Chapter Thirteen
August
Lauren was admittedly in a bad mood this morning, but she figured that after the night she’d had she was more than entitled to be pissy. She was in such a foul mood, in fact, that not even the two extra sugar packets – on top of her usual four – that she’d dumped into her coffee, nor the jumbo sized cinnamon roll with extra icing, had helped one damned bit to make her feel better.
And the weather in Manhattan was back to being hot and muggy this morning, which only added to her crankiness. She couldn’t even wear shorts to the office any longer, thanks to Ben’s little lecture last month about “appropriate” attire, and she refused to give him the satisfaction of actually wearing a skirt or dress. Her white cropped jeans, dark blue racer-back tank, and flat brown leather sandals were cool enough, she supposed grudgingly, and certainly covered up a lot more than the outfit she’d worn last month that had triggered Ben’s outcry. Given the rotten mood she was in this morning, though, she really didn’t give a shit if her clothes met with his approval or not.
Ever since that cocktail party last month – where some wicked impulse had compelled her to dress up like a sexy secretary simply to get a reaction from him – Ben had been – different. His behavior had been more formal and businesslike, definitely more distant, and she had no idea why the change had occurred. She suspected that Elle might have had something to do with the change, for it had been glaringly obvious that Ben’s live-in love didn’t like her one bit.
‘Girl couldn’t take a joke if her life depended on it, could she?’ Lauren grumbled to herself. ‘And what in the world do she and Ben have in common anyway? Elle looks and acts like she should be dating a count or a duke or someone else with a stuffy title like that, while Ben’s type is more like - ’
She stopped herself before she could tack the word “me” onto the end of the sentence. She didn’t permit herself to daydream about Ben, refused to even entertain the fantasy about someday getting back together with him. For one thing, Lauren had rarely if ever indulged in fantasies or girlish daydreams, had never been a silly romantic fool like Julia – who’d staged Barbie doll weddings as a child, and designed her own wedding gown as a teenager when she’d been head over heels in love with Sam. Lauren dealt strictly in reality, and the reality nowadays was that Ben had a girlfriend and Lauren was merely one of his employees.
It shouldn’t bother her to accept that fact, and it definitely shouldn’t make her heart ache to realize that what she’d had with Ben was well and truly over. She was still young – twenty-six in October – had her dream job, the best family anyone could ever wish for, good friends, and pretty much had her whole life ahead of her. Ben Rafferty had been a one-time summer fling, and she needed to close that chapter of her life and keep it shut from here on end.
She popped into the Starbuck’s half a block from the office and ordered another coffee, eyeing the glazed donut that was beckoning to her from the display case. Unfortunately, her belly was still full from the cinnamon roll – not to mention a tad queasy from all the tequila shots she’d taken last night on top of a rather greasy pizza. It had been a lot of booze, even for her, but Lauren figured she’d more than earned the right to get a little drunk given the disaster of a blind date she’d idiotically agreed to go on.
It was because of that blind date – and its horrific outcome – that she was very intentionally delaying her arrival at the office. She knew there would be a confrontation, was not so naïve as to hope that the news hadn’t already reached its target, and really wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.
But deal with it she must, and when she couldn’t delay her arrival a minute longer, she walked inside of her office building and got in the elevator. And before entering the conference room where the others would be waiting for her, she assumed her very best badass attitude, strutting inside like she owned the place.
“Sorry I’m a little late,” she said breezily, intentionally not making eye contact with anyone as she dumped her bag and coffee cup on the table.
On the other side of the room she could practically feel the steam rising out of George’s ears, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess his cheeks would be flushed red with anger, or that his beady little eyes were ready to pop out of their sockets.
“What the hell happened last night?”
Very casually, Lauren glanced over at George, who looked ready to bust a vein. Any hopes she might have harbored that he hadn’t yet heard the whole sordid tale were immediately dashed. To make matters worse, Karl, Chris, and Ben were all gazing at her expectantly, and she was left to wonder how much George had already told them.
She decided to play it cool, an attitude that had gotten her out of far worse situations than this one many times before. “What happened was the worst blind date of my life,” she replied matter-of-factly. “And it’s the very last time I let you set me up with anyone, George. I should have known that any friend of yours would be a big ole loser. He might as well have had a capital L tattooed on his forehead.”
“Loser?” George was sputtering now, and a little vein near his right temple began to throb. “Daniel is a multi-millionaire! He’s the co-owner of one of the top ten venture capital firms in the country, and was voted one of the most eligible bachelors in Manhattan three years in a row. How does that make him a loser by any stretch of the imagination?”
Lauren shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “Then I suppose you’ve got a piss poor imagination. And – news flash, Georgina – there’s a lot more to being a real man than how much money he has. Because from where I was sitting last night, that’s about all Mr. I’m Wearing Too Much Stinky Hair Gel has going for him.”
George glared at her darkly. “So you broke his nose because you didn’t like the way his hair gel smelled?”
She scoffed, very aware of the three male stares directed her way. “Of course not. And for the record, I did not break the whiny little crybaby’s nose, it just bled a lot. Trust me, if I’d wanted to break his nose he’d be holding the pieces together with duct tape right about now.”
Chris guffawed, while Karl winked at her, and Ben looked as though he was torn between laughing and shaking his head in exasperation. George, meanwhile, just kept getting angrier and angrier.
“You do know that my brother-in-law was this close to sealing a deal with Daniel, don’t you?” demanded George.
“I believe you mentioned that four or five times when you kept trying to talk me into this ridiculous blind date,” Lauren replied with sarcasm. “And if this guy is such a stud, then why the hell did he have you acting like his pimp? Couldn’t he get his own date?”
George slammed his fist down on the table, then winced from the pain. “You know all this, Lauren,” he hissed. “Daniel saw a photo of you on my phone, thought you were hot, and threw out all sorts of hints about sealing the deal with Ted if I could arrange a date with you.”
Ted was married to George’s older sister, and George practically idolized his brother-in-law. Personally, Lauren thought it was a rather unhealthy case of hero worship, especially since Ted sounded like a huge dickhead from what she’d been able to surmise. But George had been all too eager to please Ted, and had gone on an all-out campaign to convince Lauren to go on a blind date with Daniel, something she typically refused to even consider.
George had made her all sorts of promises, everything from buying her lunch for a month to persuading Nadine to book her nonstop flights for the next year. Lauren had driven a hard bargain and demanded both, and George had practically wet himself with eagerness when she’d finally accepted.
“So, now I’m intrigued,” drawled Karl. “We all want to know how your date wound up with a broken, er, bloody nose.”
Lauren rolled her eyes and took a sip of coffee. “Fine. Though it’s really not very interesting. Neither was Daniel, by the way.”
She gave them a somewhat abbreviated version of the worst blind date in history, but included enough details that everyone got the picture.
Daniel had picked her up in a chauffeur-driven limo, the epitome of pretentiousness in her opinion, and there had even been a chilled bottle of champagne awaiting her. But Lauren’s enjoyment of the admittedly fine vintage had been spoiled by the overpowering odors of Daniel’s hair gel and designer cologne, enough that even her cast iron stomach felt a little queasy.
She’d hated the restaurant he had brought her to from the moment they had walked inside. It had been one of those dimly lit places with modern, spartan décor, and a menu filled with dishes that had an entire paragraph describing the complicated ingredients and preparation. Daniel had made a big production out of choosing a particular high priced single malt Scotch, as though that was supposed to impress her, and had almost choked when Lauren had asked the waiter for a round of tequila shots.
George was horror-stricken. “You ordered tequila shooters at The Avenue? You do know that it’s one of the Top Ten restaurants in the city, don’t you?”
Lauren’s gaze narrowed sharply. “This dude seems to have a weird obsession with top ten lists. His firm is on one, he’s on one, he goes to restaurants that are on one. Anyway, don’t have a hernia about the tequila, Georgie. This incredibly pompous waiter looks down his nose and tells me in a very snooty voice that they didn’t have tequila. I mean, really? Who doesn’t have tequila in a restaurant? So I ordered an even more expensive glass of Scotch than Top Ten did.”
From that point on, things had disintegrated rapidly. Between Daniel arrogantly taking it upon himself to order both her meal and the wine without asking her opinion, to the teeny tiny portions of food she barely recognized, and to his complete monopolization of the conversation, Lauren had been counting the minutes until the evening could mercifully be over. In between talking about himself nonstop, Daniel fielded at least a dozen business related phone calls and texts during the meal, which had at least given her short reprieves from having to listen to him prattling away.
But the evening unfortunately hadn’t ended after dinner. The limo had whisked them off to an exclusive private club where she’d had a tough time deciding what was more offensive – the décor, the pretentious sounding cocktails, or the music. They had danced a few times, and Daniel had grown increasingly handsy as the evening wore on. She’d lost count of the number of times his hand had groped her ass or grazed against the side of her breast, and she’d almost gagged when he had rubbed his erection against her thigh. The smell of his perspiration had begun to mingle with that of his hair gel and cologne, until she’d had to hold her breath just to avoid gagging.
“And still the hell didn’t end,” continued Lauren. “After I almost broke his finger by removing his hand from my ass – again – I thought he’d finally gotten the message to keep his clammy palms to himself. But as soon as we were back in the limo, he practically jumped my bones the second the door shut. And while he was trying to pull my zipper down, I might have elbowed him in the nose a little too hard. Next thing I know he’s bleeding all over his Dior suit and screaming like he’d just had a limb amputated. His driver pulled over to see what was going on, so I chose that moment to make my exit. I caught a cab back to my aunt’s, ordered a pizza, and broke out my own damn tequila.”
Karl and Chris were laughing almost uncontrollably by now, while the normally reserved Ben was grinning. George, however, was anything but amused.
“There must have been a reason why he was so aggressive,” stated George. “Knowing the way you love to flirt with everyone, Lauren, I’m guessing you must have lead him on. How can you blame the guy?”
“Hey. Cool it, Georgina,” she warned in an ominous voice. “I might flirt but I never lead guys on to that degree. And in Top Ten’s case, there is no possible way he could have misread my intentions. Because while he might have thought he was going to hit a home run last night, the way I see it he never got out of the batter’s box.”
The fact that his co-workers and boss seemed to find the whole situation hilarious only made George angrier and more frustrated.
“You’ve ruined everything,” he accused Lauren. “You screwed up this deal for Ted so badly that he’s blaming me for it. He probably won’t speak to me for a month. And our deal is off, Lauren. No free lunches, and as far as I’m concerned Nadine can book you a seat on a cargo plane from now on.”
Lauren tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “Big deal. Knowing you we’d be eating at the cheapest places you could find. And you really need to stop panting over your brother-in-law, George. I mean, it’s perfectly obvious that you’ve got this big ole man crush on him, but get over it already.”
George paled, then turned beet red, the vein at his temple throbbing like mad. He tried to say something, cleared his throat, and shook his head. When he could finally speak, his voice was filled with venom. “You are such a bitch at times, Lauren. No, make that all the time. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend and scare guys off like you have three heads or something. You might be hot on the outside but you’re cold as ice on the inside. Instead of calling you the Queen of Confrontation, we should call you the Ice Queen. Or the Bitch Queen.”
Karl, Chris, and Ben all stopped chuckling simultaneously, and stared at George in horror, unable to believe he’d actually found the nerve to speak to Lauren in such a manner. George stood his ground firmly, as though he was proud of himself for finally speaking his mind.
No one saw Lauren move but in a flash she had George pinned up against the wall, her elbow pressing against his windpipe as he gasped for air.
Her green eyes looked as lethal as a shard of glass, and her voice was cold and calculated. “You want to say that again, Georgina?” she asked menacingly. “Or would you prefer to apologize?”
George emitted a frightful squeak as she pressed against his throat a little harder. As Karl and then Chris tried to carefully pull her away, she kicked Karl in the shin and swatted Chris away like he was a fly. It was then left to Ben to subdue her, and she gave a squeal of protest as he unexpectedly hefted her over his shoulder and began to carry her out of the room.
“Make sure she didn’t bruise George’s throat,” he instructed Karl and Chris on his way out. “We’ll be back as soon as these two have a chance to calm down a little.”
He banded an arm around the backs of her legs, keeping the lower half of her body mostly immobile as she kicked and thrashed wildly. But he wasn’t able to restrain her arms at the same time, and he let out a yelp of pain as she pummeled his back with her fists.
“If you keep doing that,” he threatened, “I’ll spank your ass. Hard. And since everyone in the office is already going to have plenty to gossip about after word of this little scene gets out, I don’t particularly give a damn if we give them even more fodder.”
Lauren made a rude sound but grudgingly stopped hitting him. Once inside his office, he dumped her none too gently on one of the club chairs before he closed the door.
“Sit down,” he commanded, pointing a finger at the chair as she began to rise. “Sit down and calm down or I swear I’ll tie you up. I’ve got my climbing gear over in the corner, and as you’ll undoubtedly recall I’m very good with rope.”
Lauren gasped, and glared at him furiously. “I cannot believe you’ve got the balls to bring that up,” she snarled. “And I’ll tell you right now, that is so not going to happen!”
“Then sit your ass down, shut up, and get a grip,” he threatened. “Or I’ll give you another demonstration of my knot tying abilities. As I remember, you had a very difficult time extracting yourself.”
She’d woken from a sound sleep towards dawn, still drowsy but overwhelmingly aware of the very pleasurable sensations rippling through her body. A groan had escaped her lips at the feel of Ben’s teeth tugging at one nipple, while his fingers plucked at the other over and over. Her hips had begun to lift off the bed, and she’d instinctively started to pull his head even closer to her breasts. Only to have been stopped short by the realization that her hands had been securely bound to the intricate scrollwork of her antique wrought iron headboard.
“Hey!” she’d protested, tugging hard on the silken cords that he’d used to bind her. “This is not the least bit funny, Ben Rafferty!”
He’d laughed softly as his lips had moved to her throat, his hand sliding down past her belly to the soft nest of her pubic hair. “It’s a little bit funny,” he’d murmured. “But mostly, it’s really, really hot to have you bound and at my mercy.”
Lauren had snorted in derision. “First of all, I’m guessing I can get myself out of these flimsy little cords in two minutes or less. Second, you might have my hands momentarily incapacitated but I still have my legs – what?”
There was no footboard attached to the bed, so he’d cleverly looped another cord around her ankles before tying it to the metal bedframe. She’d thrashed around wildly, her hips bucking off the mattress is a futile attempt to free herself.
“Okay, really not funny,” she’d fumed. “You may get your kicks out of this sort of thing, but I’m not the least bit interested - ”
“Shh.” He had placed two fingers over her lips before giving her a long, deep kiss, his tongue sweeping through her mouth over and over until she was groaning.
Ben’s lips had trailed an erotic path down her throat, between her breasts, and all the way down to her quivering belly. She’d gasped as his fingers slipped inside her tight, wet sex, his thumb circling her clit repeatedly.
“Easy, sweetheart,” he’d soothed as her head had thrashed back and forth against her pillow. “Let me take care of you now, hmm? This is why I tied you up, so that I could focus solely on you for a little while without you distracting me.”
“Ohh.” Her eyes had fluttered shut, her breath had turned shallow as he’d pumped his fingers in and out of her with long, shallow strokes. “God, Ben, that’s so good, so – ahh!”
She’d come then, the suddenness of the orgasm taking her by surprise. But Ben hadn’t released her afterwards, had kept at her for nearly an hour, feasting on her breasts and pussy, touching and kissing every inch of her body, until she had been a trembling mass of sensation. She’d lost count of how many times he’d made her come, until it felt like she was having one long, continuous orgasm.
And when she had finally managed to work her hands free, she’d been too limp and exhausted to do much more than caress his stubbled cheek. He had gently untied her, intent on letting her go back to sleep, but she had pulled him to her then, urging him to slide inside of her.
That had been the morning when she’d very nearly whispered “I love you” to him. The words had been on the tip of her tongue, but she’d fallen asleep almost immediately after they had climaxed together.
She stuck her tongue out at him now. “Hardly. I was just humoring you that morning. I could have slipped out of those cords anytime I wanted to.”
Ben smiled knowingly. “If you say so. But if you don’t sit tight and calm down a bit, we’re going to put that theory to the test. Now, tell me. Why in hell did you agree to go on a blind date in the first place? I imagine a woman like you would be fighting men off with a ten foot pole.”
Lauren snickered. “Well, duh. That goes without saying. As to why I finally gave in to George – who knows? Mostly just to shut him the hell up, but I guess I was a little bored, too. Figured what the heck, how bad could it be. Guess I figured wrong – way wrong.”
Ben propped a hip against his desk, an unwilling smile crossing his face. “You scared the shit out of George just now. I thought for sure he was going to either stroke out or puke. But you’ve got to take it down a few notches in the future with him, okay? Like it or not, you’re stuck with him and the two of you need to figure out how to get along.”
She blew out a frustrated breath. “Fine. Even though he’s a pompous ass and doesn’t have a clue about what he’s doing. But I’ll play nice if he does. However, what I won’t do – ever – is apologize to that little shit.”
“I’m not asking you to apologize,” he replied. “Just stop terrorizing him. Or insulting him. Or threatening him with bodily harm.”
“Well, hell,” she huffed. “You’re just being a real killjoy today, aren’t you?”
Ben laughed. “Come on, let’s see if we can actually get some work done this morning and re-start this meeting. Hopefully Karl and Chris have been able to help George stop shaking.”
“I doubt it,” she muttered as they walked to the door. “He’s always twitching or stuttering or something. Sometimes I’m half convinced he has Tourette’s.”
Ben shook his head. “One of these days you’ll find something to appreciate about poor George. Until then just try to get along, okay? And don’t let him talk you into anymore blind dates.”
“Not just him,” she answered darkly. “No more blind dates ever.”
“Good. And Lauren - ”
She quirked a brow at him. “What?”
Ben’s voice gentled. “I don’t blame you for making that asshole’s nose bleed. He deserved it and a whole lot more. And you deserve someone a whole lot better than that dick.”
This time she was the one left staring after him as he walked off down the hallway, telling herself she’d just imagined the tender look on his face.
***
Early September
Lauren stared in disbelief. “You’re doing what? Is this some sort of joke? Did Chris put you up to this as a way of getting back at me for punking him last month?”
Ben shook his head. “No joke, I assure you. In fact, I’ve rarely been more serious in my life. I’m pulling you off this assignment, Lauren, and sending Ivan in your place. In turn, you’ll go out with his crew to Utah.”
“Utah? Oh, yeah, because that’s the same as Brazil, huh? Every bit as fun and exciting,” retorted Lauren with heavy sarcasm.
Ben sighed in frustration. “That’s got nothing to do with it, as you well know. I’ve already explained why you can’t go to Brazil right now. It’s just not safe under the circumstances.”
She thumped an angry fist on his desk. “And I’ve told you that’s all a bunch of BS. I can take very good care of myself, and I’ve got three guys with me for backup – well, really two because George can’t even look out for himself much less - ”
“Lauren. Stop.” He held up a hand, halting her tirade. “You’ve read the stories just like I have. There have been half a dozen young women kidnapped from the surrounding area in the past month. None of them have been found yet, and the theory is that they’ve all been sold into prostitution. Or murdered. And there is absolutely no way I’m intentionally putting you in harm’s way until the gang who’s been doing this is apprehended.”
“Why don’t we just postpone the whole trip until the situation’s been resolved?” she suggested.
“That was my first suggestion, actually. But apparently the flights have already been booked, and can’t be changed at this point. Plus, with the next Olympics being held in Rio it’s important to get the story published before any of our competitors get a jump on us.”
“So no one’s concerned about the rest of the crew? I mean, if this is such a big deal, isn’t it risky to send anyone?” she pointed out.
“There is some risk, of course,” he agreed reluctantly. “And we’ll have an extra security detail assigned to the crew as a result. But you as a female would be at particular risk, and you fit the exact profile of the other women who’ve been taken – young, beautiful, and American. There’s talk that this gang is upset with the government about all the money being spent getting ready for the Olympics, and that they’re trying to discourage tourists from coming to Brazil as revenge.”
“And I still say I can take care of myself,” she insisted stubbornly. “I’m not your average dumb tourist who wanders off where she isn’t supposed to be. I’ve traveled to far more dangerous places, taken much greater risks. And I promise for once to obey all the rules, to stick with the rest of the crew and not try anything stupid.”
“No.” Ben’s reply was crisp and no-nonsense. “None of us are willing to take that risk. I’m not willing to take that risk. Look, most of these women were taken at gunpoint. How would you feel if Karl or Chris got shot by this gang so they could get to you? Do you really want that on your conscience?”
She glared at him sullenly. “Aren’t you all worrying over something that’s not likely to ever happen? I mean, I read over those stories and none of the kidnappings actually happened around the main tourist sites.”
“They were close enough,” Ben fired back. “Not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t be staying in Rio the entire time. Some of the proposed Olympic venues are a ways from the city, and two of the women were abducted near one of them.”
“This isn’t fair!” she burst out. “You’re penalizing me just because I’m a woman. And I’m way better prepared to take care of myself than any of the other guys on the crew. You’re just doing this to prove a point or something.”
He arched a brown. “And what exactly would that point be, in your opinion?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t figured that part out yet. But I don’t accept your decision, Ben, or agree with your reasoning. I think you’re totally overreacting here, and I’ll go see Brad van Patten in person if I have to and make him change your mind.”
“The hell you will.”
Lauren stared at him in surprise, the stern tone of his voice not one she’d ever heard from Ben before. He had a deadly serious look on his face, and for the first time since she’d known him, was more than a little intimidated by what she saw.
“You will not go over my head on this, understand?” he emphasized. “Besides, Brad has already been made aware of the situation and agrees completely with my recommendation. It’s just this one trip, Lauren,” he explained, his voice gentling. “Don’t look at it like a punishment when all we’re trying to do is keep you safe.”
“I can keep myself safe,” she mumbled resentfully. “I don’t need to be babied or treated differently from the others.”
“But you are different from the others,” he clarified. “You’re a female, and a very attractive one to boot. And you’d be a prime target for this gang. So you’re going to Utah instead to do a story on the five National Parks.”
“Ho, hum.” She pretended to yawn. “That sounds fascinating. So much more exciting than the Copacabana, Sugarloaf, or the Tijuca Forest. Come on, Ben,” she coaxed. “Please. I promise to be extra diligent. Just let me go to Brazil. I’ll beg if I have to.”
“My decision is final,” he stated firmly. “I’m not changing my mind, Lauren. And if you persist in being stubborn about it, I’ll call your father and tell him all about the situation. Maybe you’ll listen to him.”
Her jaw dropped open in shock. “You wouldn’t dare. And my father – unlike you – respects my opinions and wouldn’t dream of interfering in my business.”
“Wouldn’t he?” challenged Ben. “When I spoke to him that day he sounded very concerned about his little girl. I can’t imagine he’d allow you to willingly put yourself in danger.”
“It’s not his decision to make,” she shot back.
“No, but it is mine. And none of your usual little tantrums or threats or even flirting is going to work this time. The decision is final and I’m not going to discuss it again.”
The closed off expression on his face told her that so far as he was concerned the discussion was also closed. But Lauren rarely went down in a fight that easily – if ever – and hadn’t quite utilized all of her weapons.
“From where I’m looking at this situation, it reeks of sexual discrimination,” she declared. “You’re holding me back from advancing my career because I’m a woman. I’ll bet HR would love to hear about this.”
Ben gave her a warning look. “Your career – not to mention your life – could come to a grinding halt if you get kidnapped. And if you weren’t acting like a spoiled, immature brat right now you’d realize that this decision was made to protect you, not hold you back or punish you. But I guess it’s too much to ask for you to be grateful for once, instead of going on another of your rants. Let me give you a little unsolicited career advice, Ms. McKinnon – grow up. Because the next boss you have might not be quite as accommodating about your tantrums as I’ve been.”
She stood frozen in place at his outburst, his words hurting her more than she would ever reveal. “I can’t believe you just said that to me,” she whispered, her fists clenching and unclenching repeatedly from distress.
“It needed to be said,” Ben replied solemnly. “You’re a law unto yourself most of the time, Lauren, you run roughshod over everyone you meet, and have little to no respect for authority. It’s time you realize that you can’t always have things your way or expect everyone to always bow to your demands.”
“Really?” It was all she could do not to spit at him, or kick him in the knee, or let loose with a torrent of swear words in mingled French, Italian, and Spanish. “Well then, Ben. If we’re getting stuff off our chests today, then maybe this is a good time to tell you a few things that have needed to be said for a very long time.”
He crossed his arms over his abdomen, returning her stare without blinking. “Be my guest,” he invited. “In fact, I’m shocked at just how long overdue this is. Say what’s on your mind then.”
“What’s on my mind,” hissed Lauren, “is that I was a stupid, naïve fool to ever invite you into my home, and even more so to let you in my bed. I trusted you, confided things to you that I’ve never told anyone else, and the way you betrayed me was beyond belief. When you left the way you did – without a word or a note or even a fucking “hey, it’s been fun, babe, catch you later”, I told myself that if I ever had the bad luck to see you again I’d either kick you in the balls or call you every filthy name I could think of. Or maybe even both.”
Ben spread his arms wide. “Go ahead. I’m sure you think it’s the least I deserve.”
She eyed him warily. “Are you trying to imply that you don’t think you deserve it?”
He smiled faintly. “Well, you’ll never know the answer to that question until you finally give me a chance to tell my side of the story. So, tell me, Lauren. Are you finally ready to listen?”
Lauren hesitated, her heart pounding so fast that she struggled to take a breath. This was it, she realized dizzily. The moment when she could finally learn why he’d left her five years ago, why he’d broken her heart and left her bitter and disillusioned, unable to place her trust in any other man again. All she had to do was say the word. But there was still one thing she needed to know before she agreed.
“That depends.” She looked down at her boots for several seconds, willing herself to ask the question. “If I listen to whatever half-assed explanation you’ve cooked up, will it make a difference?”
Ben’s brow furrowed in confusion. “A difference? To what?”
“To us,” she clarified, lifting her gaze to his. “Will my knowing why you left change things between us?” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “If you tell me, and I accept your explanation, then what about – Elle?”
His expression immediately became closed-off, almost as though he hadn’t given his girlfriend a single thought until just now. “What about Elle?”
She refused to look away, to lose her nerve at such a critical moment, and blurted out impulsively, “Would she be out of the picture? Would you – leave her?”
He shut his eyes, whether it was to concentrate or because he didn’t have the guts to look at her a second longer. “Lauren,” he pleaded. “That should have nothing to do with it. You need to hear the truth no matter what.”
Hear heart felt like it was being smashed into a million tiny pieces – something she had once vowed would never happen again. And yet here she was, willingly setting herself up for some of the worst pain she’d ever known for a second time.
“Just answer the question, Ben. Yes or no. If I – forgive you, tell you that I understand why you left, does that mean we’d be back together? That Elle wouldn’t be a part of your life any longer?”
Ben slowly opened his eyes, and the sadness and regret she read in them brought an unwelcome shimmer of tears to her eyes. “No,” he replied hoarsely. “That’s not what it would mean. I couldn’t just do something like that, wouldn’t - ”
Lauren held up a hand. “That’s enough then. And pretty much what I figured you’d say. So thanks but no thanks, Ben. Under the circumstances I’m better off not knowing your reasons. You’ve obviously moved on, and so have I, so let’s just leave it at that, okay?”
“Lauren. Don’t.” He reached out a hand to her but she scuttled away as though he was a poisonous snake.
“I’ve got to go,” she mumbled, unwilling to stay here with him a second longer, horribly afraid she’d do something undignified like cry. Or beg. Worse. “After all, I’ve got a trip to Utah to get ready for, don’t I?”
She didn’t look back as she left, closing the door as she did so – both literally and figuratively – on Ben Rafferty.