I wrap my arms around myself because the cool night air hits me hard when I walk outside into the night. But I can finally breathe, alone in the dark. Except I’m not alone. I’m in a busy city full of people walking by who don’t bother to stop and ask if I’m okay when they see the tears burning down my cheeks. I should be thinking about Sean, about who he is and what he does, but all I can think about is that I should’ve brought a damn jacket.

I pace up and down the sidewalk, trying to warm my body and figure out why I had the reaction that I just had. I shouldn’t be upset that Sean owns and runs an adult entertainment company. I shouldn’t be upset that he did or still stars in porn. I shouldn’t be upset that he had sex with Jamie at least a dozen times on film for the world to see. I shouldn’t be upset because he is not mine.

I don’t have any claim to him, and I definitely don’t have any claim to his past. For all I know, he’s had sex with women in between our times together. But, still, the tears fall because it hurts to know how intimately involved Sean and Jamie were. They make sense together, unlike me and Sean. Jamie has always been strong, powerful, driven. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it, just like Sean. I don’t understand why I feel so strongly about them.

No, that’s not true. I know exactly why it makes me so upset.

One, because I care about Sean far more than I hate him.

Two, I know I’m the real reason that Jamie and Sean are no longer together.

It all comes back to me.

The endless nights of listening to Jamie talk about her baby, honey, sweetheart. It took me a while to connect the dots because she hardly ever used his real name when talking about him when they were together.

I try to push the thought out of my head, but I can’t. I broke them up. I just didn’t realize it at the time.

They were perfect for each other, and I ruined it. And, now, I’m making it worse by fucking Sean. Jamie will never be able to forgive me, and I can’t handle being in any more of her debt.

How do I tell Sean the truth? How do I give him up? How can I fix this now that Jamie is pregnant with another man’s baby?

I can’t.

That’s the only thing I know for sure. There is no way to fix this. What’s done is done. I just have to figure out how to move on from this.

I take a deep breath and wipe my tears off on the back of my hand. I fluff my hair before I turn around and walk back inside the building. I don’t take the elevator. I take the stairs, needing time to think as I climb each step.

I step out onto the floor where there’s a whole crew of people shooting the film, not paying any attention to me. I scan the crowd, looking for Sean but don’t immediately see him. I wander around on the floor, continuing to look for him while taking everything in.

“He’s not here,” a woman’s voice says.

I turn around and realize that the woman is talking to me. She’s beautiful with long, long blonde hair, and when I see the robe wrapped around her body, I realize instantly that she’s the woman from the film.

“Who?” I ask.

“Sean. He’s not here. That’s who you are looking for. You’re his new girlfriend.”

“I’m not sure I would say that. More like his new plaything for a little while.”

The woman laughs. “If you are just his plaything, then why did he bring you here? He hardly ever brings women here unless he’s serious about them. It’s one of his tests. And you’re failing horribly.”

I frown. “I know. But I didn’t freak out because of what he does. It’s more complicated than that.”

She nods. “It always is.”

“Where is he?”

The woman glances up, and I know immediately that he retreated to his condo.

“Thank you,” I say. I run to the elevator and press the button for the top floor.

“You’re going to need the code to access his floor,” the woman says from behind me.

I feel in my pockets, but I don’t have my cell phone to text him. It’s with my personal belongings that I left in the car for Sean’s staff to take up to the condo. I have no way to reach him. Shit.

The elevator doors open, but I don’t know what to do because I can’t reach him even if I step on. The woman steps on and starts entering a code into the panel. I step in behind her and try not to think about the reason she knows the code to access Sean’s floor.

“Don’t hurt him,” she says as she steps off the elevator.

I frown. Why does she think that I would hurt him?

The doors close, and they don’t open again until I reach the top floor.

When the doors open, I expect another obstacle in my way, preventing me from getting to Sean, but that’s not the case. When the doors open, they open straight to his condo. And it’s the most massive condo I think I’ve ever been inside of. His condo in Chicago isn’t even half of the size of this place.

But I try not to focus on how massive and beautiful and expensive his place is. I try to focus on the man sitting on the couch with Milo in his lap and a drink on the end table as he stares out the window in silence.

I know that he knows I’m here because Milo’s head pokes up, looking at me, and there’s no way he didn’t hear the elevator. But, still, I cautiously walk over and take a seat on the other end of the couch, tucking my feet under me. I prepare for a fight of some sort or a breakup to happen even though we were never really together. But he doesn’t say anything to me. He just blankly looks at me, unfeeling.

“I don’t know what to say,” I say.

Sean takes a drink of his amber liquor and then says, “Tell me that you hate me.”

He says what he wants me to say. I know that he brought me here to end whatever was going on between us. But it’s not what he wants. He wants to be with me—or at least, he wants to fuck me again. I’m not sure if he really wants me. He probably wants to be with Jamie.

“I don’t hate you. I wish I did. It would make everything easier,” I whisper.

He nods.

I want to apologize. I want to find a way to fix things, but I can’t. I know that’s not what he wants anyway.

He just wants me to accept him for who he is. And I do, and I don’t care what he does for a living. But it still doesn’t mean that we can be together. I just don’t know what it means yet.

I feel entirely exhausted and drained even though I slept for hours on the plane. I feel so tired. I’m tired because I didn’t get much sleep the night before due to my migraine. I’m tired from dealing with Owen. I’m tired of trying to figure Sean out.

“What’s my final test?” I ask, hoping that shows him that I still approve of him enough to be here.

He raises an eyebrow, surprised at my question. “You need to hire five actors tomorrow for a new film. The script is on the kitchen counter for you to read through.”

“I’ll read it before I go to sleep, which I need to do soon,” I say, waiting to hear what he’s going to say. I try not to think about the script that is basically just a sex scene that I’m somehow supposed to audition actors for. Instead, I think about the sleeping part. Am I going to sleep in his bed? Am I going to sleep alone? I don’t have an answer.

“Like I said, the script is on the counter. You won’t need to be ready until one tomorrow afternoon. That’s when the auditions start. And you can take any of the rooms in this condo.”

I suck in a breath because he’s not making the decision of where I sleep tonight. I am. I can sleep in his bed if I want, or I can sleep on my own in any of the other beds.

I get up off the couch and walk over to the kitchen where I pick up the script. Then, I head down the long hallway. I pass door after door, each bedroom all more than acceptable rooms to sleep in. But I don’t stop until I find the door on the end. When I open it, it looks just like his retreat in his Chicago condo.

I hesitate for a second, knowing that this is just going to make things even more complicated, but I don’t care. I want to sleep with Sean tonight even if there’s no chance we’ll have a tomorrow. So, I walk into his bedroom, and then I wait.