CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Cam glanced at Reese as he climbed onto the stool next to him at the bar. The bartender appeared a moment later. “What can I get you?”
“Coffee, black, two sugars,” Reese said.
“And you?” The bartender tipped his chin toward the untouched glass of Crown and coke in front of him. “You want another one of those, or do you want coffee, too?”
“No. Nothing.”
“Suit yourself.” The bartender shrugged and moved away.
“How many of those have you had?” Reese asked.
“A couple.”
“How come you haven’t touched that one?”
Good question. Cam had been staring at the glass for the last thirty minutes. He’d downed the first two drinks within the first ten minutes of arriving at the roadhouse. But after ordering the third, he hesitated. Another drink would lead to another and another and the sweet oblivion he sought. The remembered taste beckoned, enticed, tormented.
So, why was he still sitting here staring at it?
Reese’s coffee arrived and he took his time tearing open the paper packets of sugar and pouring them into his cup. He stirred slowly, his movements unhurried. “Why are you punishing yourself?”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Like hell you aren’t. First you break your sobriety and then you torture yourself with booze. You might as well hold a loaded gun to your head. Either one is going to kill you, one just faster than the other.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Reese ignored him. “Ethan told me about the results of the DNA test. You’re punishing yourself for not being Tessa’s biological father? I hate to break it to you, but that was never within your control.”
“I’m not punishing myself, I’m grieving. She’s not my daughter! Do you know what that means?” Cam hissed the words at Reese. “I may never see her again. I’ll never kiss her goodnight, or teach her how to ride a bike. I won’t give her away at her wedding.”
His voice caught on a sob. He closed his eyes and held his breath, his hands fisting on the bar. He didn’t want to lose it here, with the bartender and the rest of the crowd watching.
“I understand what you’re going through, more than you know. You’ve got two choices right now. You can drink yourself into a stupor, or you can choose to live. As someone who chose the drinking route, I don’t recommend it. And since you called me, my guess is that you don’t want to take that route either.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It matters. What about Scarlet? I’ve seen the two of you together. She loves you and, unless I’m totally off base, you love her, too. You have a chance for a life with her, maybe more children. Don’t throw that away.”
“Don’t you understand? I was fooling myself into thinking we could have a life together, but I was wrong. Look at me. I’m a drunk. I’ll always be a drunk. Scarlet deserves better than that.”
“She was hurt when I told her you didn’t want to see her. I could hear it in her voice. She wants to be with you, no matter what. She’s not afraid of the future, but you are, aren’t you?”
“It’s for her own good. I’ll only make her miserable, like my father made my mother miserable with his drinking.”
Reese lowered his voice to a mere whisper that Cam had to strain to hear. “You think you’re being so damn noble, don’t you? But let me tell you, you’re not being noble. You’re being a damn coward. You’re so afraid of being hurt again, of losing someone else you love, that you’re pushing her away before she has a chance to leave you on her own.”
Cam curled his fingers around his glass. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Or maybe you’re testing her, to see how far you can push her before she runs away. Then, you can tell yourself she never really loved you.”
Despair welled up inside him. “Don’t you get it? I’m no good for her. The first thing I thought of after my lawyer told me I’m not Tessa’s father was that I needed a drink.”
“And yet here we are, staring at that untouched glass.” Reese sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. “Are you ready to go home? I don’t like to leave Abby alone for long.”
Cam silently cursed himself. He’d been so caught up in his own grief and pain that he forgot Reese had his own worries.
He nodded and slid off the barstool, throwing a couple of bills on the bar to cover their drinks. Taking one last, longing look at his untouched drink, he followed Reese out the door.
“Give me the keys to your truck,” Reese said once they were outside. “Ethan’s going to pick it up and then spend the night at your house.”
Cam tossed Reese his keys. “He doesn’t need to babysit me.”
“Yeah, he does. Trust me, you don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He immediately thought of Scarlet, the warmth of her body curled next to his, and the sweet scent of her skin. There was no one he wanted to be with more, especially tonight. But no matter what Reese said, she was better off without him.
They drove in silence back to his house. Reese unlocked the house and let him in. “Ethan will be here soon.”
“Thanks, Reese. I’m sorry I dragged you out tonight. Say hi to Abby for me and tell her I’m sorry, too.”
“I will.” He started to leave and then turned back. “You called me tonight because you don’t want to repeat your past. You might not realize it right now because you’re hurting so much, but you’re strong. You stopped at two drinks. A part of you wants to live a good, sober life.”
Cam simply nodded, though he couldn’t see Reese’s logic through the fog of pain and the alcohol he’d consumed.
“What about Scarlet? Is there any message you want me to give her?”
What he needed to say to Scarlet couldn’t be said through an intermediary. He had to face her himself. “Tell her…tell her to stay with Maggie tonight. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
Reese shook his head, disappointment evident in the look he gave him. “All right, but I think you’re making a big mistake.”
The only mistake he’d made was to let his relationship with Scarlet go as far as it had.
The next morning, Scarlet watched Cameron drive past Maggie’s cottage on his way to the worksite. Later, when she and Maggie brought coffee and cookies to the men for their morning break, he simply nodded hello to her. The distance she saw in his eyes, as if they’d meant nothing to each other, scared her. The only bright spot was that he didn’t appear hung over.
At lunchtime, Cameron was the last to arrive at Maggie’s cottage. Harper went to him and gave him a hug, whispering something in his ear that Scarlet couldn’t hear. He hugged her back, bending slightly over her small frame, his eyes closed. After a moment, they broke their embrace. Harper seized his hand and led him to the table. Ethan clapped him on the back in silent support and Cameron sat.
Scarlet sat across the table from Cameron, her stomach so tied up in knots she knew she wouldn’t be able to eat. Maggie set a bowl of soup in front of her and she managed a few sips, but mostly she stirred the vegetables and bits of chicken around with her spoon.
A somber mood hung over the table. No one said much. Ethan asked Reese a couple of questions about the progress of the renovations on the lodge, and Harper asked how Abby was doing. Reese replied to both questions, but without his usual good humor; the renovations were on target time-wise, and Abby was about the same, whatever that meant.
Scarlet felt Cameron’s gaze on her a few times, but whenever she looked up, he looked away. Finally, lunch was over and the men pushed away from the table. She rose to help Maggie clear the table.
Cameron appeared at her side. “Can I speak to you outside, in private?” he asked in a soft voice.
Scarlet looked up into his unsmiling face and she knew. He was going to say goodbye.
She nodded and followed him outside, her gut twisting. If she could avoid this conversation she would, but she didn’t have any choice.
Cameron led her into the woods, to the spot where she’d confessed a lifetime of shame and worries. He’d given her comfort there, but this time would be different.
He finally turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Scarlet. I don’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”
Hearing the words spoken aloud hurt even more than she had imagined they would. She blinked away tears, suddenly angry. “So, do I get any say in this, or have you decided all by yourself?”
“Please don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.” His throat worked, giving her hope that this wasn’t any easier for him than it was for her.
She closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his arm. His skin was warm to the touch. “I know you’re devastated about Tessa. But don’t throw us away because you’re not thinking clearly.”
“My thinking is perfectly clear. This has nothing to do with Tessa.” He removed her hand. “You’re a good person, Scarlet, but we’re not right for each other. I’ve known for a while now that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. The sex was great, but that’s all we had.”
She stared at him, struck dumb by his words. Every confidence they’d shared, every whispered endearment, meant nothing to him? She felt closer to Cameron than to any man she’d ever known. For God’s sake, she’d shared more secrets with him than she had with her sisters.
But for him it was only about the sex!
“I’m sorry. I should get back to work.” He walked a short distance away before looking back at her. “Are you going to be all right? Do you want me to send your sisters?”
She snapped to attention. There was no way she’d let him know how much more their relationship meant to her than it did to him. “No, of course not. I’m fine.”
He searched her face for a moment, then, after giving her a brief nod, turned and left.
When she could no longer see him through the trees, she sank to her knees, her fall cushioned by a blanket of dry leaves. She stayed like that for a long time, too shocked to even cry.
All this time she’d thought they had something special. How ironic that the first time she was prepared to stay and make a relationship work, the man she loved would be the one to run away.
If her heart hadn’t been ripped in two, she would have laughed.