Chapter 39

Devolin

I knew what Dalton was getting at around the same time he uttered, “Fuck me!” into the curve of my neck, his fist clenching the pillow beside my head.

We hadn’t reached for a condom.

Feathering my fingers through his hair, I kissed his temple. “It’s okay.” It sounded hesitant, but I hoped that it was reassuring enough. “I uh…I—”

“You’re on something?” Dalton said, lifting his head expectantly.

I shook my head in response, biting my bottom lip. “Not exactly.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “Then what, exactly?”

“I can’t get pregnant,” I confessed, turning away from his gaze.

I hadn’t planned on telling him like this. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the fact that getting pregnant would be like winning the lottery for me. That it was damn well near impossible.

I could feel Dalton’s gaze boring into the side of my face. Being the man that I knew he was, he was assessing how to approach the conversation at hand. His doing so had tears filling my eyes. Tears for me. Tears for any relationships I would end up having, because surely Dalton wouldn’t want to stay, and every other man after him would pale in comparison and leave me alone with my inadequacy. The tears were also for Dalton. If he so chose to stay with me, he’d be denied a proper legacy.

That’s if he even wants kids, Dev.

Regardless, I was defective.

Less of a woman.

What man would want that?

Stuck in my own head, the touch of Dalton’s hand on the side of my face, tilting it to force our eyes to connect, had me back in the here and now.

“Sweetheart?” His eyes were filled with sadness, but not the pity I expected to see.

“I can’t have kids,” I repeated, my voice hoarse. “After two bouts of leukemia and the chemo, they said that there might be a possibility that everything would be okay,” I explained. “But when my period became more and more irregular…They’d warned my mother and I that if that happened, that the likelihood of getting pregnant would be slim to none. Then there’s the anemia and the lupus. Did you know that you can get that from too much chemo?”

Dalton simply shook his head, no.

I didn’t realize that I was full out crying until his hands were cupping my face, thumbs brushing at the tears.

“I want kids,” he whispered against my lips, his eyes never wavering from mine. “But I want you more.”

“But—”

His fingers covered my lips. “Sweetheart, I want you more,” he reiterated. “I’ll always want you. Your being able to give us babies isn’t a deal breaker for us, Devolin.”

“Don’t you want a kid with your blue eyes? That dark hair? A boy you could teach…I don’t know…how to skip rocks on a pond, how to fish, hunt, how to be a good man like you?”

Dalton’s soft smile made me feel a little smidgen of hope. “All of that can be taught to any kid, baby.” He smiled. “As for the dark hair and the blue eyes? If I were to picture a kid, a biological one, I’d picture a little girl with your auburn hair, in pigtails and black ribbons because pink isn’t her thing.” This made my lips hitch up slightly at the edges. “Our little girl would be as hilarious as her mother, and tough as nails like her old man.”

“Kip,” I whispered.

“No.” He was adamant. “This is heavy shit we’re talking about first thing in the morning, but we’re done with this subject for the time being.” He kissed my forehead. “Right now, I want you out of your head.” He trailed his lips gingerly down to my cheek. I could feel him rising to attention inside me. “I want to make love to you,” he whispered over my lips. “I want to tell my woman I love her and watch her face change like it is right now.”

I melted into the mattress at his words. My eyes filled with tears once more. Ones of joy this time. I’d heard him say those words before, but this time…this time, I knew he meant them with all his worth. I could see his emotions swirling in his dark baby blues, the conviction in his face. I heard the sincerity in his voice. He hadn’t thrown those words at me before, and he certainly wasn’t now.

“How…” I struggled with getting the words out. “I…” I tried again. Sucking in a deep breath, I gave it all I had. “I love you too, Kip.” My voice came out shaky, but it held the depth of my feelings for him. “I’m terrified that this is all happening so fast, but I can’t help the way I feel.”

“Say it again,” he pleaded, voice gone gruff.

Grabbing on to the sides of his face, I anchored my eyes to his. “I love you.” His dick flexed inside me, making me grin.

“I fucking love that you gave me those words while I was buried deep inside you.” This caused me to giggle. Humor shone in his eyes, even as his expression softened. “Sweetheart, I don’t give a shit if anyone thinks it’s fast. For all intents and purposes, and from where I’m standing, what’s going on between us has been a year in the making. It felt right a year ago, and that feeling’s only gotten stronger since you fell into my life again.”

I agreed with him. There’d been something that set Dalton apart from the rest of the team that night when we worked together to find Morgan. The pull I felt toward him never faded. If anything, it had intensified. Giving into him, into this version of us, had been the only option. As it turns out, the smartest decision I’d ever made for myself, too.