CHAPTER 30
Haley was pulling away. Axel could feel it. Feel it in the way she avoided his gaze, the way her eyes grew distant and sad when she thought no one was looking. Dread charged through him.
Goddammit, she was going to bolt.
He steeled himself. Not if he could help it.
He scanned the party and caught sight of her with Millie and Emmaline. She laughed, just then, at something one of the women had said, her face lighting. Something pulled tight within him. Twisted up and seized hard around his heart. She was so perfectly lovely, perfectly at ease, so perfect for him.
He jammed his hand into his pocket, fingers fiddling with the ring he’d been carrying around for three days. It hadn’t been easy, making an excuse to drive to Manhattan during cleanup. But then the opportunity had presented itself, and Axel had volunteered to make a run to purchase toys for the kids staying at the arena with gift cards people had dropped off. The ring was simple, a diamond solitaire on a white gold band. Their lives were complicated enough. He wanted his offering to be simple. Straightforward.
Axel wound his way through the tables filled with residents, barbecue, and most important – laughter. God knew, people needed to laugh right now. And if Uncle Warren’s funeral gave them that, good. He swallowed down a lump of grief that snuck up on him. He still couldn’t believe he’d been the last one of his family to see Warren alive. To see his crusty smile, hear his dry laugh, receive his quirky advice.
As they’d talked about Warren over the previous days, they’d discovered his penchant for giving strange, yet timely advice to the younger generation of Prairie. It seemed like everyone had a story about Warren’s ‘chats’ or his love of Dottie’s pie. Axel missed the old cuss with a fierceness that surprised him. He’d miss Warren every time they played poker, every time he heard Henry laugh. But he’d be around to make sure Henry knew about his grampy and what a hero Warren had been.
“Axel.” A hand grabbed his elbow, stopping him. He turned, surprised. Elaine Ryder looked up at him through big, mournful eyes. “I… I’ve been trying for days to figure out what to say.” She sniffed and blew out a breath. “I’m so, so very sorry for your loss.” Her voice caught and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “And – and I’m so grateful that Dax is safe.” The tear leaked out her eye and rolled slowly down her cheek.
Heat raced up Axel’s neck and his eyelids pricked. He nodded, not sure what to say.
Elaine swiped at her eyes. “I- I don’t think I could survive if something happened to Dax. He’s such a sweet boy. My whole world.” She gave him a watery smile. “He- he never meant to hurt anyone. He was scared.” Her face contorted and Axel pulled her into his arms. What else could he do?
“I know,” he answered, his voice thick with the loss of it all. “But we’re going to be okay. And he is too. And we’ll help him. Okay?” He stepped back, still keeping his hands on her shoulders. “No one blames him, Elaine. We’re glad Dax is okay, too.”
She sagged in relief, nodding her understanding. “Thank you.”
Would this be him someday soon? Terrified to the point of paralysis for his child? Afraid to breathe, for fear they’d break? Is this what he had to look forward to as a parent?
Yes.
But also the love. He recognized the love in Elaine’s eyes. Had seen it in Haley’s when she pressed a hand to her belly when she thought he wasn’t watching. “Come visit, if you ever need to talk. And bring Dax, too. Door’s always open. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I need to find.” He gave Elaine’s shoulder a final encouraging squeeze and made a beeline for Haley.
The three women were giggling when Axe approached, his hand dropping to Haley’s shoulder. Millie looked at him, smirked, then dropped her gaze.
“Sorry. We were reliving the ambush,” Haley explained.
A laugh rumbled through him. “Glad to know I have staying power.” Sure, it had been a little embarrassing that they’d literally caught him with his pants down. But he’d more than earned a little payback, and you should only give as good as you were willing to get.
“In more ways than one,” Haley murmured under her breath.
Axel leaned down, suddenly nervous. “Walk with me?”
She nodded, pushing back from the table. “See you ladies.”
“Bunco tomorrow night?” Emmaline asked.
For a fraction of a second, Haley’s face broke down. But then her cheeks smoothed, a placid smile firmly in place. “I’ll see how it goes.”
Dammit.
She was planning on leaving.
Again, dread swirled through him. He’d just have to convince her to stay. He laced their fingers together, and led them back through the tables, all the way out into the yard. Haley gasped in delight as they stepped outside. The sky had been set ablaze with pinks and oranges, the surrounding hills bathed in a golden light. A poignantly beautiful reminder of everything he loved about his home. He led them down past the corral and through the trees to their bunkhouse.
Haley paused as his hand hit the doorknob. “Let’s stay outside. Watch the sunset.”
“Sure.” He turned and sat on the stoop, pulling her down to sit between his legs. She settled into him, resting her arms on his legs.
They sat quietly as the clouds changed slowly from coral to gold to purple and the light faded. She raised a hand. “Look.” A firefly winked and darted in front of them. “The first of the season. It’s an omen.”
Hopefully a good one.
“Axel… I…” Haley sighed deeply. “We need to talk.”
Everything in him stilled. Those words were never a good sign. He tensed and braced for the words he knew were coming.
“I’m leaving in the morning.” Her voice was small. Sad. “Forte asked if I would return with him to work on bringing the all data we collected online. And he needs my input on the next set of probes we develop. Apparently, I’m a good shot, and my probes gathered the most data.”
He shut his eyes as the pain he’d been expecting washed over him. After a moment he hugged her tightly, inhaling her scent as he buried his face in her silky, dark hair. “I know,” he murmured.
She swiveled, looking at him, eyes full of confusion. “You’re not mad?”
A bitter laugh ripped from his throat. “I’m a whole helluva lot of things. But no. Not mad.”
“What are you?”
He swallowed, searching for words. “Hurt, mostly. That you won’t stay. That I- I’m… not enough,” he admitted softly.
She stifled a sob, and cupped his cheek. “You are, Axe. Enough.”
“Then marry me,” he blurted out. “Make a life with me.”
“You know I would… in a heartbeat. But not here. You know there’s no work for me here. Half of my job requires time in a lab. And the lab, along with all our equipment is in Norman. My work requires colleagues to bounce ideas off of, or collaborate with. We’re not set up to work remotely year round.”
Her words stabbed at him. Poked holes in his heart where emotion leaked out in hot angry pools. “You can’t ask me to leave Prairie. Not now. Not when everything’s still a disaster. Not after Dottie gave that speech.”
She blinked several times. “I know,” she answered thickly. “I’d never in a million years ask you to leave. You know that. Your family is here. And your land. You have no idea how much it means to me that you think I’m family too. But I told you before, I won’t be an obligation. I won’t have you that way.”
“Then stay… please.” The last word came out in a desperate whisper.
“I can’t let you shoulder the financial burden of two more people. You’ve already said the ranch is running razor thin margins. And you know I’m not ranch wife material. I never have been.”
It gutted him to admit it, but she had a point. She was no Martha, and he loved her for it. They could make things work for a little while without her working, but ultimately, they’d be one disaster away from financial ruin, and that was no way to run a family business. Not with so many people depending on its success.
“You could… do Youtube weather predictions… or, or… teach high school science by video?” Dread wound through him. Surely there was something she could do besides her job in Norman? Something that would keep her here?
She laughed a little, and pressed her mouth to his. He could taste her tears. “You know I can’t. I… I don’t expect you to understand, but my work is part of me. If I gave that up, I’d be giving up too much of myself. Just like you’d give up too much of yourself if you left the ranch. And what example would that set for our child?”
Anger shot through him. At no one in particular. At the universe, he guessed. That he of all people would fall for the one person who couldn’t, wouldn’t stay.
“The offer stands,” he said roughly. “I don’t want anyone else.” The ring burned in his pocket, a stinging reminder of what he wanted and couldn’t have.
“C’mon.” He stood, offering his hand, and helped her up, pulling her inside and into his arms. They might not know how to figure out the future, but they at least had tonight. He cupped his hand around her neck and pulled her in. His mouth covered hers, and he teased it open gently, flicking his tongue across her lip.
She made a noise in the back of her throat and melted into him, kicking off her shoes. His boots joined hers. Her fingers were at his buttons, working them open and palming his chest as he helped her by shrugging off his shirt.
Mouth still on hers, he tugged on her shirt, lifting it up, only breaking the kiss long enough to pull it over her head. Her hands reached behind her to unclasp her bra but he stopped her. “Let me.” He flicked at the hooks, releasing them, then gently coaxed down the straps, his breath sticking in his throat as the silky material caught on her full, tight nipples.
She gave a little shrug, and the material whispered down to the floor, baring her to him. A small sigh escaped him as he drew the back of a finger across her tight skin, teasing it and watching how the areola puckered. Then he replaced his finger with his mouth, taking the stiff peak gently between his teeth and lapping at it with the flat of his tongue.
A shudder went through her body, and she let out a high sigh.
He licked at it again, drawing another sweet sound from her before moving to the other, which was already hard and waiting for his mouth. Her hand came to his head, fingers gripping his scalp.
Need swirled through him, hot and hard.
He pulled on her skirt, yanking it hard and catching the scrap of lace that counted as panties with it. He gave a little growl of satisfaction. Three cheers for stretchy skirts. She stepped out widening her stance just enough for him to slip a hand between her arousal slicked thighs.
A little tendril of pride curled through him. She was wound up for him. On fire, and wet for him. The urge to brand her, put his mark on her, so that the world knew she was his, ripped through him with primal force. He slipped a finger through her swollen folds, smiling as she trembled and sighed against him. “You belong to me, Haley. We belong to each other. Together.” He pulled his finger through her wetness, hitting the places he knew she liked, and swirling her arousal around her clit.
She nodded, her head falling into him as her body melted under his fingers. But this wasn’t enough. Not tonight. He guided her to the floor, coming to his knees between her legs. She dropped them open, an invitation he wasn’t about to refuse. He wanted to ravage her, but he forced himself to go slowly. To touch her lightly, even as his cock was begging to plunder her depths.
Her hips thrust up, pleading for his touch. She gazed up at him through heavy, hooded lids. “Please, Axe,” she spoke barely above a whisper.
He drew a finger from bottom to top, circling her clit, then brought it to his mouth, tasting her. Tasting her sweet, musky arousal. For him. She moaned, biting her lip. He repeated the motion, but this time, bringing his finger to her lips, smearing a little across her lower lip. “Taste yourself. Taste how fucking hot you are.” She moaned, drawing his finger into her mouth and swirling a tongue over the tip as she sucked and lapped her essence up.
Her action sent a lightning bolt of need straight to his cock. He ached for her, ached for release.
He bent his head, pressing a kiss on the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, stroking a path upward with his tongue, breathing her in. Her legs trembled with pent up need. And using the flat of his tongue, he swiped up from bottom to top, coating himself with her. She bucked and groaned, sucking his finger harder.
On his way back down, he licked back and forth across her plumped up outer lips until he reached her entrance. He gave a swirl, then thrust into her, lapping up her arousal. Her hips writhed beneath him, undulating in a rolling rhythm that had his own hips moving in answer. He grunted deep with satisfaction as her whimpers came faster and faster, and she bit down on his finger. As long as he lived, he would never get enough of her taste… her little sounds of delight and want… of her. He licked up again, spreading her juices and covering her clit with his mouth. He sucked and licked until she went rigid and cried his name, long and loud.
YES. His mind roared in satisfaction. He kept licking and sucking on her clit until her body trembled from head to toe, and she cried out with every breath, fingers clutching his hair in a vice-like grip.
He shimmied out of his jeans, and brought his cock to her opening. She was a glorious sight beneath him. Hair mussed, cheeks pink, a sheen of sweat over her body. Mouth plump from his kisses, eyes sex-drunk and glazed with want.
His cock throbbed, hot and heavy with need. But still he held back, teasing her by rubbing the head along her folds, slicking himself with her. God, he fucking loved her bare and slippery like this. He circled her clit with himself, and she raised her hips, pressing herself into him. “Yes, Axe… please, now.”
The lion in him roared again, and he pushed into her tight, wet opening, his eyes nearly rolling into his head with the goodness of it. “Fuck, Haley. You feel so damned good. So wet, so hot.”
He pulled out slowly, somehow finding superhuman control and managing to not rut like a crazed bull. He slid the crown of his cock over her folds again as she trembled and keened. “Please, Axe, fuck me.”
He drove into her sweetness again and again. And with a loud cry, she clenched around him, and he pushed deeper, making sure he rubbed her clit. Another push, and he shattered, black spots pricking behind his eyes, his heart flying into pieces, numbness racing down the back of his legs.
He collapsed on top of her, kissing her gently. “I love you, Haley. I always will.”
Her eyes shimmered. “I love you, too. With all my heart. Please don’t ever doubt that.”
Axel rolled them onto their sides and tucked her into his embrace. It didn’t matter they were in the middle of the floor. He wasn’t moving. He kissed her hair as she burrowed her head into his chest. Whatever it took to make this moment last. Because he knew, as chagrin stole over him, that she would be gone before he woke.