35
It's almost midnight in New York, but I'm wide awake. Two sleeping pills plus one incredibly reclining seat equals few hours of conscious thought.
I text my sister and go in search of coffee. But there's no time for caffeine. She's already here. Waiting.
I go straight to the drop off/pick up area. There she is, in her shiny red car. Madison has always been flashy.
Her face lights up when she sees me. She climbs out of the driver's seat and rushes to pull me into a hug. "I've missed you so much, Jessie. Was your flight okay?"
"For a twelve hour flight." My instincts tell me to push her away, but I don't. I hug her tighter. I'm tired of hating her. I want my best friend back. "It will take a while for me to get over how much it hurt, you betraying my trust like that."
"I understand. I'm sorry. Really, Jessie. I feel awful. I've thought about calling you every night since you left. Couldn't admit it to myself for a while. And then, well, you seemed like you were doing so well. Starting school and… whatever was happening with… I thought maybe he'd come with you if he was your boyfriend. But I understand if you don't want to talk about it. It's not like I deserve to be your shoulder again. Well, I know it's not like I was ever your shoulder. You've always been the strong one."
Yeah, I have. I've always carried everything around on my shoulders, never let anyone help. Until Pete…
Look how well that went.
As much as my heart aches, I'm glad I talked to Pete. Even if he never figures out that he loved me.
It will fucking suck, but it won't take away how light he makes me feel. Made me feel.
I better tell Madison. Between getting dumped and Dad drinking himself into the hospital, I'm going to overflow.
"Let's talk at home," I say. "Will they let us into the hospital?"
Madison puts my suitcase in the backseat. We get into the car.
Her eyes go to the time on the clock. "It's well past visiting hours but there is a nurse who likes me." She checks her reflection and adjusts her top for maximum cleavage.
* * *
Except for the Emergency Room, the hospital is quiet. Madison leads me right to the wing where Dad is recovering. There's a small waiting area but the lights are off.
It's clearly not visiting hours.
The nurse at the station is an older woman.
Madison pouts. "Guess he's off already. Can't hurt to ask her." She moves to the reception desk and offers the nurse a pleading look.
The nurse shakes her head. They speak for a few moments then the nurse calls me over.
"Are you Jessica James?" she asks.
I nod.
Immediately, she starts explaining Dad's condition. He's no longer at risk of alcohol poisoning, but his liver is damaged. Any future drinking is risky, even a glass of wine at dinner.
When she's done with the medical technicalities, she hands me a stack of brochures. "There are excellent treatment programs in the area."
Madison picks the polish off her red nails. "What if he won't go?"
"Then he can drink himself to death alone."
She bites her nail. "Jessie… I can't."
"You can." I nod a thank you to the nurse and walk my sister back to her car. I take her keys, take over driving duty. "It's going to hurt, but you can do it. We can both do it. I hope we don't have to but we can."
* * *
At home, I make coffee and breakfast. Dinner. Whatever this meal counts as. Hash browns, oranges, scrambled eggs with vegetables.
"I missed you so much I stole your Hunger Games poster." She stirs sugar into her coffee and sips it. Her face scrunches in distaste. "Don't know how you drink this stuff."
"You want tea?"
"I'm okay." She pushes her short blond hair behind her ears. "Plus, when it came out you were dating Pete Steele… seemed weird having his picture hanging in my room."
"It's a little weird."
"It made me feel bad. Knowing I hurt you." She attempts another sip of her coffee. "You tensed up when I said his name."
Figures. "We… broke up. Or maybe it's a fight. I don't know. We were barely together. Hard for it to be a break up."
"You want to talk about it?" she asks.
I do, actually. I want it off my shoulders. I nod. "On the couch. With proper background noise."
She laughs. "Let me guess. The Hunger Games. No, Divergent."
"Please. There's only Katniss. An imitation won't do."
She sticks her tongue out. I laugh. Then, we're both in stitches. The bar for comedy gold is lower when you've been in three time zones in two days.
"I've got it," she says. "Please. Let me."
For once, I let my sister lead. I take a spot on the couch. She gets me another cup of coffee, fixed the way I like it, a glass of water, a blanket.
She plops next to me. Once the movie is streaming, she turns to me. "You look heartbroken. What happened?"
I tell her everything. Even the part about it being pretend.
Then she tells me everything about her ugly breakup with Nathan. Turns out, he's still a controlling asshole underneath his charming exterior.
We talk about Mom and Dad—good times and bad—until Madison falls asleep on the couch. Only a few more hours until the hospital opens. I finish the marathon on my own.
By the end, I'm half asleep and I'm not watching the movie. I replay every ugly moment of the not exactly a breakup. When I can't take it anymore, I go to my room, unpack, put on my pajamas.
The doorbell rings.
This used to happen all the time. Dad would get drunk and make a scene. The neighbors would stop by, sometimes to check on us, sometimes to chew him out. Back then, I always lied. Always covered for him.
Not anymore.
No matter who that is, I'm going to be totally honest.
There are footsteps downstairs. Madison must be up.
"Hello," she says to the door.
I move to the hallway, poised to jump in if necessary.
She shrieks. "Really?"
I can't hear the person on the other side.
Madison pulls the door open and motions for the person to come in.
It's not a neighbor.
It's Pete.