What is wrong with me? I apparently have less self-control than a zombie on the hunt for fresh meat. Last night I went to the gym determined to keep things casual. That or call the whole thing off, but instead . . . Instead, I allowed Matt to pleasure me with his mouth until I came a record breaking number of times before he sank inside and fucked me right there in the middle of his gym.
Again. What is wrong with me?
I’m pondering this very troubling thought as I sit at my desk and try to make my way through a mountain of code before it’s time to break for lunch. A quick glance at the screen tells me that’s still hours away. My cell buzzes from the top of my desk and I readily swipe it off the surface, thankful for a momentary reprieve. Shit. How does he know I’m thinking about him?
Matt: Lunch Saturday? You have time?
Do I have time? Of course I have the time, and even if I didn’t I’d make it work for him. That’s the thought that has my stomach coiling into a thousand knots. When did this happen? I wasn’t going to be that girl. The one who gets a little thrill every time her man invites her out. Not that Matt’s my man. Fuck! Even my brain can’t keep that straight. This is already a horrible cluster fuck. I should text him and say no, thank you. Cut things off now while I still can. Before hurt feelings and disappointments are involved.
As if they aren’t already.
Matt: It doesn’t have to be a date. Unless you want it to be.
That right there has my fingers frozen and unable to reply with a witty response. Is he being funny or making fun of me? I don’t know why I have an impulsive need to clarify when we’re on one of those stupid bet dates and when we’re not. I just do. Is this his way of letting me know he’d rather let our relationship devolve into a string of booty calls, or is he really letting me call the shots? I growl, a full on frustrated groan, because this . . . This right here is exactly why I don’t know how to function in a relationship.
“Why are you trying to murder your phone, Kitten?”
Jared’s voice scares the crap out of me and I almost drop my cell when I swing my chair around to meet his stare over the low wall of our shared office. His lips pull into a wicked smile as he waits for my reply.
“I don’t know what you mean.” I flip my phone over, screen down, and cross my arms over my chest.
Jared only laughs. “Oh, Kitten, what did you do now?”
“Nothing. Why do I have to do something? Why can’t it be him?”
“Hey, I’m on your team. Of course it can be him, but I need deets. Let’s coffee?”
“Now you’re talking. Yes!” I grab my wallet and jacket because as much as Jared drives me crazy with his shoddy advice, I need to unload on him. He’s my longest standing friend and he understands my crazy. He also understands why I am the way I am. I consider leaving my cell at my desk but grab it at the last minute.
“The Bean or Xpresso’s?” he asks. They’re our two go-to spots.
“Xpresso’s. I could use the walk.” I press the down button when we reach the elevator bank and tap my heel against the floor. Does this thing always take so long?
“I’m sorry, where is my Mia and what did you do with her?” Jared’s wide eyes are framed by his raised brows.
“What?” I demand, totally annoyed that he can tell there’s something wrong without asking.
“Opting for additional exercise to get to coffee? Matt’s influence, I assume.”
“You know what they say about people who assume,” I snap before the elevator opens and we step inside the car. It’s mostly empty. With my coat draped over one arm, I tuck my wallet under the other and hold my cell with a free hand. I glance at the screen. That damn text message still waits for my reply. Taunts my indecision.
The elevator pauses to pick up a few more passengers and my gaze lifts from my phone to find none other than Matt Haywood’s damn gorgeous smile. Fuck me. Worried for a second that I muttered that aloud, I realize it must have been Jared’s voice giving voice to my inappropriate thoughts. My body zings with the X-rated memories of last night’s training session. It takes every bit of self-control to not react when Matt shuffles closer inside.
“Hey, Mia, fancy meeting you here,” he says with that adorable lift of his lips.
“Hey, yeah.” Those are the words that leave my mouth, making me sound every bit the fool I feel.
He reaches forward just enough to brush his fingers along my hip and it’s all I can do to act unaffected when really I have a sudden need to ditch my coffee date for a quickie with my trainer. Matt’s eyes bounce between myself and Jared a few times and when I don’t say anything he reaches his hand out. “I’m Matt. We haven’t been formally introduced.”
“Oh, I know who you are.” Jared meets Matt’s handshake, his smile growing wide until he glances at me. “I’m Jared, Mia’s best friend.”
“For now,” I grumble.
“Nice to meet you. Digging the new color, by the way,” Matt says in reference to Jared’s change of hair. What was once electric blue is now flamingo pink.
“Oh yeah, Mia and I both like to change it up with the weather, but I’m awfully fond of her current red. What do you think, Matt?”
“What does he think?” I say more to Jared than Matt. I can’t believe the nerve. He knows better than to meddle when it comes to my relationships, and yet here he is asking Matt’s opinion on my hair color.
“Yeah, should she change it or keep it another round?” Jared’s being ridiculous, and even though I’m pissed, I am a little curious as to how Matt will answer. The elevator comes to a stop and we all take a step to shuffle out. I think maybe Matt won’t answer but he stops walking and moves to the side before we’re all out of the building.
“Oh, I’m sure I’d love whatever Mia decides,” he says with a polite smile.
I slip on my coat, surprisingly satisfied with Matt’s answer.
“Safe.” Jared hides his response in a cough.
“Pardon?” Matt cocks his head.
“Nothing. Hey, Mia, I’ll meet you outside. I just remembered I need to return Logan’s call. Give me a few minutes? Nice seeing you again, Matt.” He’s already halfway across the foyer and doesn’t even wait for my agreement.
“So, I’m guessing you got my texts?” Matt shoves his hands into his back pockets, calling out the elephant in the room. I have to admire that about him, but then that only irritates me further. Why is this man so perfect?
“Oh, yeah. I was going to answer but then Jared asked me to break for coffee.”
“Cool.” He nods.
“Yeah.”
His laughter comes easy. “So, are you free Saturday?”
“Um, yeah, I think so.” I bite the corner of my lip and glance outside the big glass walls to make sure Jared’s still out there. Traitor. Leaving me to fend for myself when I’m obviously out of my element.
Matt’s laughter dies and his gaze is sincere as he reaches out to place his fingertips at my hips. “Mia, if you don’t want to hang out, just say the word.” There’s hurt in his tone and I hate that I’ve put that there.
“No! It’s not that. My cousin wasn’t sure if she was gonna come up for the weekend,” I lie. My closest cousin is married with three children and still lives in Clear Lake. She hasn’t come for a visit since I graduated Loyola and that was over a decade ago. I don’t know why I made up a bogus excuse, but it only makes me feel worse.
“Oh.” His face floods with a relaxed smile. “Sure, just let me know. I’m game for whatever. But we’re still on for training tonight?”
“Yep. I’ll be there.”
“Well, I better . . .” He points over his shoulder at the exit.
“Yeah, me, too.” I nod and we both make our way outside, parting as he heads down one side of the street and I turn toward Jared.
“Bye, Matt.” I wave.
“Later, Mia.” His lips tug with more than just a smile. They tug at my heart, and for the second time today I panic that I’m in over my head with this man. Feelings weren’t part of the deal.
“Oh, my God. What was all that about?” Jared pockets his phone and wraps his arm around my waist.
“What?” I am not entirely ready to divulge my worries to the steady stream of business professionals walking alongside us down Michigan Avenue.
“The I’d-like-to-fuck-you in the elevator but I’m-not-sure-if-you’ll-bite-my-head-off and not in a good way vibe?”
“You got all of that from a trip down ten floors?”
“What are you doing with that boy? He’s obviously into you for more than your good looks.” Jared holds open the door to our favorite coffee joint and we crowd into the long line. It’ll move fast though, and we’ll be back on our way to the office, delicious coffee in hand, before Stanton even notices we took a break.
“Shit, you got that too? We’ve been having fun. Lots of fun.”
“Fun equals sex, right? I’d be certain with anyone else, but this is you we’re talking about.”
“Thanks.” I roll my eyes. “Yes, so I need to know what to do about it. Help me, Jared.”
“I don’t know, Kitten. What do you want?”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know. We both know a relationship between me and Matt would never last.”
“How exactly do we know this?”
“Come on, really?”
“You haven’t tried to make it work. Not since college and you-know-who.”
“Which is exactly why I’m not cut out for anything more than fun.”
“If you say so, sure. There’s nothing wrong with that. Why can’t you keep things casual? If the sex is good, I don’t know why you wouldn’t. I mean, I don’t personally understand why he’s attracted to your pussy or your stunning personality, but it was bound to happen sometime.”
“What can I get you today?” The barista smiles as though Jared didn’t just reference his distaste for my pussy. It’s enough to pull a smile from my lips. We place our orders and wait off to the side while they whip up their magic. I try to take it all in: Jared’s advice—if you can even call it that, and my growing affection for Matt.
I’m still unsure of my next move but I am having fun with Matt, both in and out of the bedroom. Maybe I should finish the bet and see where it leads. I’ll probably be as tired of him as he is of me by then and we can both part ways. I should finish his website soon, though. Because this thing between us has an expiration date and I will fulfill my end of the deal before it does.
“Can I just say one more thing?” Jared asks right before our names are called. We gather our drinks and start our trek back to the office.
“Sure. What other parting advice do you have for me, sensei?”
“I’d like to point out that I was right.” He winks, his smug smile growing wide. “I predicted less than three weeks ’til you rode the Matt-a-nator, and damn, girl, have you ever!”
“You’re the worst best friend ever,” I mutter, which only makes him laugh.
“Don’t be salty, Mia. I’d buy more than the day pass to that ride, too.”
I shake my head and swallow another gulp of coffee. “Oh, God!”
“Tell me, does he offer a frequent visitor incentive program? Extra perks and bonuses?”
“If he did, I’d have already filled my punch card.” I roll my eyes and Jared nudges my arm.
“Atta girl. Enjoy this, Mia. You deserve to be happy.”
Does Matt make me happy?
That’s the question I try not ponder for the rest of my workday.