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Mountain Man’s Nanny by King, Kelsey (4)

4

Kacee

I wake up with a good feeling—like things are going quite well.

I've only been with Parker and the kids for a week, but every day feels like I'm taking a big step forward. I've already realized Jackson is a visual learner, and I've started adapting how I teach him. Evie loves reading, so I've been working with her on that. I feel I get to know them more with each passing hour. After two weeks of sitting around my apartment, the feeling is so satisfying.

I get up and make sure Jackson is awake—after our first morning, the excitement died down for him, so he doesn't get up on his own. According to Parker, this is his normal behavior and has never been a morning person. Unlike Evie, who wakes up at the crack of dawn and sits with her father while he makes breakfast. By the time I get Jackson up and into the kitchen, Evie is already eating, and Parker is sitting across from her with his own plate.

"Good morning," Jackson calls to them, still holding tight to my hand as we enter the kitchen. He releases my hand and climbs into his chair, and I take the seat between him and his sister, which has somehow become my seat in the past week.

"Good morning," I echo as Evie picks up one of the plates left and passes it over to me. I set it in front of Jackson and take the next plate as my own. Parker barely glances up at me, but he does look at Jackson to wish him a good morning. I focus on getting Jackson eggs instead of dwelling on Parker because doing that never does me any good. He's burning hot one minute and cold the next. It seems like he's constantly trying to keep himself from smiling, or laughing, or feeling any kind of positive emotions around me. It's too painful to watch sometimes, to see someone who so deliberately wants to keep themselves so protected.

“What’re we doing today, Kacee?” Evie asks, after politely swallowing her food. Parker gives her a half-smile before turning back to his plate.

“I was thinking today would be an English day,” I tell her. She grins while Jackson groans.

"I hate reading," Jackson tells me, frowning.

"Then I guess I'll just have to come up with something else, won't I?" I wink at him. Jackson brightens up a little because he's been enjoying the challenges I make up for him while his sister reads. Today, I've got a stack of comic books I found in a closet, and I think the pictures will help him move along and encourage him to read the words.

"What're you doing today, Daddy?" Evie asks. She sips at her milk quietly. She's one of the best-behaved children I've ever worked with, but she has a wild side to her. She likes to be in charge and loves to talk, and she enjoys spending time with adults—probably a side-effect of not spending any time with other children, though some kids just have that inclination. She's hard to tear away from her father's side, and even harder to get to stop talking and focus on a task once she gets going.

Jackson, on the other hand, will focus on a task once he's asked to do it, but has a hard time getting started. He mostly follows his sister's lead, but I'm not sure how much longer that'll last. Evie is bossy, but Jackson is a leader, and I don't see him allowing her to boss him around for much longer. He's starting to gain the ability to say no and follow through on it.

"Well," Parker says, in answer to Evie's question. " I have a few hours of work to do on my computer, then I was thinking I'd chop up some more firewood, so we're all stocked up again."

Over the past week, I've learned that Parker is a computer consultant and works at his own leisure. I'm not sure how well that pays considering he only works a few hours here and there, but it probably helps they live a very simple life up here. Without crossing those lines, I haven't asked him those details yet.

“We’re gonna start doing the fires again?” Jackson asks excitedly. Evie is already beaming. These two kids really love their dad and the work they do together. They need to socialize and be educated, for sure, but at least they’re not unhappy being here.

“Yeah,” Parker tells them. “Don’t get too excited though. We won’t start until it gets colder.”

"We should do one tonight!" Jackson exclaims although it's already quite warm outside, despite it being morning.

“I don’t think so, kid,” Parker replies.

Our plates are empty, so I stand to start collecting them. Parker scowls at me, then rises to do the job. His brows furrow.

“Sit down,” he instructs. “I don’t need your help with this.”

The three of us stare at him. I watch him for another moment longer before doing as he says. Parker takes the empty plates and heads to the sink with them. Evie pats me on the hand.

"Sometimes Daddy likes doing things alone," she says. I watch Parker wash the dishes and wonder if he likes it or if he needs to do things alone to feel useful. Based on how long he's been a single father, I'm leaning toward the latter.

I don't like the way he snaps at me like I'm one of his kids, but I understand this is his house and he's been the only adult here for a long time. I can imagine it being a significant change for him.

Once the kitchen is clean, the kids and I go to our lessons. Just as I predicted, Jackson is in love with the comic books. He's still on a long road to learning how to actually read them, but he adores trying, which is a step in the right direction.

Evie is keeping up her own pace with a slow, small chapter book, and she only asks a few questions. Most of my time during their literature lessons is dedicated to helping Jackson sound out the words. I'm almost pissed Parker didn't start teaching him sooner. It's made his ability to learn this now much harder. Though I know it's not an impossible task, I just wish he had a better grasp for his age. I'm confident I can get him there though, as long as Parker allows me to stay.

While I'm at the breakfast nook with them, helping them read, I can see Parker outside chopping firewood. He looks way too good with that axe between his hands, and though I try to ignore those types of thoughts that fill my mind, it's hard to deny them.

It's creeping into late afternoon. The sun is orange and just setting over the mountains. There's a beautiful rolling hill and some cliff-tops beyond. Evie and Jackson keep telling me they'll take me on the trail to the top of it. Parker mostly keeps quiet during conversations like those.

I know he's not sure if he wants me around, but I know by now that he needs me here. Now that I'm involved in their daily lives, I can see how much help he really needs. I'm surprised Penelope didn't contact me, or anyone else sooner, but then again people tend to turn a blind eye to family. I just hope I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. I have personally vested interest in these kids now, as well as in their father, and I don't think it'd be good for them if I left.

Sometimes I worry my interest in Parker goes a little too far, I pretend it's just a stupid crush. He's good-looking in an obvious way, and I'd have to be blind not to find him attractive. However, moments like this don't help.

Parker's shirtless, wearing only a pair of worn, holey jeans and boots, swinging his axe over and over, cutting cleanly through the wood. His muscles flex, and his abs are on full display, sweat dripping down his chest. I keep trying not to get distracted, but in the lulls where the children don't ask for my help, it's hard not to look and admire. I have a perfect view of him outside too. Watching him shove his messy, dark hair from his face, I can't help but think how sexy he is. He's not like the men in the city, not by a long shot, which intrigues me even more. I put my chin in my hand and watch as he lifts the axe again and slices another chunk of wood in half. The muscles in his shoulders all shift, working as he moves, and Evie clears her throat.

“What?” I ask, startled. I look down at her, and she’s smiling at me.

“Were you watching Daddy?” Evie asks. I shake my head before I can even think of a suitable lie.

“No, I—” I say, then hesitate. It’s just long enough for Evie to jump in.

“Auntie Penelope always says she thinks you two will be good friends,” Evie says.

"He's my boss," I tell her, weakly. Penelope has really been pushing for us to get along better, but I keep reminding her it's Parker holding us back, not me. The man definitely doesn't seem to be in the market for any friends.

“Am I your boss?” Evie asks. I push her hair back from her face.

"I guess so," I tell her with a cheeky grin. She picks her book back up and flips to a random page.

“You’re prom… promoted?” she reads. She holds the book up. “Is that what this says?”

"It is." It's a chapter where the girl's dad gets promoted by his boss at a dinner. Evie seems proud of herself.

“Then you’re promoted,” Evie repeats. “Does that mean you get to keep your job?”

“Kind of,” I tell her. “But you’re not really the one who gets to make that decision.”

“If we’re your boss, then we can!” Jackson chimes in. “It’s two against one if Daddy says no, and we’re all the boss, so that means you get to stay.”

"I like your thinking," I tease, forcing myself not to look out the window at Parker anymore. Instead, I distract them by asking about what they're reading, but I can't stop thinking about Parker now. It's been a week since we started this trial run. Before he left to chop wood like a lumberjack, he mentioned he wanted to talk to me tonight about my "future" with them, whatever that means.

The afternoon passes smoothly, but I get more and more nervous with each passing minute that this'll be my last day. Parker certainly hasn't gotten any less abrupt. He's still short with me all the time and holds himself back as if he has a wall built around him. It makes my crush on him even harder. Ugh, I have issues.

I tell myself to stop regularly, but it doesn't help. Something about him just pulls me in, even though I don't want it to considering how closed off he is with me.

Dinner is quiet, and he doesn't dare talk to me about me being here. He's probably waiting for the kids to go to sleep so he can fire me and have me gone before they wake up in the morning. Perhaps I'm being a little dramatic, but him being overly quiet is making me nervous.

It doesn't take long after dinner for Evie and Jackson to take baths and fall asleep.

Considering we didn't have our talk, I'm thinking maybe Parker changed his mind. I go to my room, busying myself before bed. I'm folding clothes, and when I look up, he's leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. It startles me, and I jump. I've been waiting for him, but he caught me off guard.

"Oh my God." I rest a hand over my chest, trying to will my heartbeat to slow down.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." His voice is the most sincere I've ever heard him, which gives me hope.

“It’s fine,” I say, waving him off. “I just wasn’t expecting you.” Even though I was.

He stares for another second, like he doesn’t know what to say, then motions down the hallway. “I made coffee. Decaf. If you’re ready.”

It feels like the last supper, like following an executioner to the gallows, but I follow him anyways. I know I should probably be mentally preparing myself for the worst—like being told to pack my things, I'm going home right now—but I want to be optimistic. I know the kids have been doing so well since I arrived, and I can't help but feel he really has appreciated my help. It makes me want to stay all the more to make a difference in the kids' lives.

Parker sets the two mugs of decaf coffee on the table of the breakfast nook. He's already added the right amount of milk and sugar into mine, which is surprising.

"Thank you," I say softly. "I didn't know he paid that much attention, or that he cared enough to actually use the information in any meaningful way. I pick up the coffee and take a test sip, but he's got it totally right.

"So," I begin because its clear Parker hasn't thought through how he wants to start the conversation. "How do you think the first week has gone?"

Parker glances up at me as if surprised I spoke up first.

“It’s been fine,” Parker says. “The kids like you a lot.”

He stops there, so I prod him a little. “But?”

Parker looks down at his coffee mug. He swirls his hand a little, so the coffee inside moves and gives him something to look at. "But I'm not really sure we need you. We've been doing fine on our own for this long, and I don't want anything to mess that up."

I stare at him, but he doesn’t look up at me. I sigh and resign myself to possibly getting fired. “I don’t really think you’ve been doing fine.”

Parker looks up at me with his brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”

"I think you've been getting by," I tell him. "But your kids need more. They do need to be taught more than just a couple hours here and there. Jackson needs a lot of help with reading, and Evie needs socialization. They can't be alone here that much longer. And you…you need my help, whether you want to admit or not. You're overworked and exhausted from trying to keep up with everything, and you're so stubborn because you want to be able to do everything yourself."

He silently listens to me talk, but I make sure to lean forward, to make sure this point hits home. "You don't need to do everything alone. You know that old saying, ‘it takes a village'? You're just one person. You've done so well by them this far, but you need help just as much as they do."

Parker keeps staring at me. I know I should probably get up and offer to pack my bags and call Penelope for a ride, but I sit, looking back at him, waiting for him to talk.

"Well," Parker finally says, after a long pause. He hesitates again like he's considering saying something. "Is that what you really think?"

I’m surprised, but I try not to let it show. “Yeah, it is. Kids need an education and parents need help. That’s why my job exists at all.”

Parker's still staring at me. He picks up his coffee and sips at it, glancing out the window. I wish, more than anything, at that moment to have the ability to read his thoughts. But I don't, and he almost never speaks his mind, so I'll probably never know what he's thinking.

"Please," I say, into the silence. "After everything I've seen this week—I want to help the kids. I want to make a difference in their life. I know you don't want my help, but I think we'd both be better off if you had it."

Parker glances at me. “You really think so?”

"I do," I say. I don't know why he hasn't kicked me out on my ass yet, but I'm going to push my boundaries until he does. "I really do. Please, give me a chance."

Parker glares at me, then looks away again. “I’ve given you a chance.”

I feel all my muscles sag at once. He definitely doesn’t sound happy about having given me a chance, but I push him anyways. “And?”

Parker’s brow furrows, confused. “And what?”

“And hasn’t that been for the best?” I ask. Parker keeps looking out the window.

"Yeah," he says, after a painfully long moment of silence. "Things have been better since you got here. Smoother, I guess."

I relax after hearing him admit that because something in his tone is reassuring. "Well, I guess I should go pack my bags then," I say, calling his bluff. "I'll have Penelope come pick me up so the kids don't get upset."

I stand, and before I'm able to walk away, he speaks up. "Don't go. I think you should stay."

I just barely stop myself from exclaiming with delight as I turn around and make eye contact with him.

"Permanently. Penelope called today. She said she can help you move your stuff up here if you want."

I look at him with a sudden realization. “Wait, so you didn’t really want me to leave?”

Parker looks busted and doesn’t say a word.

“And you made me fight for myself,” I say, almost laughing. I sit back down in front of him and take a sip of my coffee to keep it in. “You’re just playing games with me, aren’t you?”

“No,” he says, defensively. “I just wanted to make sure you cared enough to want to stay.”

It’s a sobering thought, and laughter leaves me. I just barely stop myself from reaching out and taking his hand. “I do want to stay. Though it’s only been a week, your kids mean the world to me and I care about you too.”

I'm only a little surprised to find that I mean it, but I do. Parker and his kids have barged into my heart, and I care immensely for all of them. It happens when I work with a family for a while, but this connection feels even stronger. I'm glad—so, so glad—that Parker wants me to stay. If he hadn't, I would've been heartbroken.

"Well," Parker says, clearing his throat. "Penelope said she'd bring up more clothes for you and whatever else you needed.”

I’m struck by how much he’s already thought about all this. “Well, I’ll have to sublet my apartment so I can afford the rent.”

“Penelope said she’d take care of helping you sublet it. That way you don’t have to worry about going into town and showing it until you find the right tenant.”

Now, I’m shocked. “You really do want me to stay. And you were really confident I’d say yes.”

A flicker of a smile crosses his lips, but he covers it with his coffee mug. “Don’t make me regret it.”

"I won't," I say, and we share this almost-smile for a second. “I should go back and clean it first. I was only there a couple weeks so it won’t take me that long.” He nods in understanding, and I take the opportunity to push my boundaries again for a moment. "Maybe the kids can come into town with me tomorrow."

Parker chokes on his sip of coffee and coughs. “What?”

“They told me just the other day that they really wanted to get out of the house for a little bit,” I tell him. It’s true, they did, and children need a change of scenery every once in a while, at least. “Penelope and I can take them into town. Give you a little break, maybe?”

Parker stares at me, but we both jump at the sudden burst of noise as both Evie and Jackson come sprinting from the hallway into the kitchen, talking over each other.

“Yes, we want to do that, please,” Evie is exclaiming, as Jackson just repeats, “Please, please, please!”

I’m already laughing as Jackson scrambles into my lap and Evie takes the seat next to Parker. “Were you listening the whole time?”

“Yeah!” Jackson says, happy as a clam.

“We’re your bosses,” Evie reminds me. “We’re supposed to listen.”

"I'm not sure you know exactly what bosses do," I tell her. Jackson takes a moment to hug me tightly, and I'm so taken aback that it takes me a moment to hug him back.

"I'm happy you're staying," he says, and I squeeze him a little tighter before letting him go.

“Me too,” I say truthfully. I look up at Parker, who’s smiling like he doesn’t know he’s being watched.

“Alright,” Parker says, wiping the smile off his face as soon as his children look at him. “You can go into town with Kacee and Auntie Penelope tomorrow. But not for long. Two hours, at most.”

“Thank you, Daddy!” Evie exclaims. Jackson nods his head.

"Yeah, thanks, Daddy," he says, and Parker kisses Evie's head. All at once, it clicks for me. Parker's not as aggressive as he pretends he is or as he wants to be. He's just scared and protective of his kids.

The realization that he's nervous and scared for his children makes everything slide into place, like a puzzle I didn't have all the pieces to. The understanding of this makes me feel even better about choosing to stay. Maybe I can get that side of him he's trying to hide from everyone to come out more. Perhaps he'll even feel comfortable enough to let his guard down every once in awhile.

He's a good dad, and that makes me him even more damn attractive to me. I love the way his face lights up when he sees the kids first thing in the morning, the way he rough houses with them, the sweet way he kisses their heads. He's had to be their mother and father and most days it feels like he's hanging on by an emotional thread, one I'd like to cut and be the one to watch him finally open his heart.

Within a second a hot flush covers my skin, so I take another sip of coffee holding Jackson tight with my other hand, so he doesn't fall off. When I look back up, Parker is looking at me, almost like he's curious about what I'm thinking about. I hope my blush isn't giving me away, but I'm sure he's noticed it all week by now. He looks away once we make eye contact, but I know he was watching me.

“You two should both be in bed,” Parker says, and they scramble down and sprint toward their rooms without needing to be told again. Parker does his almost-smile again. “Kids.”

“You said it,” I reply, and take a moment to enjoy the camaraderie before he remembers he wants to hate me. It’s the best moment I’ve had since I arrived.

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