CHAPTER NINE
Alessandra
WAKING UP A HAND is tight around my collarbone and I feel on cloud nine. Safe, and like I’m home. Felix stirs next to me and removes his hand from my throat and it’s as if I was suddenly dumped into an ice bath with the void that is left behind.
Why I feel like that is scary, I shouldn’t like to be held around the throat like that. I can’t help it though, when he does it, I just feel instantly safe. I don’t have to pretend to be in control because I’m giving it to him. I trust him.
Using both hands he runs them down his face and rolls onto his side. His sleepy eyes finding mine.
“Do you remember the nightmare you had last night?” he asks softly. I furrow my brows not remembering waking up at all.
“No.”
“Really?” He tilts his head to the side with disbelief.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t remember anything. Why what happened?” God, I hope I didn’t say anything embarrassing.
“You just started hitting me and yelling. I felt like I was in the ring with WWE or something,” he chuckles, and I can’t help but giggle.
“I get nightmares a lot, they’re always the same,” I mutter, tracing a tattoo of a skull on his arm.
“What are they about?”
I shrug. “A little girl. She’s covered in blood, and scared, pushed to kill. Sometimes the little girl is jumping off a cliff,” I explain. They seem so real and familiar that I’m usually sick the next day after an episode. Felix’s face hardens, and he looks straight up at the ceiling.
“You okay?” I ask. His head snaps to mine, a look of confliction clouding his eyes.
“Yeah,” he mumbles, his tone of voice thick with emotion.
Rubbing his scruffy chin, I can’t help but want to know more about this man.
“Why do they call you Felix?” I ask with a smile, and he turns his head my way.
“Why do you want to know?” he replies with a husky tone that has my nipples budding with longing.
I shrug, as I casually circle that tattoo of a praying lady on his bicep.
“My mother was a club hang around, a slut if I’m being honest. She had a Felix The Cat tattoo on her lower back my dad said. When she had me she left me at the hospital with not so much as a name. She wrote my dad’s name and number on the birth certificate though, and he came and got me; called me Felix,” he tells the story that has my brows furrowing with anger and sympathy. There is no emotion in his tone, as if he’s detached from the most important thing that makes him… him.
“My dad said I look like my mother in the face,” he whispers, and I take notice he doesn’t have the Italian look that Zeek does. His brows and long hair are thick, but his skin is of a lighter color.
“So it’s true, you were raised by the club,” I state rather than ask. They said one of them was raised by the club and has no respect for the law or the well-being of others more so than any of the other men.
“Is that something you learned in the academy?” he smarts with a huff.
I silently laugh. “Actually yeah. It’s kind of crazy they make us learn about you guys before we can pass, but actually seeing you guys up close, I can say they are wrong about you guys,” I mutter softly.
“No, they’re not. It’s just very few get to see a side nobody else does,” he exhales, before running his hands down his face as if he didn’t mean to say that out loud. I can tell by the way he’s tensing he’s done talking about him.
“How is your side?” He pulls the sheets down and inspects my wound. My stomach knots when I notice I’m still naked. I forgot he tore the hospital gown from my body yesterday and pulled me into him like he’d been dying to have me by his side for days.
“It itches, and is a little sensitive,” I inform, watching the beady strings snake in and out of my side.
Felix slides out of bed, and his hard clenched butt cheeks come into full view. Anything painful that might have been on my mind disappears as a blush of desire heats my skin. Rubbing my thighs together I bite my bottom lip and think of anything else but sex.
“I have to go to the station today, make my statement about what happened,” I tell him.
“I’ll take you,” he tells me rather than asks. I can’t help but roll my eyes at his controlling attitude. Same ol’ Felix.
He bends over, messing with the radio and Seether “Broken” thumps through the speakers. I haven’t heard this song in forever. Felix disappears into the bathroom and comes out with a tube of Vaseline.
Kneeling on the floor, he leans over the mattress and dabs some goo on the tip of his finger and slowly, and very carefully applies it to my side. His eyes focused and strong as is hands make me feel more than better.
Suddenly the door is opened and both Felix and I jerk our attention to the door.
Gia stands there in a black Harley shirt and frayed shorts. Her eyes wide and angry as she stares at us. I grab the sheet to cover myself, but Felix just turns his attention back to my wound.
“Get out,” he states with force.
“Why?” she asks. “Why her?” Gia’s voice clogs with emotion.
Felix sighs and stands. Grabbing his junk he pins her with a deathly stare.
“I said get out,” he warns.
“Look at this. Look at you!” she cries, pointing at me.
“What? What is it you think you see?” Felix barks, making me jump where I sit.
“You care for her. I’ve never seen you look or touch someone like you do her.” Tears slip down her face and I almost feel sorry for her.
“You need to go,” Felix repeats, grabbing the door. Gia puts her foot in the door. “Do you love her?” Felix kicks her foot out of the way and slams the door.
I swallow the lump in my throat and avert my eyes back to the bed.
He struts back to the bed, and kneels down.
His eyes pull to mine, and a knowing look crosses his face. His hands slide down to my thighs, and he jerks me to the edge of the bed. I laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck.
Pressing his lips to mine, I kiss him back, lost in the smell of him, his hard touch, and the good music.
This feels too right who cares if anyone outside this room thinks it’s wrong.
He swings us and lays my back onto the floor, my legs straddling around his hard waist. The tip of his throbbing cock brushes against my clit and I suck in a tight breath. A thunderstorm developing between my legs from the anticipation.
Running my nails down his hard chest, I lean forward and grab his sexy nipple between my teeth. His lips against my neck he hisses from the pressure I apply on the delicate skin.
Pulling his lips to my mouth his mouth fits mine perfectly. The warmth of his body throwing my heartbeat into orbit. He slips his hard cock inside of me slowly, and attentively. Dark eyes never leaving mine as he goes as deep as he can inside. His hips slowly make love to me as his tongue mimics his thrusting torso. He stretches me, fills me, and takes me away from my pain. When Felix and I are together like this, it’s as if we aren’t even on the same planet as everyone else. It’s just him and me in our own world. No one matters, and everything blurs. He’s an outlaw in public and a master in the bedroom.
The sound of his heartbeat grounds me, the brush of his lips across my skin comforts me, the feel of his rough hands along my body claiming me as his.
It’s an emotion all on its own. One I’ve grown addicted to and will be broken and misplaced without.
His long hair falls from his face and tickles my collarbone. Taking my attention from his chest to his head I fist his silky hair as I ride his large cock. The floor bites into my back, the dirt rubbing into my skin as I’m shuffled back and forth. The heat of his body on mine, and the feel of bliss between my legs a piece of heaven I never want to end. If I die, this is how I want to go out. Just like this.
He places a hand by my head on the floor, his arms flexing as he holds himself up. He’s so strong and sexy I want him all to myself, I want to be his. Wrapping my hands around his back I dig my nails in, pulling him closer to me as tingles begin to ignite in my core. My breathing picks up, and pressure builds to heights of pleasure I can’t explain. His brows furrow, his rhythm picking up as he’s about to come with me.
My mouth opens into a shape of an ‘O’, and he gently places his hand on my collarbone and
I free fall into ecstasy, giving every ounce that I am to Felix.
A knock on the door has us snap out of our world, and the door is jerked open. Again.
“GODDAMN IT!” Felix roars, trying to cover my naked body with his own.
“Church, brother,” Machete informs.
Felix snatches the sheet off the bed and throws it over me in a matter of seconds.
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” Felix points at him with a sharp finger. His tone conveying he’s not to be argued with.
Machete chuckles, not taking the tone of Felix seriously as his eyes linger on me a second longer than necessary before closing the door.
“I’ll be back,” he whispers against my lips.
“Okay,” I smile, and he gently pulls out of me.
As I watch him get dressed I wonder when the hell we became this, what I allowed myself to fall into. As I am falling for Felix, and I didn’t want to. I never wanted to fall for any man.
I’m scared of being hurt, scarred, and broken hearted. One-night stands don’t come with shattered hearts, or feelings.
But this, whatever it is. It’s real and happening whether I want it to or not.
It’s out of my control, and that is a first for me.
Felix is showing me how to live, and I’m going to show him how to love. Even if it kills us.
Felix
Sitting at the table I can smell her on my skin, still feel her legs wrapped around me and it’s taking everything I have not to stand up from this table and go back to her. I can still feel her pussy squeezing around my cock, and her nails digging into my back.
I’ve tasted Alessandra, and I can’t forget her flavor no matter how hard I try.
“Did you hear me, Felix?” Zeek asks, and I snap to.
“What?”
“Salvatore at the casino wants to see us again. I need my VP with me,” he tells me.
“What about Alessandra, she has to go to the station today and make a statement?” I ask, trying not to come off like a little bitch, but it’s failing.
“Gatz will go with her and will bring her back as soon as she is done. I need you with me, end of!” Zeek sneers. Rolling my fingers into my palm I clench my fists tight, wanting so badly to punch Zeek in his arrogant mouth. I think he forgets the shit this club went through for Jillian.
“Fine,” I mutter, pushing away from the table. I swear to God if Gatz fucks this up I’ll find that purple dildo and shove it up his ass.
Mac steps in front of me and hands me a phone.
“What’s this?”
“Give it to Alessandra. It’s got a tracker on it, and nobody but I can trace it,” he explains. “Just a precaution,” he continues with a proud smile.
Alessandra wasn’t given a phone with her belongings, so that means someone at the department has it. Probably that Raven bitch, which I don’t trust. It’s her fault Alessandra was nearly killed. Even Alessandra is questioning where Raven’s loyalty lies.
“Hey, can you run Alessandra’s partner Raven in your computer shit?”
He folds his arms and looks at me offended. “Of course, why what is up?”
“I don’t trust that bitch, I want everything you can find on her,” I tell him. “Everything!” I reiterate.
“Yeah, I’ll see what I can dig up.” He shrugs.
“Thanks, man.”
Stepping back into the room Alessandra is dressed and putting her dark hair into a messy ponytail. My chest squeezes wanting to pull her to me and rip her clothes off, something so beautiful should never be covered and I would come through on that deed if duty didn’t call.
“I can’t go with you to the station. Zeek needs me, so Gatz is going to take you,” I tell her before taking a seat on the bed.
She giggles, and pulls my hands from my knees, sitting on my lap.
“You say it like you’re jealous,” she says with a smile. She’s right, I am, and I don’t like it. Not at all. I want to lock her away so nobody can see her but me. Nobody can smell how sweet she is, but me. Nobody can have her, but me.
Sliding my hand up her back I fist her hair hard.
“I’m not a jealous man, but I find myself claiming you.” The words take me by surprise, but they’re true. She is mine, and I won’t take it back. Her eyes flash longingly and she cups my cheek softly. “Do you have a problem with that?” I question.
Her eyes flick between mine before a smirk crosses her gorgeous face.
“I don’t think I have much say in the matter,” she laughs. Leaning forward I rest my lips against her, that unfamiliar feeling in my chest making me feel a million things at once again.
“That’s because you don’t. Neither of us does,” I mutter against her plush lips. My eyes on hers, and the softness she conveys making me feel vulnerable. “I don’t love you,” I tell her, needing to hear myself say it.
Pulling back, she raises a brow. “I don’t love you back.”
I smirk, not fully believing her. The way her hand swayed toward mine in her darkest hour I’d say she cares for me, she just doesn’t want to admit it. She’s a strong creature, like me. Falling in love feels like a weakness as we can’t control it and we control everything.
She slides off my lap, her fine ass swaying back and forth and I can’t help but give it a squeeze. Loving the way it feels in my hands. It’s soft but toned. My dick jumps wanting to stick it in her ass, see her body arch as I fill her.
“I gotta go.” She looks over her shoulder, batting her eyes and my gaze jumps from her ass to her eyes.
“Take this.” I hand her the phone.
She frowns holding it. “I have a phone.”
“Raven has your phone, and I don’t trust her. Take this one, Mac has it souped-up and shit,” I insist. She shrugs and tucks it in her back pocket.
“Fine, only because you’re annoying me,” she replies seriously, before stepping out of the room. That defying mouth, the smell of her lingering in the room. What the fuck is happening to me.
“I don’t love her. I don’t love her. I don’t love her,” I whisper to myself, thudding my fist against the closed door. I can’t love her. I don’t deserve her. I’ve done nothing but been selfish and greedy my whole life, and finding her hasn’t changed me, it made those attributes worse.
I’m a fucking convict and will escort anyone within distance to hell with me… and I’m willing to take Alessandra first fucking class.
Alessandra
Stepping out of the room I find my mother whistling happily and sweeping the floor. She’s wearing jeans and a Sin City Outlaws shirt. Her hair in a black bandana. She looks good, and happy.
“Hey Mom!” I say cheerfully, not sure if she’s in a moment of clarity or not. She looks over her shoulder and lights up.
“Hey! I was going to come see you but with that big ol biker in there I didn’t know what I’d walk in on,” she winks before laughing. My cheeks turn red, and I rub my neck anxiously. “How are you?” she asks, touching my shoulder tenderly.
“Better, but my stitches feel tight.” I twist my torso with a frown on my body.
“Yeah, your daddy never did like those much either,” she informs, and the smile crossing my face is bittersweet. I’m still torn thinking of him not being my father.
Mac walks out of a room in nothing but a low-rise pair of jeans. He looks at us before doing a double take, his eyes wide as he walks as fast as he can into the bathroom across the hall.
Mom fans herself with her hand not holding the broom.
“That man reminds me so much of your father,” she exhales, and I can’t help but laugh.
“I better go freshen up.” She winks at me before disappearing into another room. I don’t even know what to say to that.
Walking down the hall Gia starts down the hallway. She’s wearing short shorts and a ripped AC/DC shirt. She’d be pretty if she wasn’t after Felix. My shoulders tense, and my resting bitch face immediately falls into place.
She stops in front of me, her hand on her hip.
“You’re still here?” she sneers. “You don’t belong here, and you know it.”
My brows narrow in on her, taking a step toward her. I’m done with the games, and if it means I have to tear her hair extensions out to make my claim on Felix, then I will.
“Felix is mine, and if he hasn’t made that clear, let me. If you so much as flip your hair in his direction I will make your face looks like your botched tit job.” My eyes fall to her unleveled breasts before meeting her gaze. Her mouth drops, a gasp escaping.
“You’re a cop. No matter what you think you have you’ll never be apart of this—”
“I will kill you and I promise you, nobody will find your body,” I threaten, my words not only catching me by surprise but Gia’s jaw falls open with disbelief.
“Get the fuck out of here Gia!” Mac barks from behind her, making her jump where she stands.
Her eyes begin to fill with tears as she looks at Mac with pleading eyes.
“You heard me, go before Felix finds out you’re fucking harassing his bitch.” Mac rubs at his chin, eyeing her up and down. “Now if you need someone’s dick to keep you company, I’d be more than happy to oblige you,” he winks, and Gia lights up like a fucking Christmas tree.
“Wow, you really are a ho,” I mutter, but she either doesn’t hear me or doesn’t care because she slips into the next room with a smile on her face. It makes me wonder if the men share medicine with their crabs, seeing how they share their women.
I give Mac a tight-lipped smile and exhale the hostility brewing inside of me. “I could have handled her, but thank you.”
He scoffs. “I saw how you handled Dolly, I can’t have you beating up all our ass around here,” he chuckles, and I laugh.
He steps past me, the smell of cologne strong, the tattoos all over his arms catching.
“Oh and I just want to say, I’ve met some scary motherfuckers in my life, but your mother takes the goddamn cake, Alessandra,” he says seriously.
I shrug and continue down the hallway.
“Be scared if she busts out the pepper spray,” I tip him.
“She has pepper spray?” he says with dread.
Turning to walk backward so I can see him, I nod. “Oh yeah, we don’t go anywhere without it,” I reply as casually as I can, and the look on his face has me nearly bursting at the seams with laughter.
Getting into the SUV with Gatz I notice the kid from the other day, Bishop, hauling boxes in the back door of the club. He looks clean, and on a mission. He looks up, his eyes catching me staring and he stops in his tracks and give a lift of the chin. I wink at him, a smile spreading across my face seeing him here.
“You sent him didn’t you?” I turn where I stand finding Jillian smiling at me with Sam on her hip.
“He needs a home, a brotherhood that will protect him,” I explain to her.
She sighs, leaning against the car.
“I get it, you always did go about things different than the book,” she chuckles. I look down, not sure how much she knows about me going off the rulebook of the department. In fact, I don’t know how much more of the rulebook I can follow or want to follow. Being here the short time I have I’ve started to question what I really want in life. Did I just join the force because of my father and I didn’t know where to go in life? Because it’s starting to feel that way.
“How are you doing?” She eyes my side, and I shrug, drawing circles into the dust of the SUV.
The metal of the car warm beneath the pad of my finger.
“I’ll live,” I smile. She leans in and hugs me, surprising me.
“I know it’s a part of the job, but goddamn you scared me,” she whispers in my ear. Baby Sam starts to cry being smooshed in-between us and she pulls back. My eyes prick with tears and I have to look away or I might cry at how much she cares for me.
“Stop it hooker, you’re going to make me cry,” I swat at her. Suddenly Mac comes running out of the clubhouse, a look of fear on his face as he looks over his shoulder. Probably running from my mother.
“I see Mom is enjoying it here.” I smile, wiping a tear that escaped. Jillian shrugs.
“She has it bad for Mac that’s for sure,” Jillian laughs, “But, she really seems to enjoy herself here.”
“My mom happy, I don’t think I’ve seen that in a long time,” I answer solemnly. Done with heart to heart I open the passenger door.
“I’ll be back, and we should catch up,” I offer.
“Deal, now hurry back!” she hollers, bouncing Sam on her hip.
Sitting next to Gatz in the SUV I notice he doesn’t smell like the rest of the men around the club. He is… clean. His clothes are spotless, and not a wrinkle in sight. He’s definitely different.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, keeping his eye on the road.
“It’s just, you’re different than the rest of the Outlaws is all.” I shrug, my cheeks turning red from being caught staring.
“I am different,” he replies, glancing at me before returning his stare back to the road.
“Why?” I ask curiously.
“Some say I’m gay,” he shrugs.
I raise a brow. “Are you?”
He doesn’t reply, as he just keeps his eyes on the road. He’s so clean and sexy. I bet he’s gay.
“You can’t tell me can you, because it’s against code?” I ask, but he doesn’t answer. His Adam’s apple bobs, as his grip tightens on the steering wheel and I know I hit home.
“I won’t tell anyone, but if they really are your brothers… they’ll understand,” I advise. That’s not always true though. I’ve heard of gangs cutting members dicks off, and banning them from their gang for being gay, or a certain religion.
He scoffs, rubbing his chin with his thumb as he continues to drive. Not giving away anything.
Arriving to the station I give a tight-lipped smile as I climb out of the car.
“Hopefully this won’t take long,” I say on an exhale.
He shrugs as if he’s indifferent and pulls out his phone. Relaxing back into the seat.
I shake my head. Men, whether they’re gay or not, they cannot grasp communication, I swear.
Entering the station it smells of coffee and is busy as usual. I give a nod to a couple of the regulars and head to the dressing room. I need to change into my uniform. I feel naked being here without wearing it.
Pulling my hair out of the back of my uniform shirt, I glance in the mirror and find Raven leaning up against the brick that makes up the shower stall.
“Oh, hey,” I smile. She’s not in uniform, which I find weird. I’ve never seen her not in uniform before, so it takes me aback. Her hair is down, and she’s wearing a black shirt and jeans.
“Hey,” she says with no humor. “You look like you survived,” she says bitterly. I raise a brow at her tone. A little hurt she didn’t come see me in the hospital. Not that it’s required of her, I just thought being her partner she would be concerned.
“Did someone shit in your cereal?” I sneer in return.
She scoffs at my statement. “I have your phone. Do you want it?” she changes the subject.
“Yeah, I have a lot of pictures and stuff on there.” She turns without saying a word, and I follow her out to the back lot where the cruisers are kept. I wonder if I said something to upset her. She opens the passenger door and gestures her hand to the console.
“Thanks for keeping it for me, if it was put into evidence it would probably be cracked or—”
Before I can finish my statement a blinding white light slams into my head knocking me into the car face first. Losing consciousness everything turns black, and I instantly wonder what the fuck I got myself into.
Felix
Sitting at the desk, Salvatore continues to puff on his cigar, eyeing Zeek and I over the smoke dancing between us. I can’t pinpoint the type of cigar but it’s strong and more than likely expensive. The desk shines as if it has been recently shined, and the windows are so clean I can see my reflection from here. He’s made himself comfortable here, and I find it unsettling. I find everything about this fucker off, and I’m done playing puppet. Blood will be shed, and the vengeance of an untold war will start before I leave this room tonight.
“Seems your club has survived the target that was placed on your back,” he replies smugly.
“Didn’t notice there was one,” I reply arrogantly.
He chuckles. “I’m sure you didn’t. I’ve called you guys here today to settle a score. You don’t want to be our muscle, that’s your loss. However, what about doing business?” he offers.
“Depends what it is,” Zeek crosses his arms.
“We will call off the heat if you agree to ten percent.”
“Of what?” I ask, getting tired of his vagueness.
“Us letting you stay on the strip of course.” He laughs maniacally.
“You’re trying to shake us down?” I raise a brow, standing. I’ve had enough of this shit.
“You need our protection boys, it’s clear to see.” He holds his hands out, his voice serious. “The Bosses aren’t happy with you guys if you remember?”
Quickly I pull my gun from my waistband and aim it at his head. Two of his men instantly pull their guns in my directions. Zeek remains sitting, calm.
“I have a message for your boss,” I tell him, and his eyes widen. “No deal.” I change the aim of my gun and pull the trigger. A bullet slamming into one of his guard’s heads, just as Zeek puts a bullet in the other’s head. They both fall to the ground, their blood staining the floor.
Salvatore stands, his face red and flustered. He’s scared shitless that we were so bold to have killed two of the mafia’s guards, but maybe now he will get the fucking hint of who he is fucking with.
Salvatore sits back in his seat and takes a drag of his cigar.
“I’ll deliver your message,” he replies eerily calm.
“Good,” I quip.
Alessandra
Waking up my mouth is dry, my head hurts, and my face feels wet. The smell of damp dirt and the familiar smell of old blood lingers around me.
Reaching out to touch my sore head my hand hits something hard. Looking up, I notice I’m in a cage of some sort.
“Hello?” I scream, shaking the cage, but nobody answers. My head rings, and the dry blood mats my hair. Fear begins to sink its teeth into my chest and I start to hyperventilate.
This cage, this place, it’s familiar. But how?
“Brown 5, you are not a little girl, and you are not a human. You are a weapon, do you understand?”
Pulling my knees into myself my hair shielded my face from the man pacing in front of my cage. His black hat was pulled down so far I couldn’t even see his eyes. Just a broad nose, and thick lips.
“Yes sir,” I responded meekly. Not sure the difference between a little girl and what I am anyway.
I shake my head of the image and gasp for air as if I was just shoved underwater and couldn’t breathe. I grab at the bars in front of me, my knuckles white from the grip.
This is all too familiar, little pieces of the nightmares over the years of my life suddenly becoming my reality.
“Starting to piece it together?” The familiar voice of Raven echoes through the dark area before she finally steps into view. A small light bulb swings just above her casting an eerie glow down amongst her.
“I… I can’t remember.” I blink rapidly, the answer to everything on the tip of my tongue. It’s all so familiar, yet strange.
The sound of kids screaming in the cages next to me. Bruises and fights reeling through my head like a bad movie. Swallowing hard I try to resist the thoughts coming through my memory, needing out of this cage, this place.
Wait, I have the phone Felix gave me. Instantly I shove my hand down my back pocket and Raven laughs.
“Yeah, we took that. How dumb do you think we are?” Raven laughs, and my hooded eyes draw to hers.
“You’re a fucking traitor,” I grit, and she scoffs.
“Speak for yourself, Brown 5.” Her calling me Brown 5, hits me like a beaming black light sent from hell.
I used to live here. Fight here. Not live, but survive. Not just me, but lots of kids.
“This is crazy. This isn’t real,” I mutter, trying to pull it all together. This is just a nightmare, this isn’t real.
“It’s very real. Iraq, Pakistan, lots of places do what happened here. Taking children from happy homes, ripping them of their memories and personalities, and making them into human weapons,” a male voice adds. My head snaps to the right, watching a dark shadow enter into the meek lighting. He’s wearing a hat lowered on his head, a dark shirt that is ripped showing hard abs, and black jeans.
A tall man with a black hat hovering over me filters into my memory, and I begin to shake where I sit. He hurt me, starved me, and then cared for me. I don’t remember him fully, but the terror wracking through my body tells me I hated him. He’s older now, his face wrinkled, and hair grayed. He looks more terrifying now than he does in my nightmares.
“Wh-what is this?” I stutter, looking at Raven through thick steel bars.
“Let me remind you. I’m Black A,” she seethes.
Dark memories swirl in my head, flashing behind my eyes. Clutching my head, I lower it trying to slow all the images stringing together behind my eyes. The voices and sounds that weren’t there coming forth now.
“You will defeat Black A, or you won’t eat dinner. You’ve defeated her three times, but if you beat her five times in a row the master will put her to rest and you will be the best!” Black Hat explained, a tear slid from the corner of my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“Enough of that. People cry, weak people cry. You are not people, you are a machine!” he hollers in my face, locking me into my cage, my home.
“Black A,” I whisper, everything about her returning. I eye her, my opponent that I was conditioned to forget. My dad - I cringe at the term. I remember him finding me, and the therapy treatments to forget my past, but everything else is a blur. How he became my father, how my life became normal I don’t know.
“But you’re my partner?” I ask confused.
“I was pushed into being a cop to get close to you, dumbass!” she snaps. Raven, Cross, and Black Hat. All of this was a set-up.
Black Hat hunches down in front of my cage, flicking the lock with his finger effortlessly. Showing me I am his prisoner, that I’m not free.
“What are you going to do now that your man isn’t here to protect you?” he sneers, talking about Felix.
“I don’t need a man to handle my shit,” I mutter, my head lowered, eyes hooded. If I’m released from this cage, I might kill this man. The urge running through my veins is toxic and unpredictable. I can’t control the darkness lurking through me when I look at him.
“I broke you once, I can do it again,” he threatens. I’m scared, nearly ready to piss myself, but I won’t let him know that.
“Fuck you!” I growl. He tilts his head to the side with a look of desire. “You were a child back then, now that you’re a woman, that can be arranged in your training, Brown 5,” he’s smug, and something dark rears its head as I lash out trying to grab him through the bars.
“I’ll kill you!” I roar, not sure where the words or anger are coming from.
“You’re going to have your work cut out for you.” Raven eyes me like a wild animal. It’s accurate, I feel like one.
“Yeah, but when she breaks, she will be the one to bring The Sin City Outlaws to their knees. Starting by hitting Zeek right where it hurts, by taking his children,” Black Hat informs. “Cross will take over and everything will be back to the way it was.”
My head snaps up with his news. “What did you say?”
Hunching over I throw up, my uniform pants painted with warm chunks from the donut I swiped on my way to the locker room. Black Hat laughs deeply, pleased with the terror etching itself into my memory one image at a time.
Cross worked for Frank who used to control the Sin City Outlaws, but I never knew how fucked up the man really was. He is going to take Jillian’s kids and do to them exactly what he did to me and Raven.
“I’m going to let Cross know we have her and grab that box of shit you brought to get this started. Watch her closely,” Black Hat points at me, and I flip him off in return.
“Don’t forget my wine!” Raven hollers after him.
She stands just underneath the light, her arms crossed as she looks at me curiously, angrily. The rookie I thought I knew long gone, and placed with a mysterious dark creature.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, pushing my emotions to the back of my throat. Raven is free, I am free. Why wouldn’t she tell me all of this when she met me and we could work together in finding Cross and these human trafficking rings?
“Because, you were saved and I wasn’t!” she screams so loud my ears ring, all of her pent up emotion spilling at once. “You were privileged enough to forget about what happened here, but I wasn’t! I will never forget, Brown 5!” she screams, kicking the cage I’m contained in. The rage in her voice, the resentment in her tone, I know she more than hates me.
“You tried to have me killed didn’t you?” I eye her, the stitches in my side itching and burning. They are probably pulled apart.
She laughs mockingly. “If I wanted you dead, you would be. That day we were going to take you if fucking dispatch didn’t call it in,” she informs, and I clamp my eyes shut. I should have listened to my gut, I shouldn’t have trusted Raven. Suddenly Raven turns, lifting her shirt revealing a scar in the shape of an X.
“I am Black A, and nothing will change that. Just as you are Brown 5, and always will be. You will remember everything, and hurt just like me, ” she informs gravely, my life as I know it vanishing as I know it and replacing with something much darker.
I slide my hand up the back of my shirt, the pad of my finger sliding over the scar on my lower back that is identical to hers.
“This X will remind you that you are branded, that you are stock and replaceable. You are owned, Brown 5. Your parents are no longer, I am your parent your teacher.” Clenched eyes I wail as searing hot metal burns into my lower back.
I shake my head of the flashback, willing them to stay forgotten. The darkness creeping through my veins at these memories making me feel cold and bitter.
“This is what we are bred to do, made to do. We were handpicked to be the best criminals in the world. Trained to be lethal, and killed if you’re lesser than that.” She points at me. “You are my lesser, tainted and weak and I will prove that!” She kicks my cage, and I flinch.
“It’s an act of terrorism, Raven, not strength,” I explain, trying to dig the world of law enforcement up through all of the broken memories trying to take over.
“Every day I went without food because of you. No shower, or blanket because of you. You haunted my dreams and made my nightmares. You are the monster that lurks behind a badge without a clue of what you’ve done and it’s not fair!” Her face is red, sweaty, and she is irrational as she releases her pent up aggression.
Black Hat struts back into the room with a box, sliding it onto the table behind Raven.
“Everything okay?” he questions her, and she takes a deep breath.
“Of course, I can handle it,” she replies calmly, as if she didn’t just go crazy bitch on me.
“I brought that cheap ass wine you like, thought we could celebrate catching her,” Black Hat chuckles.
I rattle the bars, needing out. Feeling suffocated, and hopeless. I can’t just sit here and let all of this happen again.
“SOMEONE HELP ME!” I scream so loud my throat bleeds. I know nobody can hear me, but I have to fight back.
“Shut up!” Black Hat throws an empty beer can at me.
“Let me out of here now!” I kick the cage back, not caring of the repercussions.
“That’s it,” he seethes, turning behind him he grabs something off the table. Being down on the ground I can’t see what is on it. Hunching down, he unlocks the cage, and I begin to kick and scratch. Bite and scream. Anything to gain some control and escape. He sits on top of me, the cage so small I’m pinned to the cold ground. Fisting my chin harshly, he dabs something on my lips, and I whimper as a thick warmth coats them. Using both hands, he pinches my lips together, before blowing on them. His dark eyes bringing so many memories to the surface. I close my eyes, not wanting to remember the terror this man brought to my life but it’s no use. They fly into place and I feel more like myself than I ever have. It’s scary. I feel dangerous, alive, and ruthless.
I was Brown 5, taken from my family to train to be the best killer. I have no life, this was life.
He pushes me back into the cage and slams the door shut, locking it.
Opening my mouth to scream at him I can’t. My lips are sealed shut and when I try to pull them apart it tears at the skin brutally.
My wide eyes cut to his and he holds a small tube in between his thumb and forefinger. Super Glue. He fucking glued my lips shut.
“Watch her, I’m going to go take a piss,” he orders Raven. When he leaves the room, I pry at my lips, clenching my eyes shut as I peel them apart like layers of an onion. It stings, burns, and I have to stop halfway as tears slip from eyes from the excruciating pain.
“You really are fucking stupid,” Raven taunts, watching me tear my lips apart. It’s just pain, I can do this.
Taking a deep breath, I bite my cheek and try to pull my inner Brown 5 to the surface. A warrior not scared of pain, but a survivor. Trying again I jerk at my lips and the soft skin of my lips tear and bleed, but finally they part slowly.
Sobbing, I wipe the blood splitting from my bottom lip with the back of my hand.
Raven eyes me like an animal that just did a trick, amazed. She may hate me, but she looks up to me. I can tell.
“I remember most of everything, Raven. I remember how scared I was back then, how hungry I was, I was in that shit with you, and…” My head falls, wishing so hard I could change what happened but I can’t. Not wanting to remember the hurt and pain I caused others just like me.
I’m a fucking monster and went around with my head held high knowing I was different but not the depths of it.
Looking up through blurry eyes, lips bleeding, I sigh at a loss for words.
“I am not your enemy, he is,” I point where Black Hat went. Her hands drop as she eyes the room Black Hat went in. Her body tensing. “Cross is who took everything from us, and broke us.” I tremble with anger, with pain.
“No, you went on living a normal life. Sunday church, a cheesy family. I’ve been drowning in pain this whole time,” she states and a crack of emotion shows. I slipped past her mask of control, and this is my chance to work her. To get out of here.
“I would have taken you with me if I had the choice,” sympathy laced in my tone. “I would have taken everyone,” I gesture toward the other cages, and her eyes flash with an unknown look.
“It’s not too late, you can have normal. Have a family, start over. If I can do it, you can do it.” I shrug.
She hunches down, eyeing me with softer eyes. “I still remember my parents, do you?” she asks with glossy eyes. My head falls, and no matter how hard I dig… I don’t see them in my heart.
“I don’t, but I wish I did,” I cry, tears stinging my raw lips.
“It’s the only thing I hang onto, my mom and dad. The memories of us before my life was turned into…” she shakes her head. “I’ll never escape this hell,” she whispers.
“You can escape now, Raven,” I coax her, and her head snaps to mine. “You didn’t have control last time, you do now,” I continue hoping to rub her down.
“I…” she stumbles on her words, her eyes filling with tears. “I’ve hated you my entire life, and thought about what I would do to you given the chance.” She hangs her head, a tear slipping down her cheek. “And now all I want to do is let you go.” Her voice thick with emotion. “Why?” she shrugs.
“Do it, let me go, and we can fight this together, Raven.” I jump at the bars, reaching through I cup her hand. It’s cold and hard, anything you would expect a human to have voided. Her eyes peer up at mine.
“No,” she grunts. I blink. No what? No, she won’t let me go? Or no we won’t fight this?
Standing, she grabs something from the table, and bends back down, unlocking the lock. She looks at me with sad eyes. She’s so broken, so hurt and confused she doesn’t know what she wants. She just wants to be loved, belong somewhere. I know, because I remember the feeling. If this whole experience brought anything back, it was that cold, searing feeling of not belonging. Dropping the key to the ground, she whimpers before slinking out of the room like a ghost.
Oh my God, I’m free. I’m free. Quickly I unlace the lock holding the door to the cage and push the gate open just as Black Hat walks into the room.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He rushes at me and I quickly stand and kick him in the face. His head whips to the side, but it doesn’t slow him. He grabs ahold of me and slams my head into the table. A bright light flashes behind my eyes, my head throbbing painfully. I notice a rusty screwdriver lays ahead on the rickety table. I reach for it, but it’s just out of reach. Fuck! Using my tiptoes I push forward, and my fingers tickle the metal that makes up the straight edge.
The animal in me shakes its cage, roaring to be released at full throttle. I’m not sure what I’m scared of more. Letting the shadows of my past in, or letting my monster out. If I let this darkness seep from the cracks of my soul, there will be no putting it back. I will not be Alessandra, but a mixture of Brown 5 and Alessandra.
Black Hat grips me around the neck, and my body wants to relax into his hold, give him control. He is the reason I act the way I do when Felix touches me there. It was how he controlled me in training. Furrowing my brows, I push past the urge to relent. One man controls me, and that is Felix.
Using all my might I grasp the screwdriver, fisting it, I turn in Black Hat’s hold. His grip tightening on my neck to the point I can’t breathe. His beady eyes smiling back at me as he squeezes the life out of me.
Taking a deep breath, I let the terror of that little girl trapped in a cage… out.
Swinging my hand back I slam the straight edge screwdriver into his back until it hits bone. He screams, and backhands me off the table. My face throbs, and pain licks up my temple. Mid fall I grab the box of contents sitting on the table before falling to the ground. A bottle of wine, corkscrew, Taser, leash, and cattle prod falling next to me. He hollers and cries trying to withdraw the tool from his back.
Jerking it free he comes at me with it and I grab the bottle of wine as it’s closer and slam it against his head. Knocking him to the ground.
Shifting onto all fours, I climb on top of his back and drive the bottle into his skull one more time. The impact of glass and bone vibrating through my hand just as it breaks in my hold. The smell of strawberries and blood wafting around me. “You corrupted me, and now you’re going to die by the hand of the demon you created,” I cry with pain not related to my injuries but the hurt that has been buried so long and just now pulling itself from the grave. He reaches for the corkscrew that fell out of the box that’s just feet away, and I topple over him to get it first.
Reaching it before him, I place the screw between my fingers and slam it into his neck. It doesn’t lodge all the way so I twist it into his skin and blood sprays with every spin of my wrist. He screams, and bucks beneath me as I dig the corkscrew into his main artery. Hooking my legs around him I ride him like a fucking bull, taking his life with a goddamn smile on my face. Accepting my past, my future, the now. I’m killing the nightmare that lingers in every little girl’s head, and destroying the master behind the monster that lingers under their bed.
Gritting my teeth, a dark rush envelopes my soul. Nurture vs nature losing.
Blood sprays over my uniform as I twist the cork all the way in. Crimson painting a canvas of life on my chest. I scream and roar like an animal, tears slipping from my eyes as I take Black Hat’s life.
He goes limp falling to the ground, and I release my hold on him. Straddling his back I stand on shaky legs. Blood dripping from my fingertips as I look around the hell that created me. My dad is probably rolling over in his grave right now but it was either I accept who I am, or Cross and them do this to others all over again.
Stepping over the dead body, I decide to go the way Raven went, hoping for an exit.
I should let her escape, but now that the beast is released. The reaper is on a mission, and I’m going to tear her broken soul from her chest. Taking out the trash of Vegas one criminal at a time.
This world has enough heroes. It needs a hybrid. Half hero, half villain.
Felix
Looking at the clock, I begin to get nervous. Alessandra should be back by now. It’s dark, and the station is closed for the most part. I’m going to call Gatz and see what the hold-up is.
A knock at the door takes me from my phone. “Hey man, we got problems,” Zeek says solemnly. The hairs on my neck stand on end, and I jump from my chair.
“What?”
Gatz steps into view, his face pale.
“Alessandra went into the station, and never came out,” he informs with a shaky voice.
Stomping forward I grab him by the neck and slam him up against the door with more force than I recognize.
“What the fuck do you mean she didn’t come out?”
“I went in there hours later and they said she never came in to give her statement,” he explains. Zeek grabs at my arm, trying to get me to release Gatz, but the fear in me has me tightening my grip. “You were supposed to protect her!” I yell in his face.
“I know!” he shouts back, regret deep in his voice.
I let him go, my shoulder rising and falling with rage.
Jillian pushes past the boys, her face red. “Where is she?!” She’s irate, emotional.
“I don’t know!” Gatz replies emotionally. “I’m sorry,” he hangs his head, his fingers running through his hair.
“Mac!” Jillian screams, and the babies wake in the back room from the commotion.
“Sup?” Mac asks, chewing on a straw, obviously oblivious to what is going on.
“Alessandra is missing,” I feed him in quickly.
“I’ll trace the phone!” Mac points at me. Eyeing Zeek, I step past him and follow Mac to his computer. I’m not saying this is Zeek’s fault, but I should’ve taken Alessandra to do her statement. I fucking knew it.
Mac types, clicks, and furrows his brows at a bunch of nonsense popping up on his screen.
“Hurry the fuck up!” I snap. A GPS pops up, and a little pink dot blinks almost out of the city limits. Pushing off the table I head to my room, jerk the closet door open and grab my semi-automatic.
I’m about to rain this city in blood and vengeance. I’m going to retaliate, and reign mayhem.
“Hey man, you gotta chill out bro,” Zeek says following behind me. The amount of concern in his voice annoying me. If this was Jillian, he’d already be pulling all of our men and weapons.
“Fuck you,” I growl pushing past him. He grabs my arm and pushes me up against the wall and I swing at him, but he ducks.
“If this were Jillian this wouldn’t even be up for debate. So why is Alessandra?” I yell in his face.
“It’s not, but I don’t want to see my best friend, and family killed because he’s so fucking distracted!” he screams back.
I take a breath, knowing he’s coming from a good place. Scratching my temple with my gun, I eye him.
“I’m not distracted, just the opposite, brother,” I tell him firmly.
Stomping through the clubhouse I make my way to my bike, my only mission is saving Black Bird.
“I’m coming with you, brother,” Machete says, pulling the chamber back on his gun, and stuffing his belt with his machete.
“You need to go with him, Zeek!” Jillian shoves him with teary eyes. He glares at her. “Of course I’m fucking going,” he snaps at her. “I just want everyone to have a clear fucking head. We don’t know what we’re walking into,” he informs, obviously the more level-headed one right now.
Jillian steps in front of me, and just as I’m about to push her out of my way she grabs my cut with force. Her blond hair falling in her face as she stares at me with wide eyes.
“Bring her back. Alive!” she cries.