Conleigh
“Sweetheart, why did you ring the bell? You know you have your key.” My mom looks at me like I have three heads.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
She shakes her head and brings me in for a hug. She squeezes me hard, nearly crushing me in her embrace, but as overbearing as she is, I do love my mom.
“You need to eat more. You’re skin and bones. Are you eating? Is something wrong?”
“I’m fine. I eat. I’m here for dinner, aren’t I?”
Her brows draw together as she pulls away. “Well, you had that spell in junior high.”
I roll my eyes and walk around her into the foyer to take off my jacket and remove my shoes. My mom’s house is more like a museum. Everything is clean and white; this house is so…sterile. It’s cold and growing up here once she married Ronald, I was afraid to touch anything.
My stepfather is an oral surgeon. He likes everything bleach white just like teeth. It’s kind of creepy when you think about it.
After kicking my shoes into the closet floor and hanging my jacket, I head to the dining room. Ronald is already seated at the head of the table with his sister, Beatrice, sitting to his left and her husband, Leo, to his right. Ugh. If I had known they would be here I wouldn’t have bothered. I suppose they are nice enough, but they go on and on about their son, Troy, and how fabulous he is doing at Berkeley.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if Troy wasn’t a pig, but he’s so gross. We aren’t cousins by blood, but still, I was raised to believe he was, and when I was fifteen, he grabbed my boob and made a honking noise. I still cringe at the memory.
“Conleigh, it’s a pleasure to see you,” Beatrice crows. “Troy is at the top of his class, he’ll be following in Ronald’s footsteps before long and be joining the practice. Did you ever decide on a major?”
“Special Education, but I was talking to my dad and—”
Before I can finish, I’m cut off.
“Your dad, isn’t he in prison?” Leo questions as though the idea of my talking to him is ludicrous.
“He is, I spent the day with him.”
“What?” Ronald looks between my mother and me.
“It’s a program for prisoners and their children. A walk with God,” I inform them.
Ronald tosses his napkin down as though I have somehow insulted him.
Beatrice’s face is pinched and Leo coughs as my mother glares at me.
“Why would you do a foolish thing like that? Ronald here is your father.” Beatrice basically jumps down my throat. “He raised you. Not that…” She waves an errant hand around. “That criminal.” Her lips pucker on the word as though my father is a vile creature.
My Nan, my paternal grandmother swore my father didn’t hurt Kerry, his girlfriend. The woman he is accused of killing. The problem with that is my dad was under the influence and doesn’t remember anything. Him and Kerry had been at a party where there were drugs and lots of alcohol and my dad apparently thought he was okay to drive when he most certainly wasn’t.
The accident report says that he hit a guardrail and the impact threw Kerry from the car. Her body landed on the freeway and my father drove off and left her. He woke up several hours later to the police beating down his apartment door to arrest him.
At first, my dad fought the charges but eventually he plead guilty.
I roll my eyes. “Ronald is not my father, he’s the man that married my mother. My father is in jail, sure, but he’s still my dad. And I will see him if I want to,” I snap.
“Candice, are you going to allow this behavior?” Beatrice questions, appearing appalled.
“Conleigh, sweetie, I need your help in the kitchen.” The tone of my mother’s voice indicates just how annoyed by my behavior she is.
“Excuse me,” I say, not attempting to hide my snarky attitude.
I hate coming here where everyone is so fucking wonderful and I am expected to live up to their standards of perfection.
Joining my mother in the kitchen, I prepare for her to berate me.
“You just had to bring your father up, didn’t you? Why do you continually throw that man in Ronald’s face after everything he has done for you. He raised you when your father abandoned you. He paid for your car, your clothes, your school. He even gives you an allowance even though you are an adult.” She shakes her head; a bleach blonde tendril escapes her up do as she takes a shaky drink of wine.
“I never asked that man in there to do anything for me. You think he does them because he gives a shit about me? He only does them because I came as part of the package. You think I don’t know how he feels about me? How he wanted me to go away to private school, so he wouldn’t have to share you with me. I’m not stupid. Just because you turn a blind eye to the dick that you married doesn’t mean that I do.”
Thwack. That is the sound of my mother’s hand slapping across my cheek. The pain radiates through my jaw and up to my eye.
“You ungrateful little bitch. How dare you.”
I hold my cheek as her stare smothers me.
“That’s me.” I shove past her as she follows me.
“Conleigh, stop. I didn’t mean…”
“Thanks so much for this lovely family meal. But…I’m gonna pass, and you know, maybe forget about trying to contact me again. I’ll be sure to spend even more time with my real dad now, since you’re no longer my mother.”
I’ve made it to the closet now. Grabbing my jacket, I pull my keys, my wallet, and cell phone from the pockets. Taking the debit card Ronald gave me, along with the keys to my car, and the phone. I throw them down on a table in the entryway.
“There, now you can give it all back. I don’t want or need his handout. I’ll pay my own way.”
“Conleigh, don’t be ridiculous. Do you think Ezra will support you? What are you going to do—go get knocked up so he will marry you?”
“No, because I am nothing like you. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I can take care of myself. If I can borrow the phone though, I’ll call Bailey to pick me up.”
“Whatever. Do what you want to. You won’t last a week without our help.” She looks at me with that tired expression she always gave my father, shakes her head once, and returns to the dining room.
We’ll just see about that. I’d rather work at a fast food place than have to come to her or Ronald for help.
I send Bailey a quick message, begging her to pick me up, then I walk to the end of the driveway and wait for her by the gate.
————
“What’s wrong with your car? Bails asks, as I get in the passenger seat.
“My mother. You know how she is.” I sigh and bang my head against the window. I’m not really in the mood to talk about it right now.
“She giving you shit still for seeing your dad?”
“You could say that.”
She smiles, sympathetic. Bailey has witnessed many of the fights I have had with my mom.
“I hope Jim will give me some more hours at the store. I’m going to need them. I just gave up my car, my phone, and my allowance.”
“Holy shit! Are you insane? Conleigh, you need your car.”
“No. Bailey, I’m sick of her thinking she can control me with their money. I can make it on my own. I already moved in with Ezra. I don’t have to worry about rent or anything. If I drop out of school, I can work another job. I have the money my grandparents left me, I could use it for a down payment on a car.” I shrug as she drives.
“Drop out of school? No, sweets. No way. You need to finish school.”
“I don’t want anything they have paid for. I can re-enroll next year and apply for financial aid.”
“It’s your life,” she says.
“It is, isn’t it?” I grin and turn up the radio.
I can do this.
I don’t need them or their money.
My dad would be proud of me for standing up for myself and doing what I feel is right.
When Bailey drops me off at Ezra’s, him and Holden are just getting in, and I feel pissed all over again. He told me he didn’t want to go with me to my mom’s because he was too tired from his trip.
If he wanted to go out with Holden he could’ve simply said so. I wouldn’t have gotten angry had he been honest.
Bailey takes off after mumbling how Holden is the biggest prick in the world.
They had a short run of bad dates. Nothing serious. Bailey said she never slept with him. But she still refuses to be around him.
I follow the drunken pair inside and debate whether or not to tell Ezra about my fight with my mom.
Ezra is in the bathroom and Holden is stretched out on the couch smirking with his hand in his pants. He’s such a pig. “Wanna give me a hand?”
“Not on your life.” I shake my head. Holden is being too bold tonight. He has always teased me. Bailey thinks he has the hots for me. He only likes giving me a hard time is all. He’s always loved to make me squirm, nothing more.
I give up on any attempt to hold a conversation with him and go into mine and Ezra’s bedroom to wait for him. Stripping my sweater and skirt off, I toss on one of Ezra’s old hockey t-shirts. He used to play in high school, but he injured his knee and had to give it up.
I get into bed without brushing my teeth. I know I should go brush them, but I really only want to go to bed at this point.
Finally, when I am about nearly ready to pass out, my boyfriend emerges and flops down on the bed with a heavy sigh. “Why was Bailey dropping you off? Did you two have a girl’s night?” He props himself up on one elbow, still wearing his stinky bar clothes.
Rolling onto my side, I face him. He smiles at me and I can’t stay mad at him for ditching me for a night out with Holden. They don’t hang out like they used to. You’d think I would want Ezra to make new friends, but with Holden I know what to expect.
“Well, I was going to wait to tell you, but I kind of gave my car back to Ronald and mom. Along with my bank card and my phone. I don’t have my keys, so I will need a new one made for the apartment.”
Ezra pops up. “You did what? I must have drunk more than I thought, because you couldn’t have just told me that you gave up everything. Why, Conleigh? Why would you do that? I just got my foot in the door with my old man.”
“This has nothing to do with you and everything to with the control they have had over me—my life.”
“Your choices affect me!” He jumps up off the bed and begins walking the length of the room. “You should have talked to me about it. Are they still paying for your tuition?”
Biting my nail, I go up on my knees as he stands in front of me. I shake my head.
“Jesus!” He shouts and returns to pacing.
“I don’t need their money, Ezra. I can take care of myself. I thought I would take a semester off and get a second job. I will get financial aid.”
“Maybe I can get a loan from my old man,” he suggests, but the look on his face tells me he would rather eat rusty nails.
“I wouldn’t want you to do that, Ezra. I would never ask you to.”
“I know, but if you drop out the chances of you going back are slim to none.” He drops down on the bed next to me and I rub his shoulders. “What goes through that head of yours…I’ll never know.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I saw my father yesterday. And before you say anything. I don’t need another lecture. It was good for me.”
Ezra pushes my hands away and turns so that he can see me.
“Did he put you up to this?”
“What? No. I don’t know if I want to be a teacher anymore. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I feel so much pressure all the time. I mean look at you. Did you really want to fall straight into your father’s shoes before twenty-five?”
“Why would you even say something like that, Con? You know I have always wanted to take over the company one day.”
“I know but…wouldn’t you have liked to travel and experience life more before settling into the daily grind. I want to see the world. I want to try different jobs in new cities.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Where is this coming from? I thought you were onboard with my plan.”
Ezra has a five-year marriage plan. A plan that I thought would change…maybe I was fooling myself; I feel sick to my stomach.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore tonight. I have to be up early and I’m exhausted.” He begins unbuttoning his shirt and kicking his pants off. “Suck me off,” he says with cold eyes.
Does he really think I want to give him a blowjob right now?
“Ezra, I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re my girlfriend and someday soon you’ll be my wife. I think giving me head should be at the top of your priorities.” He strokes his cock and grins. “You know what, if you want to quit school that would be okay with me, because once we are married, you’ll be staying home to take care of the kids. Mom has already been looking into a nanny like I had growing up. That way you’ll have help and can go to the gym to keep your figure.”
He can’t be serious. I don’t even know what to say to him right now. I hope it’s the liquor talking.
He grabs my hand and puts it on his hot flesh and leans into my neck and bites me. It isn’t a playful nip. It hurts and I don’t feel turned on at all. I feel confused.
“Come on, Con, time is wasting. I need you.” He reaches up my shirt and pinches my nipple, twisting it between his fingers.
Pushing his hand away, I tell him, “Stop that. It hurts.”
“When did you become such a prude?” He scoffs and tells me to never mind. I scoot up the bed and sit and watch as he pulls up a porno on his phone and jerks off in the bed next to me as though I am not even here.
I want to tell him to go fuck himself right now but that is exactly what he is doing.
I stay quiet and go to bed with our future heavy on my heart.
Maybe moving in with him was a mistake.
Maybe we should have taken a break.
Right now, I feel as though everything in my life is spiraling down the rabbit hole.
Screw it. I get out of bed once Ezra’s breathing has evened out, and I am sure he is asleep and unable to stop me. I log into my university email and type an email to my advisor letting her know that I would like to withdraw for the semester. Maybe I will take the money my Nan left for me and travel somewhere far away from here.
Already, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.