The rest of the meal dragged by like a bad nightmare I couldn’t wake from. The woman wouldn’t stop with the suggestions. And the entire time my best friend sat beside me stiffly, forcing smiles and laughs when needed, but otherwise acting like a different person.
After having drunk a whole bottle of wine, Constance excused herself to use the ladies room.
I jolted sideways in my chair and blurted out, “Haven, why the hell did you cave in to her stupid demands?”
At the tone of my voice, her facial expression went from indifferent to crestfallen. “I just thought it would be funny.”
“Funny?” I scrubbed a hand over my face, finding nothing funny about the way I felt sick to my stomach. “Fuck. Tonight was a bad idea.”
“Yeah, it was,” she agreed, reaching for her glass to down the rest of her wine. There wasn’t much left in it, and then she went for the bottle next to find it was empty as well.
“Do you want me to order more?”
She twisted in her chair. “Can I leave?”
“Um… of course.”
Constance returned as Haven pushed back her chair. “Ladies room?”
“No, I’m going to go. I’m sorry, I’m not a red wine drinker and it went right to my head.” She grabbed her purse off the table and said, “You two enjoy the rest of your night.”
Before she could walk away, I gripped her elbow stopping her in her tracks. Haven was ready to get the fuck out of there, and so was I. I fulfilled my duty. It was time to end this stupid charade.
“Constance, I’m also calling it a night. Thank you for the meal. I’ll see you on Wednesday at the radio station.”
The old hag wasn’t happy when I didn’t give her a chance to respond or even argue, but too fucking bad.
Still gripping Haven’s elbow, I led her to the coat check and helped her put on her coat before shrugging into mine. We walked out of that fucking restaurant feeling tense and awkward. The frigid winter air felt like a balm to my overheated flesh.
Haven strode right toward the curb attempting to hail a cab. Those that whizzed by all had occupants, and after a minute or so she huffed in frustration.
I feared with every minute that ticked by, our relationship would suffer from the intense awkwardness that developed between us. I knew enough about sexuality to know something as simple as an intimate moment between friends could forever alter the dynamics of their bond. Whether it was in a good way or bad one, depended on how the friends handled the intimacy after it happened.
My entire adult life I compartmentalized friends from lovers. They didn’t mix well, ever. In all my years as a therapist, I had yet to encounter one case where it worked out for the couple once they crossed that line.
If I lost my best friend because of that nasty witch, I’d never be the same. I needed Haven. Always my rock, my constant, I never thought of her any other way but as family. Losing her because one fucking kiss went nuclear wasn’t going to happen. I could argue with myself it was too soon to know if this would change our relationship. Yet, in my gut I had this awful feeling that wouldn’t go away.
Finally, a cabbie spotted her and veered to the left stopping inches before us. I helped Haven into the cab and slid in behind her reciting her address to the driver.
“What are you doing?”
“Taking you home,” I said as if it were obvious.
“That’s dumb. Your place is closer.”
Ignoring her, I met the cabdriver’s gaze in his rearview mirror and repeated her address.
“You’re so stubborn,” she grumbled. Irritation replaced the confused expression she sported since the kiss.
“Yeah, I’m the stubborn one.”
Normally, her arguing with me was all done in fun. This bickering was new. We weren’t the type to bicker, and already I saw the writing on the wall. We needed to talk about what happened between us. After ten torturous minutes passed with Haven staring out her side window, I was getting more annoyed with her and myself.
“Ugh… I feel so gross.” I waited for her to look my way. “What a wacko, huh? And I still have to see that woman on Wednesday for a therapy session. Kill me now,” I said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Haven released a humorless laugh. “Believe me, I think the worst is over.”
“Yeah, let’s hope.”
Our gazes held until she broke our connection.
More silence.
The cab pulled up to her building. Like a bat out of hell, she flew out of the car and leaned in to say, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” I slid my card through the scanner and entered the tip amount all while she continued to stare at me from the opened door. I joined her on the curb, slamming the door and watched the cab pull away.
“Why did you let him leave?”
“We need to talk, Haven.”
“Vaughn, there’s nothing to talk about. Really, this is stupid.”
“No, it’s not. You went from being quiet and sad to annoyed and irritated, and I have the right to know why.”
She looked up at me and blinked a few times before she headed into her building. The door leading in was unlocked, and I was right behind her when she climbed the stairs to the second floor. “Why was that door open?”
“I don’t know,” she said in exasperation.
A minute later, we were in her tiny well-kept apartment staring at each other. She didn’t offer to take my coat, even after she removed her own. She didn’t even invite me in, but instead stood in the foyer waiting for me to speak.
When it was clear I wasn’t going to, she said with a wave of her hand, “So go ahead, talk.”
“Okay, um…” I scratched the back of my neck stalling for time. Never in our relationship was I at a loss for words. I could say anything to this woman, and have. No topic was off limits, and no other time had I ever had to consider my words carefully. So, why was I standing there like an idiot while not wanting to share a single thought in my head, and hoping she wouldn’t guess what they were?
She folded her arms, raising her brows expectantly. It was clear she wasn’t going to make this easy for me.
Deciding to start with a deflection tactic, I asked, “Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m mad at myself for doing something so stupid.”
“We both are responsible. Constance may have started it, but…”
“I started it. I could have ignored that hag.”
“Regardless, what I did once you did was far worse. Haven, I want to apologize for…” I stopped mid-sentence.
Fuck. Apologize for what, shoving my tongue in her mouth? Or maybe I should apologize for not wanting it to end?
“For?” she prompted.
“For taking that kiss too far. I don’t know why I did. It was a huge mistake.”
She released a sarcastic laugh. “Okay, I get it. Enough said.”
The tone of her voice and the way she rolled her eyes meant she didn’t understand my point. “You get what?”
“Kissing me was a mistake. Noted. Let’s move on and forget it happened. Okay?”
I should have clarified it wasn’t the kissing her part that was the mistake, more so the part I lost my cool once her lips touched mine. But her snippiness grated on my nerves.
“Knock it off, Haven. That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Vaughn, it was just a stupid kiss. You regret it, and so do I.” I stepped closer and she stepped back with a firm shake of her head.
What the fuck was happening?
“Look, it’s getting late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Again we stood staring at each other in a battle of wills. I knew her better than anyone, and I knew her insecurities were getting the best of her. But I couldn’t appease them without opening up a can of worms I wasn’t prepared to open.
The therapist in me had a field day over this chain of fucked up events. He wanted to sit her down, and pick at her thoughts until he understood what she was feeling. It was the man in me who gave back some attitude just as heavily. He avoided relationships because he knew all too well how fragile they were, how easily they could be fucked up for good. That same man wanted nothing more than to run, hide, and deny.
That man won the battle.
“Goodnight, Haven.” I turned and opened the door stepping in the hallway. Before I could turn back to say something else, the door clicked shut behind me.
I flew down the stairs two at a time cursing Connie Cougar for setting her sights on me.
By noon on Sunday, Haven hadn’t called or barged into my apartment in her normal annoying way.
To be fair, I hadn’t called her either.
By one p.m. I was in my cousin Lizzy’s lobby waiting for her to approve my visit with her doorman.
“You can go on up. Apartment 12F.”
“Thank you,” I said with a nod and headed for the elevator.
The ride up was short, and I found Lizzy waiting in her opened door when I stepped into the hallway.
“So, to what do I owe this surprise visit?”
“I need advice.”
She stepped aside, “I’m flattered you came to me.”
I kissed her cheek and moved past her into the apartment. Lizzy’s husband, Evan, was on the couch watching the Giants playing the Cowboys. “Throw the fucking ball, Manning!”
He shouted just as Lizzy said, “Evan, you’ll wake the baby.”
“Sorry, babe.” He stood, looking frustrated. “Hey, man.” We exchanged a man hug before he stood beside Lizzy and draped an arm around her shoulders. “I don’t know why I watch, they aggravate the crap out of me. How are you?”
“I’m good. Congrats on that album going platinum. That’s amazing.”
“Thanks. It’s been crazy and hard to wrap our heads around. Your cousin, Jack, had a lot to do with it.”
“Baby, my brother may have pimped you guys, but the music is what people are loving.”
Evan smiled at her and planted a sweet kiss on his wife’s lips. “She’s my biggest supporter.”
“As I should be,” she quipped. “Sit. I’ll grab you guys a beer.”
“I was hoping to see Michael. How long will he nap?”
“He’ll be up soon. That kid will run himself ragged until he passes out.” I took the club chair facing the TV, and Evan resumed his seat on the couch. “Has New York been treating you well?” Evan asked, lifting the remote to mute the game.
“Sure.”
He glanced at me and laughed. “That didn’t sound very convincing.”
“I fucking despise your climate.”
Lizzy appeared with a beer for Evan and me and sat beside him on the couch. “You’re lucky we haven’t had a horrible winter yet.”
I groaned before taking a swig of the Heineken she passed me. “So, I’ve been told. Maybe Mother Nature has pity on me.” The couple sat close, making me feel like an intruder on their quiet time.
Sensing my unease, Lizzy said, “Babe, Vaughn needs to chat. Can you give us some privacy?”
“Of course.” Evan stood and kissed Lizzy’s lips chastely, then disappeared into the back of the apartment.
“I’m sorry I barged in like this. I can come see you tomorrow at your office, Liz.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I just hope I can help. Is it the station?”
“No. The show’s going great.” I scrubbed a hand over my face at a loss for words. “Ugh. Now that I’m here, my issue seems stupid.”
“Vaughn, you’re a mess of nerves. Talk to me.”
I filled Lizzy in on the auction at the ball and detailed the woman who spent a fortune on one dinner and one therapy session. Once she was up to speed, I then said, “I asked Haven to go with me.”
“She told me.”
“What? When?”
“Because I had helped her get ready for the ball last Saturday, she FaceTimed me yesterday, asking for advice on which dress to wear.”
I remembered Haven mentioning it was Lizzy who had her looking so stunning… that black gown skimming her curves… her hair, her scent. Thus, my issue, I thought to myself. I wasn’t supposed to remember how good she looked. Friends didn’t pay attention to that.
“I told her the pink one looked amazing on her,” Lizzy added.
“It did.” My thoughts went to her bare legs… fuck.
“Did something happen at dinner?” Lizzy asked, concern masking her normal jovial expression.
“I kissed Haven,” I blurted out.
“This is a bad thing?” The duh expression I gave her had her adding, “Okay, why don’t you fill me in with how and why?”
I rambled, for close to fifteen minutes without pausing once. All the while, my cousin, the psychiatrist, listened intently, professionally. That was until a slow, warm, electric smile spread over her face.
I didn’t expect her reaction. Yes, I’d expect surprise or shock, but not… elation. “What are you smiling at?”
“Denial 101.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Lizzy?” I drained the rest of my beer, placing the empty bottle on the table beside me.
“Vaughn. How can you not see it?” My clueless shrug caused her to laugh. “You two are fighting the inevitable.”