CHAPTER 2: LONESOME

RAEDEN

 

 

It’s been years since I’ve been away from home. I never thought I’d be this close to it again. Our ship remains connected to the Cordelia, where we can still see the humans wandering through their countless ship’s decks, like insects in a hive. We probably all look the same to them. Through the other window in the barracks, I can see the soft glimmering green of Ventra; her glittery atmosphere encasing her like a fragile shell. I look around at the others that have made the journey here, and wonder what their stories are. Children separated from their families, prisoners from wars they didn’t want to fight in. And here they are again, fighting for something they don’t want to. It’s all part of being a Krillux.

A large Wend wrestles with a crab-like companion on the floor, while the rest of them circle around, placing bets and pouring their drinks on the floor, trying to douse them with poorly-made alcohol. The men’s barracks are always this boisterous, with everyone making messes they’re too lazy to clean up. The pair bash into the corner of my bed, jostling me against the wall. Everyone laughs loudly, and I curse under my breath that we have to be locked in our rooms during sleeping hours. Of course, how could anybody expect to sleep in a place like this?

I step off my bed and walk to a less crowded corner of the room, where the quieter ones usually sit. I feel most at home in this corner, surrounded by the promise of more intellectual topics, and stories about home. If you’re a captive like me, it’s hard to remember what home is like. It’s easy to latch onto other’s stories of where they came from, and you can pretend as if it were your home too.

It’s still bizarre to me how close I am to my home now, and I long to step on the surface once again and breathe in all the familiar smells of where I was my happiest. I feel a knot in my chest thinking about our mission, and feel horrible that I have to return in such unwanted circumstances. I recognize one of the other men, Rex, from training today in that horribly cramped room full of noise and violence, not too different from this room. Rex smiles at me knowingly as he makes a space for me to sit.

“How long do you plan on keeping up the act, Raeden?” He laughs. I shake my head at him. “As long as I have to,” I say. I can’t stand fighting. It’s pointless and always angry, and it feels like it doesn’t get anybody closer to success. I’ve seen how fighting tears apart people, families, and entire planets.

“That woman had some fire in her, wouldn’t you say?” Rex prods. He’s trying to get me roped into another discussion about women again. Sometimes I don’t mind them, but it’s a little embarrassing when you’re not that…experienced, I guess you would say.

“I think she’s too harsh on us,” I reply. I’ve met plenty of people while I have been a part of the Krillux; plenty of beautiful women, too. Sure, I’ve been interested in some, but I like to try to get to know them first before giving myself to them. Unfortunately in this line of work it’s difficult to even spend more than a few hours with someone at a time.

“Still,” Rex muses. “Pretty beautiful. Great body for sure.” I nod awkwardly, hoping this is enough for him to accept, so we can move onto other, more important discussions.

“It’ll be nice to get my hands on some Ventric mineral once this is all over,” a man says.

“You fool, none of us are getting any of the mineral,” someone contradicts him. “You’re paid with a bed, daily rations, and the clothes on your back.”

“I was told that we’d be given the planet to settle on, once the extraction was complete,” another says.

Rex looks at a cup of strange sludge in his hands, thinking. “It would make sense for us to settle somewhere,” he says taking a sip of his drink, “I’ve been here during the prime formation of the Krillux. We haven’t settled for a long time. This could finally be our opportunity.”

The men discuss possibilities amongst themselves, their deepest hopes and dreams in disguise. It’s not surprising when these tales emerge. Most of it is just gossip, circulating the barracks. Our main role, according to our original briefing, is to create a safe area on the planet Ventra for the humans to mine. We’ve made an agreement that, as long as we’re able to fulfill our duties correctly, we’ll be awarded a portion of the materials that are to be mined to use on weapons. More fighting … just what we need. However, the Krillux are supposed to be a feared army throughout the galaxy, so this alliance between humans and aliens makes sense.

The fight has finally ended near my bed, and I step over the defeated Wend to see why everyone is staring out the window.

“Tryna get a look for yourself, little mouse?” A giant man says to me. Mouse is an unfortunate nickname for me, certainly not because of my size, but because I seem to be the quietest one in here. I wedge myself through the group of men crowding at the glass, and am immediately shocked.

We have a clear view, right in the window of that rude instructor from earlier, the one who barked at me to fight her. McKinley, I think her name was. You can’t see too much from here, but it’s still close enough for me to recognize her. She has another human with her in the room, a male. As she leans over to kiss him, the barracks go wild, as the men ogle at her. My face grows warm and tingly, and I try to avert my gaze, but something keeps drawing it back to the window.

“Take it off!” Someone shouts over the crowd, and the rest of us wait to see what happens next. As if she can hear us, McKinley removes her top, making the men practically roll over, howling with delight.

For a second I feel something strange, a weird tingle of a thought that I’d never had before. I turn away from the window and lie down, thinking that I just don’t feel well after all the training and the traveling. The men make sounds of disapproval, which makes me think the woman must have caught them and finally closed the window-shade. But the thought still remains. Their imaginations will still run wild, picking up where she left them off.

I find myself doing the same. Who was that man with her? Is he a lover, or just a quick pleasure? My heart starts to pound, and my ears feel hot. What is happening to me? As I drift off to sleep, my mind fills in the gaps of the story; whatever’s left under her clothes, whatever she may be experiencing in her bed while I lie flatly on mine, alone. I try to brush these thoughts aside. I don’t even know this woman, nor am I even that fond of her, to be honest, especially with how she treated me today. Still, I can’t help but to wonder if she talks like that to everyone, in that fiery, fearsome tone. In a strange and crude way I might even say that I liked it.

I toss and turn in my sleep, my mind racing with thoughts of what’s to come, and what the next encounter will be like, in training tomorrow. I feel foolish for thinking about the instructor in this way, but I find myself puzzled with this strange feeling that won’t go away, that maybe I even liked her telling me what to do…and I certainly wouldn’t mind if she did it again.