I laid there in Jack’s arms watching the rain drip off the leaves and into the sand while he lazily twirled his fingers into my hair. We were cuddling, which seemed like a bad idea for just a one-time thing.

“Jack,” I said feeling like we had to talk about it.

“Yes,” he said sounding as though he was intoxicated.

I turned and looked at the big smile on his face. I couldn't do it. The timing was wrong. Maybe I’d just lay here and enjoy the afterglow a little longer.

“Nothing,” I said flashing him a smile.

After all, it had been amazing, but we always had been. If anything, it was even more amazing than ever before which was going to make everything harder.

It wasn’t like things would ever be okay between us, but neither of us could deny the mutual attraction. I’d been attracted to him ever since I saw him standing next to my brother. They’d known each other in school somehow and happened to bump into one another when we were out.

My brother had introduced us, but he couldn’t have ever guessed as to what would happen next. Jack hadn’t hesitated to ask me out, and I hadn’t given it more than a second’s thought before I responded. It had practically been love at first sight, and after that moment right up until he betrayed me, we’d been inseparable.

But that night he hid my brother’s drugs in my car is the night we turned into strangers. I still couldn’t believe it had happened. It had seemed like a bad dream, even thinking back about it now.

“Jack,” I said breaking the silence. I pulled back. “Why did you do it? Why did you fuck everything up? I was so in love with you.”

Jack’s mouth dropped open. “Penny, I… I… it was a mistake.”

“Well, damn right it was a mistake. They held me at gunpoint. They put me in the back of a police car. You can’t even imagine the hell I went through as they interrogated me over and over and over again.”

Jack leaned closer. “Penny, I am so sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen.”

“Seriously though, what were you thinking? Why?” I couldn’t stop the tears that started to stream down my cheeks. All of the pain I’d gone through was back to the surface. Years of pushing it deep down inside, wondering what I’d say to Jack if I ever had the chance and now I couldn’t even think of everything.

There had been so many thoughts and ideas of what I’d do and say, but now that I was actually with him, my mind was blank.

“I thought I was doing the right thing helping your brother,” Jack said.

“By hiding the drugs in my car?”

“I never thought for a second they’d have the dogs with them. I never for a second thought they’d even question you since I’d been the one driving your car.”

I shook my head. “Well, you were wrong.”

“I am so, so sorry,” Jack said taking my hand into his. “I wanted to apologize. I wanted to make things better.”

“There isn’t anything you can do to make things better.”

Jack swallowed. “There has to be something. I don’t want you to hate me. I know I fucked up but goddammit Penny, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I will never stop loving you.”

The tears flowed quicker. “I loved you too, Jack. But I haven’t been able to trust anyone since that night. It really fucked me up.”

“Tell me what I can do to make it better. I will do anything.”

“There isn’t anything.” I stood up and crossed my arms.

Jack looked at me with eyes filled with sadness. “Penny, please.”

“Were you selling drugs too? Did my brother go to jail and you just got off with a slap on the wrists?”

“No!” Jack said standing up next to me. His eyes were wide. “I was not involved. I was trying to protect him and your family. It just all backfired.”

“It sure did.”

Jack shook his head. “It’s not like I wanted anything to happen to your brother. He’s not a bad guy, he was just doing stupid things.”

“He’d been involved in stupid things since he was fourteen.”

“I never meant for any of it to happen. I’d made a mistake in the heat of the moment.”

I waved my hands in the air. Everything was just too overwhelming. I couldn’t stand another second of being close to Jack. He made it too hard to think.

“I beg you,” Jack said dropping to his knees, “please, forgive me.”

“I… I…,” I stammered taking a step away from him, “I need to think.”

I turned and walked away.