THE REMAINDER OF dinner was spent stuffing our faces with ribs while I did whatever I could to make her laugh. Today was hard for both of us, obviously more so her than me, but we both felt the emptiness Mike left behind. The guilt had weighed down on me for the past year, and now, gazing across the table at my partner’s widow, it felt almost too heavy to bear.

I stared down at the few ribs left on my plate and concentrated on filling my stomach. Was I supposed to get up and leave? Should I tell her we couldn’t be friends anymore? What good would either of those things do? She liked having dinner with a friend, and for some reason, I was that friend. Mike had been my partner and my best friend, and now I owed it to him to be a friend for Grace as well. Maybe I wasn’t in love with her. Maybe I just loved her as a friend.

I glanced up from my plate and stared across the table. She held her fork like a surgeon holding a scalpel as she carefully dissected the coleslaw on her plate. Small shavings of carrot were removed one by one and pushed aside. She hated carrots. A strand of her hair fell over her face. She pushed the remaining cabbage around her plate while mindlessly tucking the strand back behind her ear. Pleased with her work, she scooped a large bite onto her fork.

How could I not be in love with her?

“Carrots are good for your eyes,” I told her, positive I was staring at her as if she were the most adorable thing in the world.

“That might be true, but they don’t belong in my coleslaw.” Her mouth closed around her fork. The corners of her eyes lifted as she smiled while chewing.

She dropped her fork onto her plate and sat back, her eyes lingered around the dimly lit restaurant. Her shoulders rose up slightly and fell with a satisfied breath. Her gaze found mine again, but I didn’t shift my eyes away so quickly this time. I wanted her to see I was staring at her. I would probably let her see a lot of things now.

“Wanna go to Dixie’s?” she asked, her eyes growing with excitement. “I’m off tomorrow.”

I pulled out my wallet to dig out some money, but she reached her hand across the table and grabbed mine. “No, Wyatt. Let me pay. You always pay.”

Her one hand remained clasped around mine while she used the other to search for the wallet in her purse.

I shook my head at her ridiculous notion. “While I appreciate it, the truth is I never date. Can’t you be my one date a week?”

Her hand fell but her eyes remained locked on mine. Shit. I’d said too much.

“Well, then the drinks at Dixie’s are on me,” she said. “This is an equal society now. A friend should be able to buy a friend drinks for the evening.”

I smiled, put the money on top of the bill, and scooted out of the booth.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I said, putting on my hat.

Grace sang along to the country music on the radio the entire ride to Dixie’s. Maybe Caleb was right. Maybe this was the reason I didn’t date Megan. Maybe this was the reason I didn’t date anyone. I wanted this time with Grace and I was absolutely content with our situation. Maybe in time it would wear off. Or maybe it wouldn’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t push her away or try to pull her close. I’d be whatever she needed me to be.

More country music was playing when I pulled open the door to Dixie’s. It was the week between Christmas and New Year’s and not many people were working during the holidays so the bar was relatively full. We found two stools at the corner end of the bar, away from the mass of people. Grace took off her coat and bundled it up onto her stool.

“Whatever beer you’re drinking is fine. I have to run to the restroom.”

She was off before I could respond. I looked across the bar and saw Megan pouring beer into a pitcher. She moved toward me, grabbing two mugs from the freezer on her way over. She smiled as she placed the pitcher down in front of me.

“Wyatt, don’t think I don’t know.” She poured the beer into one of the mugs and pushed it in front of my crossed arms. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the bar and said, “I like our fun, but I know it’s only fun.”

I stared at her big brown eyes, the curls falling around her face. She really was beautiful, with a knockout body to match, but both of us knew we weren’t meant for each other.

“What are you trying to say, Megan?’

“I’m saying I want Tanner Landry. And you want Grace Shuler.”

“Look,” I ignored the Grace part and kept the conversation about Megan. “We’re on the same level with whatever you and I are. Good friends with better benefits.”

She laughed. It was true. We rocked. We both knew it.

“But as a good friend, Megan, I have to be honest with you.”

“What?” Her eyes widened, but a small smile remained.

“Tanner’s not gonna date you.”

“Because I’m white,” she stated this as a fact but there was a hint of a question in there as well.

I nodded, shrugging my shoulders.

“What is the big deal?” She huffed. “It’s the twenty-first century. Is it because his family only wants him to date black girls?”

“No.” I shook my head, lifting the brim of my hat up so she could see how focused I was on her. “Not at all.”

“Well, what is it then? He’s hot. And I’m not bad looking.”

“You’re beautiful, Megan.”

“He’s right, you are,” Grace said, moving her jacket from her stool.

Megan poured a beer for Grace while staring at me with questioning eyes.

“Y’all,” Grace said looking back and forth between us. “I know you hook up. Don’t be weird about it.”

I looked at Grace. “You do?”

“Um, yeah. I’m not that dense.” She sipped her beer. “So, what’s the context of this conversation.”

“Tanner Landry,” Megan supplied.

“Oh, he’s hot.” She took another sip.

I stared at Grace as she cocked her eyebrow at me.

“What? He is hot. Have you seen his muscles?” She waved me off, glancing at Megan. “So, you like him?”

Megan nodded.

“He got burned by some chick in college,” Grace explained. “He even had a ring and everything. Her dad threatened to disown her if she married him. She chose her dad’s money over him so he left Raleigh to get out of the whole situation and found his way here.”

“You knew all of that?” I asked Grace.

“Well, yeah. Sorry if y’all didn’t know, but Mike liked the gossip. He told me everything. Even about you two.”

My eyes widened at her confession. She winked just to rub it in some more.

“So,” Megan interrupted, “Because of some racist asshole years ago, Tanner won’t even look at me.”

“Megan, we all look at you,” I said, trying my best to make her feel better. I did care for her. We had been hooking up off and on for the past two years, but we couldn’t get to that next level. Or maybe we wouldn’t let ourselves.

“If Tanner can’t get over it, then it’s obviously his loss,” Grace added supportively.

“Evan looks at you a little more than the rest,” I mumbled.

“Evan?” Megan eyed me in shock. “Evan Murphy?”

“That’s the one.”

“Well.” She smirked, pulling a towel off her shoulder and turning to walk away. “I always did have a thing for gingers.”

Grace eyed a flyer on the bar and picked it up. She nudged my shoulder and handed me the slip of paper. I glanced at it. A New Year’s Eve party at Dixie’s.

“It says there’s going to be a band,” she said with a smile. “You wanna go?”

“You don’t have plans with Chloe?”

“The gracious parents of one of her friends is hosting a slumber party at their house for all the sixth-grade girls.”

“Oh, wow. That sounds horrible.”

“So, you want to go?” She bit the inside of her lip.

I pulled down the brim of my hat, attempting to hide my curiosity of her nerves.

“Everybody needs a friend on New Year’s Eve,” I answered, looking away to grab the pitcher of beer.

“Yep.” She scooted her nearly empty mug toward me. I refilled her mug and then did the same to mine. She took another sip that quickly turned into a gulp.

“Grace, are you sure you want to do this tonight? It hasn’t been an easy day. I won’t be offended if you just want to go home.”

“You know…” She twisted in her stool to face me. “I knew Mike practically my entire life. He was the only person I’d ever been in love with. He made me happy. He lived every day to its fullest.”

She exhaled and reached for her beer. Her blue eyes, slightly glazed over, met mine as she continued, “You’re right, though. Today wasn’t an easy day. None of the days have been easy, but every day gets a little better than the last. The way I look at it, two of his favorite people are spending time together. He would be happy to know that you and I have become friends.”

She took a sip of beer, keeping the mug in her hand.“He would be so upset if I were at home crying my eyes out. He’d want the both of us sitting here, drinking beer, and being as happy as we can be.”

My exact thoughts from earlier. I was as happy as I could be. Just knowing she was trying to be as happy as she could be while sitting here with me made everything a little easier. I raised my mug to her.

“To the most wonderful man who ever lived.” She clanked her mug against mine, taking the words right out of my mouth.