s not addressing it either. She’s too worried about Blake’s parents and what they’re going to think.

Like I give a rat’s ass. They’re probably responsible for making him the psycho he was.

Screw this.

Fuck them.

They’ll never be sorry. They’ll never regret the pain and years lost they’ve caused.

My boyfriend. The father of my children. Children. Plural. I place my hand against my stomach, remembering my doctor’s appointment. I’m pregnant.

Shane is not only just Everly’s dad. He’s the father of my unborn child too. And he’s just as much Emersyn’s dad as he is the other two. Blood doesn’t make a parent. Blood doesn’t make a family. Love makes both of those.

These people aren’t my family. And love is nowhere in sight in this house. It never was. It never will be.

“How can you be so crude?”

“How can you be so cold-hearted?”

She just shakes her head, and that’s when I stand up. There’s no point to this. They don’t love each other. My parents never have. Their marriage was one of convenience, so why should I be surprised by any of this?

“Where are you going?”

“Leaving.”

“You can’t leave. You can’t leave me to deal with your mess.”

I snort. I mean, what else can I gonna do?

“Forget I’m your daughter. I’ve already forgotten you’re my mother.”

And with that, I walk out, leaving and knowing this was never my family. Before I reach my car, I take out my cell and type out a message.

Me: I need you to do something for me. Meet me at Wicked Ink. DON’T TELL SHANE!

Shawn: You’re gonna have to give me an hour.

Me: That’s fine. It’ll take me an hour to get there. Leaving my parents now.