CHAPTER 4: HAND-TO-HAND

RAEDEN

 

 

The shame of what happened today still hovers over me. I know my abilities are better than what I show, but I just couldn’t bring myself to reveal that during the training session. McKinley’s words still stung me as I walked down an empty corridor of the Cordelia. I knew she was expecting me to fight, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m feeling so conflicted with myself, with half of me not wanting to fight, but still not wanting to seem weak in front of the others. I’ve spent enough time being weak, but also I’m not willing to fight for a cause that I don’t support.

I’m also ashamed to admit it, but after those strange feelings I was having last night, I couldn’t bring myself to fight McKinley. Her fiery eyes were gorgeous, even when she was upset with my lack of cooperation. I felt too scared to touch her, for fear of hurting her or how it would make me feel. I can still feel the imprint of her hand on my arm from before, and I secretly hope it doesn’t go away. At the same time, her words were so harmful. Why am I feeling so confused about this? I decide to take some time to train on my own, with the hope that I’ll be able to face her again and not embarrass her or myself. I also need to get rid of this strange feeling, whatever it may be.

Luckily, one of the sliding doors has been unlocked. I double check to make sure I’m allowed in here, or if anyone is going to come back and give me away. I’m not supposed to be off the Krillux ship at this time of night, but I managed to sneak off before they locked the doors. So much for their security system, I guess.

I grab one of the staffs from the other end of the room. Fighting on my planet is more of an art form than an actual practice. We Ventrans hardly ever fight, unless the safety of our planet depends on it. I take my place in the center of the room, staring at my reflection in the shining chrome walls. I’ve grown more muscle during my journey away from home; from years of working in labor-houses or in mining colonies on distant planets. I clear my mind of these thoughts, though, since they only bring memories of suffering.

I put all this negative energy into my fighting, all of my fears into my hands as they swing the weapon in swift, violent strikes. There’s a stuffed dummy nearby, and I take out all this strange energy built up inside of me onto it. It feels liberating, and for once I feel a perfect release of everything I’ve been feeling since I’ve been wrongly taken from my home. For once, I am blissful.

I stop to catch my breath, sweat pouring down my face. I’m startled by the sound of clapping from the other end of the room. I’ve been caught, and I know I’ll get a stern talking to when I get back to my ship. I turn around to face my fate, only to be surprised at the sight of McKinley leaning in the doorway, her once angry face turned to surprise. She even looks impressed with me at this point. I drop the staff, suddenly embarrassed. She steps into the training room, holding up her hands as if she’s not going to harm me.

“Whoa, you don’t have to stop,” she says. “That was…incredible. Damn, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

I shrink back a little as she approaches. Her gentle hips sway back and forth as she gets closer, and I suddenly have to catch my breath for another reason. I look away, not wanting to be distracted anymore by her body.

“You don’t have to be scared of me,” she says quietly, now being more careful with how she speaks to me. “What are you doing here anyway?”

I want to run out of the room, the pressure of talking to her feels like too much for me. Why do I feel this way? I’ve never had trouble talking to women before. Maybe it’s because she’s a different kind of woman.

I shift my weight back and forth, only managing a shrug. I want to talk to her more, but also I’m afraid. Maybe she thinks I’m a freak, but then again, she’s had to have seen aliens like me before.

“Just wanted to be alone,” I manage to say, feeling a lump in my throat.

---Her eyebrows lift, as if realizing something, and she takes a few steps back. “Sorry,” she says, “If you wanted to be alone—“

“No!” I feel myself burst out, a little too enthusiastically. What am I doing? I’m terrified of her, but at the same time I can’t bear the thought of her leaving. She looks surprised at my response, and bends down to pick up the staff that I dropped,

“I came here because I couldn’t sleep. I’m actually surprised to see someone else in here.” She says, handing the staff back to me. “Sorry … you know … for what I said earlier today…” she rocks from side to side, running her hand through her hair, unsure of how to continue. It’s clear that she doesn’t make apologies too often. It’s kind of cute though. “Sometimes … I just let my anger take control of everything, and it really just makes me throw the whole mouth filter out the window, you know?” She says. I’m actually not really sure what a mouth filter is, and I wonder if it’s a unique human trait or something. I nod at her, appreciative of her effort to apologize.

“Thank you,” I say, giving her a small smile.

To my surprise, she walks over and grabs a staff for herself.

“Now, show me what you can really do,” she says, taking a spot in the center of the room. I wish I was confident enough to say what I wish I could do to her, and I almost blush at the thought of it. Regardless, I take my place in front of her and we start to fight.

She’s incredibly skilled. I swipe at her, and she dodges it effortlessly, her body moving with incredible sleekness and control. Our staffs collide, filling the room with loud clacking as they crash together quickly. “Wow,” she breathes in between hits. “You’re pretty good. Where’d you learn to fight like this?”

“On my home planet,” I say. “It’s customary training, but I’ve picked up some things here and there.”

“Where’s home?” She asks. I’m not sure if I should tell her where I’m from at this point. I don’t want it to affect our mission in any way. I find a vulnerable spot, and attack her leg. She yelps with surprise, and then actually laughs as she goes for another attack.

Finally, after many moments of cornering each other, she executes an incredible spinning attack that knocks me over onto my back. I realize she’s on top of me now. Her legs straddle over my chest as she holds the staff against my throat. We’re both breathing heavily, her face dangerously close to mine. I think of countless possibilities of what could happen, what I want to happen, and I feel myself growing more aroused as I look at the sweat on her brow, and the heave of her breasts as she catches her breath.

We stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, both of us unsure of what to do. Does she want the same as I do? The, I remember the man in her room last night, and feel a slight twinge of sadness.

“You put up a good fight,” she says with a wink. “Looks like you still got some work to do, though.” She gets off of me, leaving me lying there with a hint of longing in my chest.

“Do you want to go another round, McKinley?” I suggest. She wipes off her face with a nearby towel.

“I should probably get to sleep,” she says, to my dismay. “Glad I caught you in here. Thanks for sparring with me after all.” She smiles, as she reaches out her hand to help me up. I take it without another thought, and try to hold onto it just a moment longer before she lets go and leaves, throwing her towel into my chest on her way out. “See you tomorrow,” she says over her shoulder. “Oh, and by the way, you can call me Alex.” My heart flutters at the name. Alex. She’s allowed me to call her by her name. I catch myself staring at her ass … pardon me, her rear, as she disappears into the hall.

In that moment, my feelings finally become clear. I’d never thought I’d feel this way about a woman, especially a human girl. But the way she laughed during our sparring session, and how vulnerable she was when she apologized, made me see there was a lot more hidden under her tough shell. I find myself with an incredible urge to crack that shell… Alex’s shell…and make her mine.