***Orianna***

 

“Why didn’t I bring my computer…sheesh...my fingers are itching. I need to go over those files again. That damn Cape Town crew, freaking punks that have nothing better to do than rob stores and assault people when they get bored,” Nerd rambles.

“What?” I gasp. “I told you to get rid of those and let the cops handle it.”

“Meh, I never delete anything. I bury shit…never delete.” Nerd shrugs and snuggles against her husband, Dams.

The guys just got back from…well, there’s no other way to put it, other than dumping the body. I guess it’s a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell thing’ and I’m good with it. Another thing I’m good with is the fact that Pokey stayed here and cleaned the wall and took down the curtains. Blue and Ridley went out to buy new ones while Nerd kept me company. She loves Austin and always seems to want to hug and snuggle.

For Nerd that’s special, because she’s not very social. Until recently that is, because now all she wants to do is hug. She’s a good person. Just like Blue and Ridley. I’m very thankful to have those girls in my life. They are my only constant, along with Austin.

Ever since my dad decided to make me part of a business deal, I’ve had no one. I’ve always been treated as an object. An object that didn’t serve a purpose. So my father had to make due by marrying me off to that scumbag who wanted me as a prize, a virgin for him to taint. First day I met him, he showed me his house and his bedroom. Well, he called it a bedroom, but he should have said BDSM dungeon.

My family, nor the guy I was supposed to marry, never left me alone or out of their sight. So when I had a moment alone in the bathroom of a restaurant, I knew it was now or never when Pokey walked in a moment after me. I considered him my only way out. Little did I know it would lead to the most perfect experience in my life, and a son I can’t imagine my life without.

There are a lot of things in life I regret. That moment, the time I spent in a bathroom, isn’t one of them. Leaving for Japan is. Although at the time I was happy to have those strangers support me. Blue, Nerd, and later Ridley and Everleigh. Strangers turn into treasured friends.

With my past, I tend to see people and things in a whole different light. Some only see what’s in front of them. Me? I see how it got there, how the inside works, where it might be going, and how it became what it is.

Relationships can be so tricky, in particular, friendship. Some want shallow, social friendship. The colorful, fun friendships. Not the black and white or the framework that goes with it or what you put into friendship as a foundation. All some care for is personal gain and what they can get out of a friendship. So the tricky part is figuring out who wants a real friendship and who wants a fake one.

I don’t do shallow, I had enough of that while growing up.  As I said, I tend to see the whole picture. Sometimes it’s a curse but most times I have to remind myself to just see the exterior and embrace the beauty, not tear it apart and overthink everything. Live in the moment so to speak.

“Okay, we’re out of here. Call if you need me, and I’ll let you know when I find something.” Nerd gives me another hug before they all walk out, leaving me alone with Pokey.

We’ve been surrounded by others for the last few hours. Honestly, I’m a bit nervous now that I’m alone with him again. I know he has questions and will want me to explain some more about everything that has happened, and yet I feel drained.

I’m glad Austin chooses that moment to fill the room with his screams. It’s his time, he’s hungry and I’m a bit behind. Normally I would have him bathed so I could breastfeed him after, making him fall asleep in my arms so I can put him straight to bed afterwards.

When I’m about to pick him up, I feel Pokey stepping up beside me. “Go and lay down on the bed. He’s hungry but he needs a bath first, yeah? Because our little man goes right to sleep sucking that nice…fuck. Full belly and all. So, go ahead and relax, it’s been a long day. I’ll give him his bath and get him to you when we’re done.”

Right. My cue to get away from him. “I’ll go have a shower, you sure you don’t need my help?”

“Nah, Spiky. You’ve been doin’ this shit by yourself way too long.” He gently cradles Austin in his arms and heads upstairs, leaving me to let my mind wander about the fact that I love that he’s calling me Spiky.

Somehow, he manages to make it sound like an endearment. So much better than the freaking ‘babe’ he seems to call other females, or even the use of my name that always sounds like a snap when it falls from his lips.

I make sure everything is locked up, my eyes glancing over the wall with the new wallpaper and curtains. I’m actually quite content with it, it looks way nicer than it did before. I should really feel weird, freaked out, or even be in shock. Having a guy shot through the head right in front of you is kind of mind blowing. No pun intended. But seriously, these guys attacked me out of the blue last time. Random. A gang initiation. Fun. I almost lost Austin and my shoulder isn’t fully healed yet.

The surgeons were worried about the ligament damage. I still can’t lift heavy stuff and even when I’m holding Austin I have a sharp pain slicing through.

But I’m thankful to still be here, able to hold my son. And yes, equally thankful Pokey was with me when…what was it that Zack said when they talked things through…They might have dropped by to check if I could identify him or the gang he belongs with.

Oh God…what if Pokey wasn’t here? What if it was just me and Austin alone in the house? A chill runs down my spine. See? I’m such a mess. I’m freaking out while also happy and relieved. I need a shower and a good cry. Dammit, why does every day have to end with a shower and a good cry these days?

When I stumble out of my bathroom with a towel wrapped tightly around me, I come to a halt when I see Pokey in my room. He’s pacing back and forth trying to soothe Austin who’s clearly grouchy because he’s hungry.

“Go lie down,” Pokey mumbles as he turns to face me. “Shit,” he growls. “Why do you have to wear a towel, dammit.”

“I was going to dress but I didn’t expect to find you here and…” I can’t finish because Austin starts to wail harder, making me step forward.

Except Pokey holds him out of reach. “I said go lie down because that shoulder isn’t fully healed yet. You need to relax and you can manage better when you can guide, with most of his weight on the bed, instead of holding him. Because you need to switch tits and…shit. Just lie the fuck down.”

“I did this for three weeks without you, you know. Screwed up shoulder or not, I’ve managed.” He’s made it clear he’s here for his son, yet with me telling him the reason why I didn’t tell him about my situation, now all of a sudden, I’m this fragile, helpless woman again.

Screw that.

I drop the towel and stalk to the bed. Getting underneath the covers, I make sure to lie down on my good shoulder, because I don’t want to wince right now and give him more reason to give me another pity look.

“I’m ready, so.” I lock eyes with Pokey and instantly regret what I did just now. Walked around naked.

There is no trace of pity in his eyes, instead they are black with desire and practically shooting out heat. The flames licking his gaze are so hot, they are burning me no matter the distance between us.

Pokey’s jaw ticks as he stalks over, placing Austin on the bed. Our son latches on and it takes everything inside me to keep my focus on Austin. When I hear my bedroom door click shut, I slowly release the breath I was holding as I try to calm myself down.

On the plane ride back from Japan, before I was attacked, I let my mind wander on how things would go when I told him I was pregnant. Would he have been happy? Would he have felt trapped? Would we have been together, as a family, for months now?

My heart tugs at all the what ifs. Because no matter what…we can’t change the past, one can only focus on the future. And with our past, I need to put our son first. He needs both of his parents in his life, and for them to have a good relationship with each other. It’s better to focus on a way to get along, instead of me dreaming of building up a relationship. Because clearly, he’s a good man. A good man I don’t deserve.

I’m struggling to keep my eyes open when Austin is finally finished and has dozed off. Leaving him on the bed, I quickly grab a nighty and pull it on before I walk across the hall and lay him in his crib.

When I turn to sneak back, I run into a brick wall. Two hands slide from my shoulders to my back. Pokey murmurs out an apology before he quickly releases me and steps aside. I don’t utter a single word but regain my speed and enter my own bedroom. When I try to close the door, I fail because Pokey pushes it back open.

“Can I have a word?” He steps inside without waiting for me to answer, making me back up.

Creating some distance between us, I crawl up my bed and cover myself with the blankets, muttering, “I’m tired.”

I close my eyes and wait for the door to open and close again, but instead I feel the mattress dip. My eyes flash open in shock.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I squeak and pull up the covers.

His fingers wrap in the blanket and he gives a slight pull. “Little late to be shy, Spiky. You flashed me a moment ago, besides…you’re wearing some flimsy ass fabric...”

“Get out.” I push against his shoulder, except it has the same effect as pushing a brick wall with all that solid muscle he’s got going on.

“Not happening. We’re going to do some talking to clear the air some more,” he demands with a firm voice.

“Not happening,” I mimic his tone and voice.

He actually growls and leans down in my face. My heart skips a beat or two while I hold my breath for it to get back in rhythm. Damn. Those eyes and menacing beauty. Why does my body have to react in a way only he can draw out? As if my body was made to please him.

“I’m over you,” I breathe. I don’t even know why I choose to throw that out, because even to my own ears it sounds miles away from the truth.

The smug smile that spreads over his face tells me he knows full well I’m lying. “That’s one. I’ll allow it, but don’t do it again because you don’t want to face the consequences when I catch you lying to me again.”

“Fine,” I snap, mentally adding I’m going to ignore him and go to sleep. The second he moves out of my personal space that is.

As if on cue, Fuzzbutt jumps on the bed and worms herself between us. Instead of giving Pokey attention, she rubs her head against my chin. I’m very thankful for her interruption, because Pokey is leaning back now.

He’s scowling at Fuzzbutt, so I pet her more and lean in for a kiss on her head. She’s been hiding in my room all day. Well, she was already sleeping on the chair in the corner so I made sure the door was closed when the visitors came to clean up the body. She needs her beauty sleep, and with that, I saved everyone from her wrath. I’m sure she only attacks people to protect herself.

Pokey shifts and puts his back against the headboard. Tapping his thigh, he says, “Come on, Fuzz, come here, babe.”

The cat stays put purring at the attention she’s getting from me. I have to stifle a laugh when he frowns, I love that his cat is denying his request.

“I don’t blame you, sweetie. I hate being called babe like all the other chicks that go through his comb,” I croon, making Fuzzbutt cuddle against me some more.

“Through my comb?” Pokey questions.

Raising my gaze, I pin him with a stern look. “Yes. Comb. You know, with one stroke hundreds of hairs sliding through.”

He narrows his eyes. Shit, me and my big mouth.

“It was the first thing that came to mind, okay? The girls told me how things work at the club and I’m not judging or anything, but…”

“Listen, Orianna, I ain’t gonna sugarcoat shit. I’m a guy with a background I won’t ever hide or be ashamed of. I’ve used my dick a lot of times, although I’ve always wrapped it up. Before I had you that is. You and me both know that was months back, so I’m a little offended by those words right now.”

I’m hurt more by the fact that he used my name instead of the nickname. I’m about to open my mouth to apologize when his index finger presses against my lips.

“I wasn’t finished yet. Now…with that being said, you will accept me for who I am. As I will accept you for who you are. We’re parents. Austin needs both of us. There’s a lot of shit going on besides our own personal stuff we have to go through because…” He shrugs a hand through his hair. “Listen, I can’t lie to you…you fucking gutted me and no matter how much I want to… Dammit. I’m just gonna throw it out. I can’t trust you. I want to, but I…”

My hand goes to his biceps and I give him a squeeze. “Thank you.”

His eyes land on mine, his face resembles shock due to the genuine words I just gave him.

“I mean it. It took a lot to say those words to me and I respect your honesty. Believe me, I wish it was different, but like you said…a history, we both have it and even share one. We can’t hide it and deep down, I am ashamed for my actions, but we can’t change the past. The future is a whole different thing. I’m glad we can focus on that to give Austin two parents who love him.” My voice cracks on the last few words and with that I bite down on my bottom lip.

Because I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll throw out something like…I will do anything to earn your trust…and love. Shit. See? Biting down to keep them locked is the only way to go.

“Aw, Spiky. Dammit,” he growls, angry, as I feel his thumb brush over my cheek, brushing away the tears I didn’t even realize were falling.

“Don’t worry, it’s the hormones. I swear.” I chuckle while I slap his hand away.

His eyes narrow. “You fucking know that’s two times I’ve caught you lying to me, right? I fucking warned you about that shit like two seconds ago. Dammit. I never care about tears, fuck. Why does it feel like yours are slicing right through me?” He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “You’re gonna get one more free pass because you’re crying, but sweetheart…third time’s the charm.”

The promise in his eyes is laced with desire and I’m sure he’s implying the punishment has something to do with sex. This time I’m biting my lip for a different reason, because I’m tempted to lie…right here, right freaking now.