Chapter Sixteen
THE MORNING SUN beat down on the basket in the center of the table, illuminating the slips of papers and napkins, giving weight and importance to the snippets of words that had spoken to Sky’s heart so perfectly that she was sure each one was meant just for her. Her mind was still reveling in the aftermath of making love to Sawyer, and she couldn’t help but wonder once more if he’d written them. He’d spent the night again and had gone running an hour ago. She missed him already. She’d thought about asking him about the papers in the basket before he left for his run, but they’d had such a wonderful evening and morning that she didn’t want to take a chance of ruining it.
She pushed the basket farther away and turned her attention back to her poetry book, but her eyes refused to remain on the page and shifted to the basket again. She pulled it closer, staring at the darn thing like it was going to do something. She almost wished it would, instead of feeling like a giant question mark.
The worst part was that it wasn’t just the stupid basket that had her tied in knots. Last night, when she’d opened herself up to Sawyer—she’d felt her feelings for him bloom so large she’d nearly said she loved him. Loved him! She’d never been in love before. Could she fall in love and still need answers about something like a silly basket of notes? And was it fair of her not to want to watch him fight when he gave so much of himself so freely?
Sky heard Jenna laughing and looked across the quad, glad for the distraction from her thoughts.
Bella and Amy were shaking their heads as Jenna tugged at the hem of her dress, which even from a distance Sky could see was way too tight. Bella grabbed Amy’s arm and pulled her toward Sky’s cottage. They both waved. Jenna trailed behind them, still tugging at her dress. The way the bright morning sun was shining down on them, they really did look as though they each had a pregnancy glow. Their cheeks were fuller, their eyes brighter. Sky wasn’t ready for babies, but she couldn’t deny that seeing her friends so happily in love brought her thoughts to places she hadn’t considered before.
“She’s reading again,” Bella said as she stepped onto the deck and sat beside Sky.
“She’s mooning,” Jenna said as she wiggled her hips. “Sky, what do you think of this dress? Does it still work for me? Bella says it’s too small, but I think it’s kind of sexy.”
Amy placed her hand on Sky’s shoulder and squeezed as Sky tried to figure out how to tell Jenna that her spaghetti-strap dress was too tight across her boobs and her hips and made her look a little like a bowling pin.
“Jenna, how does it feel?” Sky asked, hoping Jenna would say something like, A little tight, giving her an opening to agree.
Jenna ran her hands down her hips and wiggled. How on earth she managed to look sexy in that dress was beyond Sky, but when she swayed her hips from side to side, she did.
“Hot. Sizzling hot.” Jenna raised her brows, her blue eyes wide with delight.
Amy pulled Jenna into a chair. “Sit your hot bod down before you set the place on fire.”
“Wait. I want Sky’s opinion. Sky?” Jenna pushed.
“I think you always look hot,” Sky said honestly. “It’s a little tight, but if you feel good in it…”
“A little tight?” Jenna frowned. “I was kind of hoping you’d say that these two preggos were wrong. They want me to go maternity clothes shopping, and I want to look sexy for Pete. I don’t think I’ll be my hot and sexy self in maternity clothes.” She fluttered her lashes like she was teasing, but Sky knew Jenna probably did worry about those things.
“Pete would think you were sexy wearing a muumuu,” Sky assured her. “He adores you.”
Bella pulled a few pieces of paper from the basket and silently read one after another, and Sky’s stomach knotted with each one. She shouldn’t have brought the basket home. She didn’t know what it meant that Sawyer said he wasn’t the P-town poet, but the more she tried to let it go, the more she wanted answers to how his words had ended up in Cree’s hands.
“Petey does, doesn’t he?” Jenna said happily. “I guess it’s time to go maternity clothes shopping after all.”
“Why do you listen to Sky and not to us?” Amy asked.
“Because you and Bella just want to go buy more clothes and drag me along. Sky has no vested interest in shopping for maternity clothes.”
“You’re so weird. We’d never lead you astray.” Amy leaned across the table and put her face close to Jenna’s. “We love you, you goofnut. We want you to look great, too. You’re just not used to having a belly.” Amy sat back and patted her stomach. “I love being pregnant. I can’t wait to meet our little one.”
“Enough baby talk. We have a single friend who looks freshly sexed-up, and she’s got a basket full of love notes,” Bella said. “So, Sky, did Sawyer stay up all night writing you these love notes and then give you that fresh glow, or did the writing come after the superfab love session?” Bella read from a slip of paper, “Fire in my belly, you in my soul.”
Freshly sexed-up? She could say that again. Just thinking about the way Sawyer touched her brought a rush of heat to her cheeks. She thought about how sexy he looked when he came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel before his run, his hair wet and adorably tousled from his shower. He kept a gym bag in his car, and when he’d changed into his running shorts, memories of how aroused he’d been the other morning in a similar pair of shorts had swept through her, making her want him all over again. She’d had to fight the urge to beg him to come back to bed—and his scorching-hot goodbye kiss hadn’t made it any easier.
“Sky?” Bella nudged her.
Sky tore her eyes from the basket and pushed her book aside.
“Sorry. I spaced out.” She exhaled a sigh that sounded overly swoony and a little embarrassing.
Amy patted Sky’s hand. “You’re so cute when you blush.”
Sky rolled her eyes and smiled. “I don’t know if he wrote those. My suspicion is that he did, and I’m going to ask him when he gets back from his run.”
Amy pressed her hand to her belly. “Ohmygosh. Baby surfer is kicking.”
“Baby surfer?” Bella laughed. “We really need to pick names.”
“We already know our baby’s name,” Jenna said proudly. “Bea for Pete’s mom or Neil for his dad.”
“You’re…” Sky swallowed past the lump that instantly filled her throat. “You’re thinking of using our mom’s name?”
“Oh, Sky.” Jenna’s brows knitted together. “We just talked about it last night. We should have asked you first. I don’t want to take your baby names.”
“I’ve never thought about baby names, but, Jenna…” She looked away, blinking tears from her eyes. “I love that you guys thought of our mom. If you have a girl, it would mean a lot if you named your baby after her.”
“Really?” Jenna asked. “But you’re tearing up.”
Sky fanned her eyes to dry them. “I just miss her. Sometimes it hits me. I wish she were still here. I think it’s Sawyer. If she were here, I could tell her all the things I was feeling and she’d put it all into perspective.”
Amy wrapped Sky in her arms. “Honey, there’s no perspective when it comes to matters of the heart. If anyone knows that, I do.”
“But I’m so confused about everything, and I’m sure you guys were never this confused.” She wiped her eyes and watched her friends exchange looks like she’d said something crazy.
“We were all confused,” Bella said. “I drove back home and almost didn’t come back to the Cape, but in the end I couldn’t imagine life without Caden and Evan.”
“Why are you confused?” Jenna asked. “Did something bad happen last night?”
“No, something wonderful. Really wonderful. The whole night was like a dream come true, but that’s the problem.”
“Sky, that’s what love is all about. It’s full of hopes and dreams and makes you feel like you’re walking among the clouds one minute and drowning the next.” Amy reached for her again, holding her tight. She stroked Sky’s back and said, “Tell us what’s wrong. We’re not your mom, but we care, and we can help.”
Sky tried to gain control of her rampant emotions, thankful for the women who had opened their hearts to her at a time when she was hurting—when she’d first returned to the Cape and found out about her father’s drinking—and welcomed her into their lives without question. These were the sisters she’d never had, and she knew they’d do all they could to fill the gap her mother had left behind.
She drew in a steadying breath and tried to put words to what was whirling around in her mind.
“Well, for starters, love? I don’t know if this is love.” Is it? “That’s part of the problem. When I’m with him I feel so much, but this is like a bullet train. I haven’t really ever dated anyone seriously, and almost overnight I’m head over heels for Sawyer. Last night he and his boxing buddies sang at this bar. Get this. They’re the A Cappella Boys. It was really funny, but do you know what it was like watching these powerful men sing to each other like lovers?”
“Maybe they are,” Jenna said with an arched brow.
“No, they’re not,” Sky responded with a soft laugh. “They’re so different from when they’re at the gym. When I met his friends in the gym, they were intimidating. All sharp edges and bruiser-like. And then they smiled, and the harshness softened, but the underlying power and some kind of darkness was still there. Like…like coffee brewing, when the steam lifts and lowers the lid of the pot. You know what I mean?”
“Oh yeah. I know what that looks like,” Jenna said. “Have you ever seen Grayson and Pete get into it over something? They don’t do it often, but sometimes they push each other’s buttons and I have to walk away.”
“Right. Same thing. Anyway, away from the gym and the testosterone that must fill their lungs in that place, they were just these guys who laughed and sang like they’d never lift a hand to hurt a soul.”
“So this all wraps back to Sawyer and his fighting?” Bella asked.
“No, I don’t think so. I think this has to do with me and my selfishness—and that stupid basket. Sawyer is doing this huge title fight to win money to take care of his dad’s medical bills, and it doesn’t get more chivalrous than that, right? He sank his savings into buying a beach house that had been in his family for generations but his parents had to sell a long time ago. I mean, it’s obvious that Sawyer has the biggest heart on the planet. He’s got the fight of his life coming up, and all I can think about is how hard it would be to watch him and how I don’t want to go. And that kind of makes me a witch, right?” Before they could answer she added, “I met his friend Brock’s sisters, and one of them fights, too. A girl! Fighting! She can fight and I can’t even watch? What is that about?” She still couldn’t picture Jana’s cute little figure in a boxing ring.
“Well, first of all, lots of girls fight,” Bella said. “You really have lived a sheltered life. How do you not know about sports? You grew up in a house full of guys.”
“Because she was always outside in her art studio,” Jenna said. “I totally get it. Was she all muscles or feminine?”
“Cute as a button. I loved her, and her sister, and their brothers. I loved them all, and Jana and Harper, Brock’s sisters, and I exchanged numbers. Jana offered to help me learn self-defense, but I don’t know.”
“I wanna go,” Bella said. “That would be awesome, learning to defend ourselves.”
Amy dropped her eyes to Bella’s belly. “You cannot fight with baby handcuffs inside you.”
“Baby handcuffs?” Jenna laughed.
“Well, Caden is a police officer,” Amy explained.
“I don’t want to fight now,” Bella said. “But I think there’s definitely something cool about being able to defend yourself.”
Amy waved a dismissive hand. “Our men will defend us.”
“See?” Sky said. “That’s another thing that I’m confused about. I really love being taken care of by Sawyer.”
“Every woman loves to be taken care of,” Jenna agreed.
“I don’t think so. It annoys the heck out of me lately when my brothers do it.”
“Of course it does.” Amy rubbed her belly and smiled. “They’re your brothers, not your lovers. They’re keeping men at bay from their baby sister. Sawyer’s protecting his woman.”
“It all goes back to the Neanderthal days,” Bella said.
“No way. I’m not some weak woman who wants to be dragged around by my hair by a grunting animal killer. Gosh, you guys. This is another thing. With Sawyer, I’m…” She lowered her voice, and they all leaned in toward the center of the table. “I’m so sexual. Like I can’t get enough of him.”
“Primal.” Bella nodded adamantly. She tucked her hair behind her ear and said, “You can say you don’t want all that, but that’s bull. Every woman likes to be taken, consensually, of course, by their man. Not by any man, but by the one special man who makes your body turn to liquid heat and your mind go all mushy.”
Sky rested her head back on the chair and closed her eyes. “You’re telling me it’s normal? Because it feels foreign.”
“Good foreign or bad foreign?” Amy asked.
Sky’s chin tipped forward, and she leveled a serious stare on Amy. “The sinfully good type. The kind that makes me want to try out Bella’s fluffy pink handcuffs and practically had me begging Sawyer to play with Jenna’s scarf last night.”
“Ha! Yes! You go, girl!” Jenna gave her a high five.
“That’s the most delicious kind of carnal desire,” Bella said. “And he’s poetic? Sky. I think you might have found your ideal man.”
“Except if that’s true, then why can’t I convince myself to watch him fight? I feel like I’m not being supportive, and I see it in his eyes, his worry over my thoughts about his fighting,” Sky explained.
“Well, you’re not a witch, that’s for sure, but I do think you should try to watch him fight,” Jenna said. “It’s not like he’s out on the street beating up strangers. It’s his career, and one he’s apparently really good at, from what Petey says. We could go with you.”
“Or you could go see Jana fight first. Is that her name?” Amy asked. “Maybe if you see a girl doing it you’ll feel different?”
“Maybe,” Sky relented.
She eyed the basket. “And that stupid basket? I don’t know if he wrote all that stuff or not, but I have to find out. It’s like an itch that won’t go away.”
Tony and Sawyer came into view, jogging around the bend down by the pool. Sawyer’s broad shoulders and shredded abs glistened with sweat. His powerful thighs bulged with every step. How was she supposed to think clearly now? His eyes lifted and immediately found hers, and a smile spread across his handsome face.
The universe had served up a creative, smart, caring, and emotional man who made her head spin, and the more time she spent with him, the harder she fell. But how could she expect him to feel for her what she felt for him if she didn’t give him the same unconditional support he gave her?
As he stepped onto the deck and reached for her hand, surrounded by the people she loved most, she knew what she had to do. She had to watch him fight.
SAWYER’S HEART HAMMERED against his chest as he and Tony joined the girls on the deck, but it wasn’t their run that had every ounce of his body aflame. It was his sweet summer Sky and the emotions radiating from her smiling eyes.
She laced her fingers with his and said, “I’m glad you found a running mate.”
As he leaned in for a kiss, Amy and Jenna said, “Aww.”
“She’s hard to resist,” he said honestly. “I caught up with Tony across Route 6.”
“It was nice to get to know your new beau, Sky,” Tony said as he rubbed Amy’s belly, then bent to kiss her. “We ran down to the bay and stopped by Kurt and Leanna’s. Leanna’s business has really taken off. She’s hiring more summer help, and she can’t really come back to Seaside until she’s got that under control. They aren’t sure when they’ll be back.”
Sky rose to her feet. “Sawyer, why don’t you sit down and I’ll sit on your lap.”
He did, and stole a kiss while he was at it.
“You guys are so cute,” Amy said, then looked up at Tony. “Was Leanna doing okay?”
“I think she’s working too hard,” Tony answered. “She looked exhausted, and I know she misses you guys. She said she wished she could move Seaside to the bay so she could walk outside and see everyone.”
“That would be amazing, wouldn’t it?” Amy said. “The more Tony and I have thought about it, the more we’re leaning toward buying on the bay. Then we could live there over the colder months and here in the spring and summer.”
Sawyer gathered Sky’s hair over one shoulder and said, “I can see why she misses you. You’re like one big family—without the fighting.”
“You are supercute,” Jenna said. “Really, look at you playing with her hair.”
Sawyer laughed. “She’s supercute. I’m just lusting after her.” He wrapped an arm around Sky’s waist. “I had no idea that you knew Kurt Remington. I’ve read all of his books.”
“You like thrillers?” Sky asked. “I learn something new about you every day.”
“I like lots of books. Thrillers, poetry, even cookbooks. I make a killer soufflé.”
Tony winced. “Dude, you shouldn’t admit that.”
“Looks like someone’s got mail.” Sawyer pointed down the street to the mail truck pulling up in front of Amy and Tony’s cottage.
“Again?” Amy looked up at Tony. “Did you order anything?”
Tony shook his head. “I’ll go see what’s up.”
Everyone except Bella watched the mailman pull a hand truck loaded with pink boxes up the center of the gravel road. Sky couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Tony pointed to Theresa’s house and then joined them on the deck again.
“He must have had seven boxes from Eve’s Adult Playhouse for Theresa with our address,” Tony said with a wrinkled brow. “What’s up with that?”
They all looked at Bella, who held up her hands in surrender. “What?” She pushed to her feet and hurried from the deck toward the quad.
“Wait for us!” Jenna hollered as she and Amy went after her.
“This can’t be good.” Tony went after them.
“Where are they going?” Sawyer asked.
“Every summer Bella pranks Theresa, the property manager. Last summer she changed all the pictures in Theresa’s house to pictures of Bradley Cooper and had one of Caden’s police officer friends pretend that they’d had a complaint about stalking.”
“Are you serious?” Sawyer laughed.
“Yes. Then Theresa brought Bradley Cooper—the real Bradley Cooper—to their wedding! It’s really funny, but I’m sure at some point Theresa’s not going to be so cool about it.”
“Do you want to go with them?” Sawyer asked.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. “Nope. I’d rather stay right here. How about you? Do you need to leave for the club?”
“I told Roach last night I’d be late. We’re meeting at ten.” He eyed the basket on the table. “Were you thinking of getting another tattoo?”
Sky’s smile faltered. “Actually, I wanted to show you these.” She pulled the basket closer, and she rose to her feet and moved toward the chair beside him.
He touched her hips and said, “Stay with me. I’m already going to miss you when we’re apart today. Let me feel you close for a little while longer.”
She sank down to his lap. “Okay.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and began taking the papers out of the basket. “I wanted you to see these.”
“The tattoos you’ve done?” He sat up and looked over the papers she was laying out before them. His gut clenched as he read each one. Fire in my belly, you in my soul. Wandering through life, wanting, waiting, reaching for more. Every word made the hair on the back of his neck prickle.
“Where did you say you got these?” The accusatory sound of his voice surprised him and was obviously not lost on Sky, who furrowed her brow.
“From customers.”
“Because they touched you,” he said more to himself than to her, remembering her words.
“Yes. Exactly. Why do you sound upset?” She searched his eyes, and he wondered if she could see the anger he felt simmering inside him.
“Because, Sky. These are my words. All of them.” He unfurled a napkin and read a passage. How can I move forward when you’re slipping away?
“Then you are the P-town poet? But you said you weren’t.”
“P-town poet? Is this what you meant? These?” He lifted her to her feet and paced the deck. “I don’t understand how you could have gotten those.”
“I didn’t get them.” She looked at the papers littering the table. “Sawyer, I told you. Customers came in with these—these papers and napkins and pieces of receipts—and asked me to tattoo this stuff for them. I still don’t understand. If you’re the P-town poet, why are you denying it? These are lovely. They’re really heartfelt and—”
“Sky, I don’t know anything about a P-town poet. These are my words from my songs. This is my handwriting.” He picked up a handful of papers and sifted through them. “You’re telling me that there are people walking around with verses of my songs tattooed on them?”
“One for each paper you see there, yes.” She sank down to a chair. “You know the night we first saw each other at the Governor Bradford’s?”
“Of course.” He sat beside her, feeling like he was in the Twilight Zone.
She picked up a napkin and handed it to him. “One of the waitresses brought this in yesterday.”
He read the words. “I must have left it behind. After I saw you I began writing the song at the bar. All I had to write on was a stack of napkins. I guess I do that a lot, write on scraps of paper and napkins. I never think twice about leaving a crumpled-up napkin with the trash from my meal. That night, I wrote and rewrote the verses until they felt right, and I thought I took all of the napkins with me when I left, but obviously not.” The idea that other people had seen his writing made him feel exposed, violated. He’d have to be more careful.
She placed her hand over his and smiled warmly. “Maybe when you’re writing songs, you get so caught up that you lose track of some of your notes?”
“Yeah, I guess. I can’t believe someone would pick up my stuff. I mean, it was on a napkin. Who would do that?”
“Someone who recognized the beauty of your words.” She opened the napkin and read the passage aloud. “I’ll take it all. Hear it through. Wrestle your demons to remain beside you. Those are the words you said to me after we made love the first time. You said, Lay your head on my shoulder, your heart next to mine.”
Anger curled up inside him. “Even though I choose to occasionally sing the songs I write, that’s my choice. I don’t like knowing that strangers find my notes and hang on to them.” He looked at Sky, and it sank in that she’d been keeping his words, his songs, and that tugged at all of him, pushing the anger to the side, making room for love.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He pulled her onto his lap again and pressed his lips to hers. “That’s part of the song I wrote for you the first night I saw you.”
He sang to her in a soft voice, every word laden with emotion.
“I saw it in your eyes.
Wounded, hiding, somewhere deep.
Tell me, lovely, do you cry when you sleep?”
Her lips drew down, and a lock of hair fell in front of her eyes. He tucked it behind her ear and began singing again.
“Crying out in your movements.
Graceful, longing, hanging by a thread.
The longing I see.
Set it free, lovely. Come to me.
Lay your head on my shoulder.
Your heart next to mine.
I’ll take it all.
Hear it through.
Wrestle your demons
To remain beside you.”
“Sawyer,” she whispered, her eyes warm.
“I have been drawn to you since the very first time I saw you, Sky. With an intensity that I’ve never felt before.”
Her brow wrinkled with confusion. “But…the longing you see? You saw that in such a brief time?”
“You have the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t just your eyes, Sky. You had this aura around you. Everything about you spoke to me. I can’t explain it.”
“I was longing for something.” She lowered her eyes and seemed to be thinking. “I was longing for this closeness. I must have been waiting for you all along.”