28. WALK OF SHAME
LEON
I’m used to waking up before my slumber-party guests, but I was overzealous in my mission to sober Pandora up last night. Now, the daylight sieves in, and I come to life by Pandora interrogating me as if we weren’t just sound asleep.
“So what happened? You had a girlfriend, they say.”
I demonstrate my displeasure by groaning loudly. My impromptu, mental notes tell me this girl should not remain too clearheaded.
Opening one eye, I shoot her a look. She’s sitting on my bed, legs to one side and staring at me. She has one of my black V-necks pulled over her head, exposing the soft crack between her breasts. No bra obstructs the goodies pressing against the cotton. My grouchiness subsides as I hook into the V and pull down, baring more of her.
“They can only take so much of me,” I reply, widening the neckline with a second finger. She shakes me off and leans away, almost out of reach. I like this girl.
“Who can only take so much of you?”
“My girlfriends.” I fork fingers through the air in quotation marks. It’s true—I don’t count hours, days, months of exclusive relationships. Some last longer than others.
It took me years to see a pattern in the girls I prefer. Since then, my actions have become conscientious. Sadly, it’s rare to come across chicks who don’t give a flying fuck, but now that I know what turns me on, whenever I find one, I pursue her with everything I have.
They always disappoint in the end, though. At one point or another, every girl I’m with changes. In some, the transformation occurs within days, while with others, I enjoy weeks and months of their wretched, complicated company. I’ve stopped hoping for more.
Believe me, it is not my intention to ruin them. I’m not in the business of messing with my girls’ lives. I love them because they’ve completed the task themselves, and it’s when they start caring—caring about me, caring about their own lives because they care about me—that their appeal collapses.
I’m typically up front about what attracts me to my women, and yet they’re oddly surprised when I send them packing. With the last one, I lasted longer than usual. The sex was good, and she obeyed my every command in and out of bed. Yeah, Iris was special. For months, she showed no sign of wanting to straighten out her life. Once she did, I took weeks to catch on to how she did it all for me.
Last night’s fuck hasn’t made Pandora plunge head over heels into the dreaded abyss of a crush. The way she looks at me is part disgust, part fascination. Right now, she’s wondering why the hell she came here with me—did this with me, and I’m stirring—my cock’s stirring—at the purity of her attitude.
She’s so beautifully messed up.
“You’re so special, aren’t you—too much for your girlfriends,” she mocks, a contemptuous edge to her voice as she shifts uncomfortably on the mattress.
I laugh softly. “You could say that. How’s your tushy, sugar? Is it bothering you?” I drag her toward me, causing her to tip over into my lap. I lift the shirt covering her ass and get an exquisite eyeful of her still-pink skin. So pretty.
“You’re fucking crazy, Leon,” she mumbles, but she lets me caress her there.
“I know. And you’re on the kinky side yourself,” I remind her. She huffs out a “no way,” as I slide my fingers into her crack, relishing in her warmth.
Pandora struggles up onto her knees before I can explore her further. She throws her long, just-fucked mane over a shoulder and narrows her stare at me.
“Yeah, I’m outta here. Thanks for the sleepover, Leon,” she quips.
“Breakfast?” I smirk, my gut feeling telling me she’ll be back. I can count on one hand the ladies I’ve sent off screaming, never to return for seconds.
“Mm.” She rolls her eyes upward, making a show of considering my offer. “Mm-no. I’m thinking you’ve served up more than enough of your specialties, Leon. You know, we chicks can only take so much of you.”
Then she spins on the floor, wrings my shirt off with her back to me, giving me a full view of her gorgeous ass in the process. She bends over and picks up her clothes, her shoes, unconsciously flashing rosy lips and the entrance to heaven my way. Then, she stomps out of my bedroom, gets dressed in thirty seconds flat, and slams the front door when she storms off.
Holy. Shit.
I just might be in love.
PANDORA
Leon didn’t even offer me a ride home. Not that I would’ve accepted, but—wow. Plus, he’s crazy. For me, though, the bigger issue is my own level of crazy and freaking depravity!
What the heck did I agree to last night? I let him spank me. Hard, even. If only it had been just that, me letting him hurt me, but his rough handling launched me into a squealing orgasm too. I feel so dirty, I might as well have committed to pole-dancing my way through college.
Taking a cab back to the apartment doesn’t sound right at the moment. I need to walk off this energy. Get rid of some self-loathing before I face the girls.
I’m not in a panic. Not yet. I’m just in shock over how low I’ve sunk. If I’m this bad a few months shy of twenty years old, what the hell kind of person will I be in a decade? Will I earn my living as a brothel madam? Be the proud owner of an S&M club? Ha!
I stare down my own body as I scamper on in my too-high heels, and I groan out loud: the walk of shame. This is it, right here. Never has anyone done a bigger walk of shame. At least I remembered my purse. What about my phone?
Okay, okay—it’s in my jacket.
The remainder of this Saturday morning stroll could take another fifteen minutes. I want to wear my happy-face and not be thrown another pity party once I’m at home. I’m up for a scolding fest, though, which Shannon will launch right into if she’s not too busy with Christian. The pressure in my chest lightens at the thought; I deserve a good scolding. Just like I…
…deserved the spanking last night.
My heart hiccups as I think of Dominic. When I turn my phone on, it speeds up at what I might find. I scroll past Mom’s messages and find his easily. I knew they’d be there, waiting.
He explains last night’s call to me, that the girl I heard was his ex-girlfriend from high school. How they hadn’t seen each other in ages, and how she’d been his hope for assistance with his grandma while he was gone.
He has left several voicemails I won’t be listening to as well. Dominic must not have relied on me checking them either, because he’s typed out the rest of his dissertation over four long texts. Some bull about this Melissa being vindictive over the way he broke up with her.
Stop texting me, I write and hit “send.”
It’s early, very early on the West coast, but he replies immediately.
Pandora, give me a ring.
I halt and lean against a wall as I reply: no.
Dominic instantly calls me. I don’t pick up even though my heart shivers in my chest. I wish he’d let this go. I listen to him call, hang up, call again, and I realize that until I turned the phone on, I was doing well. As insane as the last twenty-four hours have been, at least I didn’t obsess over Dominic; I was too busy with myself for that. With Leon. With the bizarre, new memories I was creating.
I straighten my back at the thought. I can do this. I can let go of my friendship with Dominic and our string of one-night stands. From what I sense from Leon, he’ll have no qualms with filling the void of any weak moment I might experience… What if I impulse-text Leon for company instead?
My stomach suddenly hurts.
Pandora, tell me you’re okay at least.
I grab my stomach with both hands. Push inward to calm it. Then, I type out, Yes, I am OK. Now stop.
Scheuermann?
I downplay the pain. At least I did no backflips last night. I tell Dominic my back burns from the dancing at Smother, but that it’s under control. He sends me a phone number.
She’s a student friend if you don’t want Geraldine to work your back while I’m gone. You need your 3 times a week!
His exclamation point gets to me. I choke up.
K, fine.
I messed up with Melissa, my ex. She’s not going to hang with Grandma now. Need to start from scratch on a solution.
That makes me choke up more. Crap, I really want everything good in the world for him. Dominic has never treated me with anything but concern and respect.
So you’re staying? I ask.
Yeah. Until I have a solution. Can we talk?
In my mind I hear his voice asking that question, and I want to cry. Here I am, unable to offer him even my friendship.
Busy today. Later. Xoxo, I text back.
Okay, babe, he replies. Don’t give up. You can do this. And I know he refers to school. Life. Getting my shit together.
I drop the phone in my purse and cover my mouth with my hand, quelling a small sob. I squeeze my eyes shut at how considerate he is. With all of his problems, Dominic has room to care about me too.