Chapter 26
Rhian stood under the cascade of cold water and let the suds run out of her hair as she braced herself against the wall. Three more days of storm had passed, and three more days of lunch or dinner or breakfast, or all of them, cooped up inside with Jayden. And hiding her feelings was getting harder and harder. Her face was forever burning when Jayden was around. The slightest comment or compliment—and there were many of those—and she coloured like a tomato. She had no control. And it was pissing her off. If she wasn’t careful, her reaction to Jayden’s innocent comments would give away how she really felt about her. She couldn’t bear the thought of further humiliation.
Then there was the touching. The little shoulder squeeze whenever Jayden walked by her. Holding her hand, running her thumb over her wrist. God, that one drove her nuts. She was amazed Jayden hadn’t felt her pulse spike under her thumb every time she did it. And she could still feel the way Jayden’s body had felt pressed against her back when she’d reached over her for those glasses three days ago. Three fucking days and it felt like she was wearing a Jayden-sized jumper!
“I can’t do this.” She wiped water from her face and over her head, speaking to the suds circling the drain before disappearing. “I can’t do this. I need to tell Rachel.” She shut off the water and grabbed a towel. “Mel can handle everything here. I should go home. If I wasn’t here, there wouldn’t have been so many fucking problems anyway, so I should just go.” She dried off. Her phone was on the bedside table next to her, and it took less than ten seconds for her to type a message to Rachel and toss the phone onto her bed. “Done.”
It took less than three before the handset rang and Rachel’s name appeared on the screen.
“Shit. Not done.” Rhian answered the call and held the phone from her ear while Rachel got the first blast out of the way.
“What the fuck are you on about? We’ve got a strategy. A strategy that requires you remaining in Argentina and playing happy fucking families with the Roboclimber.”
“Roboclimber? Where did that come from?”
“Doesn’t matter. What the fuck, Rhi? What’s happened now?”
“Nothing. I just thought this might be a better solution.”
“Bullshit. I’m hanging up now. I want to see your face, so don’t even think about not answering on Skype.”
Rhian sighed and said, “Yes, Mother.” But Rachel was already gone. Rhian opened her laptop and sat on her bed, towel wrapped around her chest, and waited for Rachel’s call. She didn’t have to wait even a minute.
Rachel sat, watching her through the screen. Her eyes narrowed. “Are you ready to admit you’ve fallen for her yet?”
Rhian didn’t even try to deny it. There was no point. She’d never been able to lie to Rachel. Well, she’d never been able to lie and get away with it, anyway.
“So screw her and get it out of your system.”
“Nice, Rach.”
Rachel shrugged. “Okay, then make love to her and get it out of your system.”
“She’s not interested in me.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah, ‘ah’.”
“Must be awkward now, huh?”
Rhian nodded.
“Shit. Kiddo, if I could pull you out of there now, I would. But I can’t.”
Rhian stared at her and waited.
“This is already playing out. We’re getting great results and a shitload of great publicity and chatter. Free publicity and chatter. You know how valuable that is. If I pull you now, that will dry up. Our clients won’t be happy, our sponsors won’t be happy, and the show’s fans won’t be happy.”
“The show isn’t even a show yet. It doesn’t have fans.”
“Au contraire. Check the last e-mail I sent you. It’s got a hashtag trending that we didn’t start, and it’s getting thousands of hits—”
“That’s peanuts.”
“In the last hour alone. And it’s climbing.”
“So instead, I’m the one who gets to not be happy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
Rachel smiled gently. “I am a little bit.” She leant towards the screen. “I don’t like you being unhappy.”
“But me being unhappy doesn’t hurt you financially. Right?”
Rachel’s eyes widened, and her mouth popped open. “Wow.”
Rhian’s jaw clenched. She looked away.
“That bad?” The tears escaped before Rhian could stop them, and Rachel whispered, “She’s an idiot.”
Rhian shook her head. “Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Don’t blame her. It’s not her fault I feel the way I do, just like it’s not her fault she doesn’t feel the same. Don’t blame Jayden for this. She hasn’t done anything wrong—quite the opposite, in fact.”
“You’re gonna have to explain that one.”
“She’s lovely. She’s doing everything we could ask of her to convince the world that she’s my lover. She brings me coffee in the morning, holds my hand walking down the street, takes me to dinner. Yesterday she even brought me flowers that she picked from the garden. She’s respectful, considerate, kind. She’s funny and gorgeous, and she’s…”
“Perfect for you.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“Except she doesn’t want me.”
“I’m sorry, Rhi.”
“Then let me come home.”
“Oh, honey. If I could, I would. I swear. But there is so much riding on this project. So much.”
“I know it’s a big deal, but—”
“Rhian, if this project goes bad, we lose the company. It’s as simple as that. We were struggling before. I’d remortgaged the house to fund it. It was… Well, it wasn’t looking good.”
“Really?”
Rachel nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s my worry, not yours. I’m supposed to be the parental figure here, remember?”
“Pft.”
“Don’t give me that, missy. Just trust me, okay? I know how difficult you find it to trust the truth of what people are saying to you. I’ve seen it in you for as long as I’ve known you. And yes, I know that part of that is my fault. But I have never lied to you. Have I?”
Rhian shook her head. Rachel had always been the one she could trust, the one she could rely on when everything went to shit. Not because Rachel would tell her everything would be okay, but because Rachel would tell her how shit it all was. She’d tell her the unvarnished, nonsugarcoated truth, and deal with the fallout. And she always did deal with it. For better or worse, Rachel wielded the truth like a burning sword, and as much as its wounds hurt, the cut was always clean, unlike with everyone else; it would scar but never fester.
“If I could pull you home right now without blowing this thing apart, to spare you from hurting, I would. I just don’t see how I can do that. Maybe in a few weeks, we’ll be in a better position. Maybe then we can get you out of there.”
“And in the meantime, I’m stuck here. Pretending to be the girlfriend of the woman whose girlfriend I really want to be. And she’s just playing the role you gave her—”
“Oh no. I’m not taking that one. I didn’t give her this gig. She gave it to herself when she kissed you and got it caught on film. Or whatever it’s called these days.”
“But she wouldn’t still be doing it if not for you. And technically, I suppose I started that kiss.” She wiped away another tear. “None of it really helps any.”
“No, I don’t suppose it does, kiddo.”
“What am I supposed to do, Rach? How do I do this?”
“Well, I’ve been in a few sticky situations in my time, but I can’t think of anything that really comes close to this one.”
“Helpful. Thanks.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t help. Look, if it were me, I’d just brazen it out. Flirt a little, have fun with it.” She shrugged. “I mean, if you’ve already told her you’re attracted to her and she’s turned you down, it’s not like it’s going to be a shock to her if you flirt, especially if she’s playing the perfect suitor. Why not just enjoy…?” Rachel lifted her eyebrow suggestively. “What? What’s the head shaking and pouting about?”
“I didn’t tell her I was attracted to her.”
“Then how do you know she’s not interested?”
“She told me she wasn’t attracted to me. That she only sees me as a friend.”
Rachel frowned. “Start at the beginning, and don’t leave anything out.”
“I can’t remember it word for word. I was trying to forget it. It’s not exactly a stellar moment for my ego, you know.”
“Honey, now I say this with the utmost love and respect for you as a person that you can possibly imagine.”
“But?”
“But you have a face and body that almost made me go Wicked Queen on you when you were growing up. I mean, seriously, you could, or rather should, be able to have whoever you want. Are you sure she’s gay?”
Rhian nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. So that sinks your theory.”
“You sure she’s a woman, then? I mean she’s pretty tall—”
Rhian chuckled. “I know what you’re trying to do, and thank you for it. But please stop. She’s a gay woman who just isn’t interested in me. I’m a big girl. I can accept that. I’m just finding it really hard to deal with it when she’s being everything I want in a partner all day, every day, and it isn’t real.”
“Ah. I see.”
“What?”
“This isn’t a fix-my-problem situation.”
“It isn’t?”
Rachel shook her head. “It’s a ‘let-me-whine-like-a-little-girl-for-a-while-before-I-put-my-big-girl-pants-on-again-and-go-face-the-world’ situation.”
“It is?”
Rachel nodded and rolled her hand for Rhian to continue. “You go ahead and bitch, honey. I’m here for you.” She touched her hands to her chest and looked into the camera, her face a picture of sincerity.
Rhian giggled. “You’re such a bitch.”
Rachel smiled. “Yeah, but I’m the bitch on your side. Always.”
“Yeah, yeah. If that was true, you’d let me come home and cry like a baby.”
“No, that wouldn’t do you any favours.”
“Making me stay here isn’t doing me a favour.”
“Stopping you from quitting is.” She pointed at the screen. “My kid doesn’t quit. And that’s who you are, Rhian. My kid, and I love you.”
Rhian blinked. Tears stung her eyes as she fought them back. “I love you too,” she whispered, then rubbed her face and sighed. “Better take my mind off it, then. What else is going on with the world?”
“That’s more like it. So let’s talk about the other elephant in the room.”
“What other elephant?”
“I know you got the message from him.”
Rhian’s jaw clenched, and she glanced away from the screen. “I really wish you hadn’t done that.”
“He would’ve seen it anyway. It really is all over the Internet, you know?”
“But you gave him my e-mail address.”
“Again, he could’ve got that without me. So stop fannying around and talk to me.”
Rhian met Rachel’s gaze through the millions of pixels and thousands of miles that separated them. Her voice was quiet as she asked, “Do you know what he said? What he wrote in it?”
Rachel nodded. “He showed me afterwards.”
Rhian nodded back. It confirmed what she suspected. He’d only sent it to get Rachel off his back.
“I told him he should have called you, not take such a coward’s way out.”
Rhian snorted a laugh. “Guess his plan failed, then.”
“What do you mean?”
“The plan to get you off his back about me. As long as he sent that, he could tell you he tried, but that it’s me that’s the problem. That plan.”
Rachel stared at her for a long time, then shook her head. “You remember a few minutes ago when I reminded you that I’ve never lied to you?”
“Yes.”
“Remember that again right now.”
Rhian frowned. “I don’t—”
“Shut up.”
Rhian’s mouth closed with a click.
“He didn’t write that to get me off his back. I haven’t been on his back. Believe me, if I thought it would’ve worked, I would have done, but I knew you both needed to come back to each other in your own time. He showed me that message because he couldn’t bring himself to say those words when he told me what he’d done. He could not force from his lips the words I hit my own daughter while he cried like a baby. He was too ashamed of himself.”
Rhian shook her head.
“He wrote it because he loves you.”
“No, he doesn’t. If he did, he never would have done that.”
“No, he never should have done that. I agree. And in an ideal world, kiddo, he never would have. But this is the real world. Filled with real people. People who make mistakes. People who get angry and scared and fuck up.”
“That was more than just a fuck-up, Rach.”
Rachel ignored her. “And we forgive them because we love them.”
“He doesn’t love me!”
Rachel shook her head. “He doesn’t love himself, and he can’t forgive himself.” The hard look in her eyes softened. “And neither can you.”
Rhian frowned. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know that, and in your head, so do you. But you still believe you drove him away. Somewhere inside you, you believe that you made him react like that. That it was your fault. I can’t for the life of me fathom why, but you do. It’s the only thing that even remotely explains you, Rhian. You can’t forgive yourself, and you can’t believe anyone else would either. You can’t believe anyone would love you. Can you?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “No.”
“Why not?”
Rhian shrugged.
“Is it really so much easier to believe all the negativity you tell yourself?”
“It stops it hurting.”
“Does it? Really? Because this looks an awful lot like hurting to me.”
She was right. It was a feeble attempt at self-preservation, and in the cold light of day, it was beginning to make less and less sense to her. The holes seemed to grow bigger, the substance of it melting like ice in the midday sun.
“I love you,” Rachel whispered as Rhian buried her face in her hands and sobbed. “Ah, shit. Don’t go blubbing, kid. You’ll make me ruin my mascara.”
Rhian chuckled through her tears and wiped her face.
“That’s better.”
“Your distraction was supposed to cheer me up.”
“You mean you don’t feel better than before?”
Rhian pondered the thought for a moment and grudgingly had to accept that she did. A little. Just a tiny bit. But she wasn’t going to admit it to Rachel. “No. Worse. Now do a proper job of distracting me.”
Rachel sighed. “Fine. Let’s see what you do with this crap, then,” she said and spent the next twenty minutes relaying everything she could think of while Rhian pulled herself back together. Eventually, she hung up to go to another meeting. Rhian picked up her hairbrush and had started to work the tangles from her hair when there was a knock at the door.
“It’s open,” she said, expecting it to be Mel. No one else ever knocked on her door. The hinge creaked, and footsteps echoed a couple of paces into the room.
“I’m sorry. I can come back later.”
Rhian turned to see Jayden staring at her. She clasped the tucked edge of her towel and held it tight to her chest. Rachel’s words echoed in her head: My kid doesn’t quit, and I’d brazen it out. Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe she should try to have some fun with this. She tucked the end of the towel tighter between her breasts and shook her head.
“It’s fine. Come on in and close the door.”
“But you’re not—”
Rhian quickly crossed the room and closed the door. “You’re supposed to be my lover, Jayden. Seeing me in a towel shouldn’t have you rooted to the spot like you’ve seen a ghost.” She offered what she hoped was a disarming smile that didn’t show how nervous she felt. “I’m sorry I threw you for six like that. I expected it to be Mel. She’s the only one who ever knocks on my door.”
“It’s okay.” Jayden cocked her head to the side. “Do you often let Mel in when you’re naked?”
Rhian laughed. “I’m not.”
“Sorry, when you’re only wearing a towel toga, then.”
“No. It’s not often she comes calling, and I’m usually fully dressed when she does. Anyway, I doubt you came all the way up here to discuss my towel toga, so what can I do for you?”
“Oh, right. Well, I don’t know if you’ve seen it outside, but we’ve got a few hours clear of the storm. It’s due to hit again tonight, but I thought you might like to get out for the day? We’ve all been cooped up for long enough.”
Rhian smiled. Great, a day out with the group. “Sure, what did you have in mind?”
“It’s a surprise,” she said with a wide grin. “Meet me downstairs as soon as you’re dressed.”
Rhian cocked her eyebrow. “Okay. Anything specific I need to bring or wear?”
“Just you.”
Rhian smirked. “And the towel toga?”
Jayden looked her up and down. Slowly. The blood roared in Rhian’s ears. “If you like.” She stepped closer to Rhian and brushed a lock of hair off her shoulder. The tip of her finger barely grazed her skin, but Rhian felt as though that touch had covered every inch of her body.
“You might want to add shoes to the ensemble, though.” Jayden’s voice was lower than normal, a little husky and rough around the edges, and Rhian couldn’t tear her gaze from Jayden’s. Not even if she’d wanted to.
“Funny.” Rhian heard her own voice but didn’t remember opening her mouth to speak. The air felt thick, heavy with the aroma of apple, cinnamon, and something deeper, musky. Sandalwood, maybe. The key components of Jayden’s scent.
“I try to be.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Ahem.”
Jayden and Rhian spun to look at the door. The fast movement caused the towel to slip, and only Jayden’s fast reflexes kept it from hitting the ground, but the action of catching it left her leaning forward with her head level with Rhian’s now-bare breasts. Rhian’s face burned. Her nipples were hard as pebbles, and Jayden was staring them eye-to-eye, as it were. So much for brazening it out.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Mel said from the door, a snigger in her voice.
“What do you want, Mel?” Rhian said, tugging the towel from Jayden’s stiff fingers, and wrapping it about her chest again.
“Just wanted to let Jayden know everything’s ready.”
Jayden finally managed to tear her eyes from Rhian’s chest, blinking in a stupid sort of way and looking from one to the other.
“Jayden?” Mel waved her hand. “Over here, hon. That’s it,” she said when Jayden’s gaze finally settled on her. “I said it’s all ready for you.”
“Right. Great. That’s—yeah—great. Thanks. Erm, ten minutes?” She looked at Rhian again. “Or, like, whenever you’re ready. Okay?” She didn’t wait for a response. “Okay. Right, well, I’ll just wait. Down, erm, stairs for you. Yeah.” She practically ran to the door. “So, yeah—erm—yeah.” And then she was gone.
Mel’s eyebrows had disappeared into her hairline, and the laughter bubbled up. “Oh my God, what did you do to her? Hypnotise her with your nipples?”
“Shut up.”
“No, no. Please, I need to know how to do that. You rendered her stupid.”
“It was shock. Because of you.”
“Oh no. It wasn’t me she was looking at. It was definitely your tits.”
“Crude.”
“I’m not the one flashing my boobs to the world.”
“I wasn’t. The towel slipped because you came barging in to my room like a…like a… I don’t know like what, but you did!”
“I did not. I knocked.”
“No, you didn’t. I’d have heard it if you… You knocked?”
Mel nodded, still laughing.
“Oh God. We were talking.”
“I heard.” She mimicked Jayden’s voice and said, “‘I try to be.’” Then she shifted her posture and lifted her voice an octave. “‘I’ve noticed.’”
“Fuck off.” Rhian picked up a pillow and tossed it at her. “I need to get dressed. Apparently, she’s got a surprise planned for everyone.”
Mel’s eyebrows rose again. “Only if you promise to teach me that stupid tit trick later.”
“Fuck off.”
“You’re repeating yourself now.”
“Fuck off.”
“Does it make you stupid too?”
Rhian put her hands on her hips, then quickly grabbed at the towel, mortified as it started to slip again.
Mel stumbled out of the room, tears of laughter running down her face. Rhian could still hear her laughing ten minutes later when she started down the stairs.
Brazen it out, she repeated in her head, over and over. The phrase, she was sure, would become her new mantra. Brazen it out.
Jayden gulped down glass after glass of water and tried to come to terms with what had just happened. No, come to terms with it wasn’t the right…phrase? More like, adjust to the new reality she had. One where she’d seen, if only for a split second, the body Rhian hid beneath her clothes. Or towel toga. And, holy fuck, what a body it was. Toned abs, the curve of her ribs, the gentle flair of her hips—strong, sleek thighs—and those breasts. Oh God, those breasts. Pink-tipped mounds that she knew would fit perfectly in the palms of her hands.
She’d been close enough to see them react to her breath. To see the fine, downy hairs swish and sway under the force of air from her mouth. She’d seen the areolae contract under that same breath. And she so wanted to see that happen again. And again, and again.
She poured herself another glass and downed it.
“Is everyone else already on the bus?” Rhian asked from behind her.
“Everyone else?” Jayden turned to see the curious look on Rhian’s face as she acted like nothing had happened.
“Yes. You said you had a surprise planned.”
“I do.” Jayden forced a smile to her lips, not sure whether or not she was relieved she hadn’t arranged a surprise for everyone. That would have definitely been safer, but that wasn’t what she’d been trying to achieve today. Today she was determined to spend time with Rhian in the hope they could finally regain that easy camaraderie that had been missing for a while now. Standing there with a forced smile on her lips and her hands shaking from nerves was not going to help, though. Not after the towel-toga incident. She girded her mental loins and forced herself to put the thoughts of Rhian’s beautiful body aside. She would have time later to replay that image. Over and over again. Right now, she had a surprise to spring and a day to enjoy. She hoped.
She held out her hand and sighed with relief when Rhian took it without hesitation. “Come with me.”
Jayden led her out to the Jeep and instructed her to get in, despite the confused look on her face. Rhian complied, and buckled her seat belt. Jayden turned in her seat, needing to get this out of the way; then she could take Rhian out for some fun.
“I’m sorry.”
Rhian stared out the window. “Nothing for you to be sorry for. I’m sorry for flashing you.”
“It wasn’t intentional. But it was embarrassing for you, I’m sure.”
Rhian smirked. “You think?”
“Will you feel better if I flash you back?” Jayden offered, hoping the comment would be taken as the joke it was meant to be and ease Rhian’s embarrassment. Even if it didn’t ease her own.
Rhian turned to look at her, then started laughing. “Maybe. A little.”
Jayden chuckled too, thankful she could manage to seem normal. “I’ll see what I can arrange for you.” She chuckled and turned on the engine. “And just so you know.”
Rhian waited.
“You’ve got no reason at all to be embarrassed.” She pulled out and tried to ignore the silence. But she couldn’t. Silence between them was normally pretty comfortable. This one wasn’t. She finally broke down: “What?”
“A compliment?”
Jayden shrugged. “So?”
“Be careful, or you’ll give me an ego problem.”
“Nah. You’re too nice a person to get all arrogant.”
“Another one. Be careful, Jay, or I might think Mel’s on to something.”
Jayden frowned, wondering where Mel fit into this conversation. “What’s Mel on to?”
Rhian blushed. “Forget I said that.”
“Oh no you don’t. You can’t say something like that and then brush it off. Come on. Spill. Did Mel take the piss because of what she saw?”
Rhian shrugged. “A little, but mostly because of how you reacted.”
“Me? What did I do? I was a perfect gentleman…woman, picking up your towel and everything.”
Rhian giggled. “I think it was more to do with the staring and then the incoherent speech that followed.”
“Incoherent…I was not. We had a perfectly understandable conversation and made arrangements to meet downstairs.”
“Hm. That might have been what was in your head, but that wasn’t what came out of your mouth.”
“It wasn’t?”
Rhian shook her head.
“Then what did I say?”
“A lot of erms, and some likes, and a few other disjointed words. But mostly it was erm and staring.”
“Oh God.”
“Mel thinks I hypnotised you with my boobs.” She giggled but crossed her arms over her breasts, shielding them from Jayden.
“Rhian, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Not your fault. I should have put on a dressing gown or something.”
“Or I should have rung instead of barging into your room.”
“You didn’t barge in. I let you in.”
“Still, it’s your private space. I shouldn’t have been in there. People will talk.”
Rhian laughed again. “People are talking about us anyway. They’ll probably think something’s weird if you don’t come up to my room. So don’t worry about it.”
She drove a few more minutes. “But I do.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want things to be weird between us. This is already difficult for yo—for us. I don’t want to add to that because I can’t react like a normal person to the sight of your magnificent breasts,” she drawled. God, anything to lighten this atmosphere.
“Magnificent?”
Jayden nodded.
“Really? Magnificent?”
“How else do you explain the hypnosis?”
“Erm, you haven’t gotten laid in far too long.”
“Well, yeah, I suppose there is that. But I stand by my assessment. They’re magnificent, and you have no reason at all to be embarrassed. I, on the other hand, have, erm, like, plenty to be embarrassed about.” She winked at Rhian, heartened to see her arms loose again and her head thrown back in laughter.
They’d crossed most of El Chaltén when Rhian turned to her and asked where they were going.
“Do you trust me?”
“With my life.”
Jayden’s heart raced at the unexpected words. With my life. Three simple words that meant everything to Jayden and in the same instant terrified her. She swallowed and plastered a smile on her face. She could only hope Rhian couldn’t see just how stunned she was. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words fell silent on her tongue. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Then hang on five more minutes?”
Rhian squinted at her, but sat back in her seat and stared out the window. Her eyes widened when she saw where Jayden parked.
“Seriously? You’re taking me white-water rafting?”
Jayden nodded. “You said it was something you’d always wanted to try but never had the chance to, right?”
“I did.”
“Well, the Rio de las Vueltas has a class III-plus rapid section, and it’s supposed to be quite a rush.”
“You haven’t done it before?”
“No. I thought it would be nice for us to try something new together.” She took Rhian’s hand and squeezed it. “Is that okay?”
Rhian grinned. “You mean the hypno-boob session wasn’t enough in the way of new experiences for you today?”
Jayden laughed. “What can I say? I’m an adrenaline junkie.” She got out of the Jeep and grabbed the dry bags she’d stowed for them earlier. “Come on, let’s go get wet!”
Bugger. She decided it was best just to ignore the double entendre she’d just made, and the look that Rhian was shooting her, and dragged her towards the office. They were going to have a great day. She was determined. And she wasn’t going to think about those magnificent breasts or with my life again all day. Damn it.