“Sure you can take this?” Logan tosses the flogger from hand to hand and comes around the cross to grin at me. “Now you’re used to a woman’s softer touch.”

“Fuck you,” I tell him cheerfully.

“No, I’m seriously worried. Your skin is unmarked, and you come begging me to lash you—”

“Beg? I begged you? You’ve been whining like a little girl for months that we don’t meet like we used to.”

“I meant for drinks.”

“We can do drinks later. Less talking, more lashing, old man.”

He huffs a laugh, and brings the flogger down on my back again. “You’ll be the death of me.”

“As long as you live a long and fulfilled life.”

He’s right, though. I’m used to a woman’s softer touch, but said woman is out of town for a few days, visiting her mom, and being away from her always turns my mood dark.

But it’s good to see Logan again, and the familiar banter is soothing. Also, he does hit me harder than Mia, and I need that when she isn’t around to keep me calm.

Later we do go for drinks, and he tells me about his plans to open a private BDSM club for his close friends, about the vacation he’s planning on taking with his wife, and about his kids who live in Chicago and their families.

Families.

That word keeps coming up—or maybe I never noticed before.

And it stirs emotions I can’t recognize. Warm emotions, tying complicated knots inside my chest.

Making me miss Mia even more.

So I end up dead-drunk, in an attempt to drown those weird feelings, or maybe wash them clean and see them better, who the hell knows—and Logan ends up driving me home and shoving me into bed.

“That girl had better come back soon,” he growls before he leaves me with a glass of water and aspirins. “You’re a walking disaster without her. When will you marry her, at last, and find peace?”

Marry her.

I stare at the ceiling for long hours after he’s gone, the words spinning in my mind like stars.

A family. A new family. A real one. When Mia is away, I miss her like a limb, like a part of my heart. Logan is right. I’m miserable without her. When she’s here, with me, everything makes sense, everything is good and right.

When I’m with her I’m happy. I just never thought… never believed it possible to come this far.

And if she says no?

I roll out of bed, staggering a little, grabbing at the wall not to fall. I step outside, on my balcony, overlooking the back garden. The cold air bites into my bare chest and arms, cuts through my thin pajama bottoms and bare feet, but I don’t care. I lean on the railing, looking up at the night sky, the white clouds rolling over the moon.

Hawk’s wedding is coming up soon. He and Layla decided to wait until their second baby was born before going to the altar. Baby number two is now six months old, so they decided it was time.

I thought both he and Storm were crazy—having babies, getting married. Getting serious. I could see how happy they were, but I couldn’t understand it.

But now… Mia is right. Everything has changed. I fell in love with her, too, before I even knew it, before she even knew I existed, and nothing will ever be the same.

* * *

“How do I look?” she asks, running a hand over her upswept hair, then trailing her fingers down her long, pale neck to the plunging neckline of her red dress.

God, I love her in red. I love her in anything she chooses to wear, but the red brings out the dark of her hair, the cream of her skin, the red of her lips.

“You’re the prettiest in the land,” I tell her, and I’m damn serious. “In the whole world.”

She smiles. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”

I’ll take her word for it. As long as she likes what she sees, I’m happy. I mean, hey, I’m not humble. I know women have always looked at me, but as long as this woman wants me… no other woman exists for me.

“Ready to go?”

She nods.

I slip an arm around her waist and pull her to me. My jacket is tailored to fit my wide shoulders, and my shirt is made of silk, soft and smooth, but it still rubs on the welts in my back.

Keeping me grounded. Reminding me I’m in control of my life, that I have people who care for me. That this is pain I asked for, not pain forced on me.

I know, I’m so fucking weird, but she hasn’t run away yet. That’s a good sign, right? She likes poking at me, to see what I like, what turns me on. Scratching me, marking me, biting me. She also bears my marks. Love-bites, small bruises. I love testing her limits, seeing how far she’ll go, what gets her flushed and excited. What makes her come hard.

Love.

Families.

Fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no fucking clue. Never had this with anyone, this easy connection, this spark where we touch, this understanding.

As I wrap myself around her and bury my face in her neck, drawing in her light, sweet scent, I try to understand it. She never talked of marriage, and kids, never talked about long-term. She said she wanted a chance with me. A chance to try.

Does she like it? Is she happy? Would she like more?

And should I risk what we have to ask?

* * *

The wedding is a quiet, touching affair, Hawk and Layla’s baby girls are dressed in ridiculous white dresses with huge bows on their heads, but yeah. It’s moving, the way they say their vows quietly and hug each other afterward. Touching.

Dammit.

I’m so happy for my friends. I glance at where Storm is standing with Raylin and grin when I notice their linked hands. Like love-struck teenagers.

And Mia?

I turn around, looking for her in the small crowd, my heart racing a little, despite telling myself she’s okay. After everything that happened, it’s normal, apparently, that I panic when I don’t see her instantly. It’s getting better.

And then I spot her, with Storm’s little son, and a bunch other little kids, laughing and singing some kids’ song. Her cheeks are flushed, her green eyes bright, and my chest swells with a strange emotion.

I think it’s our turn.

The random thought startles, me. Though it isn’t random, is it? Family. Wedding. It’s been there all along, I’ve been turning it over in my mind every night, polishing it like a pebble, trying to find the downside.

Nothing so far. She lives with me. She makes me smile every day. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t bear the thought of her being with another guy. Of being away from me.

She’s mine.

And the thought of having small copies of her running about the house, filling it with their laughter and song is strangely appealing.

Very appealing.

I start toward her without a second thought, but a hand lands on my shoulder, stopping me.

“Rook! Where are you going in such a hurry?”

Suppressing a sigh, grinning, I turn back around. “Junior. What’s up?”

“Uh-uh. The honor of that name now goes to him.” Storm points at his son who’s earnestly telling my girl something that has her laughing her ass off.

My grin widens. “You wish. You’ll always be junior to me.”

He folds his arms over his chest and smirks at me. “Until you get your own kids. Then we talk again.”

I rub a hand over my chest. “You think?”

“That you’ll call your son junior? Wanna bet?”

“No, jackass. That…” Mia has sat down on the grass and is tickling a little girl who’s squealing with laughter. It makes the pain in my chest bittersweet. “That it’s a good idea for me to have kids.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Why wouldn’t it be?”

Fuck this. “Never mind.”

“I do mind.” He puts a hand over mine, over my heart. His blue eyes stare right into mine. “Big brother, listen to me. There’s never been a better friend, a better man than you in the world. If you think you’d like to have a family, then you should go for it. You were always by my side when I needed you. You always took care of me and Hawk. You’ll be a fantastic father, Rook. Never doubt yourself again.”

Fuck, I think there’s something in my eye. If he thinks that… maybe I stand a chance?

“I could never have wished for better brothers than you and Hawk,” I tell him. “Even if we have no blood relation after all. You taught me about trust and affection. If I’m any good, it’s thanks to you.”

He shakes his head. “No, Rook. That’s you. That’s who you are. You are the best.”

He’s determined to break me apart tonight.

Swallowing hard, I pat his cheek. “And don’t you forget it, junior. Now I need to talk to Mia.”

I have to do it now, with his words ringing in my ears, before I lose my courage and chicken out. She means too much to me. If I lose her… that’s fucking unthinkable.

But one thing the past year has taught me is that some things are worth taking risks for.

* * *

I approach the group of kids, and she looks up, as if sensing me.

She ruffles the kids’ heads and sends me a brilliant smile. “Rook!” She waves at me, and I can’t not smile back.

Be my wife.

Would you like to be my wife?

Marry me, Mia.

Promise me.

She loves me, I remind myself. It’s fine to ask her if she wants to spend her life with me. This is what people in love do, right?

God, I can’t believe I’m in such a fucking panic over this.

She comes to meet me, takes my hand. “They’re such lovely kids.”

“Wanna make some with me?”

There. The cat’s out of the bag. And her eyes go round.

“Kids? With you?”

Ah shit. “You’re right. What if they turn out like me, instead of you, right?”

She turns to face me, and she laughs, the sound unexpected, making my mouth twitch. “What are you talking about? I hope they will turn out like you. Because you, Rook…” She throws her arms around her neck and stands on tiptoe to kiss my mouth, “you’re the best man I’ve ever known. Quite the handsome devil, too.”

I breathe her in, my heart flipping over. “What if they turn out like me? Needing pain? Liking it?”

“And what’s wrong with that, huh? Now stop trying to distract me. We were talking about having kids. Together.”

I draw a sharp breath. “And?”

“Oh my God, yes, Rook. Yes, yes!”

And just like that, I’m laughing. “That was easy. Now to the other matter…”

“What other matter?” She draws back to look at me in the eye, frowning. “What’s going on?”

“Take a walk with me.” I unclasp her arms from around my neck and take her hand. “I have something to ask you.”

* * *

The lake on Hawk’s country estate is still, reflecting the stars. The grass is crisp under our feet, crunching with every step. Our breaths form small clouds as we walk along the shore.

“Where are we going?” She smiles up at me when I stop and turn to face her. “Rook?”

“I wanted…” I look into her eyes, and I know with sudden clarity I’d do anything for her. For a real, serious chance with her. And I don’t have a fucking clue how other guys go about it, as I never was interested in finding out, but I go down on my knees, and take her hands. “I wanted to ask you.”

“Ask me what?” Her laugh is quiet, gentle. “Rook, what are you doing? Oh my God…”

“Will you marry me?” I take a deep breath. “I know I’m not an easy person to be around, but I’m—”

“Kiss me?”

“What? I—?”

She goes down to her knees in front of me. “Kiss me, Rook.”

My heart is thumping hard in my chest. Is that a no? I brush my mouth over hers, and she sighs. “Yes. Yes, I can’t wait to start a family with you, and marry you, and… Don’t you know by now how much I love you?”

The last knot in my chest falls loose, and my chest expands until I think I can breathe in the whole world. “I think I have an idea,” I tell her and wrap my arms around her to kiss her properly.

Down here, in the mud, while our dreams fill the sky, with her bright smile filling up my mind, leaving no dark spaces behind.