Amy ran up to me in the medical tent and almost knocked me off my feet. A few of the instruments I was sterilising clattered to the floor. Dust particles coated the steel.

“Dammit, what did you do that for?” I said, my mood getting darker.

For over a week my mood had increasingly soured, like milk left out too long, it had become revolting and even I did not want to be around myself anymore. Angel and Amy had tried to shake me out of it; cracking open an extra bottle of wine or attempting to force feed me fried goods, but the more they tried the more it only reminded me why I was feeling so down. So lost.

I barely knew Robert so why was he having this effect on me? Either way it was obviously clear that I was not cut out to have short flash in the pan relationships where sex was the only thing on the menu. I tried it, took a chance and look where it got me? Alone and bitter… and hungry.

I hated feeling like this. It wasn’t good for me, or my patients or my friends who worked with me. I had to accept that he wasn’t coming back, that I meant little in his world, and move on. Forget that I’d ever met him and concentrate on why I came here in the first place: to save lives.

“Shit, sorry, I’ll clean them up. ‘Cause you have more important things to attend to.”

“Like what? It’s my turn to run these through.”

“I guess you haven’t heard then?”

“Heard what, Amy?” I snapped losing my patience. I didn’t want to snap at her, but the tiredness as a result of countless sleepless nights thinking about him were taking their toll and making me cranky.

“He’s back,” she whispered.

I stiffened, my eyes popping. I froze for a beat, processing the information. My heart filling with hope and anticipation. But I frowned and shook my head. It didn’t matter that he was back… I’d already made up my mind. Besides I would be leaving in a few days anyway. Angel insisted I take a time-out and spend some time with my mom. There was no point complicating things further.

When I didn’t react Amy said, “Penny? I thought you would be pleased?”

“Pleased?” I replied, raising my eyebrows. “I don’t care either way,” I lied and turned back to my work.

“Well, he asked after you…”

“What did he say?” I asked in spite of myself.

A slow smile spread across Amy’s lips. “I thought you didn’t care?”

“Dammit, Amy. Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

She leaned closer. “He asked how you were… testing the waters I expect.”

“Yeah, well, the waters are positively glacial. And indifferent!” I added.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” Throwing down the tools, I turned my back and walked away from her.

* * *

The way was clear but that didn’t stop me from double checking, glancing right and left to make sure he wasn’t there. Keeping within the shadows I stepped closer to the canteen’s entryway and studied the faces within the darkened tent. Only after being positive that he was not inside did I contemplate going to get some food. My stomach growled as if berating me for leaving it so long after the regular meal schedule to go eat.

Days had passed with me successfully avoiding Robert, I’d become quite a skilled little ninja; sneaking around, checking corners, and not letting myself stay too long in areas with no escape. Maybe I’d missed my calling as a spy or assassin, I thought with a wry smirk.

“What are you doing?” a voice inquired behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin and bolted back to my quarters. So much for my second career option.

I imagined turning around to find Robert standing there, and how I would easily crumble like a poorly constructed sandcastle under his intense scrutiny.

Thankfully though the voice was female and I spun around.

“Nothing,” I said, feeling the fire in my cheeks ignite.

“Mmhmm,” Claire replied, clearly unconvinced. “So are you going to stand there all day or are you going inside? If I don’t eat within the next minute I’m likely to start gnawing my arm off. Maybe yours too.”

“Sorry,” I said as I stepped inside, then followed her and picked up a tray.

I took a few items and found the nearest seat. Claire was over by the kettle making herself a hot beverage but soon enough she was standing near me again.

“Join you?”

“Sure.” I hoped she didn’t expect riveting conversation, because there was no way that I was up for small-talk.

I prodded at my food, but forced myself to eat the baked potato and beans.

“That good, huh?”

I shrugged and avoided eye contact, concentrating on staring at my plate. Claire never made a habit out of sitting with me and I wondered why this time was different. There were plenty of other tables with people she knew, including those from her squad. There could only be one reason and I braced for her to bring the topic up.

Well that was if she could bring it up before I finished. With new enthusiasm, I started shovelling the food into my mouth a little faster, not too quick to make it obvious, but fast enough to make a small clearing on my plate.

Claire put her knife and fork down.

Please don’t, I wanted to say. Don’t mention his name, don’t bring him up. Just let me eat in relative peace.

My wishes went unanswered.

“So, I’m just going to come out and say this.”

I groaned but Claire ignored me.

“You need to speak to him. You can’t keep avoiding him.”

Playing it cool, I responded with, “Who?”

She snorted. “Really, we’re going to play that game?”

“Claire, I’m not playing any games. I’m just trying to eat my meal.”

“Look, just hear me out. Then I’ll leave you alone—”

“Did he send you? Are you his errand-girl?”

She shook her head. “Nope. He doesn’t know I’m here, in fact he’d probably kill me if he knew.”

I shifted in my seat. No longer hungry, I pushed my tray away an inch, then crossed my arms. “Get it over with then. Say whatever you’re going to say.”

Claire placed her hands flat on the table either side of her tray and leaned forward. She was not angry or upset, and her normally hard features softened.

“Penny, he’s hurting,” she said quietly, presumably so no one could overhear.

I scowled at her.

Her palms lifted up, urging me not to blow up. “I know how it sounds, but it’s the truth. There’s more than you know going on.”

“Like what?” I blurted, exasperated.

“I can’t tell you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course you can’t,” I said sarcastically.

“No, really I can’t say anything. I can’t reveal what I know. This is something that only the captain can tell you.”

“Seriously?” I rolled my eyes again and feared if I heard anymore lame excuses my eyeballs would fall out of their sockets.

“Fine, you don’t have to believe me, but just know I have his best interests at heart and I wouldn’t be here telling you all this cryptic shit if I didn’t think he cared a lot about you.” Claire paused. “Penny, if anyone found out I was even talking to you like this I would be in deep shit. So please, for both our sakes make it worthwhile.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

“Give him a chance. Just one.” She held up a single digit.

I gritted my teeth and breathed. What she was saying was reasonable. So very reasonable. My heart was cheering alongside her, telling me to listen, to do what she was requesting. But—there was always a but—my head rebelled.

“There’s no point. I’m leaving in a few days, so it doesn’t matter.”

Claire got to her feet and picked up her tray. “If you already think it’s pointless, then what’s the harm?”