Chapter 21
Leo had known she liked women, not men, since she had been thirteen. In the nearly twenty years since then, she had, for some reason, never bought flowers for any of the women she had dated. Jewelry, perfume, bottles of wine, sure. Once, she had even gone overboard and bought a car for one of her girlfriends.
She would give Holly the world if she allowed it, but she had a feeling that if she tried to woo her with expensive gifts, Holly would probably tell her she was crazy.
But she still deserved something to let her know how much Leo loved her and how much her constant support throughout the past three weeks had meant to her. Instead of returning to work full-time, Holly had requested part-time work for a while. So now she had taken over some of the patients of a colleague who was on maternity leave and checked on Ms. Voerster and other elderly residents of Fair Oaks several times a day. That left her free to spend her afternoons and evenings with Leo.
And nights.
Whenever Holly stayed over, which was three or four times a week, they cuddled all night, and the kisses they shared were breathtaking. Holly seemed to enjoy it very much, but it never went any further, and Leo was fine with that.
What kind of flower would say “I love you,” “I accept you,” and “I’m so grateful, I could fall to my knees and build a shrine to you” all at the same time?
For the second time this month, Leo stood in front of Ashley’s flower shop. The bell above the door jingled, and the scent of soil and fresh flowers surrounded her as she entered, reminding her of the last time she’d been there. It had been less than three weeks ago, but so much had happened since.
“I’ll be right with you,” Ashley called from the back room.
Leo turned toward the card rack next to the cash register. Some of the cards said “thank you,” others “I love you,” but none of them were good enough to express exactly what Leo was feeling.
Ashley stepped out of the back room. A warm smile crossed her face when she saw Leo. “Oh hi, Leo. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” Leo said and, to her surprise, found that it was true. The wounds of the past were still there, but they were starting to heal. “How are you?”
“Pretty good. The shop’s keeping me busy.”
“I can imagine. Thanks again for arranging the flowers for Dad’s funeral. Everyone said they were beautiful, and Mom loved the lilies you put into the casket spray.”
Ash glanced down, coloring a little beneath the praise. “I’m glad to hear that. So, what can I do for you?”
“I need a bouquet.”
“Something for your mother? Maybe some white daisies and some purple and pink carnations to cheer her up?”
“Uh, actually…” Damn. Getting flowers for Holly from Holly’s ex had been a dumb idea. But now she was here, and she refused to hide their relationship the way Ash had done. “You know what? I need two bouquets. Getting flowers for my mom is also a good idea. Let’s go with the daisies and the carnations.”
Ashley pulled flowers from several buckets around the shop, trimmed the stems, and artfully arranged them. She kept glancing up at Leo as she worked.
Leo gave her a questioning gaze. “What is it?”
“Um, nothing. I just… You look good.”
What the hell…? Was it just a sincere compliment between friends, or was it something more? Leo ran one hand through her hair. “Uh, thanks.”
In the silence that followed, Ash held the bouquet out to Leo for her approval, which Leo gave with a nod.
Tissue paper rustled as Ash tore it from a roll and wrapped it around the flowers. She extended the bouquet toward Leo but then kept hold of it so they both ended up clasping the flowers from either side. “You know,” she said so quietly that Leo had to strain to hear her, “back then…on prom night…when you kissed me…I was afraid.”
Leo nearly dropped the bouquet. She hadn’t expected Ash to ever bring it up. “Of me?”
“No. Not of you. Never of you. Just…of my own feelings and what they might mean.”
A roaring sound started in Leo’s ears. She swayed a little. “So you…” She smacked her dry lips. “You had feelings for me? Back then?”
Staring down at the flowers, Ash nodded.
This was what Ash should have told her fourteen years ago, when Leo had searched her out the day after the prom to let her know she was leaving and to talk about the kiss. Why did no one ever talk to her—really, openly talk?
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Leo asked. “You let me believe that I was the only one who felt anything.”
“I never meant to hurt you. I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.”
“And now you are?” Judging by how Ash had treated Holly during dinner with the gang, she found that hard to believe.
Ash peered up at her. Was there a hint of hope, of expectation in her eyes? “Yes. I think I am. So, I was wondering… Maybe you’d like to…I don’t know…have coffee with me sometime?”
Leo clutched the flower stems. Wow. Just…wow. That question would have meant the world to her fourteen years ago, but now it left her with a bitter taste in her mouth.
When the silence stretched between them, Ash looked away. “Oh. I see. There’s someone in New York.”
“No. Not in New York.” God, Ashley seemed to be the only person left in Fair Oaks who hadn’t yet heard that she and Holly were dating. Or maybe she had thought it was just a rumor. “But I do have a special someone.”
Ash paled. “It’s not…not Holly, right?”
Something in her tone—as if Leo couldn’t possibly date someone like Holly—made her bristle. She stood up straighter and looked Ashley square in the eyes. “Yes, it is.”
“Oh, Leo.” Ash let out a long sigh and put a hand on Leo’s. “You have no idea what you’re in for.”
Leo pulled her hand away. “In for?”
“Didn’t she tell you about her…um, issues?”
For a second, Leo could only stare, open-mouthed. Then anger bubbled up so fierce and hot that she thought steam would come out of her ears. She struggled not to beat Ash with the bouquet. “Issues?”
“Oh. So she didn’t mention that she’s…um…?”
“If you mean that she’s asexual, yes, she did. But the only one with issues here is you!”
“Leo, please. Don’t be like that. I just want you to be happy.”
“Who said I’m not happy with Holly?”
Ash opened her mouth to answer, but Leo interrupted her with a forceful shake of her head. “You know what? Save it. Just because you didn’t appreciate what you had with Holly doesn’t mean I’ll make the same mistake.”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, you’re the one who doesn’t understand.” Leo fought not to raise her voice. “And how could you? You can barely accept your own sexual orientation, so how are you supposed to accept Holly’s?”
A tear ran down Ashley’s face. “That’s not fair.”
Leo gritted her teeth and restrained herself from further discussion. “What do I owe you for the flowers?” She jerked her head toward them.
Ashley stammered out an amount.
Leo slammed two bills onto the counter and stormed out without saying goodbye or waiting for her change. Only when she was halfway to her car did she realize that she hadn’t gotten flowers for Holly. Well, she would have to find another way to show Holly how much she loved and appreciated her, because she wasn’t setting foot in Ash’s shop again anytime soon.
She jerked the driver’s side door open and set the bouquet onto the passenger seat. “Issues, my ass!”
When Leo glanced at her wristwatch, sweat started to bead on her forehead, even though she wasn’t the one lugging a large mattress up a set of stairs. “Come on, guys. She’ll be here any second. I’ll give you a hundred bucks each if you make it out of here within the next five minutes.”
The two delivery men exchanged a glance and doubled their efforts.
Within four minutes, the new mattress was in place.
Leo signed for it on the clipboard one of them held out to her before she paid them and herded them back downstairs and out the door.
Just as they climbed into their van, Holly’s red Jeep came down the street. She waited until the van had backed out before she pulled into the driveway.
Damn. Somehow, nothing was going right this week. First her aborted attempt to buy Holly flowers and now this.
When Holly climbed out of the Jeep, Leo forgot about the possibly ruined surprise for a moment. Unlike when she had worked for Leo’s father, Holly was now wearing scrubs.
Leo had never thought of scrubs as hot, but with Holly wearing them, they were damn sexy. Or was it asexy in Holly’s case? The thought made her smile.
She crossed the driveway to greet Holly with a warm hug and a kiss, and they walked back to the house hand in hand.
“What was that?” Holly pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. Her lips curled into a smile. “You’re not cheating on me with a couple of burly guys, are you?”
“Damn, you caught me. I thought with you working and Mom on a grocery run to St. Joe, it would be a good time for a threesome.”
Holly’s smile faded away. She closed the front door behind them and turned toward Leo with a serious expression. “Is that something you’d ever do?”
“A threesome with two guys?” Leo shook her head. “Nope. I’m not interested in men, even if my manager sometimes tries to sell me as bi.”
“I wasn’t talking about threesomes, just…I don’t know…maybe having an open relationship.”
Leo gaped at her. Where the hell was that coming from? “Is that really what you want?”
Holly stared at the top of her sneakers. “No. But I know other mixed-orientation couples handle it that way.”
“Mixed-orientation couples?”
“Yeah. You know…where one partner is asexual and the other isn’t.”
“Well, there’s one problem with that approach: the thought of sleeping with someone else has about this much appeal to me.” Leo pressed her thumb and index finger together to indicate zero. “I’ve never tried an open relationship, and I certainly don’t want to start now.”
A long breath escaped Holly, and a shadow lifted off her face.
“Holly…” Leo tugged on her hand to get her to look at her. “What’s going on? Why offer something that would hurt you?”
Holly’s gaze flicked up to meet hers. “Because I want you to be happy.”
“You make me happy,” Leo said firmly. “I don’t want or need anyone else.”
Moisture gathered in Holly’s eyes.
Leo pulled her into her arms. “Next time doubts like that start to creep up, just tell me. I don’t want you to think for a second that you’re not enough for me.” She held Holly at arm’s length so she could look into her eyes. “Okay?”
Holly nodded and nibbled her bottom lip as if she needed to process that thought.
Tenderly, Leo guided her even closer and kissed her. “So, want to find out what the burly guys were really doing here?” When Holly nodded, she led her upstairs.
“Don’t tell me you put a piano upstairs,” Holly said.
Leo chuckled. “No. Better than a piano. More comfy, at least.” Slowly, she opened the door to her old room to reveal the new queen-size bed that had taken the place of her single bed. She had planned to put nice sheets on it, but the mattress had been delivered later than expected, so now it lay on the bed frame, completely bare.
Holly stood in the doorway and stared at the bed. “Wow.”
Was that a good wow or a bad wow? Leo searched her face. “It’s in no way meant to pressure you into anything. I just thought this would be more comfortable.”
“I bet it will be. I love being close to you, but your old bed wasn’t meant for two people. I can’t wait to try out the new one. Thank you.” She tugged Leo close by their entwined fingers, cupped her face with her free hand, and brought their lips together for a leisurely exploration.
The kiss started out tender rather than steamy, but then Holly surprised her with a playful lick and a nibble on her bottom lip.
Jesus! Every bone in Leo’s body seemed to liquefy. She wrapped both arms around Holly to keep herself upright.
Holly’s hands came to rest on her hips, her fingers splayed tantalizingly close to the upper curve of her butt.
That warm contact and the slide of Holly’s tongue against her own made her body tingle from head to toe, and she couldn’t suppress a moan.
It took conscious effort to keep her hands on Holly’s back instead of letting them explore her tempting body. God, she ached to touch her, to let her fingers slide over the gentle curve of her hips or up to her full breasts.
“I’m not going to break if you touch me,” Holly murmured against her lips as if reading her thoughts.
But maybe I will. She couldn’t resist the invitation, though. Slowly, giving Holly every opportunity to stop her, she slipped one hand beneath her scrub top and stroked the satiny soft skin of her back.
Holly hummed against her lips and mirrored the move, pulling the T-shirt from Leo’s shorts and letting her fingers caress every inch, from Leo’s hips to the clasp of her bra and back down. “So soft,” she whispered, then tilted her head and pressed a kiss to the side of Leo’s neck.
Leo gasped and pressed Holly closer with both hands. Did Holly have any idea what she was doing to her? Something inside of her felt close to spiraling out of control. While she knew sex wasn’t on the table, her body obviously hadn’t gotten the message.
“Uh, Holly. I…” She struggled to form words despite the haze of desire in her brain. “I think I need a shower.” A cold one.
Holly’s hands lingered against her hips for another second, as if she was reluctant to let go. “Now?”
Leo nodded. “Um, yeah. I’m a little sweaty. I mean, I…I was helping the delivery guys with the bed earlier, so I, um, worked up a sweat.” Her body protested as she forced herself to pull away and marched to the bathroom.
Once inside, she softly closed the door, leaned against it, and exhaled. Je-sus! Was this what it would be like?
So what if it is? You’re not a hormone-driven teenager who can’t control her urges.
But they existed, as the none-too-subtle pressure between her legs told her in no uncertain terms. She loved Holly; she knew that, but was she ready to give up sex for good?
It’s a little late for that question, isn’t it? She had already made that decision when she’d realized she was in love with Holly. But she had underestimated how hard it would be to ignore her desire in situations like this. Could she really go through with it, not just now but for the rest of her life?
She pressed both palms against the door and took several deep breaths. Yes, she decided. If that was what it took to build a life with Holly, she would learn to live without sex. There were other forms of intimacy and other expressions of love she could share with Holly, and when it came to orgasms, she could take care of that herself.
Yeah. Like, right now. She stripped off her T-shirt and bra and dropped them to the floor, followed by her shorts and underwear. It probably wouldn’t take much.
Holly stretched out on the bare mattress with a happy grin and folded her arms behind her head as she dreamily stared up at the sloped ceiling.
Kissing Leo and touching her lips to the soft skin of her neck had been so sensual, so intimate. She wanted…no, needed to be close to Leo.
But what about what Leo needs? The old surge of guilt coursed through her. She knew their make-out session had turned Leo on. The little gasps and moans that had escaped her and the way her body had trembled against Holly’s had made it pretty obvious. Holly wished so badly she could give her the experience of having her desire returned, but she couldn’t. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she loved Leo in every way she could—and that her love was returned unconditionally.
Leo didn’t expect her to change or to have sex with her. Relief from those pressures emboldened her to contemplate doing things she had never expected she’d want to do for someone—including having sex. A part of her was even curious about what it would be like with Leo and about what new insights into her partner it would give her.
Maybe it would be different with Leo, just as their relationship so far had been different from Holly’s previous ones. With Leo, she might be able to experience sexual intimacy without being expected to feel things that were impossible for her or to change her very identity.
She glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Leo had been in there for some time. Holly strained to make out what was going on behind the closed bathroom door, but the only thing she could hear from across the room was the patter of water.
“Leo?” she called. “You okay?”
If there was an answer, she couldn’t hear it through the closed door.
She got up from the bed, went to the door, and opened it a few inches without peeking inside. Just as she started to repeat her question, a strangled moan drifted over from the shower.
They both gasped.
Holly’s cheeks burned. Oh God. Is she…touching herself?
“Jesus, Holly! You can’t just barge in like this!”
“Sorry, sorry! I just… Sorry!” Hastily, Holly closed the door and backed away to the other side of the room. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Of course Leo would need to take care of herself after the kisses and caresses they had shared, but it hadn’t even crossed Holly’s mind. She shook her head at herself and started to pace.
Should she hide out in the kitchen until Leo had finished in the bathroom? More heat shot into her cheeks. Well, not finished, finished. At least she didn’t think Leo would be in the mood to continue masturbating after being caught.
Finally, she decided against fleeing downstairs. If she and Leo didn’t learn to be honest with each other about their needs and communicate openly, their relationship didn’t stand a chance.
After a few minutes, the bathroom door slowly crept open, and Leo peeked out, her cheeks flushed either from the hot water or from embarrassment.
Or because she just had an orgasm, Holly’s mind helpfully supplied. A part of her even felt a little curious about how Leo would look in the throes of passion.
Leo stepped into the bedroom. The clothes she had worn earlier stuck to her skin as if she had dressed hastily, without thoroughly drying herself off. She shuffled her bare feet.
“I’m sorry, Leo.” Holly was the first to break the silence. “I shouldn’t have barged in like that.”
Leo rubbed her neck, then looked up. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I was just embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed?” Holly echoed. Pushing away her own embarrassment, she marched over to Leo and took her hand. “Leo, you never made me feel like my sexual orientation is something to be ashamed of.”
“It’s not,” Leo said.
The fierceness in her tone made Holly love her even more.
“And neither is yours. I don’t want you to feel bad about being sexually attracted to me. You don’t have to hide it from me. It’s okay if kissing me, touching me…and being touched in return arouses you. It’s also okay if you want to do something about it. In fact…” She gave herself a mental nudge. Leo wouldn’t take the initiative; she knew that. She was too afraid to pressure Holly into something she didn’t want—and Holly did want it, even if it wasn’t the same way or for the same reasons Leo wanted it. Just bringing Leo pleasure would please her too. “I wouldn’t mind lending you a hand every now and then.”
Leo plopped down onto the bed as if her knees had given out. “No, Holly. I don’t expect that of you. I admit it’s not always easy knowing you don’t crave me the same way I desire you, but that’s my issue, not yours. Love and sex are two different things. I get that.”
“If lots of love would automatically mean lots of sex, you’d have to give up your career because I’d never let you out of this bed again.”
“My fans might complain, but I certainly wouldn’t.” Leo grinned but then added with a softer smile, “Not that I’m complaining about lots of cuddles either. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”
Holly sat next to her and again took her hand. She traced the heart line in Leo’s palm with her thumb. “I know. I’m not trying to prove anything. I just want to make you feel as happy and accepted as you make me feel, and that includes showing you that I know your sexual orientation is an important part of who you are.”
But Leo was still shaking her head. “You do. We don’t need sex for that.”
“Jeez, that’s a first.” Holly nudged her a little. “I never had to talk any of my partners into having sex.”
They laughed along with each other, and it eased the tension in the room considerably.
“See?” Leo said. “This is intimacy too. Sharing a moment like this. Laughing with each other. Talking.” She returned the tender caress of Holly’s palm. “Cuddling. Being intimate doesn’t require sex. I learned that from you.”
Holly’s heart seemed to expand in her chest. She blinked back tears. No one had ever gotten her and what was important to her like this. For the first time, she had hope that a relationship with someone who wasn’t asexual could work out.
“Really, Holly,” Leo continued, “I would be perfectly happy to…um, take care of myself.”
“Perfectly happy?” Holly arched her eyebrows.
“Okay, maybe not perfectly happy, but it would be okay.” Leo looked her in the eyes. “I don’t want you to have to lie back and think of England.”
Holly chuckled. “I’m American, not British.”
Not even a shadow of a smile ghosted across Leo’s features. Her gaze was intense. “Still, it would kill me to know you’re forcing yourself to do something you detest, just for my sake.”
“I told you sex isn’t like that for me. I don’t crave it, but under the right circumstances, my body likes it just fine.”
“You…you do?” Leo’s lashes fluttered rapidly. “Now I’m confused. I thought…”
The look of utter puzzlement on her face made Holly smile. “Human sexuality—or asexuality—is pretty complex. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone up here.” She tapped her own forehead. “But down there,” she waved at her lap, “my body works the same as yours. It doesn’t for all asexual people. Some never experience arousal, but others do have a libido. It’s just not directed at anyone.”
A line carved itself between Leo’s brows. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Holly leaned up and kissed the still-furrowed forehead. She had never talked about it in so much detail, so for a moment, she thought about the best way to explain. “Would you say you’re attracted to yourself?”
Leo chuckled nervously. “I know people think I’m a conceited superstar, but…no. That would be weird.”
“But when you touch yourself, you still get aroused, right?”
A lovely red color crept up Leo’s neck. “Uh, right.”
“Why?”
“Why?” Leo echoed.
“Yeah. If you’re not attracted to yourself, why would you get aroused?”
Leo rubbed her chin. “Because…because…I guess the physical stimulation just feels good.”
Holly nodded. “It’s the same for some asexual people.”
“Oh. Now I get it. I think. So you…? Do you…?” Leo flicked her gaze toward the bathroom. Then she covered her face with her free hand. “God! When I first found out about asexuality, I promised myself I wouldn’t ask such stupid stuff.”
Smiling, Holly drew Leo’s hand away from her face. “It’s okay. I’m not too happy when strangers think it’s perfectly fine to ask me that, but I don’t mind talking about it with you.” She tried to be matter-of-fact about it as she added, “The answer is yes. I do masturbate every now and then. It’s not even really a sexual thing for me.”
“Not sexual?” Leo scratched her head. “Far be it from me to tell you what you are and aren’t experiencing, but how can it not be sexual?”
“Earlier, when you were, um, in the shower…what were you thinking about?”
Leo’s cheeks flushed an even deeper red. “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes. Leo, I’m not some naive virgin.” Holly quirked a smile. “You don’t have to protect me from anything sexual. I’m fine talking about this.”
“Okay.” Leo swallowed audibly but then lifted her gaze to meet Holly’s. “You,” she said quietly. “I was thinking about you. About what it would feel like to have you touch me…all over.” Her naturally smoky voice went even more raspy on the last two words.
It was a strange experience to have the intense heat in Leo’s eyes directed at her. Somehow, it felt empowering and humbling at the same time. While she might not understand fully how it would be to desire someone so urgently, she vowed to never take advantage or make Leo feel bad about it.
She cleared her throat and forced her thoughts back into their original direction. “See, that’s the difference between you and me. When I masturbate, I don’t think about anything.”
Leo opened her eyes wide. “Nothing at all?”
“Well, sometimes, my thoughts wander, but not to anything sexual. I don’t fantasize about other people or picture myself in a sexual situation. Mostly, I think about how it feels. It’s just something that relaxes me after a stressful day and makes me feel good or helps me go to sleep more easily.”
“Ah. I get that. I think it’s the same for people who aren’t asexual. Sometimes, I masturbate for reasons other than the hottest woman on earth turning me on, you know?”
They smiled at each other.
Holly was so relieved that she felt like climbing up on the roof, spreading her arms wide, and shouting something Titanic-esque. It meant so much to her that they could talk about this and even joke about their differences a little.
“So are you trying to say that sex is a little like that for you too?” Leo asked.
Holly nodded. “If I can get into the right head space, it can be. I’ll never feel the urgent need to ravish you or be ravished by you, but I can still enjoy the sensations.”
Leo stretched out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Too bad no one has invented something that allows us to inhabit each other’s brain for an hour. I’d love to experience making love in your special asexy way.”
She made it sound so positive that Holly had to blink back tears.
“Maybe it’s a good thing that we can’t,” Holly said. “Inhabiting your sexy brain would probably blow my fuses.”
Leo chuckled.
Holly kicked off her sneakers and curled her body around Leo’s on the bed. “But there are other ways to experience making love the asexy way.” She put her hand on Leo’s flat belly and looked into her eyes. “If you want.”
The muscles beneath her palm tensed and quivered. Leo covered Holly’s hand with her own, trapping it against her body and preventing her from moving it either higher or lower. “You really don’t have to—”
“I know. I want to. Do you?”
Leo’s pupils were so large that her eyes looked black rather than green. “Yes,” she whispered.
With one hand next to Leo on the bed, Holly leaned down to kiss her.
Before their lips could touch, Leo stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “But not now.”
Holly stared at her. Leo’s belly muscles were tense beneath her hand; her cheeks were flushed and her pupils dilated. Why would she say she didn’t want it when her body obviously did?
“Not on a bare bed, with you still in your scrubs, while my mother could return at any time,” Leo added. “You said you needed to get into the right head space, right?”
Holly nodded.
“Then I don’t think a spontaneous quickie would work for you, and it’s not what I want for our first time either. I want it to be special—for both of us.”
For a moment, Holly thought she might cry. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Leo shook her head and reached up to tenderly stroke Holly’s cheek. “No need to thank me.”
This was almost too good to be true, but Holly tried to trust it. She cuddled up to Leo with a contented sigh.
“So…” Leo slid her fingers through Holly’s short hair and rubbed tender circles along her temples. “Want to keep talking about sex a little? I’d really like to find out more about how I can make sure it’s good for you.”
“If you tell me in return how to make you feel good too,” Holly said.
“I can sum that up in two sentences. I’m not a fan of S-M or anal sex, but pretty much everything else is fair game.”
Holly pressed a kiss to Leo’s lips but kept it chaste, not wanting to be a tease. “That was one sentence, not two. Tell me more.”
Leo hesitated.
“There’s no need to be embarrassed.” Holly stroked her cheek. “What is it? Bondage? Dirty talk? Role-playing?”
“No, nothing like that. I like to be seduced, maybe even teased a little. To let the anticipation build slowly until I can’t stand it any longer.” Leo’s face flushed, and a low moan escaped her as she obviously imagined a scenario like that. “God, that would be hot.” She searched Holly’s face. “Is that going to be a problem?”
“A problem? Heck, no! That’s the nicest part of sex for me, just being able to caress and kiss you all over, without immediately having to…you know. My past partners often got so frustrated when I wouldn’t…”
Leo kissed her softly. “I won’t. That’s half of the fun for me too.”
Oh, wow. Maybe they weren’t completely incompatible when it came to sex after all. “But you’ll have to tell me when you’ve had enough and need some…um, relief, because I won’t always know the right moment.”
“Don’t worry,” Leo said with a little laugh. “I will definitely let you know.” She continued to slide her fingers through Holly’s hair. “So, what else went wrong for you in the past? I don’t want to accidentally do something you’re not comfortable with.”
Holly mentally flipped through her inventory of unpleasant experiences. “One thing that never worked for me was when my partners initiated a back rub, cuddling, or kissing in the hopes that it would naturally escalate into sex. That never happens for me, so it always left them disappointed. If you want sex, it’s better to just ask for it.”
“Hmm.” Leo’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure I want to do that. Won’t it make you feel pressured?”
“I don’t think so. With you, I’m comfortable saying no…or maybe sometimes yes and no.”
Leo gave her a helpless look. “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes, I might be happy to touch you, but I might not always want to be touched…that way in return.”
Leo rolled over so they were side-by-side. “I admit that will be a little weird. I would feel like a selfish ass if I expected you to pleasure me without getting anything out of it.”
“Who says I’m not getting anything out of it? I’m in it for the intimacy, not the orgasm. But if you want to give me something in return, how about a nice massage or some cuddling? It could be part of foreplay for you and something to just enjoy for me.” She tilted her head. “Orgasm for you, cuddlegasm for me. Would that work for you?”
Leo’s eyes glazed over for a second at the mention of orgasm, making Holly laugh.
God, she’s cute. It was freeing to realize she didn’t feel threatened by Leo’s sexual desires at all.
“It’ll take some adjusting, but we’ll make it work,” Leo said. It sounded like a vow.
They hugged each other tightly in the middle of the bed.
Holly pressed her face to the warm cotton covering Leo’s shoulder, kissed the firm flesh beneath, and breathed in Leo’s scent.
Leo slid her hand beneath Holly’s scrub shirt and caressed her back in long strokes.
Holly melted against her. With Leo, she could relax and enjoy a caress like this fully, knowing it wouldn’t be turned into anything else. She wanted this moment to last forever.
But all too soon, a key jangled in the front door and steps sounded in the hall downstairs. “Leontyne? Holly?” Sharon’s voice drifted up to them. “Can someone come help me with the groceries?”
Leo groaned. “I’ll go help.” She powered herself up on one arm, ready to climb off the bed.
But Holly pulled her back for a moment. “Wait.”
Instantly, Leo sank back against her. “What is it?”
“I…” Unexpected tears burned in Holly’s eyes. “I just want to tell you how much I love you and how much it means to me that we could have this conversation.”
Leo’s features softened. She framed Holly’s face with both of her hands. “I love you too, and this conversation helped me as much as it did you.”
Hand in hand, they crawled out of bed. As they descended the stairs, Leo leaned over and whispered, “Try not to look so ridiculously happy, or my mother will think we did the dirty.”
After a few moments of trying to rein in her grin, Holly gave up. She stole a glance at Leo and nudged her with her elbow. “You’re looking pretty happy yourself.”
Leo laughed. “True. Let Mom think whatever she wants.”
Leo opened the door to Johnny’s Bar and Grill with one hand while keeping hold of Holly’s hand with the other.
But before she could step through, Holly pulled her to a stop by their joined hands. “You know they’re going to tease us mercilessly if we walk in like this, right?” She nodded down at their hands.
“I don’t care.” Leo searched her face. “Do you?”
Holly smiled. “No. I just wanted to make sure you know what you’re in for.”
Still standing in the open door, Leo leaned forward to kiss her before stepping inside. “Thanks.”
Just like the first time she had met with her former classmates at the bar, a chorus of shouts erupted from the corner booth.
This time, however, the commotion wasn’t because of her—it was because of them.
Travis wolf-whistled as they walked in hand in hand. “I knew it! I told Jenny I gave it four weeks before the two of you started—”
Jenny put her hand on his mouth, muffling the rest of his words, but Leo had a feeling it wouldn’t have been something G-rated like dating.
“Why are we friends with him, again?” she whispered to Holly.
“Because he’s going to stop with the asshole comments right now and buy us a beer to apologize,” Holly answered, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Right, Travis?”
With his mouth still covered by his wife’s hand, Travis nodded.
Leo stared at Holly for a moment, then a grin broke out on her face. She loved the way Holly didn’t take shit from anyone.
Everyone slid to the left on the horseshoe-shaped booth to make room for them, and they squeezed in next to Zack.
Leo let her gaze drift over her former classmates. Finally, it came to rest on Chris, who sat at the other end of the booth and stared into his beer, a scowl on his face. Oh Christ. She hoped he wouldn’t start behaving like an ass too, just because he had a crush the size of Missouri on Holly.
“Where’s Ash?” Holly asked.
“She said she can’t make it tonight,” Zack said.
She was probably still hurt or angry after Leo had told her off last week. Leo stood by what she had said, but maybe she could have said it a little more calmly. She hadn’t realized how angry she was with Ash until that moment, not only for letting her think her teenage crush had gone unreturned but also for treating Holly like her dirty little secret.
“But look who I talked into joining us.” Zack waved to someone who had just entered the bar.
Leo slid her arm across the back of the booth as she turned, settling it around Holly’s shoulders.
Sasha walked toward them, her height drawing the attention of the people hanging out at the bar. She didn’t seem to notice as she folded her frame into the booth next to Chris.
Holly let out a playful gasp and pressed her hand to her chest. “Be still my heart! Sasha Peterson in a bar!”
“I’d go to plenty of bars if I didn’t have to get up at four every day, unlike the rest of you slackers,” Sasha said.
Everyone laughed.
Leo realized that she’d never had that type of gentle ribbing between friends who knew each other well.
The waitress came over, and they ordered a round of beer and chips and salsa for everyone to share.
Just as Leo had taken the first sip of her Boulevard Wheat, someone stepped up to their table. She looked up.
It was a brunette who looked barely old enough to be in a bar. “I hate to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could get an autograph.” She held out a napkin.
Automatically, Leo slid her pop-star mask into place—a smile that was friendly but also slightly aloof.
Holly tensed next to her and turned as if trying to block Leo from view.
But before either of them could say anything, Chris leaned forward. “Can’t you see that she’s having dinner with friends? There’s a time and a place for autographs. This isn’t it.”
Leo stared at him. He was the last person she had expected to defend her.
The young woman stammered an apology.
“If you’re still here when I leave, I’ll stop by on my way out and give you an autograph, okay?” Leo said.
With an eager nod, the brunette headed back to the bar.
Leo held out her beer bottle. “Thanks, Chris.”
He clinked his bottle against hers without saying anything.
After interruptions like this, it was usually impossible for Leo to relax and go back to being herself, but with Holly’s warmth against her side and the conversation and jokes at the table continuing as if nothing had happened, she managed to slowly shed the layers until she was just Leo again.
Finally, Sasha tucked a bill beneath her empty beer bottle. “I’m outta here, guys.”
“What? You turn into a pumpkin if you’re not in bed by ten?” Travis asked.
“It was the coach that turned into a pumpkin, not Cinderella.” Sasha got up.
Leo exchanged a glance with Holly, who nodded. “We’ll walk you home.”
Towering over all of them, Sasha flashed a grin. “It’s just a few steps to my apartment above the bakery.”
Leo shrugged and slid out of the booth anyway. She wanted some time alone with Holly before the evening ended.
Travis laughed. “Don’t you get it, Sash? ‘Walk you home’ is code for—”
Zack threw his coaster at him. “Shut up, Travis.”
“Night, guys.”
They made their way to the door, with Leo stopping at the bar to sign an autograph for the young woman, who, apparently, had passed the time by drinking way too much. She let out a happy screech, threw her arms around Leo, and kissed her cheek.
Leo withdrew as quickly as possible. As they stepped out onto the street, she peered over at Holly to see if she would get jealous.
“I think we need to get you a sign or a T-shirt or something,” Holly said with an amused grin. “One that says no kissing.”
“No kissing?” Leo drawled, lowering her voice an octave. “Are you sure about that?”
“Well, the fine print would say unless you’re Holly Drummond.”
“Mmm, I like that fine print.” They stopped beneath a streetlamp to share a kiss.
“Now I know what ‘walk you home’ is code for.” Sasha laughed.