He still had that look on his face.

I stopped dead in my tracks, having caught sight of the ex-model from outside the restaurant. He was seated next to the windows, a cup of untouched coffee in front of him. He looked the same on the surface – beautiful, sexy, powerful, and aloof, the Greek billionaire practically every woman in the planet swooned over.

But he wasn’t the same.

He hadn’t been so since the book launch his stepmother sort of gatecrashed a couple of days ago, and I just wished he would tell me why.

Entering the restaurant, I wasn’t surprised when he still didn’t notice my presence. Coming up to his table, I said, “Boo.”

Nathan jerked.

“Oh dear.” I sent him a look of sham sympathy. “Did I surprise you?”

A grimace crossed his gorgeous features as he swiftly slid to his feet. “I’m sorry.” His voice was stiff, with just the faintest hint of bleakness – so damn faint I had this nasty feeling that God only wanted me to hear it.

The thought almost had me looking up, a part of me tempted to complain.

It’s nice that You think I’m strong enough to handle all these challenges, but I actually don’t mind if You think I’m weak. I’d really, really love to have a happy-ever-after sooner than later, God.

“I didn’t realize you were already here,” Nathan was saying.

“That’s cool.” Not.

He helped me to my seat before returning to his. “Have you reviewed this place before?”

“No, not yet.” I looked around, grateful to have something else to focus on other than the huge-ass elephant in the room with us.

Our surroundings were beyond lovely, having succeeded in recreating Tuscany in a thousand-square-foot lot with its terracotta brick walls and matching floor tiles, hanging plants and vintage chandeliers, and elegant, black wrought iron dining setups.

Arch openings were also carved out of the walls with inlaid drawings depicting Tuscan sceneries, making it seem as if one only had to look out the “windows” to enjoy a glimpse of gently sloping hills, garden beds of poppies and sunflowers, and a crimson sun setting behind breathtakingly hand-painted vineyards.

“The owner is a friend of mine,” Nathan murmured, “and he’d love to have you feature his restaurant in your blog.”

“Oh. That’s cool.” I gave him a polite smile. “Thanks for the referral.”

“It’s always been my pleasure to talk about your work.” He reached for the menu. “Shall we order?”

“Sure.”

And then silence.

So this was what an awkward date felt like, I thought. It wasn’t that bad…if only it really were a first date and we didn’t actually have sex a gazillion times before this.

“Anything caught your fancy?”

“Nothing yet…” I hid myself behind my menu, raising it all the way up so I could make a face at him. Did this Greek jerk really think I could think about food while my heart was breaking? Why did everyone think I was so damn strong when I wasn’t?

Nathan suddenly pulled the menu down, and I was caught sticking my tongue out at him.

Oops.

But instead of getting mad, Nathan only said quietly, “I’m sorry, Alyx.”

There it was, I thought. The thing I most feared was actually happening. I was tempted to throw the menu over my head in a fit of despondency, but I managed not to. I took my time setting the menu aside, and without meeting his gaze, I heard myself ask, “Are you breaking up with me?”

“What?” Nathan’s tone was stunned, and a glimmer of hope that I didn’t want but couldn’t help feeling burst inside of me.

“The thought never even crossed my mind.”

Oh.

He reached for my hand across the table, and as our fingers clasped, I mumbled, “But you don’t fuck me anymore.”

The ex-model choked.

Turning red, I snarled under my breath, “Sorry, was I supposed to make that sound more romantic?” I adopted a breathy, feminine tone, saying, “Our bodies no longer come in writhing unity---”

“Ah, sweetheart.” He tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him, and when our gazes met I didn’t quite know what to do---

The bleakness was gone, the tenderness that I used to always see in it was back, but why didn’t it feel enough anymore?

“There are just things I’m working through. That’s all,” he stressed.

No longer able to ignore the elephant in the room since it was practically bitch-slapping my face with its long wet trunk, I asked abruptly, “Is it something your stepmother said?” Yes, it was a wild guess, but there wasn’t anything else to do. I could only grasp at straws when Nathan insisted on not telling me anything.

When he didn’t answer, I pressed determinedly, asking, “Your father then? They learned something about me, and now they don’t approve of me---”

“No one has to approve what we have,” Nathan gritted out.

“Then what’s wrong? Why have you suddenly stopped coming to my place? Why have you suddenly stopped---”

Fucking.

Talking.

Caring.

Why have you suddenly stopped pretending that you want to love me back?

“I want you in my life, Alyx. That hasn’t changed.”

But will it change…one day?

I wish I had the courage to ask that, but then a part of me knew I didn’t have to. Of course it would change – it was meant to change, if he never learned to love me the way I loved him.

“Alyx…” His fingers tightened. “I know there are things I have to explain, and I promise I will. But right now…I just need you to wait for me.”

Ah.

“Can you do that for me, Alyx?” His voice was hoarse.

“I just wish…” I swallowed past the painful lump in my throat. “I don’t mind waiting, Nathan, but…can’t you tell me why I suddenly need to wait alone?” He had to know that I had poured my heart out in the poems I had worked on with Keanne. He had to know that what was happening right now was like the fucking poem coming to life---

He was alone.

I was alone.

We were alone when we didn’t have to be.

Nathan’s fingers slowly slipped out of my hold, and for one moment – for one desperate moment – I wanted to snatch them back and never let go.

“I don’t know,” he said tonelessly.

“I s-see.” I clumsily hid my hands under the table, not wanting him to see how it suddenly couldn’t stop shaking.

“Alyx.” His voice was suddenly fierce.

But I couldn’t make myself meet his gaze. How did it come to this point? How? How?

“I don’t know a lot of things right now, but all I goddamn know is that I don’t want to lose you.”

* * *

Space. I had to give him space.

“Right?” I was at home, alone, and verbally drowning my sorrows in a three-way FaceTime call with Yanna and Daria. It was just like old times, really. We used to do this a lot when Daria was struggling as Nik’s one-time mistress and we had done it, too, when Yanna was torn over Constantijin’s womanizing ways.

And now it was my turn, and I hated it.

I really hated it because it made me feel so damn foolish, made me feel like such a bratty know-it-all. Who the hell did I think I was all these years, believing I could avoid this kind of pain just because I had seen my friends go through it?

“It’s what he asked,” I reasoned. “So I should give it to him rather than be the stereotypical nagging girlfriend, demanding him to talk about his feelings.” I rolled my eyes. “Which we all know is like pulling a tooth out of them.”

Silence.

“Right?” I demanded again.

“Absolutely,” Daria said after a beat.

“Whatever you think is best, then that’s what you should do,” Yanna said.

Another bout of silence stretched.

“You totally don’t think that’s what I should do, do you?” I asked finally.

“It’s because you’ve always been the cautious type,” Yanna explained helplessly. “I don’t want to advise you to do something that you might not feel comfortable doing.” She was in the nursery with her adorable months-old daughter sleeping on her shoulder while in the background we could see her firstborn, two-year-old Christiaan playing on the floor, his concentrated gaze focused on a model train that looked too complicated for his age.

But then again, he was Constantijin Kastein’s son, so maybe it was in the genes.

“If you really want me to be honest,” Daria began.

“Oh, like I called you guys to lie to me,” I said sarcastically.

“Bitch,” Daria sighed.

“Sorry,” I grumbled.

“But it’s okay. That’s normal when you’re heartbroken.”

“Stop making me feel worse. You were heartbroken, too, but you were never a bitch.” I was suddenly struck with self-pity. “Maybe that’s why Nathan’s trying to not-so-subtly break up with me. He realized I’m too much of a bitch---”

“Stop it,” Daria said in an unusually annoyed voice. “It’s not like you to be whiny, and it’s so not sexy.”

“I concur,” Yanna said even as she sent an apologetic look my way.

“I don’t blame you for feeling like Nathan suddenly knocked the wind out of your sails---”

I fought back a grin but couldn’t help interjecting with a dramatic sigh, “Of course you had to use a sailing idiom.”

Daria’s eyes widened. “Oh!” And then she was giggling, and so was Yanna.

Through our shared screens, Yanna and I watched Daria walk out of the stateroom and head up to the deck. She and Nik were in another one of their monthly honeymoons again, with the Greek billionaire fond of taking his mega yacht out to explore the Mediterranean.

“As I was saying…” Daria cleared her throat meaningfully as she settled herself on a lounge chair. “Nathan Callis looks like the perfect gentleman from every angle, so it’s understandable that you’re shocked at the way he’s suddenly acting all insensitive and distant.”

“Your point is?” I asked finally since I honestly didn’t get what she was hinting at.

“He’s no different from the men we love.” Daria’s smile faded. “Remember the time Constantijin suddenly started becoming too busy for Yanna?”

Yanna paled. “Oh.”

“And remember the time when Nik was just so nasty to me?”

Oh.

I could feel my own face draining of color. “You’re saying it’s the same with Nathan,” I said flatly.

Daria didn’t look away. “It’s a possibility.”

“You’re saying…he’s hiding something from me…and it could break my heart.”