New York City disappears from sight as soon as we hit cloud coverage. Calvin is sleeping next to me, having passed out the moment he sat down in his first class seat. Being at the airport for a six am flight meant we left Ramona Falls at midnight for the four hour drive, upsetting my parents, but they understood when I told them I had to go back for an early morning schedule of reshoots. The lie fell easily, but there was no way I could tell my family how humiliated I felt after what I did for Aiden and Holly. I thought I was doing the right thing, but after listening to him and seeing the anguish I caused, I knew it was wrong. As much as I would’ve loved to stay and celebrate Christmas with my family, the thought of being there, where I almost had everything and let it slip through my fingers, doesn’t seem like the best place for me.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the cold airplane window. It does nothing to soothe the pounding in my head gained from the hours of crying. I feel horrible for Calvin, having to sit there and listen to me cry. I have no doubt the sniffling annoyed him after a while, yet he’d never say anything to affirm that. Sometimes, I hate that he works for me because I really need someone like him to put me in my place.

I jostle awake as the plane touches down at LAX. Looking over at Calvin, he’s reading the paper and looking haggard. “You can have the rest of the month off,” I tell him.

“Thanks.”

He says nothing else, leading me to believe he’s upset with me, as he should be. From what I gathered, he was having a great time in Ramona and I ruined it by meddling in affairs I shouldn’t. In fact, I should’ve steered clear of Aiden and his daughter, and admired from the outside, but I couldn’t. Selfishly, I had to be the center of their attention and in the process, I fell hard and ruined everything.

Calvin leads the way through the airport. My head is down and my long auburn hair stays hidden under a beanie. Still, I don’t go unnoticed. People say my name; they whisper it, wondering if it’s me they see or someone else. I do everything I can to keep my expression stoic even though I’m on the verge of a meltdown. It can’t happen here, not in public. Celebrities aren’t allowed to show emotion. It has to be saved for the privacy of your home; that is when I’ll break down, inside the walls of my empty home where no one can hear me. It’s there, in the quiet, where the tears will flow and my heart will burst open with pain, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Calvin gathers our luggage and looks for the driver he scheduled before we left Vermont. He does all the talking, proving to whoever is watching, that I’m nothing but a diva. As much as I want to argue the point, there’s no use. I let my status and checkbook think for me and now I’m paying the price.

Holly is as well. I hate I didn’t find her to say goodbye, to tell her how wonderful I think she is, and how I’ll always think about her. With any luck, Aiden will fix things between him and Shelby and give his daughter the mother she needs. I have no doubt Shelby will be an excellent partner and mother for them.

The drive to my house is much like the flight. I stare out the window, wishing I were anywhere but here. “I should’ve gone somewhere else.”

“You still have reshoots the day after Christmas, Delaney.”

Right, work. It’s never ending and while it used to bother me — filming back-to-back movies — I’ll take it now so my mind can focus on anything except Ramona Falls. The quicker I forget, the faster I’ll be able to move on.

Calvin carries my luggage into my quiet, cold and lifeless condo. Even with all the gizmos and gadgets keeping my lights on, you can feel the lack of love in here.

“I’ll see you next week,” he says, not letting me forget I’ve given him the week off. I nod and give him a hug.

“Merry Christmas, Calvin.”

“Merry Christmas, Delaney.”

Once the door clicks shut, I let the tears flow. I didn’t cry when Trey cheated on me, at least not like this. The pain I feel is like nothing ever before, and think it only took me seconds to fall in love with Aiden. I was stupid to think things between us would work or even be easy, but I never thought he’d reject me over a few gifts.

“Oh, who are you kidding, Delaney. A few means two or three, not a hundred.” The words I mutter aloud only add to the burning in my chest. I should’ve been more cautious. I should’ve put myself in Aiden’s shoes, and maybe checked with him first to see if he was okay with me buying things for Holly, but I never considered how he’d feel or what he’d think. I only thought about Holly and how happy she’d be on Christmas.

I drag my luggage upstairs and start to unpack. My newly bought winter wardrobe won’t serve me much here, but I’m not ready to give the clothes away. I find an empty tote to store most of the clothes in, but keep out the scarves and hats, knowing I can wear them here and create a fashion statement. All it takes is for one photo to cause a stir and increase sales. Right now, it’s the least I can do for the people back home.

My phone rings with Mindy’s name showing on the screen. I send her to voicemail, not ready to tell her what I’ve done. There’s no doubt word has spread that I’m gone. However, leaving without saying goodbye to the people I love is right up on the list of worst things I’ve done. It was late and I just wanted to get out of town and be on the first flight back home.

Home. This is my home. As much as I wanted to call Ramona Falls my home, I can’t. I’m Hollywood through and through, made evident by my actions.

* * *

It’s two days before Christmas and the park is bustling full of children. They laugh, play and sing carols. Each one of them reminds me of Holly. I miss her. I miss her infectious smile, her blue eyes and untamable spirit. I shouldn’t be here, not without a child of my own to bring, yet I can’t stay away. It’s like I need to see the happiness these children have in order to make my pain cease for a small moment in time.

I’ve kept my phone off, unwilling to talk to anyone from home, including my mother, and stopped myself from calling Calvin to beg him to come over and watch sappy movies with me. The man has a life away from me and I need to respect that, even though he’d drop whatever he was doing and come to my rescue because he’s paid to do so.

The other reason my phone is off is so I don’t want to look on social media sites for pictures of Aiden and Shelby. I would suspect she’s consoling him over my deceit. It’s something I would do if I were interested in a man. I’m sure she was there at sunrise with a coffee in her hand, offering him a listening ear, although his kitchen is fully stocked and should last him at least a month, if not longer.

I wish I could go back and do things differently. I don’t know if I’d let myself fall so easily for Aiden and Holly. I’d likely keep my guard up and stay at my parents’ more, be a homebody instead of putting myself in places where I knew I’d likely run into Aiden. I definitely wouldn’t have done the play. The only reason I did was because Aiden suggested I take a leap of faith. Deep down, I felt like I had something to prove to him, to show him I’m more than an actress making a living on the big screen. In the end, I proved nothing.

Honestly, he had no chance once I set my sights on him. What does that make me? I’m not sure a word has been invented for what I’ve done because overbearing nut job doesn’t really cut it. I used my brother, telling him that this would be a good thing for the Fishers and he bought it, betraying his best friend.

I’ve likely ruined lifelong friendships because of how selfish I am. I’m going to have to make it up to Dominic. Maybe I’ll pay for his and Eileen’s honeymoon or destination wedding because going back to Ramona Falls anytime soon doesn’t appeal to me.

A little girl cries out, having fallen and it looks like she’s scraped her knee. I rush over to her, only to stop when her mother or nanny arrives first. I look around, wondering if anyone is staring or gabbing about the odd woman who is trying to intervene.

“What is wrong with me?” I mutter to myself, hoping someone or something will give me an answer. I look around, but the other men and women in the park keep their attention on their children. I shouldn’t be here. This park isn’t the place for a single woman mending a broken heart.