Chapter Five
Abby
The brightly colored lights on the Christmas tree near the door started flickering, drawing my attention. It had happened a few times in the past few days so I made a mental note to get our handyman Bob to come and take a look at them when he had the time.
As I stared across at the rows of books, I wished, not for the first time that I had something to do other than sit at my desk and think about what an idiot I’d made of myself the night before.
What must Hunter and his friends think of me?
The truth was, I’d panicked. All that talk about babies reminded me of the family I would never have. That future had been stolen away from me by the cancer that ate away at my womb before it and my ovaries and everything else that made me a woman had been removed.
Libby had seemed so damn happy, patting her stomach and looking for all the world like a woman who loved her husband, her son and her life.
I could see in her eyes just how much it all meant to her.
And rightly so.
When Hunter had replied that he’d have kids one day, the fact that I never would had really hit home. Panic had risen in my chest and I’d wondered what the hell I’d been doing there, surrounded by all those carefree, happy people who had so much to look forward to in their lives.
I’d felt like a dried up old husk—good for nothing or no-one.
If I’d have stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to look anyone in the eye. I wouldn’t have been able to talk around the enormous lump in my throat.
I wouldn’t have been able to fool people that I was okay.
Because I wasn’t.
I was as far from okay as I’d ever been, despite being cancer free for over six months. Because then I’d had something to fight.
Now, there was nothing.
Just the prospect of a long, lonely future stretched out in front of me.
I suppose I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself because at least now, I had my health. And that was a lot more than so many other people could say.
But at what cost had it come?
I’d given so much already.
I didn’t want to fall in love with someone only to have them leave me when they found someone who could give them the things that I couldn’t.
The phone rang, tearing me out of my melancholy so I answered it with a despondent, “Creede Public Library, how can I help?”
I recognized Mrs. Chambers’ voice the moment she said ‘hello’—which might have been owing to the fact that she called me practically every day.
“Can you tell me what time you close, dear?”
I smiled fondly. “We close at five, Mrs. Chambers, the same as every other day.”
“Ah, okay. I’ll call by later to return my book.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
She hung up.
Despite being well into her eighties, the woman had a voracious appetite for books and took out a new one every single day. She was as crazy as a soup sandwich as my mom would say, but I loved her for it. I put the telephone back on the desk then turned, only to come face to face with Hunter.
I jumped. “Oh! It’s you!”
He chuckled. “You seem to be saying that a lot. Sorry, I wasn’t intentionally creeping up on you. Honest.”
When he adopted an innocent look, I threw him a mock scowl.
“Yeah? Well, you make a good impression of it.”
He smiled wider. It was a nice smile. One that did tingly things to my nether regions.
I ignored the tingles and asked, “What can I help you with? Are you looking for a book?”
His glanced around and his face screwed up in distaste. “Nah, I only read ebooks. I’ve got this weird OCD thing about library books. Can’t stand the thought of all the grubby hands that have been on a book before I get it.”
I stared at him openly. “You read?”
He barked out a laugh. “Should I be offended that you think I’m illiterate?”
“No, I didn’t mean, that wasn’t what…” I sighed. “I just meant, you read, for pleasure?”
His grin became impossibly wide and the tingles returned with a vengeance. “Is there any other reason to read a book?”
I shook my head.
Not for me there wasn’t, but the library had been so quiet of late that I feared I was in the minority. Hunter’s character had just shot up a hundred places in my estimation. He put his big, meaty arms on the desk in front of me and not for the first time, I was awed by the sheer mass of him.
Aside from being tall and wide, he had muscles for days.
Standing beside him made me feel incredibly small and fragile and it didn’t take much to make me feel that way since I’d lost all the weight. Being in the presence of such a large man should have made me feel uncomfortable or intimidated even, but it didn’t.
Quite the opposite, in fact. Being with Hunter made me feel safe.
“I came to ask you out on that date,” he said, surprising me.
Why was he acting as if nothing had happened the night before? Hadn’t my erratic behavior turned him off me?
It should have done.
I heaved a sigh. “Thanks for the offer, but I can’t go out with you, Hunter. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t like the way saying those words made me feel, but I forced myself to hold his gaze.
Hunter did nothing to hide his disappointment, but I appreciated the fact that he didn’t ask me for a reason why I was turning him down.
“Fair enough,” he said at last. “But I don’t want the fact that I asked you out to deter you from coming to my shop to get your tattoo done. I want to help you design something perfect.”
“It won’t,” I said quickly. “I still want the tattoo done.”
“Good. Then, why don’t you come by the shop tomorrow night? Say around six? We can go over the design concept.”
I nodded. “That would be great, thank you.”
He lifted his hand and touched it to my cheek. The gesture was incredibly tender and almost too personal between two people who were only supposed to be friends.
He sighed. “See you tomorrow.”
Then he was gone, as quickly as he’d arrived.
I stared after him for a long moment, convinced I could still feel the heat of his palm against my skin. I didn’t know what to make of our encounter and I hoped that things wouldn’t be awkward between us when I saw him the next day. I’d been thinking about a design for my tattoo, but I hadn’t come up with an idea that I could stick on for more than a few minutes. Why was it so difficult to choose? Did everyone have the same dilemma or was it just me?
When I peered out the window and saw Hunter climb onto his motorcycle, a thrill of excitement tore through me. If he had asked me out three years ago before I’d got the diagnosis, I would have jumped at the chance at a date with him, but now, everything had changed.
He wouldn’t want me if he knew the truth about me.
How could he?