Chapter 17

Fox

I sat at the computer, dooming myself to it: the articles about Marissa, the endless stream of horror that had been my life just six months before. ROCK STAR’S WIFE SLAUGHTERED AT CLUB, one read. Another, ROCK STAR’S WIFE PREGNANT AT TIME OF SHOOTING. I forced myself to read them, to really live in the truth of these. After all, they were the reasons I was forcing myself to be alone forever. I couldn’t handle love and all that love brought with it. It brought commitment. It brought sadness.

I knew the concert was happening. I could practically hear Lily-Rose’s notes jangling in my ear. How proud I’d been when she’d finally hit that chord progression, diving from a C major chord to an A minor and back, without hesitation. “She’s got the instincts of a good musician, Talia,” I’d said, my smile as broad as any father’s. And Talia had just beamed back at me, sensing what I’d, in the back of my mind, probably always known—that we were building something, together.

I heard the tires screeching out front. My heart hammered, sensing something was amiss. Nobody ever visited me out at the cabin. It wasn’t that people didn’t know I was out there. Rather, Bilkington seemed to know my every move. I heard my name whispered at the grocery store, spouting rumors. “I heard he’s taken up with that Talia girl again. Going to absolutely destroy her, isn’t he? Well, he’s done it before.”

All that bullshit, from a place Talia said built “community.” It wasn’t true. I’d felt more of a kinship from my druggie neighbors back in Los Angeles than I did with these saps. They were eager to be moral judgers, not friends. Sure, they wanted to donate food to the soup kitchen. But they wanted to do it while telling everyone what a “good citizen” they fucking were.

It was all for a purpose, like any addict. They were addicted to being good. And Talia was already becoming a part of it, stirring in the shit pot of the town. I didn’t want any part of that.

I strutted toward the front porch, staring out as Talia exited her car. She paused, catching my eye. At first, her face flashed with insecurity, but that instantly transformed into anger. Bolting toward me, she revealed her inner self, one filled with resentment.

“How dare you!” she spat at the front porch, her face on the other side of the screen door.

I popped the door open, mirroring her expression of anger. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, my voice low.

“You… you got that poor little girl’s hopes up,” Talia stuttered. “You told Lily-Rose you would be there for her!”

“That’s not entirely true,” I said, thrusting the door open wider. I towered over Talia, making her look meek, slight. “I told both you and her that I would help her train for the benefit concert. I never fucking said I’d make an appearance at that dumb community event. It’s… well, Talia, it’s too much to ask. You know I don’t belong with them.”

Talia brought her hand to my upper chest, shoving at me. The motion was so light, due to her slight, spaghetti arms. But her eyes continued to burn.

“What is it you’re so fucking afraid of, huh?!” Talia cried. “Tell me that. Why are you so afraid of being involved with anything? With the community? This place wasn’t so bad when you grew up here, was it? It gave you what you needed. It gave you me. I was there for you. I was around, every step of the way. Until you fucking abandoned me!”

“Talia, what happened? Why aren’t you at the show?” I asked her, side-stepping her questions. “Lily-Rose is supposed to perform in what? A few minutes?”

“She won’t go on!” Talia spewed. “She says she needs you there. Apparently she already needs you more than she needs me. She needs you, and she needs her new grandmother. I’ve tried to be everything she needs, Fox! I’ve tried to give her the world. I wanted to give her music. I wanted to give her comfort. I wanted to try to… to push past her crazy moods and help her.”

I put my hands up in the air. Anger at these accusations toward me made my heart beat wilder. “You can’t blame me for all of this, Talia,” I told her. “I did what you asked me to do. And none of that had anything to do with being a part of your community. Hell, I’ve given Lily-Rose a lot. Tell me I haven’t.”

Talia’s hands drew into fists. After a pause, she unclenched them and bucked forward, entering the cabin. She leaned against the counter, falling into the first of several sobs. Her torso shook.

“You’re putting all your anger on me, and it’s not fair,” I continued, unable to stop myself now. “You think just because we fucked a few times I can give you the world? Well, I don’t have it in me, Talia. It sounds like you have a lot of shit to deal with, what with Evelyn back in town. And I don’t want to be involved. I came back to be alone. I’ve given you everything I possibly can.”

Talia shook a final time. Spinning toward me, tears were streaming down her face. Her lips parted as she hunted for something to say. But she knew she didn’t have an argument. I kept the door open, thrusting my hand toward the outdoors.

“I think it’s time for you to go and sort it out yourself, Talia,” I told her, sounding arrogant, wild. “This isn’t the place for it.”

With slow, staggering steps, Talia moved past me. Her eyes didn’t meet mine. Rather, she kept them toward the car. Within seconds, I slammed the door behind her, creating a divide. One I knew would keep her away from me forever.

I listened by the door until her car’s engine cranked, until I could hear the gravel cracking under her tires. Talia was gone, ready to take her messes and cleanse them, alone.