Chapter 13
Holly entered the kitchen with some trepidation. Had she really kissed Leo last night—and even agreed to date her? What the hell were you thinking? You know this won’t end well.
But try as she might, she couldn’t regret it too much. That hour up on the roof had been magical. For once, she had been able to talk about the past without hurting or feeling inadequate. Leo had been so fierce when she had defended her—and so gentle when she’d kissed her. She hadn’t spoiled it by trying for more. There had been no hint of demand, as if Leo had enjoyed the kiss for what it was instead of seeing it as just an appetizer.
Thinking about it made her want to kiss Leo again, and that had rarely happened to her in the past.
“Morning, Holly,” Sharon said from the stove. “Something wrong with your mouth?”
“Huh?”
“You keep touching it.”
Holly stared at her traitorous fingers, which were indeed resting on her lips. She snatched her hand away. “Um, no, just some…uh, toothpaste.” God, she was as bad a liar as Leo with her squirrel excuse.
Speaking of Leo… She looked around.
She had gotten Gil dressed earlier, and now he was waiting for breakfast at the table, but Leo was nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s Leo?” she asked before she could stop herself.
Sharon turned off the stove with a flick of her wrist and carried the stack of pancakes to the table. They both sat. “She’s still sleeping.”
“Want me to go up and wake her?” At least it would give them a moment alone, even though Holly wasn’t sure what she would say to Leo.
“Oh no. Let her sleep. I’ll make her some fresh pancakes later. When I peeked in on her a few minutes ago, she was dead to the world.” Sharon poured them all coffee and slid Holly’s mug across the table toward her. “That squirrel on the roof probably kept her up all night.”
The first sip of coffee went down the wrong pipe. Holly started coughing and gasping for breath.
Gil put his fork down and thumped her on the back with his good hand. “Okay?”
“Yeah,” Holly rasped out. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
He patted her back again, just for good measure, before returning to his food.
Holly inhaled and exhaled deeply and took a more careful sip of coffee, hoping no one would mention squirrels again.
By the time breakfast was done and they had cleared the table, Leo still hadn’t made an appearance downstairs. Holly didn’t know if she should be disappointed or grateful. Maybe it was better this way. She needed time to think—time away from Leo and the house. Thankfully, she had the rest of the day off, so she said goodbye to Gil and Sharon and headed out.
But instead of driving home, she ended up in front of her mother’s practice for her daily cuddle fix. That, of course, made her think of cuddling up to Leo behind the chimney last night.
Just as she had settled down next to the whelping box, covered from hip to toe in puppies and kittens, the door opened and her mother stepped in.
“Hey, sweetie.” She pressed a kiss to Holly’s head and picked up one of the puppies. “Susan just told me you came in. What are you doing here? I thought you had the night shift.”
“I did.”
“Then why aren’t you home in bed?”
Holly rubbed her cheek against the orange tabby’s soft fur. “Gil had a good night. I only had to get up twice, so I was able to get some sleep.” Or she would have, if she hadn’t lain awake, reliving that wonderful kiss and each word they had exchanged up on the roof and worrying about where it might lead—and where it wouldn’t.
Just because Leo was willing to go without sex for the time being didn’t mean she was in it for the long haul. Quite the opposite. She had never made a secret of the fact that she planned to go back to New York. That was why she could so easily agree to dating without sex. It was easy to go without for a while, since Leo knew she would soon return to her more-than-willing groupies.
Clearly, there was no happy ending in store for them, and she would only end up getting hurt if she let herself believe otherwise.
Her mother watched her with a concerned gaze. “You know, you could get one for yourself.”
Holly blinked up at her. “A happy ending?”
“Excuse me?”
Heat rose up her neck, and she buried her face deeper into the kitten’s fur, hoping to hide her blush. “Um, nothing. I was just thinking of…um, fairy tales.”
Laugh lines fanned around her mother’s eyes and mouth. “I was talking about a kitten or a puppy—although I’m all for you getting a happy ending too.”
Holly shook her head. “I’m gone much of the time, so I don’t think that would be fair to the little guy.”
“Or girl,” her mother added, repeating what Holly had always said when her mother urged her to date.
They smiled at each other.
“Or girl,” she repeated, suppressing a sigh. Wasn’t it ironic? Now that her mother had finally accepted that her daughter might end up with a woman, Holly had realized that it wasn’t going to happen, at least not long-term, and certainly not with Leo.
Two days later, Leo set out on a mission. She wanted to take Holly out on a date, but if she took her to a restaurant, they would be interrupted by people asking for autographs. Plus they wouldn’t even make it to the main course before the entire town knew about their date. By now, the Fair Oaks rumor mill was probably already buzzing because they had gotten burgers together last week.
Not that she was ashamed of going out with Holly, but for now, she wanted it to be just the two of them. A picnic at the creek seemed perfect for that.
After putting everything she needed into the shopping cart, she steered it around the corner toward the cash register. She had hoped that Jenny wouldn’t be working, but no such luck.
Her old classmate was manning the register. She waved cheerfully. “Hi, Leo.”
“Hi, Jenny.” Leo focused on unloading her groceries, hoping to escape small talk.
“We missed you the last two Saturdays,” Jenny said. “You really should hang out with the gang again.”
“Um, yeah, I was…busy.” Spending time with Holly.
“I totally get it. When my mom got sick, I barely had time to go out too. How are your folks doing?”
“Fine, considering,” Leo said.
“Your dad seemed to be doing a little better when I dropped by for a visit last week.”
Leo looked up. Jenny had visited him lately? It must have been while Leo had been out on a run or getting scones with Holly.
Oh, scones. She made a mental note to get some for the picnic too.
“I bet he’s glad you’re home,” Jenny said.
Leo gave a noncommittal hum.
Jenny reached for the first item, searched for the bar code, and scanned it painfully slowly.
Great. Leo resisted the urge to tap her foot. By the time Jenny had scanned all the goods, there would be mold growing on them.
“Are you getting settled back in at home?” Jenny asked as she reached for item number two, a bottle of red wine.
“Um, there’s not much settling in to do. I’m only staying for a few weeks, remember?”
Jenny scanned the wine, nodded down at the rest of the groceries, and chuckled. “Well, this should hold you until then.”
Leo regarded her pile of food. Admittedly, it could feed an entire army, not just two people. Maybe she had overdone it a little, but she had wanted to make sure she bought everything Holly might like. “It’s, um, for a picnic.”
“Oh, that’s such a nice idea!” Jenny clapped her hands. “The weather is perfect for it too.”
Leo hoped Holly would think so too.
“You forgot the cheese, though,” Jenny said.
“Um, excuse me?”
Jenny waved at the bag of grapes she was scanning. “You’ve got grapes, but no cheese. They go well together.”
Damn, she was right. “Can I run back and get some?”
“Sure, I’ll scan the rest in the meantime.”
Leaving the shopping cart behind, Leo turned on her heel and jogged toward the aisle with the dairy products.
“Get the smoked Gouda,” Jenny’s voice trailed after her. “Holly likes that one.”
Leo slid to a stop in front of the dairy case. Had Jenny just said…? She found the smoked Gouda, grabbed a Camembert and some tiny mozzarella balls too, just in case, and slowly made her way back to the register. “Who says I’m sharing this with Holly?”
“Well,” Jenny shrugged, “you two are the only, um, lesbians in town, so…”
Yeah, if you don’t count Ash…and maybe a few others who’re too scared to come out.
“And you did buy the smoked Gouda,” Jenny finished with a smile that said she was impressed with her own detective skills. “Are the two of you…you know…dating?”
What was she supposed to say now? Leo had always tried to keep her private life out of the public eye. She certainly wasn’t about to reveal her brand-new dating relationship to the town gossip queen. She and Holly hadn’t talked about telling people. Hell, it was all so new and fragile that they could barely cope with it when it was just the two of them.
But after what Ash had done to Holly, Leo didn’t want to outright deny being involved with her either. Holly deserved better than that.
“That’s between Holly and me,” she finally said.
Jenny squealed. “I’m so happy for you guys!”
Leo blinked. “Hey, I didn’t say we’re dating, and I certainly didn’t say we’re ready to print wedding invitations, so cut out that happy dance!” She looked around to see if they were attracting attention, but for now, they seemed to be alone in the store.
“Ah, come on, Leo. You know you can tell me. I’m not the enemy here.”
That much was true. Jenny had always seemed like the quintessential small-town girl to her. The horizon of her experience ended at the city limits. But she didn’t seem upset at the thought of Holly and her dating. In fact, she seemed pleased, and Leo hadn’t expected that.
She rubbed her neck. “I know. Don’t take it personally, but if you’re in the limelight all the time, you learn to keep your private life private.”
“Don’t worry.” Jenny waved a package of cookies. “I won’t say a word. I’m just glad Holly has finally found someone.”
Leo swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. Not knowing what to say, she just watched as Jenny scanned the rest of her items.
For once, she was glad when another customer came up behind her and asked for an autograph and a picture.
When he was busy checking out the photo Jenny had snapped on his cell phone, she quickly put her bagged groceries into the cart and pushed them to the door.
“Enjoy your picnic!” Jenny called after her.
“Uh, thanks.” Leo stumbled to her rental car and shook her head to clear it. What a surreal experience. She felt as if she’d stepped into the Twilight Zone.
Maybe Holly had been right. Maybe people in this town could change—at least some of them. Too bad her father wasn’t among them.
Leo found her parents in the living room, where her mother was helping her father put together a puzzle. It looked as if it was going to be a violin with a rose resting across the strings.
Every time she saw her father like this, helpless and wheelchair-bound, she had to look away. Rough emotions clutched at her insides, but she didn’t want to focus on them long enough to identify what exactly she was feeling. “Mom? Do you mind if I take over your kitchen for a while?”
Her mother looked up with wide eyes. “You want to cook?”
“Hey, I made breakfast several times since I’ve been back. I’m not that bad of a cook. Besides, I just want to prepare some…uh, snacks.”
“Of course. Go ahead and let me know if you need any help.”
“I can manage, thanks.” At least she hoped so. Her area of expertise was the concert stage, not the kitchen, but she was determined to give it her best.
An hour later, as Leo was putting a lid on the bowl of potato salad, her mother peeked into the kitchen, looking as if she expected to find a battlefield.
But Leo had cleaned up as she went, not wanting to create even more work for her already-stressed mother.
“Oh. That looks wonderful.” Her mother entered the kitchen and watched Leo pierce mozzarella balls and cherry tomatoes onto skewers. “Is this…um, for you and…and Holly?”
Wow. Leo put the skewers aside and turned. Was the Fair Oaks rumor mill working so quickly, or had her mother suspected all along? Or maybe she thought it was just a picnic between friends. Her mother’s powers of denial had always been impressive. If she didn’t want to deal with something, she ignored it so completely that it ceased to exist.
“Yes,” Leo said carefully.
“That’s…nice,” her mother said, just as carefully.
This was one thing that definitely hadn’t changed. They were still tiptoeing around each other and the topic of Leo’s sexual orientation. She heaved a sigh.
Her mother cleared her throat but then didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned toward the counter, away from Leo, took a cherry tomato, and slid it on another skewer, followed by a mozzarella ball.
So the conversation was over, and the topic would be ignored—again. Leo wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or angry. She popped a tomato into her mouth and chewed forcefully. “You don’t need to help, you know?”
“I don’t mind. We barely spend any time together, so this,” her mother waved her hand in a circle that included Leo, herself, and the kitchen, “is nice.”
It was true, Leo had to admit, if only to herself. Since she’d been back, she had spent more time with Holly than with her parents. Maybe she should make more of an effort to patch up her relationship with them, but being with Holly was so much easier. Despite their differences, they seemed to understand each other in a way that she could never hope to achieve with her parents.
Her mother put the finished skewer into the container with the ones Leo had already done. She studied them as if they held the answers to all the secrets of the universe—or at least the winning lottery numbers. “So… Holly and you…?” She peeked at Leo, then back at the skewers. “Are you friends or…?”
“We’re dating,” Leo said.
Her mother turned and leaned against the counter as if she needed the support.
Leo braced herself for what was to come.
“She’s a wonderful girl, you know?”
“She’s a woman, Mom. We both are. We’re not teenagers, and this is not a phase that we’ll grow out of.”
“I…I know. I’ve known it for a while now, and I’m okay with it.” Her mother glanced at the floor. “Not overjoyed, mind you, but okay. Holly really is a wonderful g…woman.”
Now it was Leo’s turn to lean against the counter for support as her knees seemed to transform into overcooked spaghetti. She opened her mouth, but it took a while before she could make her vocal cords work. “You’re okay with it…with me being gay?”
Her mother nodded. “Having Holly around…getting to know her really helped. Her entire family is very supportive of her. I think Holly telling everyone about her…that she’s gay, it brought them even closer, and it occurred to me that’s how it should have been with us too.”
“Why…why didn’t you say anything?”
“When?” Her mother looked at her with damp eyes. “When was I supposed to say anything? You called so seldom that I didn’t want to take the chance of making you stop altogether by bringing it up.”
Leo folded her arms across her churning stomach. Her mother had worked through her issues, and she had missed it—would have kept missing it…if not for her father’s stroke. “What…what about Dad? Does he…? Is he…okay with it too?”
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” her mother said.
She shook her head. “You know I could never talk to him. Certainly not now. The few times he tried to talk to me, he either insulted me or I didn’t understand a word.”
“Maybe you need to try harder.”
Now they were back on familiar territory—that gentle reproach in her mother’s voice was something she had heard a lot in the past. “I tried, Mom. You know that. I tried so hard to live up to his expectations…” She flicked a bit of lettuce from the sandwiches into the sink. “I spent my entire childhood doing nothing else. But whatever I did, it was never good enough. I was never good enough. I’m done trying.”
“Leontyne…” Her mother stepped closer and reached for her hand.
Leo pulled away. “No, Mom. Thank you for accepting me. It means a lot. But I can’t let him run my life. I need to be my own person, not a carbon copy of him.”
Her mother smiled, but it was full of sadness, not joy. “Then maybe you should stop being just as stubborn as he is.” Without another word, she walked out of the kitchen.
Leo stared after her. Damn. Her mother had changed too. In the past, she had never talked to her like this. She had been the peacekeeper of the family, gently mediating between Leo and her father, but never voicing an opinion or, God forbid, criticizing her husband in any way.
Now she had done both, and Leo had no idea what to do with it.
The Velcro made a ripping sound as Holly removed the blood pressure cuff from Gil’s arm. She smoothed down the sleeve of his T-shirt before jotting down the numbers. “Hmm. Your blood pressure is a little high today.”
He craned his neck to see the numbers. “Die?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
She smiled. At times like this, when his sense of humor shone through, he reminded her of Leo. “No, you’re not going to die. It’s not dangerously high, just something to keep an eye on. You probably just had too much excitement.”
He snorted and waved his good hand toward the stereo and the view from the window, which were his main entertainment.
She’d been talking about the fact that Leo was back home, but he seemed as determined to ignore the elephant in the room as his daughter was.
“I’ll call the doctor, and we’ll have him come in and take a look at you tomorrow, okay? Maybe your meds need to be adjusted.” She put the blood pressure cuff back into its case. “How about a nap now?”
When he nodded, she helped him transfer from his wheelchair to the bed. It was too warm for the covers, so she tugged a thin sheet over him, more for comfort than warmth. “Sleep tight. I’ll see you tomorrow with the doc—and pictures of the puppies and kittens.”
Her shift was over, so by the time he woke, she would be long gone.
When she reached the door, he said, “Hol…Holly?”
She blinked and turned around. He rarely used names. For some reason, they seemed harder to access for him than other words. Apparently, the promised photos of the puppies and kittens had motivated him to try harder. “Yes?”
“Um…please. No.” He shook his head in frustration. “Uh…thanks.”
She smiled at him from across the room. That wasn’t a word he used often either. “You’re very welcome. See you tomorrow.”
She left the room and went in search of Sharon to hand over the baby-monitor receiver and give her a short report. Noises came from the kitchen, so she headed that way.
But instead of Sharon, it was Leo who was slicing a mango and some strawberries.
Holly paused in the doorway and watched her for a minute.
Leo walked back and forth between the counter and the sink to wash more fruit. Each step looked as if she were dancing. Holly had never cared much for Leo’s overly provocative music videos, but this…this she could watch forever.
Sunlight streaming in through the kitchen window made Leo’s honey-blonde hair shine like gold. It was tied back into a loose ponytail so it wouldn’t get in the way while she worked.
Her long fingers, which had flowed over the piano keys so gracefully, handled the knife in a slightly awkward way that told Holly she didn’t spend much time in the kitchen. Well, she had mentioned a nutritionist, so maybe she had a personal chef too.
Holly struggled against the impulse to join her in the kitchen, guide her hands, and show her how it was done.
Stop it. What she needed to do was tell Leo she had thought about it all day yesterday and had reconsidered. Their lives were too different, so they were unlikely to find happiness together—not that Leo was looking for long-term happiness with her. It was better to end it now, before Holly got any more involved.
Leo turned, and their gazes met immediately. An almost shy smile spread over Leo’s face and crinkled the edges of her olive-green eyes, so unlike the fake, sexy grin she flashed on TV.
Holly’s heart gave a little stutter.
“Hey.” Leo ran both palms down her jean shorts, then combed her fingers through her disheveled hair. “Is your shift over?”
“Yes. As soon as I find your mom for our handover. If you have a minute afterward…” Holly forced herself to continue, speaking through the lump in her throat. “I’d like to talk to you.”
“Of course. I’d love to spend some time with you. In fact… I got a little surprise for you.” A hint of a flush covered Leo’s cheeks as she pointed to a large basket full of Tupperware containers. “I thought we could have a picnic.”
“You prepared a picnic?”
“Yes. I thought it might be nicer than taking you to a restaurant. More privacy. Um, not that we need privacy for anything, of course, but it’s nicer to talk at the creek and all.”
Aww. She was cute when she got all flustered and started to ramble. Holly couldn’t stop the tiny smile tugging at her lips.
“All I need to do is finish the fruit salad and we can go. So, what do you say? Are you in the mood? Uh, for a picnic, I mean.” Leo’s blush deepened, and she looked at Holly like one of the puppies hoping for a treat.
God, how could she tell her it was not a good idea now, after Leo had gone to all this trouble and was looking at her with this hopeful expression? She couldn’t resist that look from one of the puppies, and she certainly couldn’t say no when Leo wore it either.
Well, she could have that conversation with her during the picnic. Leo was right, after all—there was more privacy at the creek.
“All right,” she finally said. “You put the finishing touches on the fruit salad, and I’ll go find your mom.”
They strolled along the path in silence. Leo shifted the handle of the picnic basket to the bend of her other arm, freeing the one closest to Holly, and took her hand.
The move startled Holly, and she couldn’t hide a tiny flinch.
Leo immediately let go. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“No. No. It’s okay. Really. It just surprised me for a moment.” Holly reached for her hand and held it firmly, not letting her pull away again, even as she scolded herself for it. Conflicting desires wrestled each other for several seconds; then she bargained with herself: she would allow herself to enjoy these last few moments with Leo. But once they reached their spot at the creek…
“Are you sure?” Leo asked.
“I like holding hands.” She entwined their fingers. The rasp of the calluses on Leo’s fingertips against her knuckles tickled a little, making her smile. “I’m just not used to it. I’ve never held anyone’s hand, at least not here in Fair Oaks. Ash didn’t want to draw attention.”
Leo let out a low growl. “You know, the longer I’m back, the more I start to wonder what I ever saw in her.”
The protective fire in Leo’s eyes made her feel good. “She has her good sides too. She’s intelligent and independent and has a great sense of humor.”
“True. But the same could be said about you…and so much more.” Leo squeezed her fingers. “So, what else do you like, besides holding hands, I mean?”
Holly peeked over and met Leo’s gaze. “I like hugs.” She hummed a little at the thought of embracing Leo, burying her face against her shoulder, and breathing in her scent. Another voice in her head screamed at her, Stop talking like this! You wanted to break things off, remember, not give her pointers! But Leo’s hand felt good in hers, so she allowed herself a moment of fantasizing. “I also like backrubs and cuddling and soft caresses.”
Golden sparks seemed to light up Leo’s irises. “Hmm, I like that too. What about kissing? What we did up on the roof…you liked that, right?”
“Kissing is fine.” She allowed herself to fantasize about kissing Leo for a moment or two and felt her cheeks grow hot. “Actually, it’s more than fine.” While it might have been a sexual act for some people, she enjoyed it on an entirely sensual level—at least most of the time.
Leo stopped in the middle of the path and studied her. “But?”
Holly sighed. “Sometimes, it’s hard for me to enjoy it.”
“Why?”
“With the right partner, I could kiss for hours, but I know it doesn’t work like that for allosexual people.”
“Allosexual?”
Holly looked left and right, making sure they were still alone in the park. “Someone like you. Someone who isn’t asexual. You’re used to kissing leading to something…well, more, and I can’t fully relax into it if I know any kind of affection will inevitably lead to sex.”
“It won’t,” Leo said.
If only it were that simple. It was tempting, so very tempting to let herself believe it, but Holly knew better.
They started walking again.
Before she could find the courage to break things off, the bench in the middle of the park came into view. Someone was sitting on it.
“Hi, Mr. Gillespie,” Holly said to the old man enjoying the sun. “Nice day, isn’t it?”
Mr. Gillespie didn’t answer, too occupied staring at their entwined fingers.
Leo didn’t let go, clearly not ashamed to be seen with her. “Downright beautiful,” she added with a hint of defiance.
Finally, Mr. Gillespie inclined his head in a grudging nod. “Yeah, it kinda is.”
They walked on until they came to their spot at the edge of the park, out of sight of Mr. Gillespie. While Leo spread a blanket over the flat rock next to the creek, Holly stood frozen at the realization that they already had a place they considered their spot.
Leo tugged Holly down next to her in the middle of the blanket and began to unpack and open containers. Soon, they were surrounded by tomato-mozzarella skewers, grapes, different cheeses, olives, potato salad, fruit salad, French bread, BLT sandwiches, scones, and cookies.
“I think I have everything the heart desires.” Leo presented her bounty with a proud sweep of her hand. “What would you like?”
That was a loaded question. Her heart desired more than what was offered on this blanket. Do it. Do it now. “Leo…”
“Look, I even have LGBTA sandwiches.” Leo held out one of the BLT sandwiches.
For a moment, Holly let herself be distracted from the inevitable. “You mean BLT sandwiches, right?”
“Nope. This is a LGBTA sandwich. It’s got lettuce, garlic mayo, bacon, tomato, and avocado slices. I wanted to make it an LGBTQIA sandwich, but I couldn’t find any ingredients starting with Q or I.” Leo shrugged. “But at least it’s got the A, so it’s an asexual-inclusive sandwich.”
Holly took the sandwich, but the giant lump in her throat prevented her from taking a bite. Why the heck did Leo have to be so adorable right now? She already felt like an ass for changing her mind about them.
Leo’s cell phone started to ring.
Should she be angry or relieved at the interruption, which gave her a few more minutes before she had to break it off? Holly wasn’t sure.
Leo pulled the cell phone from the back pocket of her jean shorts and glanced at the display. A scowl appeared on her face. “It’s my manager—again. He thinks I’ll come back sooner if he keeps nagging me every day.”
“Go ahead. Take the call.”
But Leo rejected the call and put the cell phone away. “No. It’s not important. I’ll call him back later.”
If circumstances had been different—if the two of them had been different—Leo might have been the perfect woman for her.
“So, where were we?” Leo held up a bottle of wine. “I hope you like red.”
Holly pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger. She couldn’t wait any longer, or she might lose her nerve. “I think we should talk.”
A wrinkle appeared between Leo’s brows. She put the bottle of wine down. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think this is going to work.”
Leo swept her gaze over the blanket. The wrinkle on her forehead deepened.
“I’m not talking about the picnic,” Holly said. “I’m talking about us. I’m sorry, Leo. I know I agreed to date you, but I’ve thought about it and I don’t think it would work.”
Leo looked as if Holly had thrown the sandwich in her face. The joy had gone out of her eyes, like a light being turned off. “Why? I thought you liked me…liked spending time with me.”
Her expression was stony, but the tiny tremor in her voice really got to Holly. “I do. I really do, but that’s the problem. If I’m not careful, I could easily develop feelings for you.” Admitting it made her feel like a knight who had taken off all armor and dropped her shield in the middle of battle. “But in a week or two, you’ll be gone, back to New York or some other big city.”
Leo didn’t say anything for quite some time. She stared out over the creek. “You…you could come with me,” she said after a while, her voice very quiet and a bit scratchy.
Holly swallowed. She hadn’t expected that. Then she shook her head. It wasn’t a realistic offer. “I don’t think I’m made for the big city. Even if I were, we’re not at that point in our relationship yet.”
“How are we supposed to ever get there if you break it off now?” Leo massaged her forehead. “Listen, I don’t have all of the answers. All I know is that I really like you, and I want to spend more time with you. Where does that leave us?”
“I don’t know. There’s just so much working against us. Even without the long-distance thing, relationships between allosexuals and asexual people rarely work out.”
“Some do. I came across people in one of the forums who say they’re very happy together.”
“Yeah. It can happen. But these couples are in a very different position than we are. They don’t live in different cities…and different worlds. Those couples are fully committed to making it work.” She forced herself to look Leo in the eyes. “You don’t honestly expect me to believe that you are too, after just one kiss, do you?”
Leo stared at her, then glanced away. “Um…”
Holly hadn’t expected her to say yes. She wouldn’t have believed her if she had.
“Well, technically, it was two kisses,” Leo mumbled.
“You really think that makes much of a difference in our situation? You know, sometimes…” Holly squeezed her eyes shut but then opened them again and forced herself to face the truth, no matter how much it hurt. “Sometimes, I can’t help thinking that maybe the reason you’re so eager to spend time with me is to avoid having to deal with your father.”
Leo plopped onto her ass from her kneeling position as if Holly had slapped her. “Jesus, Holly. Is that really what you think?” She looked so hurt that an urge to pull her into her arms and hold her overcame Holly.
She fought it. “I’m not sure what to think anymore. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so…so understanding…so willing to embrace my asexuality.”
“I wasn’t aware that’s a bad thing,” Leo said.
“It’s not. But…maybe it’s just my own insecurities talking, but…a part of me can’t help wondering if you’re welcoming my asexuality because if there’s no sex, it won’t be a real relationship, so it will be easier to walk away from me…from us, when the time comes.”
Leo grabbed the nearest object—the bottle of red—and hurled it away. Instead of shattering on the rocks, it splashed into the water and disappeared from view. “Just because I’m not asexual doesn’t mean sex is what makes a relationship real for me. I’ve had sex with people without it meaning anything. Why wouldn’t the opposite be possible?”
“It is for me, but…”
Leo jumped up. “You know what? Maybe you’re right. It wouldn’t work. Enjoy the picnic. I need a fucking drink, and the only alcohol I brought is in the creek.” She stormed away before Holly could answer.