Ryder is amazing. The more time I spend with him, the more I realize exactly how amazing he is. Whether we’re at the office or alone together, he’s beginning to give me a clear view of what his heart holds. In many ways, that scares me. In others, it’s invigorating and exciting.

Tonight, for instance. He drove us all the way to the lake shore to eat at this adorable seafood restaurant along the Grand River. Could he have taken me to a hot dog stand and I would have enjoyed myself just as much? Yes. Why drive an hour to eat dinner, then?

When I asked him, his answer was beyond simple.

“I wanted you to relax and stop worrying that someone might see us together.”

And that right there stole my breath. He cares enough about me he knew that I wouldn’t open up to him unless I was comfortable. For me to be comfortable, I needed to feel safely away from prying eyes. Justine and Allison may think they know something is going on between us, and after our run-in in the parking garage, their suspicions were confirmed, but it’s one thing to see something and another to know details.

If we had run into them while having dinner, there would be details floating around the office the next day. New rumors to spread. That’s not what I want and he knew it, so he drove us as far away as possible to enjoy a quiet meal together.

As we sit, sipping wine and talking about life in general, it hits me that this shouldn’t feel as comfortable as it does. Being only our first “date,” we should still be nervous around each other as we get to know each other.

I’m not. Nervous, that is.

Even though it’s only been a few weeks, I feel like I’ve known him for far longer. He’s easy to talk to, fun to be around. Sweet and caring. A little pushy when he believes strongly in something, but also giving and able to compromise.

“Let me ask you something,” I say as he lifts the bottle to pour me another glass of wine.

“Anything.” His eyes find mine, and in them I see the hesitation as the word slips past his lips.

“That first week at the office was a shit storm. You were happy then pissed and back again in the blink of an eye. What was up?”

Nodding, Ryder takes a sip of his wine before answering. “It was the pressure,” he finally says.

“Pressure?”

Raking his fingers through his hair, Ryder leans back against the booth and lets out a breath. He seems at odds with himself. If he doesn’t want to answer, he shouldn’t. I don’t want one question to ruin the night. As I’m about to tell him, he finally speaks.

“My father was forcing me to make a decision about the divorce. He wanted me to try and work things out with Megan. Megan was pressuring me to stay and make it work for Amara. I was sleeping on the couch in my office to avoid them both. Plus, there was you. I was fighting my attraction to you because I had just filed divorce papers and wasn’t sure I really wanted to put Amara through what happened next.”

“And what changed?”

“I realized I had to put myself first. I tend to be a people pleaser. Less drama. Everyone’s happy except me, and that’s okay.”

“But that’s not okay,” I reply. My anger at his father for the pressure he was putting on him and the unnecessary stress was growing. Not to mention the week of hell I lived through because he was struggling with an impossible decision. “Not at all. You shouldn’t make decisions to make other people happy if it makes you miserable. That’s ludicrous.”

“Well, my father isn’t happy about my decision even though I’ve managed to keep it quiet. He thinks it’s bad publicity for the firm. Megan’s not happy, especially now that, as of this afternoon, she has to move out of our house by Friday.”

“And Amara?”

“We haven’t told her yet. She won’t really understand it at her age, but I want us to tell her together. I made Megan promise not to tell her before the papers were finalized.”

“So… tomorrow, then.” My words are hesitant and I’m sure he can hear that. If I thought pressure from Megan and his father were bad, this is astronomically worse.

“Maybe. She has a dance recital tomorrow night. I figure we can tell her after since it’ll be official.”

Nodding, I’m at a loss for what I can say to him to make him feel better. There’s nothing. It has to happen. His daughter is going to be devastated. I can’t imagine what I would say in that situation. It has to be one of the hardest conversations he’ll ever have.

Thinking back on my parents’ relationship as my sister and I grew up, I remember a few fights, but there was never a moment when the thought of them separating even crossed my mind. All my friends saw the love they carried for each other. That’s when it hits me.

An option.

If he’s interested in trying it.

“You know, there are plenty of ways to spin it that will help her to focus on the happy things,” I finally say, reaching for his hand.

“Like?” he asks, staring at our hands as I entwine our fingers. I hear the crack in his voice. He’s putting on a strong front. I’m not sure if it’s for me or because that’s how he is, but the walls are crumbling as I stare at him, trying to support him in any way I can. He needs it.

“Well, I had a friend whose parents got divorced when we were in middle school. I knew she was crushed, but then she told me she tried to stay positive. She focused on having two of everything instead of one. Two sets of presents for Christmas. Two bedrooms she could decorate. More toys, more clothes. All that. Maybe that’s something Amara could relate to.”

“That’s a good way to start the conversation. As long as she knows that we both still love her and will be there for her, I don’t care what else we say to her.”

“Can I ask something else, not that it’s my business, but I’m curious?”

“If there’s anything you want to know, Emerson. All you have to do is ask. I’m an open book. That’s how relationships are supposed to work.”

Relationship. Have we crossed that line yet? I mean, we are eating a meal together for the second time today. We’re holding hands. Made out in an elevator. He picked me up for work this morning. We hung out with another couple last night.

It appears we have crossed the line and I didn’t even realize it because the transition was so seamless.

“Okay. Yeah.” I stutter, pulling my hand away and reaching for my water glass.

“I scared you again.” He leans forward, a worried expression causing his forehead to wrinkle.

Truth? With Ryder, I think the truth will set me free. I don’t think it will keep him from pursuing me. I don’t think anything will, and that thought alone causes my heart to race.

“Sort of. Not you, but this. This is all just moving faster than I’m used to. I had one other serious boyfriend aside from Ian. This all feels new to me, like I’ve never dated before.”

“Okay, let’s back up. Are you interested in anyone else?”

“No.”

“That’s all that matters. We don’t need to put a title on this if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that, it’s just only really been a day since it started. I need time to process. My life had been a bit of a whirlwind the last few weeks. I’m not sure if I’m ready to jump into something serious right now.”

“And that’s fine. I forget that my relationship with Megan had been over for a while. The divorce should have happened a long time ago, but I was listening to my father instead of my gut.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asks, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“You shouldn’t have had to live in that situation. You should have been able to be happy.”

“There were times when I was. In the beginning,” he confesses, a look of sadness washing over him.

“And then?”

I don’t know why I ask. It’s really not my business, and I don’t want to spend the little time we have left together talking about his ex-wife.

“Then I caught her cheating on me. It broke me in a way I’ll never be able to explain.”

He drifts off for a moment before he continues.

“I forgave her, you know. The first time. I kept my guard up, never fully trusted her again, but I forgave her. For Amara. I wanted her to have a chance to grow up surrounded by both her parents. It didn’t take long for her to fall back into her old ways. I suspected that she was cheating on me again and this time I set her up. She still has no idea how I found out.”

Raising my eyebrow at him out of curiosity, a devious grin slowly spreads across his face.

“Have you ever heard of those nanny cams?”

“Yeah. Parents hide them in stuffed animals, right?”

“Yeah. Well, there’s a tiny version you can buy and hide just about anywhere. For instance, the air vent of a vehicle as long as it’s equipped with Wi-Fi. They record audio and video. Turn on and off based on movement. The signal transmits to any device you program it to.”

“Like, your cell phone?”

“Bingo. And guess who just so happened to be straddling a man who wasn’t her husband in the backseat of her car every Wednesday afternoon between one and two o’clock?”

“I have a few guesses, but I only need one,” I reply, my heart breaking for him. To see it, to hear her, must have destroyed him. “I’m so sorry, Ryder. I really am.”

“It’s fine. You know, I wish I had found what my parents have. They’ve been married for almost forty years and are still madly in love. I knew when I married Megan that we wouldn’t make it forty years, but I went through with it anyway because I loved her.”

“We all do stupid things when blinded by love.”

“Very true,” he replies, letting the conversation fade away.

Sipping our wine, we enjoy the peaceful silence as we watch the sun setting over the inlet to Lake Michigan. There’s nothing quite as magical in my mind. It’s a simple beauty, and when you’re able to share it with another person, it becomes special.

* * *

“What were you going to ask me, by the way? In the restaurant, before I scared you,” Ryder asks as he opens his truck door for me.

After the way he just bared his soul to me, I’m not sure I want to ask anymore. Pressing my lips together, I stare up at him as he patiently waits for my answer.

“Emerson?” he says, my name soft and sweet, coaxing me to confess.

“What was the custody decision?” I finally ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Joint. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than only getting her every other weekend, and I think it’ll be good for Amara too.”

My smile is weak as he shuts the door, effectively ending our conversation. There’s tension in the car as we head back to the city. I blame myself for ruining the mood. I should have known better than to ask about it. It was a sore topic of conversation before and as much as I was hoping it would work out in his favor, I should have known better than to expect it to.

From everything I’ve heard, Megan is vicious. She gets what she wants. Or rather, takes what she wants.

Ryder offers to drop me off at my apartment, but I ask him to take me to my car. As much as I loved having breakfast with him, I hate relying on others to take me places. I’m more comfortable driving myself and knowing that I can come and go as I please. Plus, I need a moment to myself to process everything from today.

His divorce. Our newly blossomed relationship. The way I feel for him and about him. Those are two different things at the moment.

I feel for him in a way that I don’t think I’ve ever felt for another person. His pain radiated through me when he told me about Megan. Feelings of love wash over me when he mentions his daughter. And then there’s the mix of emotions he has about everything else with his current situation.

How I feel about him is just as unstable. I’m drawn to him, physically and emotionally. I want to be there for him, to hold him when he’s in pain but to celebrate when times are joyous. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man—caring, genuine and honest. My heart skips a beat every time he looks at me, and my legs quiver when I think about his lips touching mine again.

After helping me out of his truck, Ryder pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms around me. He holds me for a few minutes, neither of us speaking. I let the moment carry me away and relish in the feel of his hard body against the softness of my own. When he finally releases me, he bends and kisses me softly on the lips, causing my entire body to sag.

I watch as he pulls away, waving until he’s out of sight.

“I thought you said you weren’t dating him?”

His voice is close. Close enough that if I turn around, I’m sure I’ll be able to reach out and touch him.

“What are you doing here, Ian?” I ask, attempting to sound unaffected by his presence.

“I came to talk to you. You never answered my text.”

“I told you I would call you when I was ready to talk.”

Taking a few deep breaths, I turn to find Ian leaning against my trunk, arms crossed over his chest. Anger radiates off him in waves. His eyes, dark and narrowed in my direction, filled with hatred.

“I’m ready to talk now. If you won’t even respond to a text message—”

“I didn’t get your message!”

“Were you too busy with your new boyfriend?”

“Oh my god, Ian. Grow up. We’re done. What I do and who I do it with is no longer your business. Now, get the hell off my car so I can go home.” A mixture of fear and anger pulses through my veins as I storm past him. Reaching for my door handle, I feel Ian grab my shoulder and quickly turn me around, pushing me back against my car.

“We’re not done talking,” he says, the stench of alcohol on his breath causing me to cringe.

Just like the night before I left him.

When he came home and wanted to have sex.

The night I realized that it was over between us.

“Get your hands off her.”

Ian releases me and turns to face Ryder. Ryder towers over Ian, looking past him and directly at me. There’s a look of concern in his eyes. I nod, letting him know I’m okay.

“This is none of your business. I suggest you move along,” Ian retorts, taking a step away from me and toward Ryder.

What is he thinking?

Ryder could overpower him with one hand. He has the size and strength advantage. On top of that, if Ian is as drunk as I assume he is, it won’t take more than one swing to bring him down.

“Get in the car, Emerson,” Ryder says, ignoring Ian.

Quickly doing as he says, I slam the door behind me and lock my doors. Turning in my seat, I watch as Ian takes another step toward Ryder, poking him in the chest with his finger repeatedly. Ryder’s fists are clenched at his side, the only sign he’s not completely in control of himself right now.

Ryder’s lips work into a snarl as he begins to speak. Their voices are low enough that I can’t hear what they’re saying. After only a few minutes, Ian is walking away, flipping Ryder off as he watches him go. As soon as Ian’s car speeds past, I open my door and run into Ryder’s waiting arms.

“I’m so glad you were here,” I say as he wraps his arms around me.

“If you hadn’t kept waving I wouldn’t have seen him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was watching you wave at me, feeling bad for letting the night end the way it did. He stepped out from behind another car as I was rounding the corner. I didn’t know it was him, but I knew you were in trouble. I parked and made my way back up here as fast as I could. You had it under control, so I didn’t intervene until necessary. When he laid his hands on you…”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s never been like this before. He was drunk and out of control. I’ve never been scared of him until tonight.”

Squeezing me tighter, he pushes my car door closed and takes my keys. “I’m driving you home.”

Ryder waits with me until Angela gets home. Against my wishes, he makes me tell her what happened. Of course, she remains composed in front of Ryder, but the moment he leaves, all hell breaks loose.

“You need a restraining order on him, Em. He’s losing his shit!” she screams as she follows me into my bedroom. All I want to do is go to sleep, but she’s not going to let me until we have this conversation. Ryder mentioned the same thing.

“What’s that going to do but piss him off more?”

“I don’t care if it makes him angry or not. I want you to be safe. I don’t want to have to worry about you all the time.” Crossing her arms over her chest, I can see the worry in her eyes. She’s putting up a strong front, anger her most prominent emotion right now, but lurking behind the surface is her fear.

“Well, if Ryder has his way, I won’t be going anywhere alone again until I’m dead,” I reply, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

“I can live with that,” she says as she leans against the door frame. The thought seems to relax her. “Seriously, though, you need to be careful. He’s obviously lost it.”

“That wasn’t him, Ang. That’s what I don’t get. He was drunk and angry, that’s all. He’s not taking this well. I don’t know if he wants me back or wants answers. Maybe I should just talk to him.”

“That’s the last thing you should do. Think about it, Em. He’s going to try and convince you breaking up with him was a mistake. After today, I hope you realize it wasn’t.”

“Even if today hadn’t happened, I know I did the right thing. Things weren’t moving in the right direction for us. It was time to end things before they got bad. I was hoping we could still be friends, though.”

“I think we both know that’s not going to be an option. It never was. Ian has always been possessive. If he can’t have you, no one can. The fact that you are seeing Ryder is bringing out the worst in him. He’s showing is true colors, Em. You have to see that.”

Angela’s voice is pleading with me to see what she sees. I do, but I don’t want to admit it out loud. It’s my fault that he’s acting this way. It’s my fault he’s gone off the deep end.

If I hadn’t left him. If there hadn’t been rumors floating around, putting ideas in his head. If I had resisted Ryder’s charms. If, if, if… there are so many things I could have done differently.

“I can’t think about it anymore right now. All I want is to crawl in bed and go to sleep. That’s the only thing I care about at the moment.”

Pushing off the door frame, Angela shoots me an apathetic smile before disappearing into her own room. The more I talk about Ian, the more upset I get. The more upset I get, the worse I feel. I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought if you cared enough about someone, you set them free. Apparently not Ian. He holds on tight.

Quickly stripping down, I head into the bathroom to soak in the tub. My phone chimes as I slip under the water. Reaching for it, I see two waiting texts.

Ian was the one I felt watching me when I was in the parking garage. He must have seen us leave together and waited for us to come back. If I had just let Ryder bring me home from dinner, none of this would have happened.