“Shay is going to love these flowers.” I hold them to my nose and sniff the lavender tulips. I can’t wait to see her. I loved spending time with my family, but I would have loved it even more if she could have shared the holidays with us. It won’t be much longer before she finds out that she’s my wife. Maybe we should get remarried. I think that’s a great idea and Emmalyn would love it.

I pull up to the cottage but don’t see the truck. Maybe she went out on some errands. I quickly call her, but it goes directly to voice mail. I stomp the snow off my boots before I step on the porch. There is an envelope with my name on it lying on the doormat. I smile thinking that she has planned a surprise for me inside. I pick it up and place it between my teeth. The tulips locked firmly in my hand, I knock, but she doesn’t answer. I dig the keys out of my jeans pocket and open the door.

“Shay!” No answer. I open the cabinet under the kitchen sink and find a vase. I unwrap the plastic from the stems, place the flowers inside, and fill it with water. I try her phone again, but the same thing happens. I sit on the couch and open the letter.

Keegan,

Please don’t be angry. I got a lead on Wolfe’s sister and decided to chase it down on my own.

“What the fuck!”

The lead has led me to the mountains of Utah, maybe in the same direction of Timber’s uncle. Two birds, one stone. I want to do this for you, and I didn’t want you talking me out of it. Spend the rest of the holidays with your family. Take Emmalyn snowmobiling like you promised her. I will come back to you. I love you – David.

“She loves me. David. Not Keegan.” My moment of bliss is replaced with fear.

“Goddamn it, Shay!” I don’t like the idea of her out there all alone. Then a thought utterly terrifies me. The last time Timber went to Utah, I lost her. I can’t lose Shay too. I dial her number again, and when it goes to voice mail, I’m tempted to throw my phone across the room. Instead, I fling everything off the coffee table and toss it over onto its side. I pace the floor trying to figure out what to do. I can’t sit around here and wait.

My mind is envisioning every bad situation that could happen to her. I can’t go after her because I have no idea where she went other than Utah. How would she have gotten a lead on Wolfe’s sister? I tap my finger on my chin. “Paul.” I grab my phone and search for Shay’s business number. There has to be someone there fielding calls for her.

I get a recording forwarding me to Paul’s number.

“Hello.”

“Paul, this is Keegan. Do you have any idea where Shay has gone?”

“What did she tell you?”

“She didn’t tell me anything, but she left a note saying she got a lead on Wolfe’s sister and she was going to follow the lead in Utah.”

“Then I’m guessing she’s in Utah.” He chuckles.

“Why do I get the feeling you know more.” I want to yell into the phone, but I bite my tongue.

“If she wanted you to follow her, she would have been more specific. Let her do this on her own. She’s been so overwhelmed with everything that’s happened, she could probably use the time to think.”

“There is nothing to think about! She’s my wife!”

“That has yet to be proven. Look, Shay is a strong, independent, determined woman. Even if it turns out to be true that she’s your wife, it doesn’t mean she’s the woman you remember. She’s been on her own for many years. Give her some space. Let her do what she needs to do.”

“Shay finding Wolfe’s sister isn’t something she needs to do alone.” I grit my teeth.

“No, maybe not, but that’s what she has chosen to do, so you need to chill.”

I blow out a long breath to calm myself.

“You can’t force her to be someone she’s not. She’s not Timber anymore. She hasn’t been for many years, if ever at all. She let go of not finding her past a long time ago. You need to let go of the person you remember.”

“How did this become about me? I want to know that she’s safe and her being out there by herself, is not safe.”

“She can handle herself just fine. It became about you when you wanted to control her every move. I realize this has to be killing you inside. I can’t imagine being in your shoes, thinking your wife is dead, thinking it’s a new beginning for the two of you.”

“It is a new beginning for us.”

“Not if you don’t let her find her own way.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me where she is?” I head for the truck.

“No, man. I’m not.”

“Fuck!” That was a complete waste of time. I lock the door and take off in my truck sending snow flying into the air. I don’t stop or slow down until I’ve made it back to my house.

Mom is sitting on the front porch knitting. “What’s got you driving like a maniac?” she says as I slam the truck door. I slow my pace and sit beside her in a rocking chair.

“It must be bad if you’re running both your hands through your hair.” She places her hand on my knee. “What’s wrong, David? You’re starting to scare an old woman.”

When I look up at her, I can feel my own eyes have reddened. “I found Timber,” I say with a soft, cracking voice.

“What do you mean you found Timber?” She turns toward me.

“The woman I’ve been writing to about Wolfe’s sister is Timber.”

“How can that be? She died in the crash. Are you sure she doesn’t just resemble Timber, and that’s who you want her to be?”

“No, Mom. I know her. I saw her on Honeymoon Bridge a week ago. Shay came here on a vacation after I told her about this place. She’s even been staying in the cottage.”

“You’re not making any sense. If this woman was Timber, she wouldn’t have stayed away. Not from you or Emmalyn.”

“She doesn’t remember us.” I can’t wipe my tears fast enough to keep them from falling on my jeans. “I never looked for her. I thought she was dead. She was thrown from the car and landed down the side of the mountain. God knows how long she was there. She didn’t know how she got there or who she was. After she healed, she tried to find out if she was a missing person.” I sob harder. “I never filed a missing person report. She gave up and moved on with her life.”

Mom kneels in front of me and wraps her arms around me. “I’m not sure I’m following all of that.” She lets me cry it out.

“I can’t lose her again, Mom.”

“Where is she and does Emmalyn know?”

“No, and I don’t want her to know until I’m sure Shay is going to stick around.”

“Why wouldn’t she stay?” She’s wiping what’s left of my tears with her hands.

“Because she’s someone else now. She has a life in California and doesn’t remember us at all.”

“But you said she’s been staying at the cottage. You’ve been spending time with her.”

“Every moment that I can. God, I’ve missed her. She still doesn’t remember our life together.”

“You’re afraid she won’t fall in love with you again?”

I nod.

“A love like the two of you had doesn’t die. Even if her mind doesn’t remember you, her heart will.”

“I pray you’re right. I need you to be right. I can’t lose her twice in one lifetime.”

“Where is she?”

“She went to Utah to chase a lead on Wolfe’s sister, and she’s not answering my phone calls.”

“That doesn’t sound like a woman that doesn’t know her own heart to me. Why would she bother if she didn’t love you?” Her hand lays on my cheek. “Don’t let your fear rule you, David. Be supportive and strong. Things may not turn out exactly like you want them to. You may have to make some sacrifices to get what you want. People change a lot in twelve years. Give her time and don’t smother her.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I hug her this time.

“What’s going on out here?” Emmalyn peeks through the screen door.

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.” Mom stands and opens the screen door, ushering her back inside the house.

I dry my face with the tail of my flannel shirt before I join them inside.

Mom’s right; I need to give her some space. I’m going to take Shay’s advice and take Emmalyn out on the snowmobiles.

I don’t sleep a wink, and I’m done fighting getting up. After pulling on some clothes and taking my phone from the charger, I make my way downstairs. No one is up yet, so all I have to face is silence. As I’m making a pot of coffee, by phone vibrates across the counter. I almost knock it off trying to snatch it up. My heart races seeing a message from Shay flash across the screen.

I’m okay, and I will be in touch as soon as I have some answers for you. Please try not to worry.

I call her right back, but it goes to voice mail again.