Chapter Six
Hunter
Steph and Brick had left over an hour ago, but Abby hadn’t arrived yet. I fought the urge to open the door and check down the street and forced myself to remain seated behind my desk.
I hated that I was so damn excited to see her again.
She’d made it clear that she didn’t want to date me, but she was just about all I could think about.
I needed to get a grip.
Or get laid.
Or something.
But the truth was, I was tired of meaningless relationships. I’d spent the past few years watching my friends find the women of their dreams and start families with them, but there were times when I thought that the lives they led weren’t meant for me.
And anyway, who’d want me, really?
I was damaged goods.
Nearly seventy percent of my body was covered in ugly scar tissue from the fires that had almost taken my life. And to top it all off, when I’d woken up from the operation I’d needed to save my life after barely surviving the bombing while on active duty in Afghanistan, the doctor had told me that the trauma I’d suffered meant I would never be able to father children.
Yeah, I was a real catch. Right?
If I was a dog, someone would have put me out of my misery by now.
It was stupid to think that someone like Abby could be happy with a man like me. I’d seen the longing in her eyes when Libby had been talking about her son and unconsciously rubbing her swollen belly. Abby wanted that. And I couldn’t give it to her no matter how much I might like to.
That wasn’t to say I didn’t want children at all, of course. I did. But adoption was the only way for me and not everyone wanted to take on the responsibility of it. I’d been adopted myself from a really young age, so I’d been one of the lucky ones, but thousands of kids grew up in the foster care system every year. In fact, I’d heard that Libby had grown up in care herself.
Not everyone got a great start in life.
Besides, if I was being honest with myself, not being able to father children wasn’t my only problem. I had some serious issues. I could barely make it through a full night’s sleep without waking up screaming and covered in sweat.
And the nightmares were only getting worse.
I jumped at loud noises and, after being trapped in a burning building twice, I froze at the first sign of fire. I had more issues than any one person should have to deal with. Why would a woman as beautiful and sweet as Abby want to take all of that on?
She wouldn’t.
So I had to stop fucking thinking about her all the damn time.
I’d only drive myself crazy.
When the door to my shop opened, I braced myself before looking up. When my gaze finally lifted to hers, my gut clenched. She looked flustered and was wearing way too many clothes again, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes.
Crap.
“I’m sorry I’m late!” She rushed into the room with an almost panicked look in her eyes. “I hate to keep people waiting.”
I shrugged. “You made it, that’s the main thing.”
She smiled shyly and I barely suppressed a groan.
“Take a seat.”
She took off her thick, puffy winter coat then sat in the chair in front of my desk.
“Have you come up with any ideas for your tattoo?”
“A few.” She unwrapped her scarf the placed it in her lap. “But nothing that feels right yet.”
I shrugged. “There’s no rush. You’ve got plenty of time to decide.”
“I know, I just can’t seem to settle on any one thing.”
“Well, let’s start with the basics. What size would you like it to be?”
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I want it to be big, I think, but not so big that it overpowers me. You know?”
“Okay. Color, any preference?”
“I used to like the ones that are all black, but now, I think I’d prefer to have some color.” She sighed again. “I’m not being much help, am I? Maybe I should give you some background information on why I want it done.”
She lowered her gaze then pulled in a deep breath as if mentally and physically steeling herself for what she was about to tell me. I’d wanted to know more about Abby before, but now that I had the chance to learn more, I was nervous about what she might tell me. There was something so very fragile about her, but yet she also seemed to be strong. She was an enigma.
“You can tell me as much or as little as you like,” I said. “Anything you tell me, I can promise you will be in confidence, but if you think that it’ll help me come up with a design…”
She nodded resolutely then lifted her gaze. “A few years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer.”
I almost lost my lunch. She was so young—too young to have to go through something like that.
“Are you…are you okay now?”
She nodded. “The cancer is in remission.”
Relief unlike anything I’d experienced rushed through me. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“It was touch and go for a while, there were a few months where I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
She pulled her lips into something resembling a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.
“I lost all my hair, the weight just fell off me and I was so tired all the time. Some days it was a struggle to get out of bed in the mornings.”
It was only when I felt the bite of pain in my palm that I realized I’d been clenching my hands into fists so tightly that my nails were digging in. The injustice of it made me want to punch something.
It wasn’t fair that she had to go through that. I wished, in vain, that there was something I could do to help her, but there wasn’t. Not really.
“I swore to myself that if I pulled through, I would start to live my life to the fullest. I promised myself that I’d accomplish all the things I’d wanted to try but had been too scared to do.”
“Like get a tattoo,” I surmised.
She nodded her agreement. “Like get a tattoo. So you see, I’m struggling to come up with a design because I want it to represent the struggle that I went through, but I also want it to show my strength—the fact that I was finally victorious.
I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat. “I can come up with something that shows all that,” I told her. And I would. The tattoo that I designed for her was going to be the best tattoo of my damn life.
“Now, I’m definitely not going to rush into this,” I told her. “I’m going to have a think about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Let me have a think about it tonight then we’ll meet again tomorrow to discuss what I’ve come up with.”
She nodded her head firmly. “Sounds like a plan.”