Chapter Fourteen
“Willow!”
Jay’s sharp voice had her snapping back to the present. To him. His arms were around her, and he’d yanked her away from the bed. Elizabeth had lunged toward Wyman, and she was shouting orders to others who’d entered the room—a man and a woman, both wearing green scrubs.
“Willow, are you okay?” Jay asked her.
No, she wasn’t okay. Because Wyman’s worst fear—it was her death. And everything about that scene had rung true to her. People couldn’t fake their worst fears when she touched them. Wyman’s nightmare was her death.
He’d cared about her. He’d cried for her. And he’d sworn to do anything to keep her living.
Willow swallowed the lump in her throat. He had done anything. He’d brought her back from the dead.
“We have to stop the bleeding!” Elizabeth barked. “He needs to get back into surgery. Dr. Brannon, he needs help, right away!”
They started to wheel the bed out of the room. Willow surged away from Jay and grabbed Wyman’s hand. His head turned. His gaze seemed so weak, but he tried to smile at her. “B-brought y-you back…”
“Wyman…”
“D-didn’t know…about all s-side effects…n-not then…just m-memory loss.”
“This man needs to be in the OR!” The guy in green scrubs snapped. “Now!”
“Learned…others…t-too late…that’s why I-I kept you in l-lab…trying to h-help…p-protect…”
She squeezed his hand. Made herself step back. There was so much blood.
“H-he’s c-coming…” Wyman whispered. “S-sorry…”
And then he was gone. He’d been wheeled out of the room, and she was just standing there, her hands twisting in front of her. The image of her own death was still in her head.
“Are you okay?” Sawyer’s voice. Sawyer had moved to a position in front of her. “You went absolutely white when you were touching him. You started shuddering, and I thought you were having a seizure. You didn’t stop, not until Jay pulled you away from Wyman.”
She glanced at Jay. He was watching her with an unreadable stare. Forcing herself to breathe, nice and slow, Willow tried to gather her thoughts. “Did you think he was lying?” Sawyer’s senses were so sharp, surely he would have picked up any tell-tale sign of deception from Wyman.
Sawyer shook his head. “No. I think he was telling the truth.”
Jay swore.
“So do I,” Willow confessed. “I saw what he feared, and it was me. Me, dying.”
Jay swore, low and viciously.
“I died,” Willow continued. “I was stabbed.” Her hands slid over her stomach, as if searching for the wounds that should be there. “I was in some motel room, near the ocean. I’d been stabbed over and over, and left to die.”
Jay surged toward her. “You aren’t dead.”
“Not anymore. Because Wyman brought me back. He couldn’t let go.” Her stare slid toward the door of the hospital room. He’d been taken back to surgery. But even as he’d been led away, he’d been warning her about danger. “If I wasn’t the monster he made…” Another slow, deep breath. “Then who is?”
“My money is on the bastard who killed you.” Jay gave a grim nod. “And I’m going to find him.”
A shiver slid over her, and for just a moment, she could hear a man’s voice in her head. You belong to me.
Her lover. Had her lover killed her? Was he the monster Wyman feared so much?
“I’m going to check with Elizabeth. See what the hell is happening.” Sawyer rubbed a hand over his jaw. “The bastard tore himself open.”
Because he’d wanted Willow to believe him.
She didn’t speak again, not until Sawyer was gone. The machines were silent. The room suddenly seemed incredibly cold, but she could feel Jay’s gaze on her. Watching. Waiting.
“I believe him, Jay. I believe what I saw. Fears can’t lie.” People could lie. Words could lie. Fear didn’t. Fear was basic and primitive. Fear was people at their weakest. “Wyman was afraid for me. He didn’t want me to die.”
“So he put you in Lazarus. He kept you locked away in a lab and called that shit love.”
She flinched. “I think that he did love me, in his way.”
“And the bastard out there? The one Wyman called a monster?”
Bits and pieces were in her mind. Not the full picture. Just the whisper of fear. Fear doesn’t lie. “I…I was hiding from him. He found me.”
“Yeah, but was the bastard your enemy? Or Wyman’s? Were you collateral damage in one of his wars? He made a monster, and the guy came gunning for the one person connected to Wyman on a personal level—is that what happened?”
She had goosebumps on her arms. “It’s more.”
A furrow appeared between his brows. “What?”
“I saw him. Had other flashes. He wanted me.”
“You saw the sonofabitch killing you?”
She shook her head. “No. A man…found me. Said we belonged together.” And the motel room had been the same. She shivered again.
He stepped closer to her.
“I think that I was afraid of him.”
“A lover.”
She couldn’t be sure, not with so many memories gone, but… “I believe so.”
Rage burned in his stare. “Wyman knows the guy’s identity. If he hurt you, Wyman should have taken the SOB out.”
“Maybe he couldn’t.” Not if he’d made a monster. And this was nagging at her. “Are we so sure that Lazarus was Wyman’s first experiment?”
Shock covered Jay’s face. “Fucking hell.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Should have thought…of course, the guy didn’t start with Lazarus. You don’t go all in from the very beginning. I bet he’s been doing work with soldiers for years. Making them stronger, better.”
That was what she feared.
“He’ll tell us,” Jay vowed with certainty. “When he’s out of surgery, the guy will tell us what we need to know. I saw the way he looked at you. You are his priority. He’ll give me the bastard’s name. We’ll find him.”
She rubbed her arms. “You think that he’s the one who’s been doing all this?”
“The shot at the club? The fire? Sure as hell could be. Right now, he’s at the top of my list.” He came even closer, but he didn’t touch her. She wanted him to, but he didn’t. “I know you want to run.” His voice was low. Rumbling. “I know you want to head the hell away from me as fast as you can.”
“It’s not—”
“But I need you to stay. Until we figure out what’s happening, until we know who he is…stay. Let me help you. Let the others help. You don’t have to be alone in this world.”
She’d been alone in that motel room. Alone on the floor. Bleeding out as she stared up at the cracks on the ceiling. Then Wyman had rushed to her side. Too late.
“I’ll keep my hands off you, don’t worry.” His lips thinned. “But don’t run again. Not yet, okay? Let’s see what the hell is happening. We need to work together. To be part of a team.”
Jay and Sawyer were a team. A team that included Flynn and Cecelia. And Elizabeth. And West. They were all working to find the rest of the Lazarus subjects. To see if those subjects were threats or if they were just people. People who needed help.
They’d found her. Or maybe she’d found them. But she’d never really felt like part of the team.
“I won’t stop you if you want to run. I’m not here to cage you, Willow. That’s not what I want.” His gaze blazed at her.
“What do you want?” She hadn’t meant to ask that question, had she?
He gave a grim laugh. “I think that’s obvious.”
“It’s not.”
“You, Willow. I want you.” He rolled back his shoulders. “Having you once, twice, three times didn’t cure me. It just made me need you more. There is no cure. But like I said, I can keep my hands off. Because this isn’t about sex. It’s not about me. It’s about you.”
He was doing that again. Putting her first when he shouldn’t be. Trying to protect her when she was the threat to him. “I’m scared.”
His hand lifted as if he’d touch her, but Jay seemed to catch himself. His hand froze in mid-air. “You aren’t alone, Willow. You were never alone. Hell, apparently, you had the guy who ran the U.S. government pulling every string he had to keep you alive. Wyman might be a bastard, but I think he loves you. You were never alone,” he said again. “And you don’t have to be alone now.”
She wanted to stay with him. And wanting that so much scared her even more. “We’ll wait. Find out who the threat is.”
Jay nodded.
“I’ll stay.” Her words were soft. He had no idea how much she wanted to stay. Didn’t know how hard it had been to leave.
Will I ever be able to leave him again?
His hand had lowered. He was staring straight at her. “Maybe the next time you do decide to run, baby, why don’t you think about running to me?”
“Jay…”
“I don’t have super strength. I can’t come back from the dead.” His expression was determined. Dangerous. “But I’d fight like hell to keep you safe. When will you see that? This isn’t about atonement for me. You’re more. Willow…” He sighed out her name. “So much more.”
And finally, some of the coldness that had settled inside of her eased. The image of the ceiling filled with cracks…of that threadbare carpeting…of all the blood—the image slowly faded.
Until all she saw was Jay.
Her lips parted. “Jay…”
The hospital room door swung open. “His wound reopened.” Elizabeth hurried inside. “Don’t know how this happened. I watched Dr. Brannon perform the surgery the first time.” She shook her head, sending her dark hair sliding over her shoulders. “Wyman is being put under right now. They’re going to take care of him, but it will be a while. And after the surgery, it’s going to be hours before he can talk again.”
“Did he just tear open some stitches?” Jay asked.
But Elizabeth shook her head again. “No. It’s a lot worse.” And her stare was grave. “The wound was bad, Jay. And Wyman wasn’t exactly in the best condition before he got shot. His body…I’m sorry, Willow, but his body is frail because he has cancer. It seems he’s been battling it for some time, and it’s spread. I’d need to bring in a specialist, but Dr. Bannon already told me that he doesn’t think Wyman has a lot of time left. Maybe a year at the most.”
She felt her cheeks ice. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth said again. “Sawyer told me what happened in here and I just…” She stepped forward. Put her arms around Willow. Hugged her. “I’m sorry,” Elizabeth told her again.
Willow just stood there. The ice was spreading inside of her. “He’s dying?”
Elizabeth eased back. Gave a quick nod.
She’d just found him. The man who was her past. The man who’d made her into what she was. And he was going to die?
“Not today,” Elizabeth’s face showed her sympathy. “He’s not dying today. Dr. Bannon will get the bleeding stopped. Wyman will need some time to rest, but after that, you can come and talk with him again. You can learn everything you need to know.”
Everything, but still lose the man who said he was her father? Not her biological father, though, Jay had told her that.
What had happened to her real parents?
“Go home,” Elizabeth urged her. “Rest for the evening and tonight. The guards are here. They’ll all stay here after the surgery. By the morning, Wyman should be stronger.”
Okay, yes. There was no point in staying. Except that she wanted to see Wyman again. She wanted to talk to him. To remember.
Even if he’d been the one to take her memories away.
Elizabeth turned back for the door.
“Did you know about other experiments?” Jay questioned, stopping her.
Elizabeth’s spine straightened. She glanced at him. “What?”
“Other than Lazarus, did you know about other experiments that Wyman was doing? Maybe running on soldiers?”
Elizabeth’s dark gaze was troubled. “No, I was only working on Lazarus.” She hesitated. “But knowing Wyman, I do believe there could have been more.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jay was at Willow’s side, but he still didn’t touch her. “Call us if anything changes?”
“Absolutely.” Elizabeth’s promise was instantly given. Then she was gone. Willow was alone with Jay in the room. There was nothing for her there. No reason to stay but…
“He’s dying?” Her voice seemed small.
“Not yet, he isn’t,” Jay said. “Not yet.”
She pressed her lips together to stop the tremble.
***
Willow was hurting.
Jay sat across from her in the back of the limo, his gaze on her face. Her profile was turned toward him as she stared out of the window. She was right there. He could reach out and touch her, but she seemed to be a million miles away.
He could almost feel her pain. Her shoulders were stiff. Her chin up. But every now and then, her lower lip trembled. His hands were clenched in his lap so he wouldn’t reach out and touch her. He’d promised not to touch. She’d run from him the last time he’d touched her.
He’d hold back. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. He fucking wouldn’t.
“How can I hurt inside, for a man who did this to me?”
His gut tightened. “People can do crazy things for love.”
Her head turned toward him. He felt her stare like a physical touch. “You think he loves me? Wyman is the man you’ve called a bastard. A psychopath. You’ve said he wanted to build an army of super soldiers. That he killed innocent people.”
“Yeah, and I’m not saying he’s suddenly flown to sainthood.” Never would happen. “But even people who are bad, well, they can love.”
“Do you…do you think I could ever love?”
Now he knew he had to tread very, very carefully. “Don’t see any reason why you can’t.”
“Lazarus subjects are supposed to be all about the dark emotions.”
“You can’t have dark without the light, baby. And are you going to sit there and tell me that you don’t think Sawyer loves Elizabeth? Or that Flynn wouldn’t gladly give all of his lives for Cecelia?”
Once more, she looked away.
More silence. The sun was setting. They lingered too long at the hospital, but he hadn’t been up to forcing her to leave. Not until Willow was ready.
It had been one hell of a day. At least she was going back home with him. And at least he had a new target now. Willow might have been a ghost online, but the man who’d killed her, Jay would be finding him.
Then he’d destroy the bastard.
“Do you want to know my worst fear?”
Jay forced his hands to unclench. “I already know it.” Keeping his voice gentle was an effort. “Being locked up. That’s why—”
“I dreamed I hurt you. I killed you. There was so much blood, and there was nothing I could do.”
Shocked, he could only stare at her.
“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I ran. I know I have something inside of me, something that can’t always be controlled. And what if I can’t stop? What if—what if something else or someone else triggers me? Wyman didn’t even talk to us about that. What happens then? What happens if I go after you?”
“I’m not worried about that.”
Her hand swiped over her cheek. “You should be!” Anger there, bursting through her words.
But there were tears on her cheeks. He knew she felt more than anger. It took all of his self-control not to move toward her. Not to pull her into his arms. “Do I look scared?”
Her gaze was on him. “You should be.”
Jay shook his head.
“Why?” The word was torn from her. “Why do you still want me?”
“Because I’m not a fool. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.” But it was a lot more than that. Desire wasn’t just skin deep, not with her. Never with her.
“I want you.” Her voice was low. “It doesn’t stop. It’s always there. Everything else is so out of control, but the need is still there.” A stark pause. “Why?”
“Because lust is primitive. Basic. And while everything else might have been stripped away, Willow, primitive instincts remain. Your body trusts me, even if your mind—your heart—even if they don’t.”
“Fear is primitive, too.”
Yes, it was.
Her long lashes swept down to conceal her gaze. “I’m afraid when I’m with you.”
The last thing he wanted was for Willow to fear him.
“And I’m afraid when I’m not.” Her lashes lifted. “I’m sick of being afraid.”
Silence filled the car. Tension. When he spoke, his words were a low rumble. “Then tell the fear to fuck off, and take what you want.”
Her tongue slid out to lick over her lower lip. Sexy as all hell. “I want you.”
He wouldn’t go to her. This had to be her move. Her moment. “I’m right here.”
Red stained her cheeks. “In the car? The driver—”
“Told you before. He can’t see or hear anything that’s happening back here.” Jay knew her emotions were savaged. After what had happened in that hospital, Willow had to be a wreck. And that was why he wasn’t making this choice. If she wanted him, then she’d have to want him more than pain and fear. More than anything.
The way he wanted her.
She pulled in a deep breath. Then she slid off her shoes. She unhooked her pants. Pushed then down her hips while he watched and his dick jerked to quick, avid attention.
“Willow…”
“I don’t want pain. Or fear. When I’m with you, I get more than that.”
So she was using him. He should care. He didn’t. He’d just seen the scrap of underwear that she was wearing.
Willow didn’t take off her shirt, but she did move toward him. Her movements were hesitant but still sensual. Everything about the woman was sensual to him. Her panties were red, bright against her smooth skin. “This is wrong,” Willow said. She reached for his hand. She touched him. Twined her fingers through his.
He forced a shrug. “Do I look like I care?”
“We shouldn’t…” She pressed a kiss to his lips. Her tongue snaked into his mouth.
Oh, baby, we should. She slid onto his lap. Straddled him.
But he didn’t touch her the way he wanted. Didn’t take. Didn’t make her moan and gasp. He waited for her head to lift. Waited for her gaze to meet his. “Tell me that you want me, Willow.”
“I want you.”
“Tell me you want my hands on you.”
“I want…I want your hands on me.”
Magic words.
His hands curled around her hips. His dick shoved toward the crotch of her panties. The silk and his trousers were all that separated him from touching heaven. Hot, sweet heaven.
Willow needed this. She wanted her oblivion. One day, she’d realize he’d give her everything she wanted. Every. Single. Thing.
His fingers moved between their bodies. Down, down, until he was caressing the silk that covered her sex. He stroked her through the panties at first, enjoying the way her hips arched. Loving the way she got wet for him. He could feel the moisture through the silk. But that wasn’t quite enough.
Not for him.
He eased the panties to the side, moving so that his fingers could touch her. Bare flesh. And at first, he was gentle, trailing the tips of his fingers over her. She arched higher, gave a quick moan, and his touch grew harder. Stronger. Deeper. Two fingers slid into her. She rode his fingers, moving her hips quickly against him. His thumb pushed over her clit. Rubbed. Circled.
Her breath came faster.
The limo kept driving.
His dick was rock hard, surging against his zipper. His fingers were in her, and her sex squeezed him tight. Wetter, hotter, with every moment that passed. His fingers slid in and out of her, moving in a quick rhythm, thrusting in the way that he knew she liked.
“Not…enough…” Willow pressed a kiss to his neck. Her voice whispered into his ear, “Want you in me.”
And there was the problem. He’d bring her to orgasm. He’d make her come again and again but… “Baby, I don’t have protection with me.”
Her hips pushed down harder on him. “I don’t…I don’t care.”
What? Oh, hell. Oh, hell, no, she hadn’t just said—
“I want you, Jay. All of you.”
Did she get it? There would be no going back, not from this. No saying things had been a mistake. No running away again.
“All of you,” Willow said again.
And his control was gone. He yanked open his pants. His dick shoved toward her, and then he was driving his hips up, surging into her. Driving as deep as he could go. Flesh to flesh. Nothing between him and Willow. Nothing to stop him from taking what he thought of as his.
So he took. His hands clamped around her hips. He lifted her up, down. Felt her sex squeeze him so tight. She was licking his neck, lightly biting, driving him insane. He thrust harder. Deeper. His cock shoved up, going so deep into her. She surrounded him. Her scent, her body, her. His left hand slipped to her clit. Stroked ruthlessly as he drove into her. He wanted her to come first. Fast and hard. Wanted to feel the contractions all around him. “Baby…”
And she did. Her head tipped back. She gasped out his name even as he felt the contractions of her release all along his cock. He didn’t hold back. His own release hit, slamming through Jay as he surged into her. He came inside of her, a hot blast that kept going and going. His hold was too tight. He should ease up.
He didn’t.
He kept thrusting. Even as his orgasm ended, he was getting harder again, for her. He kept thrusting because she was moaning. Twisting and pushing against him. Fighting for another release, and he was going to make sure she got that release. She was slick and sensitive, and pushing her to the edge again was so easy. He thrust up, hard, gritting his teeth because nothing on earth felt as good as she did. Nothing was as hot. Nothing was as tight. Nothing was like this slice of heaven.
Nothing was like her.
She came again, calling out his name. He kissed her neck. Made sure to leave his mark on her. Was it wrong that he wanted to mark her? That he wanted to own her?
Seemed only fair. The woman owned him, body and soul.
His breath was heaving. So was hers. And it took him a minute to realize the car had stopped moving. She seemed to make the same realization, at the same time, because her head whipped up. Willow stared at him with wide eyes.
“Oh, God,” she whispered as red stained her cheeks. “We’re—”
“We’re home,” he said smoothly.
And her lips eased into a quick smile. The tension that had been on her face vanished.
He smiled back at her. Kissed her sweet lips one more time. He’d always love her taste. When they got inside, he’d taste her, everywhere. Every single inch of her.
He helped her right her clothes. He fixed himself. Then he was opening the door for her. The driver stood to the side, waiting, not saying a word because the guy wasn’t a fool.
And he knew who paid his salary.
They were in front of the house. Behind the big gates, safely away from the guards. Jay took Willow’s hand and led her up the steps. Her fingers were soft and warm against his. She leaned toward him as they neared the door.
“I think I can still feel you, inside.” Her voice was a sensual temptation, one that swept over him as if she’d just stroked him with her hands.
He felt the impact, of course, going straight to his dick. Because inside of her was exactly where he wanted to be. It was—
She stiffened. “Someone else is here.” Her gaze went to the front door.
“West is already inside.” He knew his brother had headed back to the house before they had. “He’s—”
“Not alone,” Willow said. And her shoulders straightened. “I’d recognize that perfume anywhere.” An edge had entered her voice.
Then the front door was opening. West stood there, his face unreadable. “We have a problem.”
“Add it to the list,” Jay muttered. So much for his time with Willow. So much for picking right back up where he’d left off…
Being balls deep in her.
“Jay.”
He stiffened. The feminine cry of his name had come from behind West, and as the woman hurried forward, her perfume drifted to him, too.
He realized why Willow had called the scent familiar. It was.
Reva brushed past West. She went straight to Jay. Threw her arms around him. Held tight. “I thought I was too late.” Her voice was muffled against him. “When I heard about the blaze at Push, I thought he’d gotten to you. I thought—”
She was pulled away from him. By Willow. Very deliberately moved.
“Don’t,” Willow advised the other woman with a killing glare. “Don’t touch him again. Especially not when I’m standing right beside him.”
Reva’s mouth parted. Closed. She frowned in confusion. “But…Jay?”
West cleared his throat. “Let’s get inside. And Jay, you’re gonna want to hear what Reva has to say.”
He wasn’t so sure about that. Willow looked pissed. Possibly jealous? And if she didn’t want the other woman there—
“He wants to kill you,” Reva blurted. “H-he thought I’d help. That I’d be happy to join him in destroying you because of our break-up, but that’s not who I am.” She gave a sharp shake of her head. “I got away from him, and I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day. You don’t answer your phone!” Her hands twisted in front of her.
This was definitely a conversation they were taking inside. Jay made sure Willow went in first, then he shut the door behind him.
West led the way to the den, and, once there, Reva paced behind the couch. “I thought he was kidding at first. I mean, he had to be kidding, right? And I think I even laughed.”
Willow stood near Jay, her body alert, her gaze on Reva.
“Tell me who he is,” Jay ordered grimly.
“I don’t know who he is! He looked like money, walked like power, and had an air that said he was dangerous. Like, scary dangerous.” She hurried to the bar. Poured herself some vodka and downed it in a blink. “Normally, I like that. Serious turn-on, but this time…” She shivered. Took another vodka shot. “Something was off about him. Way off.”
Jay glanced at West. His brother inclined his head.
“Where did you meet the guy?” West asked.
“At Wander, the bar just a few streets over from Push. I’d gone in because I wasn’t ready for the night to end. Not like anyone was waiting at home for me.” Her hand tightened around the glass. “He walked right up to me. I thought I was going to have a good time. But he wanted something else. Something totally different.” She spun to face Jay. “He wanted to destroy you.”
West coughed into his hand. “Not the first time a business rival has wanted—”
“No.” Reva’s voice was sharp. “This isn’t about business. This was personal. You think I can’t tell the difference? He said he wanted to destroy Jay, and he meant those words. Not some business rivalry.” Her eyes gleamed at Jay. “I think he wanted you dead.”
Willow advanced on the other woman. “Describe the man.”
“Jay’s height. Muscular. Built. And he had money. I can always tell.” Her cheeks puffed out and then she blew out a hard breath. “His eyes were intense. Like they were looking right through me. And I swear, it was like he really could see straight into me.”
“Hair color, Reva.” Impatience bit through West’s words. “Eye color. Ethnicity. Physical characteristics, woman. Come on.”
“Oh, um, dark hair, I think. Dark eyes. He had a…a scar on his chin. He’s going to be back at Wander tonight. Two a.m. He thinks we’re going to meet. That I’m going to bring you to him.” She swallowed. “He offered me fifty grand to serve you up to him. And the guy actually believed I would do it.”
Jay considered the matter for a moment.
“No.” West shook his head. “Jay, absolutely not.”
Absolutely the hell, yes. Because he knew who the stranger had to be. “You’re about to make his fifty, Reva, and I’ll give you fifty more.”
The glass cracked in Reva’s hand.
“Because you’re taking me to the see this bastard. And I’ll be the one to destroy him.”