Chapter Ten
“A DATE!” JENNA sat on the edge of Amy’s bed in a pair of daisy dukes and a purple tank top that made her tiny waist look even smaller. She fell onto her back, kicked her feet up in the air, and wiggled her purple toenails. “A real date with Tony. Oh, Amy, this is amazing!”
Amy stood in her closet, fidgeting with the edge of her shorts. “I don’t know about amazing, but…Who am I kidding? Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.” She was thrilled that Tony wanted to try to be like a normal couple. Date, talk, and see where things go. It was the talking part that frightened her. She really didn’t know what she was capable of handling without panicking. Or running away. She definitely did not want to run away. All of the excitement over Tony overshadowed her lingering indecision about the job in Australia. And now, as Leanna waltzed in and out of Amy’s closet, holding up dresses and outfits, and Bella paced the room, a whole new panic was setting in.
She couldn’t betray her friends’ trust any longer. When the past was put away completely—safely tucked away in the land of denial—she could pretend she wasn’t keeping such a big secret from them, but now that she and Tony had opened Pandora’s box, the guilt pressed in on her.
“This will be interesting, Amy. I mean, how do you decide if you stay at his cottage or yours?” Bella crossed her arms and stared up at the ceiling. “Or maybe you go back and forth. One night there, one night here.”
“But remember to close the windows,” Leanna said as she held up a blue sundress. “This would be pretty.”
Close the windows. Maybe she could close the windows on her past. Or rather, keep them closed and continue to pretend it never happened. Did her friends really need to know?
Jenna jumped off the bed and headed into the closet. “No. She needs something sexier.”
“Oh my gosh. Amy.” Bella grabbed her arm. Her blond hair was pinned up in a messy ponytail, and she was still wearing her bathing suit beneath her sundress. “You took the job in Australia. What will you tell Duke?”
She hadn’t thought that far ahead. To be fair to Duke, she probably needed to make a decision sooner rather than later. But she wasn’t ready to make a decision. Her heart screamed for her to stay with Tony, but they were like a garden that had just been seeded, and she wasn’t sure that one big storm wouldn’t wash them away. She needed time to think things through, and tonight she’d barely been able to think about getting dressed.
“It’s too early to worry about that, don’t you think? I mean, we’re just going on a date.” Now she was lying to herself and to her friends. She knew perfectly well that she and Tony were rekindling a summer of the deepest love she’d ever known, and the only love she’d ever wanted.
“When are you supposed to start the job?” Bella asked.
“December. I was going to give my clients enough notice to try to hire someone to replace me, well, the few who wouldn’t be able to continue working with me remotely.”
Jenna tugged at Amy’s T-shirt. “Take this off.”
Amy pulled her shirt over her head.
“Put this on.” Jenna handed her a slinky silver dress.
“I am not wearing that. This is Tony, remember? Think casual, comfortable, sexy but subtle. I don’t want to wear something that makes me feel like I’m someone I’m not.” I’m having enough trouble figuring out who I am at the moment. “I need a dress that says, It’s me, only better.” She reached past Jenna and pulled out a green print halter-top dress with a beaded neckline that gathered in the middle.
“This is one I’m comfortable in. I love the black and yellow flowers at the bottom, and I think it makes my little boobs look at least a little bigger. Don’t you think?” Amy put it on and twirled in a circle.
“Oh, Ames,” Jenna said. “You’re going to knock his socks off. You’re so lucky. You don’t need extra-sexy clothes. You look like a million bucks.”
“A million sexy bucks.” Leanna handed her a pair of silver sandals.
“Oh, no.” Jenna grabbed the sandals and crouched in Amy’s closet, shaking her head while she inspected Amy’s footwear options. “You cannot wear silver sandals with a casual sundress. Here, wear these black ones. They match the flowers.” Jenna swiveled around and slipped them on Amy’s feet. “And I think you look like a mile-high wave. We are talking about a date with Tony, after all.”
“Thanks, Jenna. So?” Amy held her hands out to her sides and looked down at her dress.
“Gorgeous. But you need earrings,” Jenna said.
“I’m already on it.” Bella pulled a pair of earrings out of the pocket of her dress and held her palm out flat.
Amy stared at the surfboard earrings in Bella’s hand. Her stomach tumbled. “Where did you get those?” They were the earrings Tony had given her that summer. He’d bought them when they had all gone to Provincetown for an afternoon.
“When you said you were going out with Tony, I remembered you gave them to me the summer after our first year in college. Remember? I’ve had them in the drawer of my jewelry box ever since. Didn’t he give you these?”
“Yeah. He bought them in P-town.” She picked up the tiny surfboards, remembering when he’d given them to her in front of their friends and the way they’d both tried to laugh it off like she was his surfing groupie. Amy had been shocked that none of their friends had noticed the way the world spun when they were together, or the way the air sizzled and popped around them.
She put on the earrings, and the ache she’d tried to escape slowly returned. She remembered when she’d given Bella the earrings to hold for her the summer after she and Tony had broken up. She couldn’t bear to see them, but she didn’t want to get rid of them, either. Now she felt guilty for trusting Bella with the earrings and not trusting her with her secret.
Leanna put her arm around Amy and whispered, “Your date is here.” She pointed to the bedroom window as Tony passed by. She tucked away the ache of guilt, unable to deal with it before leaving with Tony, and promised herself she’d tell them the next chance she had.
“He has flowers!” Jenna whispered loudly.
“I’m swooning already.” Leanna sighed and scooted past Amy toward the bedroom door.
“Oh, Amy. You so deserve this.” Bella hugged her, then motioned for the girls to follow her out the back door, but by the time they’d scurried out of the bedroom, Tony was already standing at the glass doors to the deck—and waving with a smile that made Amy forget that she was nervous or feeling guilty.
Bella opened the door, and Tony’s eyes never left Amy’s as he crossed the floor looking mouth-wateringly handsome in a pair of dark linen pants that tied at the waist and a V-neck T-shirt that hugged his arms like Amy wanted to.
“Wow. You look incredible, babe.” He kissed her cheek.
Amy heard Jenna whisper too loudly to Leanna, “He called her babe!”
She and Tony both chuckled.
“You guys weren’t trying to sneak out the back, were you?” Tony raised his brows in Bella’s direction.
“Us? No. We were, um…” Bella rolled her eyes. “Of course we were. It’s your first date.”
“It wouldn’t be a perfect first date for Amy if you guys weren’t here to help her get ready, right?” Tony smiled at Amy.
First date. Wow, she loved how that sounded. They hadn’t been able to date when they were younger. This felt even bigger because of that.
She knew the moment he noticed the earrings, because his eyes narrowed and met hers with an expression of disbelief.
“Well, we’ll be going. You kids have fun.” Leanna tugged Jenna toward the door.
“Not that we have high expectations for this date or anything, but…I wish I had my camera so I could remember this moment forever.” Bella’s eyes moved from Amy to Tony and back again. “Seeing two of my best friends together makes me wish I was the kind of girl who cried when she was happy.” She waved on her way out the door.
Tony’s eyes warmed as he reached beneath Amy’s hair and touched the surfboard earrings. “You kept them.”
“Not exactly.” She cringed. The truth wasn’t always easy, but with Tony she knew it was important. “I wasn’t able to think of you for the longest time without falling to pieces. The summer after our…when we got together, I gave them to Bella and asked her to hold them for me. I never thought she would hold on to them for this long, but I’m glad she did.”
“So am I. It’s funny how something so small can carry so many memories.” Tony held her hand as they walked down to his car. “Remember sneaking under the pier in P-town and kissing when they were at Purple Feather getting gelato?”
“How could I ever forget? That was the best summer—and the worst—of my life.”
Tony didn’t respond as he drove out of the complex, keeping his serious eyes trained on the road. Amy reached for his hand. She’d wanted to be able to freely touch him like a girlfriend for so many years that it didn’t take much to persuade herself to go for it. He glanced over and smiled, but tension still hovered between them. She wasn’t sure if it was because she mentioned that the summer was the best and worst of her life, or if it was because they had yet to discuss it in detail, but the reason didn’t matter. The fact was, she hated the tension and wanted to slice it up and toss it out the window.
“I don’t want our first date to have a black cloud over it,” she said.
“I don’t want any part of our lives to have a black cloud over it.” He squeezed her hand, and she knew he understood what she was trying to say. She had matured enough over the years to realize that even if she fell apart, he’d be there to help her put the pieces back together. That didn’t make it any easier to get from where she was to where they needed to be, but she wanted to try.
“So, here’s the thing. It’s hard for me to talk about what happened, but I know we have to deal with it.” She paused to gauge his unspoken thoughts, but he wasn’t giving anything away. His facial expression didn’t change, but when she opened her mouth to continue, he interrupted her.
“I think we talked about that stuff enough today, don’t you?” He stopped at a light and leaned across the console to kiss her.
Relief swept through her. “Thank you.”
“I told you I’m going to be the guy you need. Your well-being is my priority.”
“I sound like a patient.”
Tony’s mouth quirked up with a sexy smile. “Babe, I’d happily play doctor with you. I’ve got a big stethoscope.”
“Yeah, I know,” she mumbled, and quickly gazed out the window, earning a hearty laugh from Tony that cut through the tension and made Amy laugh.
“Where are we going, anyway? P-town?”
“For the first part of our date.”
“Okay, Mr. Coy. Sounds perfect.”
The rest of the ride was filled with easy conversation about the books they were reading, movies they’d seen—and hated—and Jamie and Jessica’s wedding. Tony thought Jamie had looked nervous enough to wet his pants when he said his vows, and Amy thought Jamie had looked like a man in love. They had another good laugh as Tony parked at the P-town pier.
Provincetown was an artsy community located on the tip of Cape Cod, with salty sea air sweeping off the harbor and a plethora of interesting people in the streets. It was steeped with history and ripe with the arts—from street performers to comedians, photographers to painters, and every medium in between. Provincetown was the go-to destination for gays and lesbians during the summer, and on any given afternoon there were female impersonators wearing gaudy makeup and sky-high heels handing out flyers for evening shows. At night Commercial Street, the main drag that ran through P-town, was thick with diversity and good cheer. Tonight was no different.
Most of the bars, dance clubs, shops, and restaurants were located in the town center. To the east the town became more refined and polished, and to the west the nightlife seemed to never cease. Amy and Tony blended into the crowd, walking arm in arm and meandering in and out of the shops along Provincetown center.
“It’s nice being with you like this,” Tony said as he tipped a leather hat on his sexily tousled hair.
“Cowboy style, you mean?” Amy laughed.
He took the hat off and put it on Amy’s head. “What could be sexier than Amy in leather? Now, there’s a fantasy.”
Amy took off the hat and picked up a pair of leather chaps. “Only if two can play at that fantasy.”
Tony pulled her into his arms like they’d been dating forever and pressed his lips to hers. “I meant being with you out in public and not holding back.”
Amy’s stomach flipped. Her heart felt full to bursting, but her mind was stuck in the past. She took a careful step back to assess her feelings. She was rattled, yes, but more in a good way than bad. Finally able to be with Tony in the way she’d always dreamed of, she was elated, as evident in her racing heart. And she was scared. This she took ten seconds to delve a little further into. What if I can’t ever deal with the past?
Tony brushed her hair from her eyes and smiled down at her, forcing her to think the unthinkable. What if we find our happily ever after only to get married, pregnant…and then lose the baby again?
That was where her head was when he leaned down and kissed her again, deepening the kiss right there in the middle of the crowded leather shop, with her heart fluttering like wings and her body molding to his. His hold on her tightened, and her mind, her beautiful, conflicted mind, gracefully relented, giving way to bliss.
TONY HAD TAKEN a chance when he kissed Amy, but ever since they’d kissed the other night, he’d been able to feel again. Really feel. Warm, mushy, gooey feelings that he was almost too embarrassed to admit to himself, as well as painful emotions brought on by haunting memories. But it felt so good to actually feel that he wanted to chase those feelings, and Amy had always been the person who could set him free. She’d freed him from the confines of his father’s demeaning wrath years ago, and on the beach today, as she opened up to him with her deepest thoughts and fears, she’d once again unlocked the real Tony. The Tony who would move heaven and earth to be with her.
When their lips parted, Tony kept Amy close. He was done letting her go, pretending, or otherwise putting distance between them. Yes, he needed to be sure he would never hurt her again. Yes, he needed to be one hundred percent certain he was the right man for her, and he was 99.99 percent sure. And yes, he needed to be certain that she wasn’t going to cast him aside again. But he was not going to lose her in the process of his own introspection. Not a chance.
He smiled down at her, feeling like the luckiest man on the planet. “I’m going to take that as an indication that you don’t want me to hold back.”
Amy went up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “I have a lot of crap to deal with. I’m willing to carry the shovel if you’ll carry the bucket.”
Tony draped an arm over her shoulder. “All the way to Australia if I have to.”
They headed back into the crowd, and Tony led her toward the patio of a restaurant with colorful umbrellas.
“I tried to make reservations, but they didn’t take them.”
“We could be here for a while.” Amy leaned around him and gazed at the long line of people ahead of them.
“That’s okay. You got a date to get to?” Tony looked across the street and remembered how much Amy loved Burger Queen, a shack with walk-up counter service.
Amy followed his gaze and her eyes lit up. She pulled him across the street.
“Please?”
“How am I supposed to wow you if we eat at Burger Queen?” He would eat on the moon if that’s what Amy wanted.
“You have wowed me for twenty-plus years with little more than your dashing personality. I don’t think an expensive dinner is going to win you any extra points.”
They ordered lobster rolls from Burger Queen and ate as they window-shopped. Tony put his arm around Amy again and kissed her temple. “I think I’ve spent the last fourteen years trying not to think about what it would be like to be on a date with you. I’m on a bit of emotional overload at the moment, so if I gush and kiss you too much, or hold you too close, just push me away, okay?”
“Okay. Got it.” Amy squeezed in a little closer. “But if I do any of those things—gush or kiss you too much—can you please just go with it? Because I don’t handle rejection very well.”
“Deal.”
Amy pulled Tony into the tattoo shop.
“Oh no, really?” Tony didn’t have any tattoos. Amy didn’t either, but he knew how much Amy liked the way they looked.
“Hey, you guys.” Much to Pete’s chagrin, Sky put her art degree to use working as a tattoo artist part-time. She sat behind the counter wearing a long black cotton skirt and an army-green tank top. The silver bangles on her wrist clinked as she got up to hug them. “Are you here to get tats?”
“No needles for me.” Amy crinkled her nose, but her eyes were filled with mischief. “But I thought it would be fun to try to convince Tony to get one.” Amy pushed him toward Sky, who was sizing the two of them up.
“There isn’t much you can’t convince me of, but a tattoo? I don’t know about that.”
“Wait a second. Are you two together or here as friends?” Sky crossed her arms and smiled at Amy, who turned a cute shade of pink.
“We’re on our first date, but apparently first date to Amy means needles and permanent ink.” Tony pulled Amy against him again.
Sky drew in a breath, eyes wide. “Aw. That’s great. I’ve got just the thing for you two.” She went behind the counter and tugged out a stool. “Sit.”
Tony eyed Amy and nodded to the stool. “Go ahead.”
Amy pushed him forward. “Come on. You’re the man.”
With a feigned sigh, he sat on the stool, legs wide, and pulled Amy between them. “If I have to be tortured, you’re staying right here with me.”
“I won’t ink against your will.” Sky smiled at them. “Lucky for you, I do henna tats, too.”
“A henna tattoo? On me?” Tony shook his head. “What am I, twelve?”
“No, you’re thirtysomething and manly enough to pull it off.” Amy kissed him, and he knew he’d do whatever she asked. A henna tattoo? Done.
“You might even like it so much that one day you’ll get a permanent one,” Sky added.
“I doubt that. It’ll come off in a day with how much I’m in the water.” He settled his hands on Amy’s hips. “What am I getting? Property of Amy across my chest?”
“That usually goes across the hips,” Sky teased.
“How about just T plus A?” Amy suggested with a sweet smile.
“You want me to have a tattoo that says T and A? You know what T and A means, right?” He glanced at Sky, who was chuckling.
Amy smacked his thigh. “You’re a pig. I meant like Tony and Amy.”
“Then how about I just get your name? Because I don’t want my own name on my body.”
“I guess that would look funny.”
Tony brought his lips closer to hers and lowered his voice to a whisper. “I have a better idea. How about if I get kitten in a discreet place?”
Amy buried her face in his neck.
Kitten was a nickname he’d given her the summer of their affair because of the adorable way she cuddled up to him and how she purred with pleasure after they made love. Her affinity for kittens had begun after he’d given her the nickname.
He kissed her cheek and whispered, “You’ll always be kitten to me.”
Twenty minutes and one kitten tattoo located just below the waist of his pants later, they headed back toward the pier.
“I can’t believe you remembered.” Amy attached herself to Tony’s side like Velcro, and he couldn’t be happier.
“You might be surprised how much I remember.” Like how you love to be teased and the feel of your body.
Tony nodded toward the pier. “Come on. For old times’ sake.”
He helped her off the boardwalk and onto the sand. They kicked off their shoes, and Tony rolled the cuffs of his pants. Then they walked hand in hand down by the edge of the water. There were a few couples sitting on the beach beneath the stars, but Tony had another place in mind, and from the look on Amy’s face as he led her beneath the pier, she didn’t seem to mind.
There was nothing particularly unique about the underside of the Provincetown pier. The pilings were scarred and uneven, spearing out of the ground at funky angles, bracing the ancient pier. The smell of fish, wet earth, and fried foods from the nearby eateries lingered in the darkness. But to Tony, all of that brought back a rush of memories so enticing that he could barely think past getting his arms around Amy and revisiting them. He couldn’t pinpoint when things began to change, but sometime between their walk on the beach and now, the energy between them had become reminiscent of that summer so long ago. The good parts, when the mere thought of being apart felt treacherous and the air between them, no matter where they were, was thick with the pulse of desire.
Moonlight streamed through the slats of the pier. Tony pulled Amy’s hips against his and buried his hands in her hair, cupping the back of her head. Her skin was hot, her eyes seductive and heavy-lidded.
“Kitten.” The nickname came naturally and rolled off his tongue, laced with anticipation. He brushed his nose against hers and ran his thumb over her lower lip. “Boy, I’ve missed you.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
Their lips crashed together, tongues probing, searching, stroking, and pulling a greedy moan from deep in Tony’s lungs. Kissing Amy had always been his undoing. She took and gave in equal measure. His hands traveled up her back, down her rib cage, and over her sexy curves, stopping at the hem of her skirt. He stroked the back of her thigh with his thumbs and captured her needy sounds of desire in his mouth. It took all his willpower not to do more. He promised to prove he was the right man for her, but kissing her, being with her again, left him no doubt.
He reluctantly drew back and touched his forehead to hers. They were both breathing hard, their bodies plastered together from thigh to chest. The backs of her thighs were hot and tense, and he knew she was feeling the flames, too.
“Kitten, I’ve never stopped loving you.” Her body was doing it again, vibrating from the inside out. Purring as she snuggled in close, her cheek pressed to his chest, her hands beneath his shirt, pressing against his skin.
She gazed into his eyes with love and confidence. “I know.”
Tony took her hand in his. His thumb moved in slow, circular motions over her wrist. Amy’s emerald eyes darkened as he drew her mouth to his again. He kissed her softly, slow and deep, with the silent promise of all he had to give of himself, his heart, and his life.
“Tony,” she said after a long while. “Take me home.”