CHAPTER TWENTY
It hadn’t taken long to pack her meagre things. Less than five minutes. Her mind reeled, and her gut pinched with dread.
There was only one way she could stop David, and that was to turn herself in. She’d certainly be charged, end up incarcerated, but when it came down to it she'd done the wrong thing and should pay the consequences.
She had to tell James about David. Tell him about the whole sordid mess. It was the only way she could protect both of them. James would stand up to a man like David. He could do that.
She would do her best to make sure David was arrested, but first she had to sacrifice herself to do it. There was no other way.
And the fantasy?
That was just a fantasy.
It was all it ever would be.
She needed to prepare herself against James’ reaction. That she really wasn’t the person he thought she was. He’d see her for who she really was. Shame stoked a bruising fire in the pit of her stomach.
James and Madeline had given her the greatest gift anyone could ever give. Nobody had treated her like they had. As though she were special. Worth it. For that, she owed them. She would always remember them. Someday, the pain would fade.
Steeling herself, she hitched the strap of her backpack onto her shoulder and swung open her bedroom door. James stood with his knuckles ready to knock.
“I’ve just come to see how you’re feeling.” His gaze traveled from her face to her pack, and his face fell.
All the air seemed to be sucked out of the room. She shook her head, refusing to acknowledge that denial was part-lying. She opened her mouth, but only a sad whimper escaped.
He pinned intelligent eyes on her and caught her cheek in his palm. “What’s going on, Elizabeth?”
Her mouth worked open and closed. The tender look on his face was undoing her. What she’d give not to be in this mess. What she’d give to be someone else.
“Is this all because I kissed you?” He traced her bottom lip with his thumb.
Her breath rushed out, her emotional torment an exquisite torture. “Yes…no.” It was the best thing that had ever happened to her. And the worst.
James stepped into the room, bringing his chest up close to her. His hand brushed her cheek to cup her nape, holding her when she would have taken a step backwards, gaze pinning her to the spot. “I wanted to kiss you, Elizabeth. I did it deliberately. In fact, I want to kiss you deliberately again.”
“James, I have to tell you…”
His fingers firmed, capturing her hair. “Kiss me, Elizabeth.”
She gasped as he brought his mouth to hers. His tongue swept into her mouth, his lips pressed firmly against her mouth. She groaned as his masculine, spicy taste exploded in her mouth. She swayed against him, leaning into him. Needing him as though he were some type of a drug.
He was right. One kiss wasn’t enough. Would never be enough. She wanted more. She wanted all of him. Her thoughts cleared enough to realise how badly she needed to kiss him back.
Her hands snaked around his neck, and she pressed the length of her body against his. A part of her logical brain still worked, guilt kicking through her growing desire. She had to tell him. Couldn’t let him do this with a lie over her head.
She tugged free of his hands. She had to tell him now, before he did things that would haunt him forever. “James…stop…there’s something I need to tell you…”
James wound an arm about her waist, another at her nape, pressing a kiss at the base of her neck. “When I first laid eyes on you when you’d rescued Madeline, I knew you were special. Of course, for saving my daughter, and not just because you’re her nanny. It was how you cared for her when she was out of danger, how you still care for her now…but you weren’t just special for her…you’re special for me too. So special…hell, what I’m trying to say is that…I…I want more for you than just to be a nanny. I want to be with you, talk to you, evolve our relationship. Make it something…more.”
“No…James, no…”
“I think I know what upset you at the beach. It wasn’t an upset stomach, was it? You’re worried that you’re a replacement for Hanna. Don’t think that. Never think that. You’re a gift, Elizabeth. A beautiful gift.”
She started at him, confusion clouding her mind. If he only knew. “But…why?”
James groaned, something like pain lining his face. His fingers tightened against her nape, through her hair, his breath trembled, and she felt trepidation radiating from him in waves. “You have no idea, do you? Not a dammed clue. I want you, Elizabeth. You. Not Hanna’s memory. I want to make love to you with every fibre of my being. Every cell in my body. I. Want. You. Dammit. I need to know…do you feel the same about me? Do you want me as desperately as I want you? Please tell me you feel something for me. Something more than mere friendship. God help me if you don’t, but I have to know. Tell me, Elizabeth. Tell me you want me as much as I want you.”
She could do nothing but cling to him, his powerful words washing through her soul, the way a cleansing breeze could wash away a winter’s frost. Icicles shook, fell shattering into nothingness. Her fingers curled in his shirt, bunching the material in her tight grasp.
“Say it again. Tell me what you just said again.”
His mouth came to hers, his lips lightly touching but not taking. “I want you, Elizabeth. I want you now and I want you tomorrow and next week and next year. I want to explore your mind...”
Her arms wound around his shoulders, a hand scrunched in his close cropped hair, the other in his shirt collar.
“…and your body.”
His whole body trembled, and melted against him, clinging to him as though he might float away like a puff of smoke, the wisp of a dream. No one had spoken to her as James did, let alone a man who told her he wanted her for no other apparent reason than because she was who she was. It was pure temptation.
“I want all of you. If by the grace of God you want me as much as I want you, tell me so I can spare myself any future torture.”
She hovered on the cusp of indecision. He should know the truth about what she was, about David, before he offered himself to her. And yet, she couldn’t deny herself this chance to be with him. She wanted him with every cell, every fibre of her body, and she just couldn’t find the strength to deny him. Or herself. If only for this night. For one night, she could shut away the hurt and denial. Accept and feel love so she might know what it actually was to be wanted. Like this. With such desperation and honesty that she buckled. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she’d tell him everything.
Tonight, he was hers.
She sighed, tilting her head, and whispered on a breath before she took his mouth with hers, “Be careful what you wish for, James.”
He crushed her against him, flattening her breasts against his chest, her hips to his. He didn’t hide his erection, instead letting one hand drop to the small of her back, pressing her abdomen against it. Electric sensation zapped through her, straight up her insides to her breasts, then down, intensifying the heat between her thighs.
Yearning ignited to need. His palm found her breast, and her nipple puckered into a rock hard nub. Her senses flung like steam atoms, rocketing around her body, pooling in the centres of her body, taking her awareness to those parts that so badly needed to be touched and stroked.
His thumb worked her nipple, sliding over the peak. Sensation akin to pleasurable pain streaked inside, making her legs seem to crumble beneath her weight. Keeping his hand on her breast and his lips working hers, James walked her backwards until her calves hit the bed.
The hand on her breast slipped down her side and beneath her T-shirt, finding her breast again. This time his skin was on hers, caressing her breast, his fingers circling her nipple, squeezing, massaging and driving her wild.
She quickly opened his shirt buttons and slipped it over his shoulders, giving her a prime view of smooth golden skin and the aroma of musky male. She tugged his shirt from his shoulders, pushing it down around his hips. She worked both her hands against his waist, her palms on his heated skin. A deep shudder worked through him, and a sigh escaped his mouth.
She palmed his chest, the middle of her hand finding his puckered nipples. She was going to take all he would give her because she knew it was only going to be for tonight.
She would burn in hell for what she was going to do, but she would burn later. After she’d found paradise. She smoothed her hands over his shoulders and down his arms, revelling in the hard, undulating muscles of his biceps.
“Yes, James. Yes.”
With a groan, he dropped her to the bed, nestling her back against the cool covers. He drew her T-shirt up and over her head so she lay with only her bra. His hungry gaze covered her body, setting her veins on fire. The smouldering in his eyes set her on fire. Her skin puckered, and goose bumps rippled over her flesh, ready for his heat - and he didn’t disappoint.
He leaned over her, bracing his weight on his elbows. He kissed her lips, and his mouth slipped to her jaw, down the slender curve of her neck. The heated trail left goose bumps in its wake, and she gave herself over to the erotic flow of the cooling air where his heat had just been.
He nudged the cup of her bra aside with his nose and his mouth found her nipple. She groaned with the electric thrill that raced inside her body. She clutched the back of his head. His hand massaged her other breast. His hot breath was like a furnace, burning with the heat of his mouth.
He slid his hands behind her, snapping the catch of her bra and easing it away. Cool air was delicious against her bare skin. He came to his knees, his eyes burning as he carefully unbuttoned her jeans. Goosebumps broke out over her skin at the delicate brush of his fingertips.
“Are you sure, Elizabeth?”
Sure? No, she wasn’t sure, but she was certain she wanted this, wanted him, right now. She didn’t say a word, just eased the jeans off her legs and tossed them onto the floor beside the bed.
He palmed her legs from her ankles to hips, taking his time, treating her as though she was delicate. She shivered with anticipation. His thumb slipped into the waist of her underwear and slipped it over her hips and down her thighs. Cool air swirled over her bare skin. His fingers brushed her hip, her inner thigh to gently cup her most intimate place.
His fingertips slid into her folds, stirring the most erotic sensations to swim through her body and all thoughts fled her mind. She moaned, opening her legs to his hand. He slid his fingers through her slick folds and inserted the tips inside her.
She arched her back, raw sensation riding her responses. She was on fire, needing, building. Thoughts flew as her body ached with a living, pulsing need. He withdrew his fingers, circling the tight nub before plunging them deeper into her, while at the same time his mouth and tongue worked from one breast to the other. She clung to his shoulders, writhing in a pool of sensation almost too much to bear.
Her skin became slick, need rising like flames. He moved down her body, gliding his tongue down her centre, over her belly button and lower. He grasped her waist and tugged her so her hips were at the end of the bed. Hands on her thighs, he knelt on the ground and opened her to him.
She was too much on fire to think, as at first his tongue glided to where his fingers had played. He slid the tip of his tongue into her curve, swirling around the taut nub before he brought his mouth and suckled her into his mouth. She nearly screamed as pure sensation claimed her body.
Her hips bucked, and she clawed the sheets with her hands. He slid a finger inside her opening, drawing it in and out as he worked the nub with his tongue and mouth. She gasped out loud, skin perspiring, mind blank except for the sweet thrill of sensation racing through her.
A golden wave exploded through her. She closed her eyes and let it come crashing over, through, around. She heard someone gasping and belatedly realised it was her. She was the one making that wanton sound of pure ecstasy. When the wave passed, she lay limp and replete.
“My God. You are beautiful, Elizabeth.”
She stiffened. Her eyes flew open, and some of the liquid heat that made her body feel so limbless left her limbs. His head rose to look directly down at her. A frown pulled his forehead.
“What’s the matter?” His voice was soft. Filled with concern that tugged at her heart.
She pulled at her bottom lip with her teeth. Understanding flooded his eyes. “Hasn’t anyone told you how beautiful you are?” No one could see into her soul. It simply wasn’t possible. All she could do was stare at him.
He cursed under his breath, shaking his head. He rose and pressed his lips so tenderly against her mouth before he cupped her face between his palms. “You. Are. Beautiful.”
She closed her eyes. It hurt her to see such sincerity in his eyes when she was so undeserving of any of this.
“Open your eyes, Elizabeth.”
She reluctantly complied, watching him.
“You. Are. Beautiful.”
Tears heated her eyes, and to her mortification, a tear slipped down her temple. She didn’t want this from him. Not this truth. His fierceness that she should know only confirmed how deep his feelings ran for her. And she deserved none of it. She started to shake her head, but he caught it in his hands, repeating it over and over. He kissed the tear from the corner of her temple, combing his fingers through her hair until her body went limp.
The tenderness in which he held her, the firmness of his convictions, the gentleness of his hands and lips broke the last of her wall. She knew beyond a doubt. Knew it and admitted it silently to herself.
She had fallen in love with him.
She was in love with him with every cell and fibre of her body, heart, mind, soul. She took his lips with hers, ran her fingertips over his back and to his waist. She jerked his belt and zipper undone, working his pants over his buttocks, kicking them down his body with her feet.
Skin on skin seared her. Soft, hard, silky, smooth, rough. She marveled in the contrasts of his body over hers. She brought him on top of her to nestle snugly over her body, wrapping her heels around his back and opening herself fully to him. His erection nudged into her belly. Firm and hot.
“Make love to me, James. Please. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He rose from her, tugging her up the bed until her head was on the pillow. He picked up his discarded pants, reaching for his wallet and pulling out a little plastic wrapped packet. He ripped it open with his teeth and in one swift movement sheathed himself.
He wasted no time returning to his position over her and lowering his body over hers. He took her mouth in his, his hips undulating so his erection slid through her slick folds. Flames burst from the hot coals in her sated body, and she came alive instantly. She held him tightly against her as his erection probed her entrance. She tilted her hips, and he entered her in a swift, commanding thrust, filling her thickly and deeply.
He rested there a moment, giving her time to get used to the feel of him inside her. He slid slowly out to his tip, then entered her, locking himself tightly against her. It felt as though he touched her soul. A sigh escaped her mouth and body. She threw her head back, and he nestled into her neck as he thrust again.
Exquisite tension built around him, and as he rocked a little faster, a little harder, a coil tightened until nearly her breaking point. His erection slid against the electric part of her core inside her, building, building until it was unbearable.
“Look at me, Elizabeth. Open your eyes. I want to see your face.”
With a will she didn’t know she possessed, she opened her eyes to see his face mere centimetres above her. Tension overlayed his face as he held on with an iron will, determined that she would find her pleasure before him.
She also saw desire, a burning, erotic fever, but it was the raw affection, love, his love for her he didn’t hide that toppled her over the edge. Glorious sensation rolled through her, stealing her breath and holding her body captive. She was unable to think, breathe, move as intense wave after magnificent wave of her orgasm rocketed through her.
James groaned, and he fell against her as he found his release. His shoulders strained, skin slick with sweat as he arched back. He scooped her with one arm, pulling them onto their sides, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. She clung to him as she came back to Earth, drawing comfort in his arms, refusing to think about the handful of hours remaining to her that she would have to etch into her memory to satisfy a lifetime.