CHAPTER 26

Brian

I watched Amanda run back to her house from my living room window. I knew she was hurt and I knew she was confused. I felt bad that I had been the one to make her feel those things, but I needed some space so that I could logically think about what the hell was supposed to come next.

That was the thing about Amanda. I couldn't think when I was around her. She reduced me to a pile of blubbering man parts whenever she looked at me. My brain would stop, and the only thing that would start thinking was my cock. And that, sure as shit, wasn’t going to get me custody of Lanie. Only my intelligence, my strength, and my fortitude were going to get me Lanie, and those things went out the fucking window every time those hips swayed.

That evening after putting Lanie to bed amid a barrage of questions about when Amanda was coming back, I paced my living room, watching the lights go on and off in Amanda’s cabin. The light in the living room blinked off, then the light in the kitchen. A thin curl of smoke rose from the chimney as the light to the bedroom in the back finally blinked out as well.

I found myself wondering if she was warm enough, if she had enough wood to keep the fire going. Was she still angry? Worst of all, was she still hurt? Because of me? Finally, I shook the thoughts from my head and headed to bed myself. There was no use in me playing this game with myself tonight. There was nothing I could do about it now.

I picked up my phone and briefly thought about sending her a text asking if she was ok. But I had been the one to tell her to go. It would only confuse things more if I reached out to her now. Instead, I flipped off my bedroom light and tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep.

When I woke early the next morning, realization crossed my mind. It was Monday. The day Amanda and I were supposed to be getting married. After I’d chased her out the day before though, that surely wasn’t happening now. I needed to talk to her. I needed to try and explain without revealing too much. I didn’t want to tell her that I had fallen for her, because if she didn’t feel the same for me, I didn’t think my heart could take it. I needed to apologize for sending her away and tell her that my lawyer still thought I stood a good chance, even if we were just engaged. I could play at being engaged, but marriage was no longer an option. Because if she wanted a divorce, I would fight her tooth and nail against it.

I got Lanie some breakfast, then settled her in front of a movie. I could tell she was getting sick. She had woken up that morning with a stuffy nose and tired eyes, so I called Tanya and asked her to pick up some medicine before she came to the house. I cradled Lanie close to my body as Snow White began to play, but the moment Tanya walked in with medicine I switched places with her.

“Come here, little one. I have some medicine that’ll make you feel better,” Tanya said.

I stepped out of the room and down the hallway, so I could get to my phone. I needed to call Amanda. I needed to make sure she was okay, and we definitely needed to sit down and talk. And with Tanya being here to watch my niece, it gave us some uninterrupted time to have a decent, open, air-clearing conversation.

“Hello?” Amanda asked.

“Amanda? It’s Brian.”

“I know,” she said.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Do you care?” she asked.

“I do.”

There was a bit of silence as I heard her rustling around.

“I’m fine,” she said.

I decided not to press her. She sounded pissed. “Could we talk sometime today?” I asked.

“We probably should, yes,” she said.

“How about I make some dinner tonight and we can sit down. I want to explain some things to you,” I said.

She hesitated for a moment before answering. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I don’t want Lanie to be any more confused than she probably already is.”

Again, her concern for my niece trumped her own feelings. God damn, she wasn’t making this easy. “I promise, it’ll be fine. We’ll eat and then I’ll put Lanie down and we can talk after she’s asleep.”

The line was quiet for a moment and I thought maybe we’d gotten disconnected. Then, finally, I heard her voice. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

We hung up after agreeing on a time and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I was so fucking torn inside that I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t marry her, but could I even pretend to be engaged to her? I had always prided myself on having my shit together, but now I felt like an incompetent idiot, making one bad decision after another.

I should have left her stuck in that damn staircase all those weeks ago.

But, no. If I’d done that, my life wouldn’t have been enriched by her laughter. My bed wouldn’t have been warmed by her incredible body. And my niece wouldn’t be happier than I’d ever seen her. All I knew was that I was in deep shit, and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I was fucked if I did,, and fucked if I didn’t.

But this wasn’t about me, was it? This wasn’t even about Amanda. It was about Lanie and what was best for her. And though I didn’t know Amanda as well as I wished I did, I knew enough to know that she would never let Lanie suffer through what she had when she was a little girl. Whatever I asked of her for Lanie’s sake, she would do.

I walked around to Lanie’s sniffling form and bent down in front of her. She leaned into me and I gave her a kiss on her forehead. I smoothed her wispy hair back and looked into her tired eyes, my stomach dropping to my toes. I hated it when she didn’t feel well. She always slept with me whenever she was sick. I grabbed another blanket from the couch and fluttered it around her body as Tanya ran her fingers through my niece’s hair.

“That better?” I asked.

“Mhm,” Lanie said, humming.

“Listen, Amanda is coming for dinner,” I said.

“Good. I miss Mommy,” Lanie said sleepily as her eyelids drooped.

I was stunned as an unexpected warmth trickled through my veins. Mommy? Had Lanie been calling Amanda that?

“Lanie. Have you ever called Amanda that?” I asked.

“Uh huh. She smiles. And I feel happy,” Lanie said.

“She smiles?” I asked. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Smiles and hugs me.”

I sat back on my heels and looked down at my niece as her eyes fluttered closed and her breathing evened out.

Once she was sure Lanie was asleep, Tanya cleared her throat, causing me to look up at her.

“Sounds like she’s pretty attached,” Tanya said quietly, studying me for a reaction.

“Yeah, I guess she is,” I said.

“And from the looks of it, so are you,” Tanya observed, with a sly smile.

Before I had a chance to answer, my phone rang in my pocket, saving me from having to have this conversation with my nanny. I stood and pulled the phone from my pocket as Tanya continued to stare up at me with a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Hello there,” I said. “Are we all set for tomorrow?”

“I was calling to ask you the same thing. Run down for me what’s going on with you,” my lawyer said.

“Amanda and I aren’t going to be getting married before the court date tomorrow,” I said.

“I figured. I hadn’t seen any paperwork hit the system yet. But I do have proof that you filed for a marriage license, and I received your picture of the receipt for the ring. That’s a hell of a ring to buy a woman for this type of situation.”

“Yeah, well. It needs to look real,” I said.

“And this woman will be accompanying you to court tomorrow, yes?” he asked.

“Yes. If I ask her to, she will be there. She’s willing to do anything to help me win custody,” I answered.

“If she’s there, she needs to be wearing that ring. And the two of you have to look like you’re in love,” she said.

“Don’t worry. We can pull it off. Did you get the pictures I sent of Amanda playing with Lanie?” I asked.

“I did. They’re wonderful pictures. The judge will love them, I’m sure. Just get that ring on her finger and make sure you’re on time. Everything else is set up well for tomorrow.”

“Have you heard from my P.I. yet?” I asked.

“The last time I talked with him he said he was onto something, but he didn’t want to bother you until he had something concrete. But he did inform me he wouldn’t have anything for tomorrow, so we’re pushing forward until I hear from him again.”

“Damn, I was really hoping he had some dirt that we could use,” I said.

“What you need to do now is take some deep breaths. I can hear the nerves in your voice. Settle your body down. We’re not going to give Lanie to his man. Trust me.,” he said.

“Thanks. What time is appropriate to be at the courthouse?” I asked.

“Thirty minutes before should do it. But give yourself fifteen to park and get inside the building. You don’t want to be running in and looked frazzled.”

“Will do. See you tomorrow around nine thirty.”

“See you then.”