NINE
She had waited so long. Sometimes the need for touch, in the middle of the night, had nearly driven her insane over the past years. The need for Alex had dug sharp claws inside her, twisted into her womb and left her aching at the oddest times.
But at night. It had always been worse at night, whether in Somerset or at school. Huddled in her bed, staring into the dark, that need had been like a fever, an ache that built, night by night and, until six months ago, had left her sobbing with the need to be held.
There had always been something about Alex. He was sexy all over, but his arms had always drawn her. The powerful biceps, the strength that seemed to infuse them. If she just had his arms around her, she sometimes thought, then she could sleep rather than toss and turn. She could think rather than fight the fear.
Alex was the embodiment of strength to Janey.
As they drove through town, her head pillowed on one of those hard arms, his hand holding her close to his side, she almost regretted the miles the truck ate so quickly. She wanted to be home, because she wanted to feel him over her, inside her. But she didn’t want to lose this. This feeling of security, of complete male power enveloping her.
It would end all too soon anyway. The night would be over, and come dawn, Alex would slip from the apartment, as he always did. She would put her mask back on and she would face the world again.
Could she do it, knowing everything she couldn’t have?
She would, because she had to. But she had a feeling it would be harder. Because she wanted to hold on to this feeling right now. The feeling that she was normal, plain Jane. Not the traitor’s daughter. Not a responsibility he had to look after. Just Janey, Alex’s lover.
“You’re quiet.” His voice was a stroke of midnight across her flesh.
“I’m coming down.” She grinned, a bit smugly perhaps, because her body was still humming with pleasure.
“Don’t come down too far,” he warned her. “I want you hot and ready for me, Janey. Trust me, sweetheart, once I get inside you, I’m not going to stop fucking you for a while.”
He called her sweetheart. He called her baby. And he said it gently. Like he meant it.
How immature of her, she thought. She was worse than a silly teenager, but the sound of those endearments had her heart clenching with pleasure.
“Who says you have to stop?” She watched him take the turn that led to the apartment. “I bet I can keep up with you.”
She looked up at him, watching his jaw tighten, the look of brooding lust he shot her from the corner of his eye.
“Oh, I have no doubt you’ll keep up,” he promised her with a wicked smile as he pulled into her driveway.
Pulling to a stop, he slid the truck into park and turned off the ignition. Then he surprised her. He didn’t just get out of the truck. He cupped her neck in that way that sent tingles of pleasure racing through her, made her feel feminine and sexy, and lowered his lips to hers.
His kiss wasn’t hard and deep. It was gentle, and hungry. His lips worked over hers, slanted over them, while his tongue pushed into her mouth and stroked against hers.
And oh God, it was so hot she felt blistered. She felt need shoot through her system like an intravenous drug, straight to her heart, then between her thighs, filling her sex with melting warmth.
“Christ, you make me hot,” he growled into the kiss. “If I make it up those stairs without fucking you, it’s going to be a damned miracle.”
Then he surprised her again. He moved from the truck, pulled her across the seat, and lifted her against his chest.
“Legs around me,” he groaned as he wrapped one arm beneath her ass and held her to him. “Hell. If I don’t at least feel you, I won’t make it.”
Her legs wrapped around his waist. His hard abs flexed between her thighs as he slammed the truck door closed and moved for the stairs.
“People will see your truck in the morning,” she reminded him.
“Fuck ’em.”
A surge of emotion at the words caught her off guard. He wasn’t worried that others would know . . .
“Zeke and his deputy are picking up the truck later anyway.” She crashed. Like a balloon slowly deflating, Janey felt the joy that had surged inside her recede.
She was so stupid. How insane to let herself believe anything but the truth. She buried her head against his neck, though, her lips moving on his flesh until, before she knew it, Alex pushed her against the side of the building, halfway up the steps, groaning.
Only then did she realize she was biting him. Biting his neck, sucking at it, marking him as the pain rose inside her like a tidal wave threatening to destroy her.
She marked him as he gripped her hips and thrust against her almost violently. The wedge of his cock beneath his jeans was hard and thick, pressing into her as she cried out against the tough skin of his neck.
His hand held her head to him. His breathing was hard, fast, his hips grinding against her as she held on to him.
She couldn’t let him go. She had to hold him. Needed to draw a part of him into her, to leave a part of herself that he could never be rid of.
“You’re killing me.” He bent his neck for her, giving her what she needed for long moments before pulling her head back and glowering down at her. “If I end up fucking you on these stairs, I’ll spank your ass for pushing me that far.”
“Be careful, Alex. I might enjoy it.” She stared back at him fiercely. “We could try it and see.”
He turned, holding her against him, and moved up the stairs fast. He was one raging hard-on. His dick was the only thing that mattered at this point, and it was demanding, desperate.
If he didn’t get inside her, he just might end up coming in his jeans, and if that happened, then he was definitely going to spank her.
He shoved the key into the lock, only barely noticing that the cat wasn’t around. It must have eaten its fill earlier. Then he pushed into the apartment and came to a hard stop.
Violent fury poured through him.
Turning, sheltering Janey, he ducked back out the door, slamming it behind them.
“Alex?” There was fear in her voice as he held her to him and all but ran back down the steps and to the truck.
“Get in.” He shoved her back into the truck as he tore his cell phone off his hip and dug into the backseat for the Glock he carried.
He checked the clip quickly before snapping it back in place.
“Zeke.” For the second time that night the sheriff answered his call.
“Get to Janey’s apartment. There’s been a break-in and there’s a note on her kitchen table. Nothing was touched by us. I walked in, then pulled back.”
“On my way,” Zeke informed him. “I’m calling the Mackays, Alex. Sorry, man, they’ll kill me if I don’t.”
“Hell,” he swore. “And they can’t seem to keep their wives at home. It’s like calling the farce squad.”
Zeke’s hard laugh was amused and dangerous at the same time. “I’m heading your way. Stay covered. You should see my lights in seconds.”
Zeke disconnected as Alex flipped the phone closed and leaned his head against the frame of the truck. He felt like pounding his forehead into the metal.
“We’re in trouble.” Janey sighed.
Alex lifted his head and stared back at her quizzically.
“I just left the hickey from hell on your neck, Alex; there’s no way Natches can miss it. There’s no way anyone could miss it.” And she sounded damned pleased over it.
It still burned. His dick still pounded with the burn.
Hell, he should have just fucked her in the truck. At least then, when Natches killed him, he’d deserve it. Or at least, deserve it more.
Grinning, he arched his brow and drawled, “You’re next.”
But it didn’t ease the fear from her eyes, or the rage burning in his gut. A second later the flashing lights of the sheriff’s cruiser and two of the city’s finest pulled into the parking lot.
Zeke and four officers exited the vehicles. The four officers, weapons drawn, started around the building as Zeke moved up to him.
“Dawg called in. They left the girls with Ray. The boys are heading in, though. We’ll wait for them before we head up to the apartment.”
“Her alarm hadn’t been tripped,” Alex told him, noticing the glance Zeke made to his neck, the slight widening of his eyes. “Don’t start, Zeke.”
“Fuck. I hope those boys ain’t armed.” Zeke shook his head as he glanced in the cab of the truck.
Alex had felt Janey move into the driver’s seat; he could feel her against his back, peeping over his shoulder to watch the sheriff.
“I might have branded him, Zeke.” There was a smile in her voice, despite the tension.
Alex could hear the fear in her tone as well. She was trying to cover it, to push it back, and that just pissed him off more. She shouldn’t have to feel the need to hide her emotions, her fears. She should be safe, secure.
“Yes, ma’am, you did.” Zeke nodded. “Do you think I can keep Natches from shooting him long enough to search that apartment upstairs?”
The joking was light, a tension easer, an attempt to still the fear Alex knew Zeke could see in her face.
“Sure. Natches isn’t stupid. He just likes to play dumb sometimes.”
Alex turned to her at the hint of tears in her voice.
“Hey. Stop worrying. It’s going to be okay.”
“Of course it is.” Her smile was too bright, her eyes too green.
“Sweetheart, you start crying on me, and we’re going to have problems. I don’t have anyone to shoot yet.”
Her smile trembled. “Don’t worry about me. Crying isn’t something I do very well.”
But she turned her head, sliding back into the seat and moving back to the passenger side.
Alex whispered a curse. “I’ll murder the bastard, Zeke.”
The sheriff shook his head. “Don’t tell me about it, okay? I’m the one with the badge. Some things I might not need to know.”
“It’s clear, Sheriff.” One of the officers moved around the building. “We have the front and back entrance secured. We’re ready to move inside.”
“Let’s check the restaurant first. Work our way up.” Zeke looked into the truck. “You have the key, Janey?”
She shook her head. “I left those keys upstairs. All I have is the house key.”
Zeke grimaced.
“Natches has the keys. He carries them with him all the time. Just in case,” she told them. “If he’s on his way.”
The sound of the Harley racing through the streets could be heard.
“Sounds like him,” she muttered.
Janey clenched her fists, grit her teeth, and forced the tears and the fear back into the dark, lonely hole where they couldn’t feed, where they couldn’t build. She could feel herself shuddering on the inside, freezing. So cold that even when she wrapped Alex’s coat around her, she couldn’t get warm.
She wanted to curl into a corner alone and scream. She wanted to hit. She wanted to howl out at the pain and find something to untie the knot of horror growing inside her.
This shouldn’t be happening. She should be able to live in peace now that Dayle and Nadine were dead. She shouldn’t have to be afraid again, shouldn’t have to fear for those she cared about.
She shouldn’t have to leave the town she loved to protect those who meant the most to her.
She pressed her knotted fists into her stomach as Natches moved up to Alex and the sheriff. Her brother’s voice was hard and cold now. It wasn’t angry; he wasn’t acting the fool as he had at the bar. He was stone-cold serious, and the gun she glimpsed shoved into the holster at his side assured her of it.
Minutes later, Dawg and Rowdy were joining them, both of them armed as well. They weren’t joking around. They were still considered agents, attached to the Department of Homeland Security, owing to their participation in the investigation that had revealed Dayle Mackay and Nadine Grace as members of a domestic terrorist group.
“Janey, I’m locking you in the truck.” Alex turned back to her. “Keep the doors locked, no matter what. Do you know how to use a gun?”
She nodded bleakly. “I know how to shoot.”
He reached over, popped the glove box, and drew out another, smaller automatic handgun. He checked the clip, then shoved the gun into her hands. “Use it if you have to, honey. You hear me?”
She nodded again, then turned to him. “Be careful, Alex. Please.”
“Always,” he said softly.
He moved back, hit the lock on his door, then slammed it closed. She watched them as they moved to the office entrance. Two officers were at the back stairs as the sheriff moved into the restaurant with Natches, Dawg, and Rowdy.
It was too dark back here, she thought. Too many shadows. Too many places for someone to hide. The officers left outside were cautious, wary. Their hands rested on the butts of their weapons as they watched, in different directions, their bodies tense and prepared.
Janey wanted to curl into the seat and just escape. Like she had escaped the day Nadine had touched her. She wanted to burrow into her own mind and pretend none of this was happening. But Alex and Natches were in there. Once again, someone else was protecting her; they were putting their lives on the line while she sat safely along the sidelines.
As she sat there, she heard a distressed feline wail. The officers jerked, turning toward the Dumpsters that sat along the fence on the opposite side of the truck.
“Fat Cat.” She jerked the door open as an orange blur jumped from the ground into the truck.
He was wailing and meowing plaintively as he tried to burrow beneath Alex’s coat.
Janey slammed the door closed and relocked it, then wrapped her arms around the heavy cat and stroked his fur.
“Where have you been, bad cat?” she whispered as he meowed again, a sound of mingled anger and fear. “Are you okay?”
She ran her hands over him, but nothing seemed hurt. He huddled at her side beneath the coat, his head sticking out, his topaz eyes glaring up at her.
“I know, I’m late. I’m sorry. Bad mommy, huh?” She stroked his head, almost smiling mockingly at her own words. “It’s okay. I’ll give you extra hamburger tonight. How’s that?”
As though he sensed the little reward, he laid his head on her lap, but his heavy body still trembled. Fat Cat didn’t like strangers in his territory evidently.
As she stroked him, she watched Alex, the sheriff, and Natches move from the office and head up the stairs to the apartment. They spoke briefly to the two officers; Rowdy and Dawg were still in the restaurant for some reason.
She stared at Alex as he moved behind the sheriff but in front of Natches, to the small landing. The door opened, a thin wedge of light spilling from inside.
That was what she hadn’t seen earlier. There was a light on inside the apartment. And Janey had been careful not to leave any on when she left.
“Who was here, Fat Cat?” she asked the feline quietly, still stroking his fur as she fought the panic trying to rise inside her.
She was shaking as hard on the inside as the cat was on the outside. And she was horribly afraid that her insistence on staying here, in Somerset, was going to end up hurting someone other than herself. Natches or Alex would end up hurt. Or both. And she didn’t know if she could live with herself if that happened.
Alex shoved the Glock into the back of his jeans, propped his hands on his hips, and glared around the room after they’d finished checking the apartment. Natches and Zeke were reading that letter, again. Alex didn’t need to read it again. He’d had enough of it when Zeke first unfolded it. The filth in it was enough to make a grown man sick.
More of the same bullshit with a little addition about corrupting good patriotic men. Give him a fucking break.
The officers with Zeke were finished dusting for prints, and Dawg and Rowdy were giving the restaurant a last check before collecting Janey and bringing her up.
Zeke pushed the note into a plastic bag, secured it, and dated and signed it before shaking his head and moving to the door.
Natches stayed. He turned, glared at Alex’s neck, and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Don’t start, Natches,” he warned him. “I’m not in a bullshit mood right now.”
“That’s my sister you’re jacking around with,” Natches accused him.
“Yeah, and it’s my sister one of you was jacking around with last year,” he bit out.
“Not me,” Natches argued.
“Yeah, well, one of you is just as bad as the other.” Alex sighed in irritation. “Get the fuck off my back. Nothing you say is going to change a damned thing.”
“She’s going to try to leave,” Natches told him warily then. “I know her. She thinks I don’t, because I let that bastard send her away. But I know her, Alex. She’s going to try to leave, thinking it will protect us.”
“She’ll change her mind.” Alex moved through the living room, pacing it off.
He could feel something teasing at him here. How the hell had someone gotten into the apartment without activating the alarm? There were no hidden doors. There was no other way in. All the windows were secure. They’d checked the closets, checked the walls themselves. Nothing.
“And what makes you think she’ll change her mind?” Natches retorted. “That fucking hickey on your neck?”
Alex stopped and turned his head slowly. He stared back at Natches, feeling the itch under his skin, the need to loose the pent-up violence raging through him.
“Keep pushing me.”
There was no “or else.” They both knew the “or else.” They could fight it out, but it wouldn’t change a damned thing.
“Hell,” Natches muttered.
They heard Dawg and Rowdy coming with Janey and that wailing cat. Hadn’t Alex fed that little monster earlier?
Janey stepped into the apartment, ignoring the tension between her brother and Alex as Fat Cat jumped out of her arms and ran to his missing bowl.
“Bowl’s on the porch.” Alex looked at Dawg.
Dawg stepped outside, retrieved the empty dish, and set it down. Fat Cat smacked him, claws bared.
“Little bastard,” Dawg growled. Then he snarled at the cat.
Janey picked up the bowl and moved to the fridge, where she filled it with the fresh hamburger she kept on hand for the cat.
She stayed silent. Fed the cat and filled his water bowl before turning and moving through the kitchen. She turned the corner and headed for her bedroom.
“Janey.” Natches followed her to the hall. “We need to talk a minute.”
“I have to change clothes.” She shook her head, keeping her back to him. “I’ll be out in a little while.”
She closed the bedroom door and leaned her back against it, drawing in a shuddering breath. She could feel the sobs building in her chest and she hated it. Hated it. She hated crying, she hated the sense of helplessness it filled her with, and she hated trying, trying so hard to play the perfect little girl and never succeeding.
Shaking her head, she pushed Alex’s coat from her shoulders and tossed it over the bottom of her bed. The heels and stockings came off next. Then the skirt and top. She only distantly realized she had forgotten to put her panties back on.
In the bathroom she showered, scrubbed the makeup from her face, and lathered her hair. She had to go shopping tomorrow, she decided. If being the good girl didn’t work, then screw them all, she’d be who she wanted to be. She was tired of hiding. Sick to her back teeth of being protected.
Drying off, she moved back into her bedroom, and drew on the long cotton pants she used to sleep in. She hated those, too. The T-shirt. Tomorrow, she was buying gowns. Silky gowns. Sexy gowns. It didn’t matter if anyone else saw them. She would see them.
Running her fingers through her hair, she left her bedroom, rather expecting her apartment to be cleared of Mackays. It wasn’t. Ray and Maria were there as well now, Kelly, Chaya, Crista, and a concerned Faisal.
Faisal had moved into an apartment in town with a few other boys that the Mackays had taken under their wings over the years. The other boys were preparing Faisal for college. The incredibly bright, energetic young boy Natches and Crista had arranged to have brought out of the Iraq desert didn’t look any happier than the Mackays did.
“Aren’t you guys sick yet of dragging your pregnant wives out over nothing?” She threw Dawg and Natches a disgusted look.
“You’re something to us, Janey,” Chaya spoke up, her hand resting on the small mound of her belly as she sat on Natches’s lap in one of the kitchen chairs.
“You’re family,” Crista finished for her.
She, too, was pregnant, about a month further along than Chaya was.
“Besides, we can’t let the boys have all the fun.” Kelly, Rowdy’s wife, grinned from where she sat on his lap. “Otherwise, they might get spoiled.”
Janey bit back a retort. Opening the fridge, she pulled out the wine, poured herself a glass, and pushed the cork back into the bottle. She left it sitting out as she turned and faced the crowd.
She wasn’t used to this. It was too much. And there was Alex, doing nothing, not a damned thing, to hide that bite on his neck as he leaned against the wall and watched her.
“It’s after eleven,” she told all of them. “Nearly my bedtime.” She gave them a false, bright smile. “I’m sure it’s nearly yours as well.”
She didn’t want to deal with hours of placating the worry and concern she saw in everyone’s eyes. She just wanted them to go away.
“Natches and I are going to stay all night, Janey,” Chaya decided. “We’re worried.”
Janey inhaled, then lifted the wine. She took a long sip, staring at Chaya and Natches over the rim of the glass. Her brother’s face was calm, but his eyes raged.
“I thought that was Alex’s job?” She looked at Alex. A mocking half smile tilted his lips.
“Not tonight,” Natches told her, his voice even.
Janey shook her head. “Fine, the two of you can stay and I’ll get a hotel room. Not a problem.”
Natches dropped his head back on the chair and closed his eyes as Chaya patted his knee.
“Janey, please . . .” Chaya began to protest.
“It’s his apartment. It’s in his name.” She shrugged. “It’s not a problem. I’ll also be posting ads this week for a manager for the restaurant. I’m thinking about going back to college.”
Strangely, Natches looked back at Alex. Alex stiffened, his eyes narrowing.
“Sudden decision, isn’t it?” Alex asked.
“Not really.” Janey shrugged. “I need a break . . .”
“Bullshit.”
Alex’s voice was carefully controlled, his gaze flat and hard.
She sipped at her wine again, her gaze locked with his.
“I’ll find another manager before I go, but I’ll be leaving within a few weeks.”
Ray, Maria, Rowdy, Kelly, Dawg, and Crista rose from their seats as Alex’s jaw tensed and Faisal watched the Mackays worriedly.
“Yeah, time for us to leave.” Dawg stretched and wrapped his arm around his wife before heading for the door. The others followed. Chaya and Natches stayed in place.
“Come here and give us a hug, Janey,” Dawg commanded.
“I, too, will leave.” Faisal watched Natches in concern. “But I do not like the thought of Janey leaving this town, Natches.”
Janey hugged Dawg as she listened to Natches and Faisal talking. She hugged Ray and took his kiss on the cheek, and Maria’s. Kelly’s hug was tight and hard, and Rowdy kissed her hair with a whispered “Nice try.”
Crista smiled and hugged her, then Dawg wrapped her in his arms, lifted her against him, and almost made a tear fall with his muttered “Don’t leave us. We love ya, ya know?”
“I know, Dawg,” she whispered back. “College calls, though.”
He chuckled at that. “You wish.”
Faisal stood before her then, his dark face and gleaming black eyes concerned. “I would not enjoy losing the aunt I have come to admire as I admire you,” he told her.
“You’re a hell of a nephew, Faisal,” she assured him with a quick smile. “Get back home. I’m sure you have classes tomorrow.”
She closed the door behind him, then moved back to her wine.
“I’ll go pack my bag.” She finished her wine. “I’ll call a cab from the bedroom.”
Chaya stood from Natches’s lap and curled into the corner of the couch as Natches lifted his head and stared back at Janey.
“Running away again?”
“Shut up, Natches,” Alex said calmly. “Take your wife and go home.”
Natches turned and gave him a long, level look. Alex missed it; his gaze didn’t leave Janey’s.
“Hell.” Natches pushed himself from the chair and looked at Chaya. “You ready, honey?”
“Not really,” Chaya said calmly. “I don’t like how the two of you are railroading her. I think I’ll stick around and play referee.”
“Thank you, Chaya.” Janey smiled tightly. “But I know how to fight my own battles when someone’s not holding the threat of a gun to my brother’s head.”
Natches tightened, the reference hard to miss. Yeah, Dayle had made certain she understood exactly what stepping out of line meant.
“You should have told me he was threatening you with me,” he growled.
She shrugged. “My bad.”
“Your bad?” He blinked back at her, anger glittering in his eyes. “What the hell is up with you?”
“Me.” She stared back at him, her lips firm, her gaze steady as she breathed heavily. “I’m tired of this, Natches. This isn’t my home. No matter how much I want it to be, it’s not going to happen. Now’s a damned good time to accept that.”
“Hell, Natches,” Alex drawled. “I finally met a Mackay that knows how to quit. Now, here’s one for the record books. Congratulations.”
His gaze never wavered from her.
“Looks that way, doesn’t it?” she retorted coolly. “You can leave, too, by the way. I don’t think your services are required anymore.”
“My services?” His brows arched. “Well now, ain’t that too bad. But we can discuss that little particular after your brother leaves.” His gaze moved to Natches then. “Or not. All according to how pissed off he wants to get tonight, I guess.”
Chaya rose from the couch. “Yes, time for us to leave, honey.” She caught Natches’s hand as he glowered at Alex. “Now, Natches.”
“We’re going to discuss this,” he warned Alex.
“Uh-huh. Add it to the rest of the subjects you’ve warned me we’re going to discuss. I’m sure I’ll get around to it later.”
Janey watched, forcing back the trembling in her hands, feeling it settle in her stomach as her brother and sister-in-law left. Slowly. Natches was angry, but for once he was reining that anger in. That didn’t bode well for her. Alex didn’t move from where he leaned against the wall. His head tilted, his gaze growing curious as the door closed, and he reached out and slid the locks home.
“I asked you to leave as well,” she told him, keeping her voice low, the quiver out of it.
“You sure did.” He nodded his head slowly.
“Then why are you still standing here?”
“Because my dick’s still hard,” he answered her. “You made some pretty heavy promises tonight, Janey.” He straightened slowly. “We’ll see to those first. Then we’ll discuss that insanity you just spouted about going back to California.”
A shiver raced up her spine as he took a step toward her.
“I changed my mind about the supposed promises.” She tried to sneer. “Sorry, Alex. Go find blondie; I’m sure she’ll take care of that hard-on for you.”
He smiled. And that smile sent a nervous reaction shuddering through her so hard that this time, her hands did tremble. Her pussy quivered. Her clit became so hard, so sensitive, she swore the rasp of her panties was going to cause her to come as the reaction punched into her womb.
He looked wild. Sexy. Dangerous.
“Doesn’t work that way,” he growled. “Oh, baby, not even in your wildest dreams does it work that way.”
His arm snaked around her waist, jerked her to him. His hand cupped her neck, holding her in place. “Now I’ll just show you exactly how it does work.”