Chapter Fourteen
Fallon
The more time I spent with Connor, the more guilt ached inside of me.
I couldn’t hide the fact that I was falling hard for this guy and wanted us to be more than friends or a business arrangement.
If I told him, the worst-case scenario was that he’d say he didn’t feel that way. Best case was that he would say he felt the same way and could keep our agreement financially and emotionally.
But even as I imagined all of the possibilities, my stomach twisted at the idea of how everything could go wrong for the company, Nana, and me. This guy was a player, that was evident by every waitress we met at a restaurant, who I always wondered if he slept with or not. There was no forever with a guy like that.
I tried to focus on packing my suitcase for our trip to Galway. Since Connor was working late, I figured keeping my mind busy was the best option.
Every minute I was there without him made my longing almost painful, like a part of me was missing.
After unpacking and repacking the same pair of jeans, I decided to give up on my suitcase for a while.
Since it was a little after lunchtime in Chicago, I thought I’d see if Nana was in her room.
I went to the fridge and poured myself a glass of mead before taking a seat at my desk and staring at my computer. I took a big gulp of the honey wine and hit ignore again on a video message request from Ray. The boy still wasn’t getting the hint.
Then I clicked onto Nana’s name and dialed for a video chat. I let out a big sigh of relief when her smiling face popped on the screen. I was grateful all over again that Connor bought her the tablet and Leah taught her how to use it.
“Honey, what are you doing calling me this early?” Nana’s brows furrowed in confusion.
“It’s six in the evening here,” I said with a small smile.
She laughed. “Oh yes. I always forget you’re six hours ahead instead of behind. But if it’s dinnertime, where is that hunk of an Irish fella of yours? Shouldn’t you two be off at a pub or something?”
“If you’re talking about Connor, he’s not really my fella, per se, and he’s working late. He had a conference call with some franchise owners in Boston,” I said, smiling to myself as I thought of grumpy Jack and smart-ass Connor conducting a phone meeting together.
“I know that look,” Nana said, pointing a crooked finger at the screen.
I blinked quickly. “What look? Do I have something on my face?”
She tilted her chin. “That’s the look that you’re thinking about that fella. You’re smitten with him.”
I sighed. Putting on a front in the office was one thing, but there was no bullshitting with her. “I am. It’s just not that easy.”
“What’s not easy about it? You like him. He apparently likes you, if he’s willing to help your dear Nana out.” She frowned. “Honey, something is going on with this screen. It keeps freezing and then beeping. Do I need to call a nurse to help?”
I grimaced, glancing at the blinking light at the corner of my messages. “No, it’s just because Ray is still trying to message me. I hit ignore, but he keeps calling back.”
“Ray? That guy who always wore a baseball cap, even inside? I thought you finally broke it off with him months ago?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I did, he’s just not getting the hint.”
She pressed her lips together. “Look, you’ve always been a sweet girl. Sometimes too much for your own good. You’ve done the best you can with my son and your mother’s situation. You’ve helped me out more than I can ever thank you for. But sometimes you need to put on your good heels and be a bitch. You need to tell that Ray that it’s over. Don’t be nice and say you can be friends. He needs to hear the truth. Tell him that you’ve fallen for someone else. Then you go and kiss that Irish hunk right on the lips, and you tell him that you want to be his lucky charm, or something I don’t want you to say in front of your grandma.”
“Nana…”
She waved her hand. “Don’t Nana me. I have sixty years life experience on you. And I can tell you that the truth is the best thing you can give someone.”
She held up her hand and looked at her watch. “Now I have to catch my bridge game, but message me again tomorrow, okay? I want to hear what happens. Just not the details you shouldn’t tell me.”
I forced a small smile and nodded. At least she was finally getting out of her room now that I’d signed her up for some activities. “Okay. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Goodbye.”
“Bye.”
With that, I hung up the call then finished the rest of my glass of mead in one gulp. Then I stared at the empty glass. If I was going to have a conversation with Ray and try to be a bitch, then I was going to need some liquid courage and something stronger than mead.
I headed to the cabinet and pulled out Connor’s whiskey, taking a big swig straight from the bottle. The warm liquid burned all the way down my throat.
I winced, shaking my head, then poured another glass of mead. I took another big gulp of that, and then a shot of whiskey. After a few more drinks of each, I decided that was enough liquid courage. I didn’t want to puke all over the computer screen, and my stomach already was in knots.
With the alcohol burning in me, I slumped into my computer chair.
I could go through with this. Not just telling Ray about Connor, but the other thing Nana suggested, too. The way the drink made my head buzz, I started to think I’d be okay with telling anyone anything.
Finally, I opened the video chat icon and clicked Ray’s name.
The screen lit up blue, and the dial tone played, green dots flashing under his photo—the picture of him in his backward ball cap and smirk that I used to think was cute. But now all I could think about was Connor in his hat and that dimpled smile that always made me weak in the knees. I had to focus on my breathing whenever he was around just to make sure I didn’t pass out.
“Finally, you’ve answered. I was starting to think you were ignoring me.” Ray’s face filled the screen, the background moving with the wind behind him.
Shit. I couldn’t have been so lucky that he’d be at work and ignore the call.
“Hey. Yeah. Just got off work,” I said, trying to be nonchalant and shrugged.
“I just got off work for the day, too, so perfect timing.” The door on his car dinged as he opened it and slid inside the faded interior of his car.
“Oh. Cool.” I nodded, not sure how to even begin this conversation.
“So, a video call? Not just a ‘busy’ text. Must be important. Are you finally ready to leave the job there and come home?” He leaned back in his seat, not even looking at the screen as he adjusted his hat backward and forward over his messy hair.
“Actually, it looks like I’ll be here a little bit longer.”
He curled his upper lip. “A little longer? What the fuck, Fal? This was supposed to be a temp thing, and now it’s been like a year. I told you not to go for this job, but did you listen? Nope. You just did what you wanted to do. Making the solo choices.”
The alcohol swirled in my stomach, and I groaned from a mixture of nausea and anger. “You’re such an ass, Ray.”
He let out a laugh through his nose. “That’s typical. You make a choice that I disagree with, and I’m the ass. I’ve been waiting for you to come back. I put my life on hold for you. I was going to look at apartments for us, but my credit score still sucks, so nothing gets approved. You need to come home so we can put the place in your name.”
Anger boiled through me, and I clenched my fists. “Really? We broke up a while ago, and I’ve been trying to be nice. But I can’t do this anymore. It’s over. It’s been over. I’m not coming back for you.”
He blinked hard as if maybe things were finally clicking. “Whoa, what’s with all the hate? I’ve been waiting to talk to you, and you’re coming at me hot and not in a good way.”
“I’ve met someone else. You and me, we’re done,” I said as calmly as I could.
“What?” He opened his mouth then closed it again. “Another dude? You’re just giving it up to some Irish guy who fancies a shag or whatever they say?”
I shook my head, my skin burning. I couldn’t tell if it was from the anger or alcohol. “I haven’t cheated on you. We’ve been over. I didn’t even meet him until after I told you we should just be friends. I don’t know if you didn’t hear me when I told you, multiple times, or just didn’t want to.”
He groaned. “I thought that just meant we were on a break. Geez, way to tell it to a guy who’s been there for you. We’ve had our good times, you know? Why this guy? What can I do to change your mind?”
Big tears fell down my face, partially from the alcohol swirling through my head and partly from the gravity of what I was trying to hold back. What I’d been hiding from everyone. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You and I just weren’t working long distance. I think we both know that it hadn’t been working even before I left. Connor and I just happened.”
“You didn’t have to tell me his name. Is this the guy on your profile picture, too? Dammit, I knew you wouldn’t post a picture with that good looking of a guy and not be with him. Is he that much better than me?”
“He’s a good guy. I’d say you’d like him, but that’s not fair, either.” I sucked in a deep breath and wiped my eyes. I’d been hiding the truth from too many people, and the more I held it in, the more it weighed on me.
“Holy shit, Fal, that dude. Is it Connor Murphy? As in the company you work for? What the hell? I just looked up his profile. Damn. Is this about money? Is he your sugar daddy or something?”
Yes, but not in the way you think.
“I need to go.”
Instead of saying goodbye, I closed the video screen then put my head on the desk. Big sloppy tears fell down my face.
Why the hell was I crying? I was never in love with Ray. That was obvious.
If he figured out this involved money…how soon before other people suspected the same thing?
No. I couldn’t think like that. Connor had done a damn good job convincing people we were really a couple with his sweet words and public displays of affection.
What if things could really work out with Connor? If he did want me as much as I wanted him, then maybe all of this was for the best.
I sucked in a breath, the thought bringing a new warmth to my chest. But as quickly as I thought on it, reality flushed back in.
But what if Connor didn’t want more? What if all of this was a mistake and in the end, I just ended up with a broken heart?
And then the tears were back, running down my face and onto my lips as I took big gulping breaths.
“Hey…Hey!” Connor’s voice rang through the room. Then he was at my side, kneeling with his hands on my shoulders. “What’s wrong. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
Lifting my head up slowly, I wiped my eyes then looked down to see concern brimming in his beautiful blue eyes. The ones I’d been staring into for over a month and trying to resist because I didn’t want to ruin anything. If the truth was going to set me free, then there was no point in holding back my feelings for him anymore.
Putting my hands on the back of his head and gripping his short hair between my fingers, I crushed my lips to his, finally giving in to his magnificent mouth and the hint of stubble that brushed my top lip.
Parting my mouth to him, my tongue met his. I moaned, all of the adrenaline and courage I’d mustered up now crashing down in an explosive kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I pushed him to the floor so I could straddle his hips and feel his length pressed against me. Nothing was holding me back from him. Nothing but possible regret I was sleeping with a known player I was in a fake relationship with. But what was marriage without a little fun?
I moved my hands from his head, down his chest, and ran my fingers down the curves of his ab muscles through his dress shirt. Then I made my way to his belt. Before I could get any farther, he broke our kiss gently and slowly sat up, pressing his forehead to mine, his breath still on my lips.
“Well, that was hot,” I slurred, wishing I wasn’t so dizzy.
“As much as I’d love to continue this, you taste like whiskey and sadness, and I’m not going to fuck your brains out without knowing why you’re crying. Something happen? Is that headcase of an ex-boyfriend still bothering you? If he said something that hurt you, I swear…” he said, his breathing ragged as he slowly set me on the ground in front of him.
“I told Ray about us, that you’re my boyfriend, and he was all ‘is he a sugar daddy?’ and I didn’t answer,” I said, lowering my voice in a very bad impression of Ray. “Well, at least I think you’re my boyfriend. Because if you are, we should go back to that kissing thing.” I nodded because all of that made sense in my head, and I didn’t want to go deeper into my reasons for crying and the gravity of the feelings I was trying to bury.
“Pinky, what that ex said was just jealousy, and I’m not worried about him,” he said, licking his lips. “As for the boyfriend thing, you know I want nothing more than to taste you… All of you. But not now. Not like this. Not when you’re drunk.”
“What?” I sputtered, trying to hold back the fresh tears springing to my eyes. “Why? Don’t you want me? Did you choose me because you aren’t attracted to me? Is that what this is?”
He shook his head. “You know how bad I want you. Hell, you can feel it.”
He leaned forward, his growing erection pressing against my leg. “But I can’t like this. We can snog. We can cuddle or spoon or whatever the hell it is we’ve been doing at night. But when we do this, I want you to remember it, like I want to remember your every curve and every little moan you make when I’m inside of you.”
I shivered, wanting nothing more than to let him do all of that. To forget about this marriage contract and let it be real.
Slowly he stood up and offered me his hand. “I’m not going to do any of that when you’re not coherent enough to know this is what you want. So, I say we eat dinner and call it an early night.”
“You sound like a grandpa,” I grumbled, helping myself to a standing position. I wasn’t expecting rejection, or for the ache to still fester deep inside of me. I needed physical and emotional relief.
But maybe he was right. Perhaps this would be better when I was sober and could remember it. I nodded and went to the table for dinner.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen now and what this meant for us. The truth was supposed to set me free, but now all I was feeling was sick to my stomach.