Kat
“I’m heading across the street to grab some dinner. You want something?” My assistant, Lainie, pokes her blue head into my office. We’ve only been working together a handful of months, but we hit it off from day one. She’s only twenty-one and still wet behind the ears, but she’s so adorably clueless you can’t help but love her. It also helps that she idolizes me. I mean, why wouldn’t she? I’m frickin’ awesome!
Petaloúda, formerly Nisha Nails, is a hella chic European spa in downtown LA. After only six months in California, I built this place from a crusty old nail salon to a skin care empire. Okay, maybe I’m overselling it just a skosh, but business is booming, and I’m proud to say this place is all mine.
Turns out my father was a hoarder to the nth degree. He not only amassed dirty dishes and broken household appliances but had a nest egg of old IBM stock certificates as well. Even in death, my father made sure he took care of me, and I wasn’t going to squander this opportunity to start over. So, yeah, I’m proud of every nook, every cranny, and every last iota of this place because of what I had to lose to get it.
“Yeah . . . um . . . I’ll just take a spinach salad with grilled chicken and a lemon squeeze. No dairy in that, okay?”
She scrunches up her nose as she calls in the order. “I have no idea how you eat that flavorless crud!”
Smiling, I pull a twenty from my purse. “We only get one body.” My silly grin widens as I realize who I sound like. It wasn’t that long ago I was the one wearing the WTF scowl. Chase made more sense than I gave him credit for.
“Oh! Speaking of bodies! That guy from the yoga studio stopped in here looking for you again.”
“You mean Rob? Ugh.”
“What? He’s so hot!”
I shrug. “Hot is of no importance to me. He’s a meathead. I’m too old for that. I need a guy with a little more substance.”
She looks at me like I’m speaking a foreign language. “You want substance in LA? Good luck with that. Illegal ones are all you’re gonna find—and you don’t even drink!”
“There’s a guy out there for me somewhere. I’ll wait.” Way out there. Like all the way on the other side of the country out there. The one and only guy for me. I deserted him and flew off to California with my tail between my legs instead of admitting how I feel. That type of love is once in a lifetime. The kind that comes into your life so unexpectedly it takes your heart by surprise and changes it forever. I had it, and I lost it because I was too afraid of getting hurt, but the impact he had on me was so profound his absence has left a gaping hole that can never be filled.
“Been burned by a few hotties, have you?” She licks her finger and makes a singe noise as she pretends to touch me with it.
“Something like that. Now shoo. I have work to do,” I tell her with a wink. I never mentioned Chase. Why would I? The story doesn’t bode well for me. I left everything in New Jersey when I left him behind, including my heart clinging to his cartoon character sheets. Who needs love? It’s a bullshit feeling. Chemically no different than ingesting huge quantities of chocolate. I’m a career woman first and foremost. This is all I need, all I ever wanted. My job. My assistant. The sunshine.
And fifteen cats who will eventually eat me when I’ve died in my apartment all alone. The circle of life.
I open my calendar as Lainie saunters from my office. The schedule is light this evening. Maybe I’ll cut out early and take a spin class or something. An overwhelming sense of ickiness that always comes from thoughts of Chase worms through my gut. It’s the guilt eating me from the inside out. So many nights I sat in my room just thinking of a reason to call him, but what would I even say? I let you make love to me all night then left you naked and passed out in your bed. Sorry, dude. There’s no way I could face him at this point. What’s done is done. No use crying into my day planner now.
Lainie returns moments later with a shopping bag from Deluca’s Deli dangling off her forearm along with about thirty-seven silver bangles that clang as she walks. “Katarina, there’s some guy out front for you.”
I turn toward my calendar again, but the time slot is empty. “I doubt this guy has an appointment,” she interjects. Her lips curl into a wicked grin as she lifts her finger with another singeing sound.
“I’ll be right out.”
The feet of my desk chair slide across the floor with a squeak. I skim my hands down the front of my pleated skirt and smooth my hair back before clacking out to the lobby in my platform wedge sandals. Forget spin class. I’m all depressed now. I’m going to drown my sorrows in a pint of coconut milk ice cream and watch reruns of Wheel of Fortune for old times’ sake. Livin’ large. Don’t be jealous.
A row of pink can lights illuminates the glass shelves of product along the edge of the room. Rows and rows of fancy bottles with designer labels and bloated price tags that Los Angeles rich bitches can’t get enough of. And standing next to the vast display, my past sticks out like a sore thumb.
Butterflies flap like tiny motherfuckers in my belly, their antenna stabbing my heart with their vehement flight. I float forward as if being pulled by the crystal-blue beam shining in his perfect eyes.
“Hey, stranger.” He takes an awkward step, his arms lifting just a bit then falling to his sides. The piercing in his lip flutters, kicking my pulse up to eleven. That damn lip ring is my undoing every time.
The breath I didn’t know I was holding slowly trickles out. “What are you doing here?”
“I was in the neighborhood. Thought I’d catch up with an old friend.”
“You were in the neighborhood?”
“Yeah.” The edges of his bow tie lips quirk into a lopsided grin. “Only took me two planes and a terrifying cab ride through the ghetto to get there, but here I am.” I stand like a stone, my lips parted, having no idea how to even respond to that.
“Why?”
“To be honest . . .” He trails off with a slow exhale. “Grandma passed.”
A pinprick tears a microscopic hole in my heart. “When?”
“Couple of months back.” Red rings form around his eyes. His beautiful lips curve into a devastating frown. “She always loved the beach. I figured I’d spread her ashes out to sea. She’d have liked that.”
“There are beaches in New Jersey. You came all the way out here just to make me feel bad?” Guilt strangles me the minute it falls from my mouth. I’m doing to him what he did to me, and it’s not right. I don’t want it to be like this between us anymore. I’m tired of hurting. “I’m sorry, Chase. I know how much you loved her. I did, too. Thank you for telling me.” He nods, biting back the emotion I see swirling in his crystal gaze.
“You look good as a blonde,” he tells me.
Subconsciously, I run my fingers through the tawny tendrils hanging off my shoulder. “When in Rome, right?” The tense silence between us is deafening. It hangs in the air like a giant balloon ready to pop. “Smoke a butt?”
Without waiting for an answer, I turn and trudge to the back entrance of the lobby where a tiny patio is set up with a barrel table and two folding chairs. My own little smoking section. The fire-rated metal door opens slow as molasses when I push with all my might, but Chase’s strong arm comes in from behind me. An avalanche of memories comes tumbling down from both his smell and his warmth. It affects my body and scrambles my mind. There’s just so much I want to say to him that I can’t think of anything to say at all. I have everything I’ve ever wanted, but without him to share it with, it’s a bittersweet victory. “How’ve you been otherwise?”
“Honestly, I didn’t come here to make small talk with you. I have something to say, something I should have said a long time ago.”
I cross my arms over my chest, protecting my heart from the sharp words I anticipate are coming. I deserve every harsh thing he lobs at me, but I don’t want to stand here and bleed out in the open air.
“Se agapó, Katarina.” Time and space freeze to a slow-motion crawl. The burning sting that was lodged in my throat starts eeking up to my eyes. “The Greek language is interesting when you break it down. The way certain things translate really is beautiful. Like you don’t just say I miss you. You say mou leípeis which is closer to you are missing from me. That morning when I woke up and found you gone . . . I tried to forget you. I wanted to. But you took the best parts of me with you when you left. I’ve kicked the deadliest of habits, but you’re the only drug I can’t seem to shake. You’re in my blood, in my soul.” He lifts my trembling hand to his wildly beating heart. “You’re in here.”
I swallow hard, blinking back the tears brimming my eyes. “We don’t work, Chase. We’re vindictive, spiteful people. We hurt each other for sport, just to see the other person bleed. Apart, we’re fine, but together we’re poison. I’ve done enough damage to your life already.” I hear the words coming out of my mouth, but my voice is so small and sad. I drove him to drink. Next time, it could be so much worse.
“I’m not perfect, Kat, but if I can take it all back, I would.”
“I would, too. But we can’t.” Unstoppable tears stream down both my cheeks now.
With unsteady hands, Chase pulls a pack of smokes from the breast pocket of his bright white tee and brings one to his mouth. “So what? We argue! You’re a stubborn bitch, and I’m a huge pain in the ass. You say we’re bad for each other; well, I say we’re no good for anybody else. Stop being so goddamned afraid to get hurt and look at me.” When he grasps my shoulders with a firm shake, the unlit cigarette stuck to his lips falls to the cobblestone patio between us. “I flew twenty-five hundred miles to tell you that I fucking love you. I love you, and I know you still love me, too.”
“Maybe I do, so what? It doesn’t make—”
Chase’s mouth crashes upon mine without warning. I stumble on my giant platforms, but find myself caught in his strong arms, losing it all to the powerful energy that coils around us every time we touch. His full lips are just as sweet as I remember, as they’ve been in every naughty thought that keeps me awake at night.
Another round of memories grabs hold, reminding me how good it feels to be with him. A low growl escapes his chest. I reply with a soft sigh of my own, letting my heart finally lead the way for the first time since I can remember.
“How are we gonna do this? You live on the other side of the country.”
“I have no ties to New Jersey, Kat. Nothing’s keeping me there when everything I want is out here.”
“You wanna move to California?”
With inked fingers threaded through mine, he subconsciously rubs his thumb across my left ring finger. “If you’ll have me.”
“I’m afraid,” I whisper, holding back another wave of tears. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
“What if it does? What if it’s an epic love story that changes your life and your last name? We’re never gonna know unless we try.”
I lift my tear soaked gaze to his dry one. He loves me. In the end, that’s really all I need to know. “One day at a time, right?”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “Come on. Let me take you somewhere. A real date.”
A laugh snorts from my nose. “I’m not that kinda girl. Just take me home, Chase.”