I could hardly believe what I was doing. Taking that leap, taking what I wanted even though I knew this would be the last time I would probably see him. But he was there, and I was there… and it felt right.

Some devil seemed to have taken hold of me, and I could not resist it. I took his handsome face in my palms, feeling the strong planes of his jaw, the soft stubble on his cheeks. He, like me, had been up since the early hours of the morning. We were both exhausted, and yet he’d chosen to spend his time here with me in the darkness. I knew I could not have him, could not keep him. But I could take him then and there, would let him have me too, and snatch at a memory to cherish.

“We shouldn’t, not if you don’t—” he whispered under his breath, as if he weren’t even talking to me and was instead fighting a war within himself.

“Shut up,” I growled.

This was no time to talk.

I’d done enough talking and thinking for a hundred lifetimes, and where had it gotten me? I bent my lips to his and kissed him again. The kiss wasn’t sweet or tender. I was not in the mood for that and by his response neither was he. I kissed him just as hard as he kissed me, stealing his breath, bruising his lips, pulling his head towards me fiercely.

My fingers tangled into his hair, and I ground my pelvis down against his.

I wasn’t sure that I could wait for him to undress me, or me to undress him. The need to be with him, to have him inside me was so overwhelming. I was dripping wet with desire for him, had been ever since our fingers had touched, and I could feel an ache inside of me that had to be slaked.

He groaned with pleasure as I pulled at his belt, and then the top of his combat pants. The button fly ripped apart easily as his engorged cock burst free of its confines. I grasped at it hungrily as he quickly gathered and lifted up my floral skirt around my waist. His hands felt luscious upon my skin, his short nails raking up my thighs and reaching around, taking huge handfuls of my ass.

“You feel too good,” he said with a soft moan—gone were his concerns—a finger sliding under my panties, teasing my wet lips. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, “but I’m going to fucking take you.”

He pulled aside my panties with force; a small rip sounded between my legs and I gasped. Without another word, he took control of his cock and guided himself inside me, roughly, with an animalistic need.

I felt his length right up inside me, and raised my hips slowly and heard us both inhale in unison. I felt him pulsing and growing inside of me, and with his hands tethered upon my hips we started to let a natural rhythm—as natural as breathing—take a hold. I threw my head back and rode him hard, with him thrusting in tandem, and revelled in every moment that he was within me.

I ran my fingers across his face, unable to see him properly in the darkness, but able to feel his muscles twitch and move. His mouth was open, hot air rushing out, and I let my fingers slide inside. He suckled hungrily. I longed for him to do the same to my nipples and so did he, it seemed, as he ripped off my top, revealing my bra and breasts. Robert made short work of revealing them to the early morning air; fingers sneaking up and under the material, wrenching the bra up towards my collar bone. I grabbed at his head, and he buried his face between them, his lips dancing softly upon my delicate skin, sending shivers shooting down my spine.

His hands squeezed tightly at them and with them positioned just so, he began to tease at my nipples with his teeth as I manoeuvred up and down upon his shaft. Just a gentle grazing, but then he bit down hard. His hot wet tongue, just the tip, circled the aching bud.

“Yes, like that. Don’t stop,” I gasped, pleading that our moment would never end.

In response, he sucked a nipple into his mouth and suckled upon it with a fierce passion that echoed my own.

“Yes, Rob. Just like that… Oh God, more…”

I cried out, wanting him so badly, so glad that he was within me, and was pleasuring me so.

He released my breasts, his hands sliding over my naked back, down to my butt. He held onto my hips and began to guide my movements so they become more furious; bouncing me up and down. He pulled me down onto him so hard and fast, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, the grinding of our pelvises against each other heightening the sensation as my clit rubbed and collided up against him.

I cried out, and he kissed me.

His mouth took away my breathless moan as his tongue swirled to claim my cries. I bit at his lower lip unable to control myself, and he growled an intense moan. I tasted a dull metallic tang, and knew I had drawn blood. I wanted to apologise, but I was too rocked by an intense sensation of pleasure as he began to rub rhythmically at my clit that I forgot all about it in an instant, not wanting to distract him from what he was doing to me.

Placing my hand over his, I guided him to rub harder as I pinched at my own nipples. Every bit of me was zinging with sparks, I felt more alive than I had ever done in my life. The cool air on my skin, the dampness of my sweat, the wicking of the moisture from my sensitised skin—everything felt so much bigger, more intense than I ever imagined possible.

“Come for me, baby,” he demanded into the night. “One last time, come all over my cock.”

His words brought about a new intensity within me; the combination of his command and his accent tickled me in a way I could not describe. His dirty-talk made me want to ride him even harder.

“Say it again,” I pleaded.

For a second I thought he wasn’t going to, perhaps puzzled by my request. “…Come all over my cock, Penny. That’s a fucking order.” He slapped and flicked at my clit, the new touch leaving me breathless.

He did it again, harder this time, and I let out a small gasp. Bliss wrapped around me and I could feel the delicious sensations building up inside of me. My toes curled up as his hips rose and I was rocked by the most exquisite orgasm of my life.

Robert drove himself deeper within me, harder and faster, prolonging the intensity to the point where I thought I was going to lose my mind with deadly rapture.

So overwhelmed was I by the explosion of pleasure that burst through me, it surprised me when his hands clamped hard upon my hips keeping me still.

“Oh, fuck. Penny, don’t move,” he said, our lips almost touching. Not meaning to, my inside walls clenched hard, pulsing, and his eyes scrunched together as his own muscles tensed, he kissed me as he shuddered and groaned, and I could feel his own pleasure rip through him; his thick cock throbbing hard within me.

I sank down onto his chest and realised that the light had begun to climb low in the sky. I could see from his face that he was as spent as I was, but he was also just as happy in that moment too, with a contented smile spread happily across it.

We lay together naked on the hillside, his muscular arms wrapped tightly around me as we watched the sun come up. I felt safe and secure, warm and dreamy. The sun began its early morning dance, the pinkish orange hues lighting the horizon long before it arrived in full view. Everything was so quiet and still all around us.

His fingers played within my hair and caressed my skin, and I sighed the moment the sun broke into the sky. It was pale and buttery and the dawn sky was a transparent lilac. It was beautiful, and I couldn’t stop the tears that began to slip down my cheeks.

“Hey, please don’t cry. What’s wrong?” Robert asked, wiping them away tenderly with his thumb.

“It’s just so beautiful. This is all just so perfect, and then you turn around and see that the world is anything but,” I said sadly.

“It is beautiful. You’re beautiful. But these perfect moments, they’re the ones that help us to get through the not so perfect ones.”

“I suppose so. But doesn’t it ever bother you, I mean, the things you must have seen?” I asked, curious to know how he managed to remain so normal.

He thought about it for a moment before answering, probably cursing me for getting so serious on him. “It has been my life for so long, going home and having to live as a civilian would be harder,” he admitted.

“So, civvy street is what worries you?” I teased. He grimaced; clearly it did. It surprised me. Most of the army medics I’d met couldn’t wait to get back home away from what they so often came to see as mindless and unnecessary loss of life and the life changing injuries that happened in war zones.

“If I’m honest, yes it does. And it won’t be long before I have to head back there, if my father has anything to do with it.”

“Your father? He doesn’t like you being in the army?”

He was quiet a moment. “I think he’s proud of what I do, but he would much prefer it if I did what he wanted me to do with my life.”

“And that is?”

“I suppose, help with the family business… especially now that my brother, Rick, is gone.”

I nestled into him closer, silently thanking him for sharing another small part of himself that he’d seemed reluctant to all the time I’d known him. There was obviously more to the story, more that he wasn’t telling me, but I was pleased all the same. It was progress.

“And you want to stay here? In the army I mean?”

“To be honest, I’m not sure anymore. A lot has changed…”

“Well, whatever you decide to do, I’m sure you will survive, I have a feeling you are one of those people who finds a way to adapt wherever you are,” I said admiringly.

“I don’t know about that, but I was brought up to be polite and charming. I like to think it helps.”

We sat quietly for a moment after making ourselves a little more presentable. But I had the strangest feeling that he wanted to tell me something more, yet he just didn’t seem to be able to find the words. Eventually, though, I had to break the awkward silence.

“Thank you, Rob.”

“For what?” he asked surprised.

And for a second I wasn’t sure what to say. Thank you, for opening up my heart again?

“For everything you have done here. I will miss you.”

“Penny, I did my job, the same as you. But, there is no doubt in my mind that I will miss you too. I wish…” He shook his head, thinking better of whatever he was going to say.

“You wish what, Robert?” Foolish hope rose up in me as I held my breath. “Please, tell me.”

“Nothing.” He shook his head then kissed my forehead and swept my long hair back from my face. “Please take care of yourself, and if you ever need me…”

“You too, but I won’t call,” I said with a regretful smile. “I doubt the army would let you take off to come and rescue a crazy American girl anyway!”

“One thing is for certain, I won’t be in the forces forever, Penny,” he said gently, but I knew that though he might want to help if I ever did get in trouble, he wouldn’t be able to, his hands were somehow tied. Whatever it was that he wasn’t telling me, or holding back, meant that this would be the last time I would ever see him and I had to accept that once and for all. But regardless, I would never even know where to look for him to start with if I was in need of his help.

“I know, but I think it is probably best that we both come to terms with what this was… leave these moments we’ve shared as one of those perfect memories that we will learn to cherish and help to get us through the shit life throws at us,” I said.

I wanted to sound nonchalant, as if I truly meant it—but my voice cracked betraying my true feelings.

He pulled me into a hug and I was grateful for it. It gave me a chance to get my emotions back under control. I never wanted to have to say goodbye to him, and yet this was exactly what I was going to have to do.

“Maybe we should both go and get some sleep? You have surgery to perform, and I have a long journey home.”

He let go and we both stood up, awkwardly brushing the dust and blades of dry grass from our clothes and sweat-dampened skin. “Then this is it,” he said sadly.

I bit my tongue as I took his features in one last time in the sunlight, desperately trying to memorise them before saying goodbye.

“I guess so.”

He took my hand, lacing his fingers with mine, and we walked back to the camp slowly, but the walk was over too soon. The short distance evaporated beneath our feet. I let go of his warm hand and we reluctantly went our separate ways.

Over my shoulder, I watched him as he entered the men’s accommodation block, enjoying the interplay of his muscular back and that tight ass. He truly was a delight to look upon. But he never looked back, he kept his head straight; focused and determined.

I sighed and entered my own block, sinking onto my own bunk in a haze of confused emotions. On the one hand I felt lighter than air. A man I found compelling, intelligent, skilled—not to mention drop dead gorgeous—wanted me as much as I wanted him. But, I also felt utterly downhearted because I knew due to our circumstances and whatever secret he was hiding, I would never see him again. It just wasn’t meant to be.

* * *

Angel and Amy bustled around me, helping me to pack my things into my rucksack. Neither of them were known for being particularly emotional, but both had fat tears pouring down their lovely cheeks as they hugged me goodbye at the airstrip.

I had hoped that Robert would come and see me off, but he had clearly decided that our goodbye had been that moment of bliss up on the hill. I tried not to be hurt, knowing he was probably undertaking some kind of life-saving surgery, but his absence still cut like a knife… though I knew it was probably best in my current emotional state.

I trudged across the tarmac and onto the plane, and grinned bravely as Shane and Angel kissed goodbye. I was pleased for my friend, Shane was a good man and he came out every three months to help out. So, if Angel wanted it to be, there was scope for a real relationship with a man who would never try and take charge of her or try to change her. And I dearly hoped she would take the chance; she deserved so much happiness.

I took my seat on the transport plane, and strapped myself in tightly. I had a long journey ahead of me and I was glad that only the first bit would be in such discomfort; I would only have to endure the rough and uncomfortable positioning for just a little while—but at least there was plenty of leg room, I thought. Shane patted my knee as we took off.

“You’ll be back before you know it—and we can always use a hand at the fundraisers,” Shane yelled above the noise of the engines.

“How do you ever find time for your real job, the amount of work you do out here and for the charity?” I asked with a smile.

“The perks of owning the company. I hired a really smart cookie right out of college and trained her up. Carrie is my right hand woman. She’s a marvel, does everything far better than I ever did or could and so I leave everything in her capable hands.”

“Ah, you like having tough intelligent women around you then?” I teased. He blushed a little, knowing I was referring to the blossoming romance he had with Angel.

“You girls are braver, brighter and more capable than any guy I know. What isn’t to enjoy?”

We landed in N'Djamena international airport and were quickly ushered from the barren military compound to the friendlier looking civilian area for our commercial flight.

Shane and I stood waiting in line to book in our meagre luggage. We were both catching a flight to Paris, then parting ways to our respective states in the US. When it came time for me to check in, the lady behind the desk took my passport and entered in my details. She grinned at me then handed me my boarding pass.

At first I thought she was just being courteous and thought nothing of it till I spied my boarding ticket and my mouth gaped open. “Excuse me, I’m sorry, but I think there has been some mistake.”

“No mistake, Miss Hawkins,” she replied in clear English that had a hint of a foreign accent.

“But this says ‘First Class’.”

She nodded. “That’s right. From here to Charles de Gaulle, and then on to—I’m not sure how to pronounce this city: Mini-apples?”

“Minneapolis?”

She nodded again, all the while still smiling.

“Your connecting flight to Billings has also been upgraded as requested.”

I stood there startled until Shane placed a hand upon my arm. “What’s wrong, Penny?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” But I couldn’t understand it, the charity wouldn’t have made this kind of mistake. I turned back to the lady. “Are you sure? Maybe I should downgrade?”

“I’m afraid that is not possible; your flight is full.”

The people behind us in the queue were becoming restless and I thought better of holding them up and Shane had already handed over his own passport and luggage anyway. I would sort this out with the charity when I got back home—would repay them back if necessary; it’s not like they have thousands of dollars to just throw away on first class seats, I thought.

“You’re kidding me?” Shane asked, causing me to turn my attention to him. “They’ve upgraded me as well!”

“Whoa,” was all I could reply—this didn’t seem like a mistake. Being the owner of his own company Shane probably could most likely afford to splurge on a first class seat all the way back home, but with the amount of trips he took it probably wasn’t economical. He shrugged when we couldn’t get any further information from the lady and we both left the check-in desks for the departure lounge with stunned smiles plastered upon our faces.

At least we’d have a much comfier ride home than the first leg of our journey, and secretly, even though I felt a touch of guilt at the overindulgence the charity was affording me, I was actually looking forward it—I’d never flown first class before, and I was about to do it three times over!