Prologue
Colonsay, Scotland 1303
Rose MacVie stood on her favorite rock, gazing at the moon, which hovered above the twilight-blue sea. It cast a rippling white reflection, stretching like an arm across the water.
The moon reached for Rose.
She felt the pull within her, the light straining to touch her lonely, restless heart—for the moon was a kindred spirit. It, too, knew what it meant to be alone. Fire blazed inside the heavenly body that could never be fully released. It hung in the night sky, cool and somber, with only the softest light able to escape the confines of its celestial skin.
Like the moon, Rose could never escape her fate. Fire forever burned inside her. Some days it blazed red-hot, cruelly licking the open wounds in her heart—three deep, cavernous, and bloody gashes that could never heal, not in a thousand years, not in this world or the next.
“Ye’ve been out here for a long time.”
Rose whirled around. Ian, her youngest brother, stood behind her, a gentle smile curving his lips.
“I’ve been waiting for ye on the beach for hours now,” he said, his voice kind. He moved toward her tentatively as if she were an animal he did not wish to spook. “I have something for ye.”
Rose turned back to face the water and drew a deep breath, fighting to suppress the pit of emptiness that threatened to consume her from the inside out. She had to be strong. Ian needed her. Once more, swallowing her own pain, she silently bid goodnight to the moon and the sea.
They would be there for her again as sure as her need for them would return.
Joining Ian, they walked the shore together in silence for several minutes. At length, he said, “Ye haven’t been at supper for a few nights.” His tone held a casualness she knew he did not feel.
Despite how he tried, Ian could not hide his concern for her, none of her brothers could. But they did not worry alone. Having felt listless for months and months, she fretted over her own wellbeing. But what her brothers didn’t know was how lonely their nightly suppers made her feel.
Jack, Quinn, and Rory were all happily married now with children of their own. And just last week, Alec and Joanie announced they were going to have a baby. In her heart, Rose could not have been happier for them. Alec and Joanie were no strangers to suffering. They had to walk through hell and back to find the happiness that now shaped their lives. But somehow the fullness of their love made the emptiness of her own arms that much clearer.
Rose scowled—not at Ian or Alec or any of her brothers. The person she scorned was herself. Why must she despair? Where had her spirit gone?
She knew the answer.
Despite how happy she was for her siblings, she could not help but feel peripheral to their life on the island. Her family’s lives continued to evolve while hers remained the same—no different now than after that tragic day eight years ago when her own family had been taken from her.
Once upon a time, the MacVies had lived ordinary lives as fishermen and dockhands within the heart of Berwick, Scotland’s busiest and most prosperous port. But the hammer of Longshanks—the English King—pummeled the city to nothing. When the dust settled, thousands of innocents had been slaughtered, including her husband and their three precious daughters.
In the beginning, there had been only anguish, blinding pain that stole her breath, her mind, her soul, even her will to live. She never would have made it through those dark days following the massacre if her brothers hadn’t needed her.
Years later, the grief still flowed through her. It lived in her blood, in the food she tasted, and in the flowers she smelled. It was ubiquitous as the stars at night or the sea that stretched for all eternity. But she had made peace with her pain. She did not rail against it anymore, nor did she try to ignore it. It was a part of her, no different than her hands or her feet or the heart that beat in her chest.
But something darker than grief had begun to move within her, something insidious and consuming—an emptiness that left her always tired and so very lonely. It mocked her and judged her, making her feel unworthy of happiness.
She dug in her heels, stopping in her tracks.
She pressed her hand over her mouth, silencing the sob that ached to be freed. She couldn’t draw breath as, once more, her mind’s eye revealed the monotony of her own life stretching out before her, empty and unchanging, year after year dragging to a close without the warmth of a man lying beside her or her children to care for or grandchildren to bounce on her knee.
Brows drawn, Ian reached for her. “What is it?” he asked.
Tears stung her eyes. She stepped free from his embrace. “I’m sorry, Ian. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Aye, ye do,” he said, his tone gentle but insistent. “Ye just don’t want to say it, because ye hate to complain. But I’m giving ye permission. Right now, Rose, say what ye feel.”
She clenched her fists, her heart unraveling beyond the confines of her usual control. “I just want more for myself.” She opened her hands, palms up. “They’re so empty when once they were so very full.” She dropped her hands to her side. “I may have many years left to my life. I do not want to spend them steeped in naught but regret.”
Once again, Ian pulled her close. “Ye ken ye’re not truly alone. Ye will always have yer family.”
She pressed her lips tight against the familiar platitude. “Ye must think me so ungrateful,” she said through clenched teeth, angry at her own weakness.
Ian crooked his thumb beneath her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I didn’t mean to diminish yer words. I just need to affirm to ye how essential and loved ye are. But of us all, ‘tis ye who has suffered most, and ye’re more than entitled to yer feelings.” He shook his head. “I wish there was some way I could take it all away. If I could reach up to heaven and pluck yer daughters from the sky, I would.”
Rose’s shoulders sagged. She took a deep breath. “No one can. And although I grieve for them every day, a part of me understands this and has reconciled myself to my fate—But ‘tis my fate that mocks me with its barrenness.” She stretched her arms wide as if to encompass the whole of Colonsay. “And this island. This wonderful haven that protects all I hold dear, my heroic brothers who have sacrificed their freedom for Scotland—who are outlaws to the crown, wanted men. This island has saved them, allowed them a place where they can live happily ever after. But this is a place to end up, not to begin. I will never find what my heart craves on these isolated shores.”
Ian seized her hands, his eyes bright with hope. “But don’t ye see, this is just the beginning for the MacVies—a new beginning. I’m going to make us merchants. We will have ships, Rose, big ones.” He pulled her farther down the coast and stopped in front of a large bulky object, completely covered by an old patched sail cloth. He turned to her. “And I’ll need a quarter master.”
She pressed her hand to her chest. “Me?” she said, not hiding her surprise. Then she cocked her brow at her youngest brother. “Ian, no man in his right mind will sail a ship with a woman as its quarter master.”
Ian puffed out his chest. Although he was only one and twenty, he stood more than six and a half feet tall. With his fiery red curls, he was an intimidating sight. A gentle pup, more often than not, but when provoked, he had an explosive temper. So, too, had she in her youth, but over the years she had learned control…most of the time, at least.
He crossed his arms over his massive chest. “They will if they want to sail my ship.” With his next breath, he relaxed and smiled. The lion once more gave way to the lamb. “Anyway,” he continued, “ye’re a fine sailor. Ye always bring us luck when ye join us fishing. And speaking of fishing…” he said, a smile spreading across his face as he reached for the large sail cloth that covered whatever he sought to conceal. “This is for ye.” He whisked the cloth away.
She gasped, and a smile came unbidden to her lips while her gaze traced the sleek lines of a newly fashioned sailing skiff. Although large enough for two passengers, she was certain she could handle the small vessel on her own. Jumping high, she threw her arms around Ian’s neck. “’Tis magnificent!”
He laughed and squeezed her tightly before setting her feet back on the ground.
Her hand shook as she ran her fingers across the oarlock. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.” Still smiling, she looked up at Ian. “Will ye try her out with me on the morrow?”
His smile faltered, causing her own to disappear. “What is it?” she asked.
He looked at her for a moment as if measuring his words.
“Just say whatever is on yer mind. Ye know I do not suffer such nonsense as sparing my feelings. What is it?”
He set his lips in a grim line before saying, “I received a missive from Abbot Matthew earlier today.”
A chill of dread shot up her spine. “I…I did not know a messenger came,” she stammered while she fought for calm.
Ian rubbed the back of his neck. “Ye’ve stayed away. No one wanted to disturb ye.”
Abbot Matthew led Scotland’s army of secret rebels. Jack, Quinn, Rory, and Alec had all carried out missions for the abbot, but they had retired their swords, all except Ian. She knew there was only one reason why the abbot would have sent a message to her youngest brother. The cause for Scottish independence needed a MacVie, and Ian was the only one left whose identity remained a secret.
“Ye’re wanted for a mission,” she said quietly.
he nodded. “I leave at daybreak.”
She turned away and looked out to sea, her heartache both soothed and fueled by the tumultuous waves.
“Rose,” he said.
“Aye,” she muttered. Her chest felt hollow as if her heart was too empty to beat.
“Abbot Matthew once told me that God is like the stars guiding a man’s ship, but ‘tis the man who makes his own destiny.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and started to lead her up the beach toward the large thatched hut where the MacVies had gathered to give Ian a send-off.
“What are ye trying to tell me?” she asked.
“I’m telling ye that yer destiny is not yet written.”