SIX
Rule number one: He was too damned old for her.
Rule number two: He was too damned hard for a virgin, because nothing in his life had ever been as difficult as taking her nipples with slow precision.
He’d wanted to devour. He wanted to suck her hard and deep into his mouth, nip those tiny hard points and hold her to the couch while he buried his cock hard and deep between her thighs.
Rule number three: Never, ever get emotionally involved with a woman. And it was obvious she made him weak. Otherwise, he’d have never held on to that restraint.
Alex felt like a drowning man a week later as he paced his own house, waiting on evening to fall so he could slip back into her apartment. Ray and Rowdy’s suggestion that Alex keep his presence at the apartment as secretive as possible made sense. But it left the whole day without her. He had no reason to linger around her, and no chance to figure out the enigma of Janey.
And he was no closer to figuring out who had left those letters than he had been a week ago.
He stopped pacing long enough to refill his coffee cup and rub at his thigh. Hell, it still ached, even a month later. The bullet that had torn into the muscle and nearly shredded it had been a bad fucker. Bad enough that Alex had put in for extended leave. Time enough to consider if he was returning or not.
He could cash out now with full benefits, no problem. He’d been in the Army since he was eighteen. He could take six months’ active reserve and retire at thirty-eight. He’d been thinking too damned much about retiring lately.
Police Chief Harding was making a bit of noise about retiring, and Alex had already been approached about taking the position when he stepped down. Hell, it would beat dodging terrorist bullets and bombs and putting his ass in the line of fire continually.
He had a little niece or nephew coming in a few months. He’d like to have time to be an uncle. He didn’t consider becoming a father himself. Not Alex. Hell no. He’d raised his sister, Crista, and swore at the time he’d never risk having kids himself. Shit happened, then your kids had to fend for themselves. Protect themselves.
He ran one hand over his head before rubbing wearily at the back of his neck. More and more often, he was thinking about shit he had no business thinking of. Especially in the past six months. Things like Janey, round with his kid. And this after telling himself all the reasons he had no intentions of having kids with any woman. Things like waking up in the morning, his arms around her. And Alex wasn’t the type to enjoy sleeping with a woman. Fucking her, yes; playing bed games all fucking night long, he was all for it. But he didn’t sleep as well with a woman in his arms.
Now each night he checked on Janey, turned the television off in her room, and risked that hissing cat taking a swipe at him as he pulled the blankets around her, he found himself wanting to curl around her. He wanted to hold her while she slept, because she didn’t seem to sleep well.
At the sound of a car pulling into the drive, Alex moved to the window and looked out, a grin tugging at his lips as he saw Dawg and Crista.
He leaned against the window frame and watched as Dawg helped Crista from the passenger side of the truck. Dawg frowned. Shook his head. Then a male grimace of frustration pulled at his expression, before he leaned against the truck as Crista headed to the front door.
His sister looked maternal and happy. The baby bulge of her stomach gave her a cute little almost waddle. He’d considered teasing her about it, but damn, her temper had been a little iffy lately.
He moved to the door and opened it as she stepped up to the porch. Dawg lifted his hand in greeting, though he was still scowling.
“Dawg’s not allowed to come in and play today?” Alex laughed as Crista stepped into the house.
Crista ducked her head and hid her smile as Alex closed the door behind her.
“Dawg’s been playing games again.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s already avoided Natches’s fist this morning. I don’t want to risk you two fighting.”
“Wouldn’t be a lot of fight to it, sis,” he promised her, kissing her cheek. “Want me to make you some decaf coffee?”
It was a tease. Crista hated decaf coffee. She glared at him for his efforts. “Don’t start with me, Alex.”
He held his hands up in surrender as he laughed. “So why is Dawg stuck outside while you visit me?”
Alex had a feeling his sister hadn’t just dropped by to check on him.
“How’s your leg doing? Did you go to the doctor this week yet?” she asked as she moved to the fridge, opened the door, and checked it out. She moved to the cabinets next. “You need groceries, Alex.”
“I went to the doctor,” he reported. “The leg is healing. And I haven’t exactly been at the house a lot this week. I’ve been eating out.”
She turned to face him, crossing her arms over her breasts and resting them on the bulge of her stomach as she leaned back against the counter. Her brow creased thoughtfully.
She finally nodded. “Janey’s a good cook. Maybe she’ll fatten you up some.”
Alex’s brows arched. “Janey doesn’t cook.”
Crista’s lips twitched. “She’s an excellent cook. The weeks she stayed with us, I swear I gained ten pounds.”
Alex scratched his jaw. “She doesn’t cook for me.”
“You probably pissed her off,” she teased him. “What did you do to her?”
Alex stared back at her. “Don’t fish, Crista. Get it off your chest.”
Crista nibbled at her lip. “Are you sleeping with her?”
“Would she cook for me if I were?”
She rolled her expressive eyes. “Probably. Dawg’s convinced you’re sleeping with her.”
“It’s none of Dawg’s business.”
“Janey’s vulnerable, Alex.”
“Crista, are you here to warn me out of Janey’s bed?” He frowned back at her. “Because if you are, then I think I’d rather visit with Dawg. I can hit him if he pisses me off.”
“Which is why I’m in here instead of Dawg,” Crista pointed out.
“And it’s the reason why you can trot your little butt right back out there with him,” he told her. “For Christ’s sake. I wouldn’t tell you if I was sleeping with her. It’s none of your business. Do I question you about your sex life?”
It was bad enough that he knew she had one. And even worse that she had one with one of the wildest men in the county.
“Well, she’s not cooking for you, so obviously you’re not exactly in her good graces.” Crista laughed back at him. “So I don’t have to worry about Natches castrating you and ending the Jansen line forever. Right?”
Alex stared back at her broodingly.
“You’re not going to sleep with her, right, Alex?”
Sleeping wasn’t exactly what he had on his mind. “I wasn’t making any hard and fast plans in that direction,” he finally said, sliding past the question. “Stop interrogating me before I call Cranston and let him know how damned good you are at it.”
She was still watching him worriedly. “I talked to Janey this morning.”
His brow arched. “Oh yeah?” Exactly how close were Janey and Crista?
“She hedged, too.”
Alex ignored her and walked back to the coffeepot, where he refilled his cup before turning back to stare at her.
If there was one person in this world that Alex allowed himself to love, then it was this woman. His baby sister. She was everything that was good and right in his world. Damn if he wanted to hurt her, but she was poking her nose in too deep here.
“I don’t want you and Natches to fight,” Crista told him firmly. “I wouldn’t be happy, Alex.”
He set the coffee cup on the counter and tightened his lips. “Fine. I’ll castrate Dawg. Since sisters are all off-limits here, I think I’m about due my pound of flesh.” He nodded to the bulge of her stomach. “A lot of years overdue, Crista. Dawg didn’t exactly do you any favors when you were eighteen, but I let him live.”
A shadow of pain crossed her face. The night she had spent with Dawg when she was eighteen had resulted in another pregnancy. A child she had lost. It had nearly destroyed her, and caused her to leave home for almost eight years.
The fact that Dawg had been too damned drunk to even realize what the hell he had done hadn’t mattered. The son of a bitch should have kept his head enough to leave her alone. But Crista had been an adult. Alex had raised her to be an adult. And as angry as he had been over it, in some ways, Alex had known the other man cared more for her than he had let on.
“You’re fourteen years older than she is,” Crista finally said hesitantly. “Janey hasn’t had a chance to live yet, Alex.”
“Enough.”
“Alex, I know you,” she said softly. “I can see it in your face. Something’s going on, and I’m afraid it could end up hurting all of us.”
“Only if Natches decides to make me his business.” He stared back at her implacably.
“Janey’s his business,” she warned him. “I heard him and Dawg talking, Alex. He’s not stupid. He knows something’s going on.”
“Crista, go home with your husband.” He picked up his cup and moved to the sink, rinsing it out before laying it in the bowl. “Take care of Dawg and that little niece or nephew of mine and stay out of this. Natches and I can deal with each other without your interference.”
“You’re all my family now, Alex,” she whispered, hurt filling her tone. “I know you and Natches both. He’s just got Janey back in his life. He’s like a father with her. He’s already so full of guilt that he couldn’t make things easier for her that it eats at him. And we both know you’re not in love with her. If you have an affair with her and walk away like you always do, then you’ll deserve the fight he brings you.”
“Crista, go home.”
He wasn’t fighting with his pregnant sister, and he damned sure wasn’t going to let the anger building inside him erupt against her. When the hell had the Mackays decided he had nothing more to do than use a tender, vulnerable virgin and then toss her aside like garbage? When had his own fucking sister decided to go along with it?
“Alex . . .”
“Do you think I haven’t tried to stay the fuck away from her?” The words tore from him as he faced her, watching her eyes widen in surprise. “Do you think I got up one morning and planned to have a king-sized hard-on for that woman, Crista? What the hell is in your mind? Since when do you take me for some bastard that doesn’t give a damn who he hurts?”
Her lips parted. “You are sleeping with her?”
“I’m not sleeping with her, Crista,” he bit out. “Do you want me to swear I’m not going to sleep with her?”
She breathed out slowly. “Could you?”
“Not in this lifetime.” He shook his head, knowing it was only a matter of time. “And Natches will just have to deal with it if it happens. Won’t he?”
She stared back at him in surprise. “Are you . . . in love with her?” she asked hesitantly, then grimaced at the scathing look he tossed her. “Ah yeah. Forgot. Love doesn’t exist for Alex Jansen.” Then she grinned. And that grin was enough to make a smart man run for the hills.
Unfortunately, Alex was too pissed to be smart. It was bad enough the Mackays thought he was some bastard without morals, but his sister?
“Crista. Look. I have things to do, and making my pregnant baby sister cry isn’t one of them,” he assured her in irritation. “So why don’t you go home with your husband, and stop worrying about Janey.”
Her expression, surprisingly, brightened. She straightened from the counter, walked around the room, and before he could stop her she grabbed his wrists and burrowed against his chest.
Hell. He hugged her. Because she was his sister and she’d got him used to her hugs while she was still in diapers. Sometimes he even missed them.
“You know I love you, Alexander Jansen,” she whispered as he let his arms tighten around her, just a little bit. “And you are the best brother in the world.”
He grunted at that. “Yeah, well. You’re not bad for a sister either.” He kissed the top of her head and let her go, shaking his head at her moods as she left the house and moved along the walk to where her husband was cooling his heels at the truck.
Alex watched and almost chuckled. The fierce, devil-may-care Dawg Mackay was a fool for his wife. And it was a damned good thing; otherwise Alex really would have killed him.
Crista let Dawg help her into the truck, snapping her seat belt as he loped around the front of the vehicle and then stepped into the driver’s side.
“Well, at least you’re not crying.” He sighed as he started the truck and pulled out of the drive. “You still should have let me go in. I could have at least made him mad before we left.”
Crista chuckled. “He has enough problems.”
“How do you figure?” He cast her a wary glance. “What kind of problems?”
“I’m not telling you.” She laughed.
“Why not?” He glowered back at her. “We don’t have secrets, Crista. Remember?”
Her lips twitched. “I’m not telling you, Dawg.”
“Why?” he demanded incredulously. “I keep your secrets real good.”
“But this is Alex’s secret.”
He frowned. “He’s sleeping with her?”
“He’s definitely not sleeping with her.”
“He’s doing something besides sleeping with her?” He slid her a look from the corner of his eyes. “Things Natches would go ape shit over?”
“Nope.” She shook her head.
“Then what’s the secret?”
She leaned closer and grinned. “That’s for me to know, and you to convince me to tell.”
Immediately, lust slammed into him, seared his guts and tightened his balls. Okay, he could play with that one.
“I’ll make you scream it,” he decided. “Oh, baby. This one will be fun.”
“I’ll never tell,” she drawled.
“Ah, a challenge?” He headed for home. “I can deal with that. Now let’s see if you can.”
He knew a variety of ways of making his wife talk. And he knew she loved every damned one of them. Yeah, Dawg was so good when he was bad.
Janey slipped from her apartment that evening, made her way to the restaurant office, then sneaked back out the back door and onto the next street. She ducked into the pizza shop there and called a cab, waited impatiently until it pulled up outside, and then she was out of there.
Alex was due to arrive at dark, and it was almost that now. It was edging past five and she had agreed to meet Rogue at the bar outside of town at six. She would be a little early, but it would be worth it. She had a feeling Alex wasn’t going to be all about letting her go barhopping with Rogue.
Strangely, despite the fact that Rogue had been injured six months ago because of the information she’d overheard in the investigation against Dayle Mackay, the other woman had still sought her out.
Rogue had come to the restaurant several times, made her friends come. All that leather in one place could be a bit intimidating, but Janey had liked her friends. The big rough-and-tough biker types. The ones Rogue rode with had hearts of gold, even if they were hard-talking and just as hard-drinking.
With her long red gold hair and violet eyes, Rogue wasn’t a woman Janey would have imagined enjoyed the crowd she ran with. But there was no doubt she did.
She and Rogue had shared lunch several times in the restaurant before it opened, talking about Dayle and Nadine Mackay. Talking about Somerset. Rogue was better than a psychologist. And she had a way of getting to the heart of a matter without asking a single question.
Rogue reminded Janey a lot of herself, too. She wasn’t the touchy-feely type, so Janey didn’t have to worry about that. But she was fun, she liked to laugh, and Janey had never really had friends before. She could have friends now, she thought, as she paid the cabdriver nearly a half hour later and entered the bar. She had that option and she intended to take advantage of it.
“You’re early.” Rogue looked up in surprise from the bar where she was sitting. “And here I was afraid you wouldn’t make it at all.”
“I told you I wouldn’t cancel out this time.” Janey slid onto the barstool beside her friend and looked at the bartender. “A beer please? Very cold.”
He nodded and turned away.
“Yeah, you said you’d be here,” Rogue agreed. “But you’ve been really short on the phone when I call. I thought maybe you were rethinking our friendship.”
Rogue’s grin was knowing as she tipped her own beer to her lips and took a drink.
“It’s been hell week,” Janey muttered, gratefully accepting her beer and taking a long, cold drink.
Every night after dark, Alex arrived. The four days a week that the restaurant was open, he would wait in her office until she was finished for the night.
Those nights weren’t so bad. Once Fat Cat ate, she and the cat retired to her bedroom, where they watched the news, often going to sleep while watching.
Each morning she awoke and the television was off. Which meant Alex must have turned it off sometime in the night. And that only pissed her off more.
He hadn’t touched her again. He was quiet, often retreating to his own room, bringing his own food with him. He talked to her, very casually. Hell, one night they even discussed politics. Stupid frickin’ politics. And she was dying. Tossing and turning at night, dreaming of his touch, waking wet and hungry for him in a way she had never imagined being for a man.
A week. There were no more letters so far. Nothing had happened. She was throwing him out tonight. She’d already made that decision. When she got back, she was kicking him right out the door.
“It looks like hell week doesn’t describe it,” Rogue drawled. “Sweetie, you forgot the makeup. And the skirt.”
No kidding. She might have forgotten her brain in her rush to get away this evening.
“I was in a hurry.” Janey shrugged.
“You never get in too big a hurry for your makeup. Grab your beer. We’ll run upstairs and fix you up, then come back down after the band gets started.”
Janey grabbed her beer, but she wasn’t so sure about this.
“Do I look like a hag?” she asked the bartender as Rogue dragged her away.
“Naw, you look sweet.” He grinned. “Sweet don’t do well in here, sugar.”
Great. Now she looked sweet.
“What does he mean by that?” she asked as Rogue dragged her behind the bar and through the Employees Only-marked door.
“He means you look like a fresh-faced virgin.” Rogue laughed. “Virgins scare men, Janey. Big boys get all kinds of messed up when it comes to a virgin. So we’re going to liven you up some.”
“That’s a scary thought.” She sighed as Rogue dragged her up the stairs. “Liven me up?”
She didn’t want to look like a virgin. She didn’t want to act like a virgin. She wanted to have fun. To just be Janey. To let free all the bold, vibrant dreams she had held trapped inside her so long.
“Make sure you have fun?” Rogue threw her a laughing glance as they entered the small apartment upstairs. “Come on in. I think we even have some decent clothes.”
Janey looked down at her jeans and blouse. “What’s wrong with my clothes?” she exclaimed.
Rogue turned back, pursed her lips, and narrowed her eyes. “Janey, haven’t you ever wanted to be just a woman?” Rogue asked softly. “Not Natches’s sister, or Dayle Mackay’s daughter.” She grinned. “Or Alex Jansen’s responsibility?”
Janey stared back at Rogue suspiciously. “What do you mean by that?”
“Deny Alex is babysitting you right now,” she dared Janey. “Now, I doubt many people know about it. But I just happen”—she looked her nails smugly—“to be a little smarter than most people. Besides, I overheard a little comment Natches made to Dawg last week while I was out on the docks at a friend’s boat. Something about murder, babysitters, Janey, and Alex. I’m good at the whole two-and-two-equals-four thing.”
Janey hesitated.
Rogue smiled back at her. “I’m not asking questions. But a hundred bucks says we have three Mackays and one Jansen that walks in the bar tonight. Now tell me. What do you want them to see? A little girl waiting to be collected? Or a grown woman taking her life back?”
She craved to take her life back. Or rather, to have the life she always dreamed of having. One where she made her own choices, decided her own destiny.
Janey frowned back at her. “I’m not a little girl, Rogue.”
“No, you’re not.” Rogue’s expression hardened a bit. “But that’s how they see you, isn’t it?”
“How do you figure that?”
Rogue crossed her arms over the snug leather vest she wore in lieu of a blouse or shirt. “I know Alex, Janey. And I now his habits. He comes in wounded, finds himself a little plaything, and has hot and heavy fun while he’s home before he ships out again. Sometimes he finds a few women to play with. He’s as hard and sexual as any Mackay male. And no”—she grinned—“I haven’t fucked him. But what I know is that this time no one else has either. And I know he’s been staying in that apartment of yours with you, babysitting .” She rolled her eyes. “Since when are you a baby, honey?”
Janey’s lips thinned. “What’s in this for you, Rogue?” She wasn’t the trusting sort, no matter how much of a baby people wanted to think she was.
Rogue’s expression turned bitter for the slightest second before it smoothed out. “Because I’ve been where you are.” She turned and moved to the closet on the far side of the room. “I was sweet and innocent and thought everyone was a potential friend.” Long red gold curls moved across her back as she shook her head. “Someone taught me better.”
She pulled several hangers from the closet and turned back to her.
“Try these on.” She tossed the clothes to the bed. “You have a few more curves than I do. They’re loose on me, so they should fit. Daddy didn’t check for the correct sizes when he bought them.”
Janey tentatively touched the short leather skirt and brilliant red camisole. “Your daddy?” She looked at Rogue in shock.
“I do have a daddy.” Rogue laughed. “I wasn’t hatched, Janey.”
“But he bought these?” She held up the silky stretch camisole. It would be snug. Scandalous.
“He knows what I like.” Rogue shrugged. “Get dressed. I have stockings here somewhere. And I know I have heels. Let me find them.”
Rogue spoke fondly of her “daddy.” How odd would that be, Janey thought. To have a father who bought pretty clothes, provided affection and support. Whatever shadows lingered in Rogue’s eyes, they weren’t because her father didn’t love her. Janey knew from the few conversations she and Rogue had had that the other woman treasured her father.
As far as Janey was concerned, she herself hadn’t had a father. Or a mother really. She may as well have been hatched.
She stared at Rogue as the other woman moved into the closet, mumbling about her own clumsy habits.
Janey looked at the clothes again. The leather skirt was very short. To-her-thighs short at least. It would flash stockings. There would be no way to wear a bra with that top. Could she do it?
She had dreamed of wearing clothes like this. Of being confident, feminine. A female force to be reckoned with.
And Rogue was right. Before the night was out, her brother, her cousins, and one irate babysitter would enter that bar. Did she want to look like a child or a woman? Did she want to be herself, or the responsibility everyone else saw when they looked at her?
Hell no. For once, for one night, she was going to let all that wild freedom, all that need inside her, free. If Alex was going to come looking for her, then she’d make damned sure he found the real her this time.
“Do you have red heels?” Janey called out to Rogue.
Rogue popped her head out the closet, her eyes twinkling. “Honey, I have three different shades of red. But I thought you’d go for black.”
Janey shook her head. “If I’m gonna be bad, Rogue, let’s go all the way.”
Rogue’s eyes twinkled. “Now you’re talking. And you’ve come to the perfect source, sweetie. Rogue knows exactly how to be bad.” She winked, turned back into the closet, and, a second later, emerged with red shoes to match the top.
“Red stockings?” Rogue asked.
Janey shook her head. “Black. Net.”
Rogue pursed her lips in a soundless whistle. “Oh man. Things are definitely going to get interesting tonight.”