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The lightning bugs under the trees light up the night far more than I thought they would. Other than pale moonlight that’s scattered by the remaining leaves, it’s dark in the back of the car, but not nearly as dark as I imagined it would be. I thought there were more trees up here. It’s been a long time since I’ve come up here to the running trails.

It’s beautiful still.

It doesn’t change the fact that my first time will be in the back of a car on Fairview Hill.

“Is it your first?” Nathan asks me. My heart races as Nathan sits up and pushes the front seat further up to give us room. We planned this, but I’m still scared. It’s stupid. It’s just sex. But it’ll change everything. I know it will. And I want Nathan to be my first and only. I love him. And even if he hasn’t said it back, I know he loves me too.

“Yeah,” I finally answer him in a breath, taking my eyes away from the scenery and then looking into his dark eyes. They seem lighter tonight for some reason. “I’ve never had sex before,” I tell him as I prop up on my elbows.

He licks his bottom lip at my answer but doesn’t say anything else and it makes my heart pound harder and anxiety race through me.

“Don’t worry,” he tells me gently as he leans down to rest his forehead against mine. He kisses me once, quick and chaste as he rubs his thumb along my jawline. “I’ve got you.” He keeps telling me that and in my head, I imagine he really means that he loves me.

We’re sprawled out in the backseat. I hide my laugh under my hand as Nathan hits his head on the ceiling again as he tries to take his shirt off.

“Do we have to get all the way naked?” I ask him and then try to play it off like it’s not that serious. But I don’t want to out here. Not with this much light and knowing someone else could come.

“You want me to just pull your skirt up?” he asks me and I feel stupid. I turn my head to stare at the backseat and try to shake off all these nerves.

“Hey, we don’t have to do this,” he tells me and that makes me feel even worse.

I reach up and rest my wrists around the back of his neck. “I want to,” I tell him honestly. I’m scared and I don’t tell him that, but I truly and deeply want him. More than anything, I want him to have me any way I can give myself to him.

“You know I love you even if you don’t want to?” he tells me, saying words I’ve wanted to hear for so long, as if they’re natural to us. My chest warms with something I can’t describe. I’m too vulnerable and emotional when it comes to Nathan, but it’s all for him and I’ll never hold anything back.

“Take two!” Stevens yells from my right, off the set and sitting in an oversized chair a few feet off the ground. From the corner of my eye, I can see the cameras panning and moving slowly as I stalk across the set. Letting my fingers trail along the hotel dresser, I continue the take.

It’s supposed to be a cheap hotel and I lift up my fingers, circling my thumb along my pointer and middle finger, as if there was debris or dust along the wooden top before moving my eyes to Nathan.

It’s our fourth scene today and we have two more after this.

The metal case in my hand is heavy. Earlier it was light because it was empty, but now it’s filled with money I owe him. My lips curl into a smile as the irony dawns on me.

That we’re playing parts, and he’s blackmailing me.

I pick up the case and lay it on the dresser as I hear the bed creak, knowing he’s getting up and walking toward me, although my character doesn’t. I keep my eyes on the case and the clicks of the locks fill my ears as my thumbs slide the locks back.

He comes up behind me just as I open it, wrapping his hands around the back of my neck and my hip.

“It’s all there?” he asks in a deep, rough voice I love. His hand is hot on my neck, commanding and I welcome it.

Out of instinct, my head falls back and my eyes slowly meet his. I swear my heart beats slower, or maybe it’s just that time has slowed.

“It’s all there,” I murmur and my voice is soft, low, and full of emotion and I question it, wondering if it’s loud enough for the mics. But the look in Nathan’s eyes silences me.

My character has fallen in love, even though it means she’s dead, but she’s not the only one.

“Cut!” Stevens yells out and the dozen or so people standing just off the set clap as the lights slowly flicker on. “That’s a wrap!”

The diner scene is next, but it’s only a small part for me. I just need to walk by the window, sneaking a look in. Nathan will be shooting it until they get it perfect though. Handing off the money and getting each and every detail right.

Nathan relaxes his hands, although the one at my hip grips me first, forcing me to look at him. I have to blush as we share a glance. He’s proud. I know that’s the look in his eyes. It has to be. I clear my throat as I close the case and lock it. Everyone’s already moving around us on the set and taking things down. These scenes are done and we’re on to the next, no stopping or breaks. It’s tough going from one to the next and so on, but I love it.

“Nathan,” Jim, an assistant director and the man in charge of stunts, walks onto the set and steals Nathan away. He’s just a few feet from me, but I feel robbed. I want that scene to continue. I want so much more right now.

I imagine Stevens will have me go first so I can be done for the day. It’s been twelve hours of shooting so far today. Between these heels and all of the tension between Nathan and me, I’m ready for bed.

I wouldn’t mind watching him though. The thought of doing just that makes me turn around and lean against the dresser, watching as he talks to one of the supporting directors. The young guy is animated and excited about the next scene. There’s an explosion and I’d bet he’s been waiting on it all day.

Now that the sun is setting, it’s time for the big bang, so to speak.

I rock on my toes as I clear my throat, patiently waiting for Nathan to be done. He glances at me as I look at him and it makes me smile a bit. With a blush coloring my cheeks, I stretch out my shoulders but then look forward to see a group of women talking. Four of them huddled in a circle, and one is ballsy enough not to avert her glance as she covers her mouth and continues to talk.

Gossiping, I’m sure. The smile slips from my lips and an insecurity I haven’t felt since college settles in my gut.

Everyone knows we’ve slept together.

And everyone’s talking about it.

“We’ve got two hours till showtime!” I hear off to my right as the assistant director walks from the set, checking his watch and then looking back at the clipboard in his hands. Nathan’s already walking over to me, finished with his conversation and finally having a break. Even if it is a small one.

“Mr. Hart!” a girl who’s no doubt in her late teens or early twenties calls out, jogging across the concrete floor and onto the set. As her heels click and she almost stumbles, Nathan turns his attention to her. He’s just being polite and courteous as he helps to steady her and she laughs off her clumsiness, but it doesn’t help that raw churning in the pit of my stomach. “Could I have your autograph?” she asks and pushes a DVD and Sharpie pen into his hands.

I can hear his rough chuckle from all the way over here as he slips off the black marker cap. While he’s looking down, the young woman looks at me and then quickly at the DVD, guilt written on her face.

It doesn’t matter. Plenty of women fawn over him. They’d kill to be in my shoes. Even just to be an actress. Snagging Nathan would be the sweetest cherry on top.

Even if it’s just for the weeks of shooting.

The thought is what breaks me, nearly making me sick. So much so that I don’t see Nathan until he’s standing right beside me, splaying his hand on my back.

“You alright?” he asks me and I try to appear fine, nodding my head and telling myself that what other people think doesn’t matter. “You don’t look like you’re fine, Hally,” he says as he takes another step closer to me, coming a little too close for just friends.

My eyes close as I take in a long, steadying breath trying to figure out what to say and what I want.

“It’s just complicated.” I finally settle on the truth and it hurts to even admit that much to him. I don’t want to fight. Not in the least, and I’m terrified that admitting anything to him is going to kick off a conflict that will fracture what we have forever.

“Is it the girl?” he asks me. “You’re going to have people asking for your autograph too, you know?” he says halfheartedly as if he’s oblivious to the fact that she lit up from his simple touch.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him as I tilt my head and slip off the earring on my right ear. It’s cheap jewelry and part of the costume. I’ve had them in almost all day and I’ll have to put them back in tonight, but I’ve just realized how much they hurt. They’re too heavy.

I slip off the other as Nathan takes a half-step back and loosens the tie around his neck, clearing his throat. I imagine he wants to say something and doesn’t, either because we’re surrounded by people or because he doesn’t want to fight either.

This isn’t healthy, are the words on the tip of my tongue. There are only three weeks left though and once it’s over, it’ll be better for us to be over too.