Chapter 5
Jasmina’s eyes flutter open as soon as she sits up in bed. Her heart is racing a hundred miles. She hardly slept replaying her day with Christian over and over in her head. She reimagines the way he looked at how and how he held her. He didn’t even deny they were dating. She smiles to herself completely full of ecstasy and happiness. If only it could be like that every single day. How different everything would seem.
She rolls over and looks out the window. Cars pass by on the roads. It is really only seven in the morning, so the traffic hasn’t completely picked up yet.
She looks over at the doorway, remembering how Christian had stood in it watching her lie on the bed. His strong muscles tense under his tight white shirt. His square jaw was clenched so hard. I wonder how hard his cock was during then? I giggle to myself in the bed. He should have jumped in next to me. That would have been perfect, to break in the new place with being fucked for the first time by Christian. I remember one night, my dad and them were all downstairs and they started talking about how large Christian's cock is. They of course had no idea I was listening.
I wonder what it would feel like to be filled by Christian or Ryan, or just sex in general. The thought of their dicks thrusting deep inside of me, makes me wet. I turn over onto my stomach and slide my finger onto my clit, massaging gently. I pretend that Christian is still standing in the doorway. He watches as I touch myself.
“That’s good, baby girl,” he whispers. Ryan appears next to him.
“Just like that,” he adds on.
My hand moves faster and faster, my body tenses. I fantasize Christian and Ryan stand at the end of the bed now. One of them slowly removes his pants. My heart is racing; I slide my finger into my soaking wet pussy, thinking it is own of their throbbing cocks, moving back and forth, teasing me. I whimper at the thought of being pounded by one of them.
Ding Ding Ding! My phone rings. My mind is removed from the fantasy. I stare at the bright screen. I have a new message from Christian. I let out a low sigh and reach for my phone. Have you reached out to Ryan yet? It read.
I respond with No and a frowny face.
Ding!
Better do it soon before he hires someone else!
I message back with I will!
He sends me a winky face. I shake my head and place the phone back onto the nightstand and close my eyes.
I have actually never had an orgasm before. That was the closest I had ever come to one. I hear people talk about them all the time and see their discussions about them on the cover of magazines. Titles like “How to come in five minutes or whatever.” Lizzie speaks about how her amazing her sex life and how her boyfriend makes her cum multiple times on a regular basis.
I used to think there was something wrong with me, especially in high school. Everyone was hooking up and having sex except for me it seemed. In college, it was easier it blend in. But I still lied. How do I tell people I am saving myself for Ryan and Christian? They would never understand. How could I explain to them how perfect Christian is and how charming Ryan can be? They are like characters from a romance movie.
I lay there in the silence of my new apartment. I know this place must feel like home because it usually takes me some time to adjust to a new place. But not here. I lie in my bed for what seems to be about an hour or so, drifting between being awake and being asleep.
Finally, I get up and make my way toward the kitchen. Christian was smart enough to think of stopping and getting a few groceries. I reach into the cabinet and pull out a granola bar. It's about eight thirty now. Time for Ryan to be arriving at his office. Christian is way too eager about this. Besides, he was always on a different clock than anyone else. He is the type of person who wakes up at five am no problem, goes for a ten mile run, and then heads to work full of life and energy. I am not like that at all. Really no one else that I know is ever like that. Not even my dad or Ryan have that much pep in their step. He gets teased about it by the others, but I think that it is rather enduring and kind of sweet. More people should go through their lives with the eagerness of Christian. Life can be sad at some points but it is rather beautiful and interesting. God, I sound like such an artist. I tell myself this often to make myself feel better about being in love with them.
I guess it's time for me to take some initiative here, I sigh, chucking the wrapper into a garbage bag sitting on the counter. That is one thing we forgot. A garbage can. I’ll have to stop and get one next time I go out.
Working for Ryan would be rather perfect. I have always wanted a job being with one of them. Ryan and Christian are some of the best people in the state at their job. They knew how to get shit down. They are also some of the smartest people I have ever met. Every time I had a big project due in middle school and high school, they were always over helping me, and it would turn into some big elaborate thing. But I learned so much from them. This can be a great experience, more than just a placeholder for some extra cash. Plus - I will be able to look at Ryan all day. I smile at myself. That was a stupid thought. It made me sound like some high school girl.
I flop onto my couch and hold out my phone, scrolling through the contact lists. I am lucky I kept all of my numbers saved, or else there would be no way for to find his private office phone number. The one he gives to his clients. I find Ryan Office saved under the list and click it.
The phone begins to ring; I set it on speaker and hold it out from my face. It rings about three times and then it is answered.
“This is Ryan Vallor speaking,” a calm cool voice says, very professionally.
“Uh, Yes, Hi. I heard that you had an opening for a secretary position and would like to apply, if it is still available.”
There was a long pause on the other line.
“Yes, We do actually currently have an opening. We are looking for a bright, intelligent individual.”
“Oh, wonderful.”
“This is actually my private line for clients...How about you come into the office around one today, this afternoon, and we can talk over some more of the details.”
“That would be perfect.” I am smiling. I can’t believe he hasn’t figured out who he is talking to right now.
“May I ask who this is?”
“Oh, yes. It’s Jasmina -”
“I knew it! Jaz!” he laughs into the phone, filling my apartment with that hearty sound.
“Then why didn’t you say something?”
“Because just in case it wasn’t you, I didn’t want it to be awkward.”
“Whatever. I had you fooled!”
I can picture the look of amusement stretching across his handsome face as he leans back into his office chair in a very Ryan pose.
“So, you want to come work for me?” he asks.
“Yes. I don’t know if you know but I’ve been recently rehomed.”
“I heard. We don’t know what is wrong with Mark.”
“Well, it is what it is. Can I come in though and be all interviewed and stuff?” I quickly change the second. There is another pause.
“Let me see here...hmm…” I know he is toying with me, but I can’t help but feel slightly anxious about it all. “I think that I might be able to fit you for one pm this afternoon. That’s what I said earlier right?”
“Yes.” I can feel my cheeks hurt because I am smiling so much.
“That works right?”
“Of course it does!”
“Great! I will see you then, Jaz.”
“Right! See you then.”
The phone hangs up on his end. I guess I did not realize how excited I am for this job until I finally get an interview. This could be the best summer I have so far. It might have started on the wrong foot, but it seems likes things were slowly turning around for me. Not only will I be able to hang out with one of my favorite people, but to also make money off this - it is a good day after all.
I walk into the bathroom and take a long shower. My hair is so long now that it seems to take forever to brush it out. I stand in the mirror examining my face. I need to look good for this interview like I deserve it. I know on paper I have what it takes, but I need that slight edge as well. I do not want the coworkers thinking I am hired just because I am a family friend. These people always have a way of finding these things out and I don’t want to be that girl who got the job because she knows the right the guy. They can know we are close, but they should also know I have every right to share that office with them.
I walk into my closet and pull out a few professional pieces. I finally settle on a gray skirt and a button down with black tights and short black heels. I stare at myself in the mirror for a moment. Jesus, I look like I am some forty year old frump! I don’t want Ryan to see me dressed like this; it is very unattractive. I don’t know if I want anyone to see me looking like this. I frown and take it off immediately, tossing it onto my closet floor.
It seems like I have ran through all of my options though. I stare at the small walk in closet. I had more clothes at home, but did not think to bring them. No, this is my home now and this is what I have, I tell myself reassuringly. I do not need anything else at Mark’s place, because I am completely on my own here.
But what to wear?
I hate myself for caring so much. This shouldn’t matter. Being a girl is the absolute worst. I stare at my reflection in the bathroom, looking at my naked body. I turn and glance at my ass. I wish I could just show up like this. Then maybe Ryan couldn’t resist me, I laugh at myself. I don’t know how anyone else would feel about it though.
But then an idea goes off in my head suddenly. At first I am slightly ashamed of myself for having it, but the more I think about it the more I realize that it is rather brilliant. Working for Ryan will mean that I will see him every day in the office; I will be able to get close to him, and share so much time with him. We will be away from Mark. Completely in our own little world. Mark has always been the main stake driving us from each other in our relationship. Well, at least in my mind. Keeping me away from Ryan and Christian. I stare at myself in the mirror, and a smile creeps across my lips.
This could be the opportunity I have been waiting for to seduce Ryan. Without my dad being a part of anything, then I will have him completely to myself. I really don't care what the other coworkers think after all. I mean yeah, I know I am a smart girl so what if I got his job because I am friends with Ryan. I can do it just as well as they can. I know that for a fact. But what if I can do it and on top of that, I am just look incredibly hot every day.
I will make it so Ryan drools when he sees me. I know he has given me those certain looks before where he wants me. I can feel it. Christian has too; both of them have stared longer than they should, or held me closer than normal. I take a step back and tell myself that this is a little crazy, and maybe I am just really looking into things. I tend to do that sometimes. No. It doesn’t matter. Whatever happens will let me know if I actually ever had a chance with either of them. I need to know, because I cannot keep waiting my whole life for an opportunity to show up and then waste my time all for nothing. If I want this then I need to go for it, otherwise it will never happen. I have waited for Christian or Ryan to make a move, and they have had countless chances. Neither will, but just because they won’t does not mean that I can’t. I am old enough; I am on my own. This is exactly what I want.
I walk into my closet and start to pull things from off the hangers. I reach for a tight grey black skirt. The kind that goes high over your waist but sticks close to your skin and reveals your shape underneath. I slip it over my legs and stare at my underwear drawer. I decide not to wear any and shut it. I reach for my lacy, black bra and hook it around my chest. It pulls my tits up and makes them look even larger than they are, almost the same size as Viviane’s. I reach for the same button down I had on earlier, but this time I don’t button it up all the way. I keep a few open, reveal the emerging cleavage. I know Christian will have to look at it. I will make sure it is right there.
In the bathroom, I take my time slowly applying my make-up. I put black liner over my eyelids, and my eyes stand dramatically out. Red lipstick goes over my plump lips. I stare at myself, pulling my hair out of the simple bun it was earlier wrapped in. My locks tumble over shoulders and fall down onto my back.
Ryan or Christian have never seen me like this before, all dressed up and sexy. It isn’t the usual way I show up around my father, but now that he was gone nothing was standing in my way. I wanted sex; I am sexual being. I have always craved it, but now I can finally go after it.
I walk over to the closet and slide my black pumps on adding a few inches to my already above average height. I give myself one good look in the mirror. Viviane has nothing on this, I tell myself. I laugh again. I feel completely giddy. I am actually going after what I have always wanted. There's been an emptiness inside of me only Ryan and Christian can possibly fill, and now it could be a reality, or at least I am trying for it.
I get into my car. A young man passing by shoots my a whistle. I roll my eyes and slam my car door, pulling out of the parking lot.
I wish I am driving to a job, where I am working with both Christian and Ryan. It doesn't seem fair just going after one. But I know I might never have a chance to have both of them, which is what I have always craved since the first time I found out about what sex is.
After a quick fifteen minute drive, I find myself pulling into the underground parking garage. My heart starts to race as I get out of my car. Nerves begin to build and I suddenly realize that this might be the biggest mistake I have ever made. What if Ryan laughs at me? Or is so embarrassed by my appearance that he sends me back home, because it is so unprofessional. I look at my reflection in the car window.
If he turns you away then that’s it; I will know that I was never meant to ever be with him I tell myself. I enter the elevator. Two other workers get in next to me. The woman pays me no attention, her eyes are glued to her phone. But the male looks at me. His eyes grow wide, and he flashes me a great smile. Dear God, I tell myself. Well at least someone is interested in me. The elevator begins to climb up the building. Passing by more and more floors, we get closer and closer, and then suddenly I feel like throwing up. I glance down at the resume I printed out for myself. My hands are actually shaking. I take a deep breath and stare at the ceiling. Feelings of doubts are creeping up, but it's too late now. The elevator rings and the doors open right into his office.