When we make it downstairs a little later, we’re greeted with a round of applause. I assume it’s because I’m wearing the vest Rock gave me—this time paired with jeans.
“Hey, porn stars,” Wrath calls out.
“I take it she liked the patch, bro?” Z jokes.
Whipping my head around, I nail Rock with a glare. He throws his hands up like he has no idea what they’re yammering about.
“About time you gave it to her good. Never heard noises like that come out of your room before,” Z adds.
I try to laugh it off, but hot tears sting my eyes and my cheeks flare with heat. Turning to head back upstairs, Rock catches me.
“I’m going to gut you,” he growls at Z.
“Aw, shit, Hope. I’m just messing with you.”
“Yeah, and I was trapped down here, so I couldn’t hear a thing,” Wrath adds in his helpful manner.
Rock’s hand smoothes up and down my back. “Honey, Z’s not used to girls who don’t need an audience to get off. He thought he was paying you a compliment.”
Okay, that’s so stupid it makes me laugh. I’m a little embarrassed for overreacting. “I’m fine,” I say, pushing away from Rock.
Keeping a safe distance from him, Z tugs on my hand. “Come here, Hope. Let me see how it looks.” Leading me over to the couch, he drops down and pulls me with him so I’m sandwiched between him and Wrath.
Wrath traces the star patch on my side. “Did your man explain these?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
He stretches one arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. “Good.”
“You really voted me in?”
His lips curve into a genuine smile. “Yeah, sugar.”
“Could you tell which one was mine?” Z asks, making me giggle.
“Uh, the four-leaf clover?” I answer in a fake airhead voice.
A glance up at Rock shows he’s still giving Z murder eyes.
Z notices it too. “Gotta go. Hope, I’ll see you at the party later.”
He gives my hand a quick squeeze and takes off around the other side of the coffee table. Shaking his head, Rock sits next to me. He gives Wrath a hard stare, then slaps his arm off my shoulders. “You’re both looking for it today.”
I can’t stand him being cross with his friends because of me. “Stop—I think it’s the hormones still running through me.”
Wrath looks queasy, and I suppress a giggle as I watch him shift his body away from us, into the corner of the couch.
Rock pulls me against him, nuzzling my hair, kissing the tip of my ear. “Remind me in the future, the dresser may not be the best item to fuck you against.”
A warm, happy buzz settles over me. He always knows how to make me feel safe and accepted. I turn my body into him, pressing tight. Tilting my head back, he takes my mouth, kissing away the rest of my sadness.
He breaks our kiss and stares at me for a moment. “Are you still in pain?”
I shrug. “A little. That’s why Wrath offered to get me high,” I explain with a small smirk.
Wrath chuckles. “See, told you I’d take good care of her.”
Rock grunts at him before kissing my neck again. “Tell me where you hurt, baby doll.”
I flick my gaze to Wrath, sure he really doesn’t want to hear all these details. His eyes are focused elsewhere, though, as if he’s trying to give us privacy.
Throwing back my arm, I point at the spot on my shoulder that’s been bothering me the most.
Rock brushes my hair to the side and kneads his strong fingers into the muscles of my neck and shoulders.
“There?”
“Mm-hmm. The doctor said it was probably leftover bubbles from the gas they used in my tummy for the surgery or something like that.”
Behind me, Rock hums an affirmative sound and keeps rubbing the spot in question. My head drops forward, and I fall into the pleasurable feelings.
“Hey, boss, I could use your help,” someone asks, breaking into the floating sensation. Looking up, I see one of the guys whose name I can’t remember. From what I know, he’s always in the basement. He seems nice enough, if not a little weird.
“Let me take care of this, baby doll. I’ll be right back.” He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and gets up.
“What is it, Sparky?”
Sparky, that’s it.
After they leave, I turn to Wrath.
“Enjoy Trinity’s new outfit?” I ask.
A long, slow grin spreads over his face. “I sure did. Heard you got one just like it. That what got prez so worked up?”
I tap his side with my fist. “Jerk.”
“You started it. I’m not sure if you noticed, but no one’s sex life is a secret here.”
My nose wrinkles. “I’m a bit of a prude, aren’t I?”
He chuckles. “We’ll work it out of you. Oh, and I gotta tell you, the idea of you and Trin trying that shit on together is going straight into my spank bank.”
“Oh my gosh! It wasn’t like that. And ew.”
Wrath’s grin fades a little as he traces a finger over my vest. The contact is brief but odd for him. I can’t quite describe the expression that comes over his face. “I’m sure it had more to do with this. He’s been itching to give it to you for a while now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he got our votes right before you went in the hospital.”
A sick feeling twists my gut. We had that awful fight right before that. No wonder he was so furious with me. I need to tell him again how sorry I am.
Wrath sits up and turns to face me. “You know you’re family now, and we all bust each other’s balls. If Z picks on you, it’s ‘cause you’re one of us. That and I think you guys woke him up.”
Dammit! I feel the tears welling in my eyes again. How much longer did the doctor say this bullshit would last?
I sniffle and force out a laugh. “And here you said I’d never be one of you.”
The smile on his face fades to a somber expression. “I’m not afraid to admit when I’ve been wrong. Besides, if I gave you shit, I was just worried about him getting hurt.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. He’s the closest I’ve ever had to a brother.”
He says it so naturally it tugs at my heart. I don’t know much about Wrath’s childhood, except he was living on the streets by the age of sixteen. And I know Rock’s was no picnic. Even though it was before my time, I’m grateful they managed to find each other. Rock explained it’s Wrath’s job to protect him and protect the club, but it’s clear by Wrath’s face and the sound of his voice he doesn’t only look out for Rock because it’s his duty.
A soft sigh escapes me. “If anyone’s going to get hurt, it would be me.”
He reaches over and pats my hand. “Yeah, you got it bad for my boy, don’t ya?”
Lifting my gaze to his, I see he’s teasing me again, but I answer him honestly. “I do. I really do.”
We sit in silence for a while. Wrath glances over at me. “You know, some exercise might help with the pain if it’s trapped gas bubbles.”
Startled by the advice, I’m not sure how to respond.
Wrath shrugs. “You should get up and work out with Trinity in the mornings.”
“Are you calling me fat?” I tease.
He runs his gaze over my body before answering. “Fuck no. Just thought it might help.”
I think I might have actually hurt his feelings. “Thank you. You sure she’d want me bothering her?”
“Yeah, she’d probably like the company. Gotta catch her early, though. Five a.m. usually.”
“Geez. How does she do everything?”
He shakes his head. “Girl never sleeps.” The serious way he says it is enough for me to know how much he worries about her.
“You should do a better job wearing her out.”
He chokes out sharp laughter and grins at me. “Don’t think I haven’t been tryin’.”
I’m happy I seem to have cheered him up, but I’m also getting anxious. What the heck is Rock doing downstairs?
“Wrath?”
“Yes, sugar.”
“What’s downstairs?”
“The club business,” he answers with a chuckle. When I don’t laugh, he eyes me more seriously. “Rock still hasn’t told you?”
“Geez, don’t tell me it’s more strippers,” I grumble.
My attempt at a joke doesn’t make him laugh this time. “No strippers.”
“Porn studio?”
“No, sugar. Nothing like that,” he says, still watching me intently.
Rock finally emerges, and Wrath gives him a hard stare. “Can I have a word with you, brother?”
Rock waves him off. “Not now. We’ve got a problem.”
“Why don’t you take Hope on a tour of downstairs?”
Rock’s jaw sets in a hard line. “Not now.”
This situation is getting out of control. “Wrath, it’s fine. I don’t—”
Wrath cuts me off. “What the fuck you waiting for? You patched her.”
Rock’s gaze skips to me. “Fine. You want to see what’s downstairs, baby doll?”
I’m not really sure. “If you want me to.”
“Christ, it’s not that big a deal at this point.” Wrath sighs.
“Shut up. Remember, you started this,” Rock growls.
The door up here is a dummy door. Decorative. The real door is right below it. Steel. Rock needs to punch a code in and it makes a funny air sealing noise. The smell on the other side is moist, humid, skunky. The first room has nothing but tables covered in packing supplies and empty wooden crates. To the left, it looks like a two-bedroom with an adjoining bathroom setup. Huh. No wonder Sparky doesn’t venture upstairs often.
Sparky hustles out of a room to our right. “What up, boss?” When he sees me, he grins broad and happy. “Hey, Hope. I been waiting on prez to give you the tour. Come on.”
Rock looks up at the ceiling, muttering to himself. Ignoring him, I follow behind Sparky. I kind of have it figured out. They’ve got a grow house down here. I’m amazed at how extensive their little pot farm is. I shouldn’t be, though, because the center itself is massive.
The first room holds the largest plants. “These are almost ready for harvest. Demons in two weeks, right, boss?”
“Shut it, Sparky.”
I pretend I didn’t hear anything. Some of the plants look a little different. In fact, each row seems to have distinct characteristics. “Are these all different strains?”
Sparky’s grin is fast and relieved. “Yes! It’s so awesome you get that right away.” He starts explaining the different strains he’s developed.
Rock huffs behind me. I guess he’s heard the sales pitch before. But I think it’s interesting all the different ways Sparky is able to manipulate his plants.
In the next room, the plants are a little smaller.
“Now this line is experimental. It’s called ‘deepest gray’ ‘cause it’s gonna get you super high—into like hallucinating shit kinda high.”
I chuckle. “How do you do it? Develop the strains?”
He launches into a lecture worthy of a college-level science course, and I’m lost. But I nod and ask questions, which seems to make Sparky happy.
His demeanor changes as soon as we enter the last room. “This is my latest project, Green Machine. It was for our regular—”
Rock cuts him off. “That’s enough, Sparky.”
“Okay, yeah. I need it ready to harvest in about six weeks, but they’re sick.”
Behind me, Rock sighs. I guess he didn’t want me to know what he’ll be up to six weeks from now.
Suddenly, I’m a little pissed he’s been hiding all this from me. A long time ago, he promised me truth. Yet he’s been hiding a major part of his life from me this entire time. Setting aside that thought, I bend down and look at Sparky’s “sick” crop.
“What’s wrong? How can you tell they’re sick?”
He pulls me closer to the plants and we lean over. “See the brown spots on the tips?”
I do indeed see little brown speckles on some of the leaves.
“Is it treatable?”
“I tried giving them copper and then another supplement, and—”
“Wait. Maybe you should let them rest between treatments. See if one works before trying another.”
“I’m so careful with the soil, though. I mix everything just so.” He looks at Rock as if disappointing him is the worst thing in the world. I understand the feeling all too well.
“I’m sure you’re very careful with them.” Taking a deep breath, I continue. “They’re like your babies, right?”
His eyes light up. “Yes! Thank you, Hope.”
“So you said this is a new strain. Maybe it’s just more susceptible to certain deficiencies. I bet you’ll figure it out.”
We have this entire conversation as we’re leaning over the affected plants. I can practically feel Rock’s eyes boring into me.
When we wind up the tour, I ask Sparky if he’s coming upstairs for the party. He looks at me like I’m nuts. That’s right. He has sick babies to attend to. I’m not sure what it is—he’s definitely spent too much time cooped up with his plants—but there’s something really sweet that I like about Sparky. It’s clear he enjoys what he does and he’s good at it. He tells me he designed and built the entire system downstairs. Rock nods encouragingly. I’m really impressed.
“Well, New York is closer to legalizing it for medical use. Maybe when it finally happens, you can start building mini grow houses for people or something.”
Rock narrows his eyes at me, and I guess that was the wrong thing to say.
Oops.
Sparky seems enthusiastic about my idea, though, so whatever. I give him a quick hug and head upstairs, Rock close behind. When I stop to talk to Wrath, Rock keeps going straight upstairs.
“Rock?”
Wrath frowns, watching Rock’s back. “What did you think?” he asks me.
“Pretty cool.”
Wrath’s mouth curves into a surprised grin. “You’re very unpredictable, Hope.”
I race up the stairs and find Rock almost at the bedroom. Sprinting to catch up, I grab him at the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He shoves inside, and I follow right behind him.
“Why didn’t you just tell me sooner? I hate that you’re still hiding stuff from me.” Actually, the more I think about it, the more pissed I get. “Why did you bother giving me this if you don’t trust me?” I say, jabbing a finger at the vest.
“Not now, Hope. Just go.”
Go? “What?”
“I wanna grab a shower and get the smell off me. We’ll talk later.”
Since when does he take a shower without inviting me in?
He closes the bathroom door, and I fight the urge to smack it back open with my foot. Throwing the vest on the dresser, I grab my purse and fish out my keys. Then I snatch my cell phone from the nightstand and take off.
Wrath calls to me as I fly down the stairs. “Hope! What’s wrong?”
People are starting to fill the club, and I want to get to my car before I’m blocked in. A few of the remaining catty bitches who enjoy reminding me they’ve fucked Rock are also here, and I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing Rock and I are having problems.
Cast or not, Wrath is still an athlete, and he catches up to me at the door. “Hope. Stop. What’s wrong?”
“He told me to go. So I’m going. He doesn’t fucking trust me, and I’m tired of being lied to.”
“Fuck, this is all my fault. Don’t leave like this.”
I just keep shaking my head, tears clouding my vision.
He tries to grab me, but I slip out of his grasp and down to my car. One of the prospects approaches, but I gun the engine and he moves.
When I get to my house, everything is dark. Not one outside light illuminates my lonely yard. The motion sensors must have burned out or something, because nothing comes on when I step out of the garage.
With the stupid app Rock installed on my phone, I know he’ll track me down eventually. Until then, I need some fucking space.
I flip on the hall light to make sure the power isn’t out. I’m momentarily blinded, so I shut it off. I throw my phone, keys, and purse on the kitchen counter and make my way to the bedroom.
Crap.
I forgot I’d been in the middle of packing up boxes of Clay’s stuff the last time I was here. I set the boxes on the floor, strip down, and crawl under the covers. My cell phone rings and vibrates, the sound traveling all the way down the hall. So I pull the covers up over my head to drown out the noise.
“Rock! Open the fucking door.”
What the fuck is Wrath doing up here? How the hell did he manage all the stairs on those crutches?
Rushing into the bedroom with only a towel around my waist, I fling open the door. He’s standing there breathless and sweaty.
“What the fuck did you say to her?”
“Who?”
“Hope, you asshole. She just took off in fucking tears.”
A glance at the dresser, and I see she left her vest. Oh, that’s not good. I spin and see her phone and purse are also gone. Fuck.
“She’s not going to run to the cops, if that’s what you’re worried about. She thought Sparky and his setup were adorable.”
Wrath’s voice is full of menace. “I know that, fucker. I’m more concerned she’s going to wrap herself around a tree when she can’t see where she’s going because she’s crying her eyes out! I can’t drive or I would have gone after her instead of killing myself hopping up here after your sorry ass.”
“What did she say?”
He pins me with a hard stare. “She said you told her to go.”
“I meant downstairs, not leave the house.”
“And that you don’t trust her and she’s sick of being lied to. Rock, fix this, man. Stop fucking lying to her.”
“I didn’t lie to her.”
“No, you just didn’t tell her, and that ain’t right. Fuck—we ever got raided, they’d scoop her up right along with the rest of us—”
Cold twists my gut at the thought. “She’s got nothing to do with it.”
“Still take time to sort out, you dick. Tank her career. You got her practically living here. She’s your ol’ lady now. She has a right to know.”
“There’s nothing left. She knows everything now.”
“Does she?”
Okay, I can name a few things she still doesn’t know.
“Get out of here so I can get dressed.” I fucking hate that he’s right about something that pertains to my girl.
After muttering a few more curses at me, he hops next door to his room.
I know I’m to blame for this, and I’m not sure why I reacted the way I did. Maybe because seeing how at ease Hope was with Sparky and the whole operation made me realize I’d been an asshole for hiding shit from her for so long. I don’t give her enough credit. I keep thinking she’s all good girl, when in reality, she has many different facets to her. She’s not a black-and-white kind of person. She lives very much in the gray area right alongside me. We think a lot alike. Protective and loyal to the people we care about. Willing to accept things outside her comfort zone.
On the way to her house, all these thoughts flood my brain as I worry about how to fix this.
Beyond our relationship, I’m stressed the fuck out because Green Street Crew has been pressing me for larger and larger orders. With Sparky’s sick crop, we won’t be able to meet the demand of both GSC and the new thing I put in place with the Demons. Lost Kings have a reputation of being reliable and having quality product. We can’t afford to fuck that up.
Revealing our setup to Hope came at the worst fuckin’ time.
It’s creepy dark when I turn onto her road. Her car isn’t in the driveway, so I almost leave. But I know my girl. She’s sneaky. Glancing at my phone, I call up the app that will show me where she is—provided she didn’t stop to chuck her phone in a lake.
Nope. Pink blinking heart shows she’s here. I shut off my bike, although she would have heard me coming. I dial her number. Sure enough, I hear my ringtone go off in the kitchen.
Fuck, we’ve never gotten around to exchanging keys or anything. We’re almost always together. But it’s not as if I don’t know how to pick a lock. And it’s not like I haven’t been bitching about the shitty security at Hope’s house since the first time I ever paid her a visit.
Takes me fifteen seconds to get inside. Another ten to figure out she’s in the bedroom. The bed is lumpy, but there’s no sound. Is she holding her breath? Trying to hide from me like a little kid? The thought makes me smile. I fuckin’ love my girl—even when she’s being a pain in my ass.
I shuck my jacket and hang it on the doorknob, then kick off my shoes.
“Hope?”
A ragged sniffle drifts out from under the covers.
“Baby, what are you doing?”
“Choreographing a tap dance.”
A sharp crack of laughter leaves me. Okay, she’s seriously pissed. “Can I put the light on?”
“No,” she answers in a cranky baby voice that makes my dick hard and my hand itch to spank her fuckin’ ass.
That’s fine. Can’t find the fucking switch anyway. Besides, my eyes have adjusted enough that I can just make out the top of her head.
I yank my jeans down, kick them off, and drop my shirt on top of them. This is uncharted territory. We’ve never been in her bed together.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks.
I freeze, unsure if she’s asking because she’s mad at me for earlier or because I’m about to crawl into her bed. I choose to use a bit of humor to lighten things up. “You want insects and road grime in your bed?”
“Ew, no.”
Leaning down, I attempt to throw back the covers, but she wraps herself tighter and rolls away from me.
“What are you doing? Get over here.”
“I’m not having sex with you. I’m mad at you.”
“Who said anything about sex? I don’t want to have sex with you either.” That’s a total fucking lie. I’m so hard I could pound nails, but it’s not my fault. If I’m within ten inches of Hope, my dick is hard. That’s just the way it is. I’m in a permanent state of arousal around her.
Using the heel of my hand, I push down my erection, not wanting to jab her with it—yet. “I’ll leave my undies on.”
That gets the response I’m looking for—a soft giggle. “Undies,” she snorts. “Some big, bad biker you are.”
I grin into the darkness.
“Hope?” I tug on the comforter. “Baby, I’m chilly. Won’t you share?” I know she can’t resist my soft, pleading tone.
She wriggles and struggles to unwrap herself. The entire time, I’m biting my lip so I don’t laugh.
“Here,” she fumes, throwing half the cover at me.
Once I arrange it over myself, I dive at her, grappling her squirmy body into my arms. “Shhhh.”
I hold her to me, tucking her head under my chin, stroking down her arm, trying to soothe her. “I’m sorry you think I don’t trust you. I do, honey. Remember when I told you I didn’t want the ugliness from my life bleeding into yours? That’s why I’ve been holding back. Not because I don’t trust you.”
“It’s a stupid grow house. The way you were acting, I thought you had like a little human sweatshop down there or something.”
I huff out a laugh. “Please, Sparky takes enough care and feeding.”
“He’s sweet. I’m guessing he’s very familiar with his products?” She chuckles.
I snort at her comment. “Yeah. He’s been a godsend, though. We were neck deep in a lot of shit when he came up with that idea.”
“So that’s how the club makes its money?”
“Yes.”
“Is there a lot of money in that?”
I’m not sure why she’s asking, but I answer as truthfully as possible. “Not as much as the shit we used to be into, but it’s a lot safer. Most of the time.”
She’s silent. Thinking about what that means, I guess. “I don’t care, you know. I don’t even understand why pot’s illegal but alcohol is okay.”
“I know, babe. I’m starting to get that about you.”
“Tell me something else I don’t know, Rock.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Her fingers drift over my arm. “I’m not asking for details about club business. I understand why you can’t share some of that with me.”
Relief crashes into me. She gets it and that makes it easier to spill the secrets I’ve been keeping.
All right. Here goes. “Can you promise to hear me out before you get mad?”
She stiffens, but I feel her nod, her silky hair sliding along my shoulder.
“I told you when we met I was fucking nuts about you, right?”
She snorts like she still thinks I’m full of shit. “Yes.”
Fuck, this is embarrassing.
“After that kiss in my office, I found out where you lived. I couldn’t stop myself. I used to just sit at the end of the street and watch your driveway, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.”
“Rock…” She kisses along my jaw, and the tightening in my chest relents a bit. She’s not mad. She doesn’t think I’m a whack-job stalker.
“I did this… a lot. Remember how I told you about our rival, the Vipers?”
“Yes.”
I take a deep breath before going into this next part. “On one of my ‘stakeouts,’ two of them drove down your street, paying close attention to your house. I knew there was no other reason they were here. Somehow, they’d put together your connection to the club.”
“Didn’t they see you sitting there on your bike?”
“I… uh, was using the SUV by this point, so no. I don’t know if they used court records to find our connection or if one of the fucks followed me to your house. Either way, I knew your life was in danger. These two—they weren’t normal. We… Fuck, Hope, I don’t want to drag you into this shit any further.”
“Just finish the story.”
“Fine. I figured if we cut ties in a very public way, it would end their interest in you. Obviously, if you weren’t our lawyer, there was no reason to come after you. And if I was willing to humiliate you in public, I must not have any romantic interest in you.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“You’ll never know how much I hated doing that,” I whisper against her hair. I press a kiss to her forehead and hold her tighter for the next part. “Even though I thought that resolved the immediate problem, the fact that these two knew about you at all didn’t sit well with me. We took a vote to put them down.”
“Because of me?”
“Yes.”
“No wonder Wrath hated me.”
“He never hated you.” I pause and think of how best to explain preemptive murder. “You weren’t the only woman they targeted. And even though we’re outlaws… that’s not how we operate. MCs go to war all the time. They don’t target innocent people who have no idea what they’re into. That’s mafia, cartel behavior. They had other people in mind too.”
“Glassman?”
“Yes. Although, to this day, he thinks it was just a random mugging. And I’d like to keep it that way.”
“Uh, it’s not like we’re lawyers who lunch.”
For now, I ignore the bit of self-deprecating humor I detect in her comment. “We had to tighten our alliance with our other rival I’ve told you about.”
“Wolf Kings?”
“Wolf Knights. We’re the only Kings, babe.”
Another soft chuckle. I love that laugh so much.
“They’re a rival, but we’ve always had a decent relationship with them. We’ve got a similar mindset about certain things, and we share certain business interests. They were more than happy to cooperate.” I pause, remembering my meeting with Ulfric, the anguish in his eyes as he told me about what the Vipers did to his sister-in-law. “I didn’t learn why they were so motivated until later, but that’s not important. We also received the support of some of the Vipers. Most of them—although I disagree with the shit they’re into—follow our code. These other fucks that came in and took over, not so much. We helped them cut out the bad shit.”
I stop, remembering what it took to get what I needed out of those fuckers. I’m uncomfortable with the memories when my girl’s so close to me. “It took me a long time to get the information about you that I needed from them.”
I’m silent, thinking about what I want to tell her next, when she captures my hand and kisses my fingertips.
Maybe she didn’t understand what I’m confessing here. “Hope, do you understand what I’m telling you?”
She’s silent for a minute before answering. “Yes.”
“Can you live with the things I’ve done, baby doll?”
“You did all that for me?”
“Yes. Remember, I explained you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us? If someone hurts you, baby, I’ll handle it. I figured that would go against everything you believe in. But I’m not sorry. Those evil fucks posed a threat to you, and I dealt with it in the most efficient way. Going to the police wouldn’t have helped. I had nothing but a gut feeling to go on. You would have ended up dead or worse. I did what I had to do to keep you from harm. I protect what’s mine, Hope. And whether you knew it or not, you were mine.”
Something hot and wet rolls over my chest. “Baby, don’t cry. I’m so sorry I ever put you in danger.”
She sniffles. “It’s not that. No one has ever cared about me that way before. You barely even knew me at the time, but you were willing to start a war with these nutjobs to keep me safe? I can’t even comprehend that.”
“You were worth it, babe. I felt so fucking guilty that my obsession with you put you in danger.”
“Jesus, do you know what it does to me to hear you tell me all of this?” More sniffles.
Then silence.
“I’m sorry I’m not a good man, Hope.”
She sucks in a deep breath. “Don’t ever say that. You’re good to me. Your brothers. To your club. That’s all that matters.”
Shit, I’m so fucking stunned I don’t know what to say.
After a few seconds, she says, “I know you called my mother when I was in the hospital.”
The shift in conversation jolts me. I stiffen. This isn’t something I want to talk about right now because I know it will hurt her. “Yeah.”
She sucks in a deep, shuddering breath, but her voice is clear when she asks her next question. “She never came down to see me or called back to check if I was okay, did she?”
Now I’m fucking close to crying. “No, honey.”
“You stayed. You never left my side the entire time, did you?”
“Only when you were in surgery.”
“Every one of your brothers came too. Even if it was just to support you, they were there.”
“They were there for you too.”
She lets out a heavy sigh. “I’ve never belonged or felt a part of a family like that before. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but Clay came from a fucked-up situation too. He and his sister mostly grew up in foster care. And, well, you see what my mother’s like.” She pauses, and I feel her shaking her head against me. “He and I formed our own little insular world together. I mean, you know my few close friends, but otherwise, it was just the two of us. We only really depended on each other.”
I’m not sure what to say to that because it sounds lonely. But in a way, it makes me understand her so much better. “I’m happy you two found each other, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry you lost him so young.”
“I know.”
“You’ve got a family now, full of overprotective, pain-in-the-ass big brothers.”
“And sisters?”
“Yeah. Trin’s got her own issues, but she likes you. You two are good for each other. And I’m sure Teller wouldn’t mind some help with Heidi here and there.”
“Heh.” Then she turns a little more serious. “What else should I know?”
Here’s where I should tell her what happened with Sophie when I escorted Hope to Judge Oak’s fundraiser. How the woman who is supposed to be Hope’s best friend drunkenly hit on me outside the men’s room. But after admitting what a callous bitch her mother was, I don’t want to hurt Hope with yet another person she loves failing her. Instead, I decide to tell her something else. A good thing about Sophie.
Hope elbows me in the ribs. “Anything else you’re hiding?”
“One last thing.”
Her body ripples with laughter. I guess after admitting I’ve killed people to keep her safe, anything else is tame in comparison.
“That first night when I ran into you at Hamilton’s… Sophie set that up.”
She squeals and thumps my chest, struggling to sit up. “I knew it! I always wondered what the hell you and Z were doing there.”
At least she’s not mad.
“How?”
“She was worried about you. Maybe eight months after the funeral, she came into Crystal Ball with Jonny on one of my nights.”
“Ugh! I wondered how you and Jonny knew each other.” She giggles, and I’m happy I was able to take her mind off her rotten mother.
“I don’t know. I must have been real obvious that first time we met, ‘cause she honed in on me right away.”
“I told her about us.”
I chuckle at the memory of Sophie’s fierce expression that night. “Yeah, I got that loud and clear.” Picking up her hand, I press her fingers against my lips, then hold her tight. “Everything after that was all you. I would have taken you home that night if you asked me to. I didn’t have any other plans besides worming myself into your life. Making you my woman.”
She kisses my chin. “So now I know everything?”
I actually stop and think before answering her because I want to be honest. “I think so.”
“Nothing from your run?”
“Are you asking if I fucked anyone?”
“No. I think it’s clear your mind was on me the whole time you were gone.” As she says that, her hand drifts across my hip and over the spot where her tattoo is. I’m very conscious of and grateful for the trust Hope has in me.
Reaching out in the dark, I trace along her collarbone, seeking her necklace. “At least you didn’t take this off. Although, I’m going to paddle your ass for leaving your vest.”
“I’m sorry.”
I sigh, long and deep, debating whether or not to tell Hope about Inga’s phone call. “Ah, there’s one thing from the run.”
Next to me, she stiffens, and I automatically tug her closer. “Inga called me.”
The breath she lets out drifts over my chest. “Oh. How did that go?”
I’m amazed at how calm my girl is, all things considered. “Uh, fine. She wanted to apologize. I guess she’s in rehab back home. She’s quitting porn and dancing.”
“That’s good. I mean, if she had a problem with it. Hopefully, she’ll figure it out.”
Holy fuck, my woman is something else.
“You’re not mad?”
She pulls back and, in the dark, it’s hard to gauge her reaction. “No. Why would I be mad? I mean, as long as weekly chats with her aren’t going to become a regular thing—no, I’m not mad.”
“Thanks.”
“What’s wrong, Rock?”
It’s almost unnerving how well she knows me. Christ, she won’t want to hear this. I push the words out in a rush. “I feel like a scumbag for never noticing she had a problem.”
“You realize this is awkward for me, right?” she says with a laugh. When I hmm at her, she continues. “I didn’t get the impression your relationship was one where you spent a lot of time together when you weren’t, uh, occupied, so why would you have noticed?”
Her delicate phrasing pulls a dark chuckle from me. “Yeah, I think that’s also why I’m feeling like shit. I thought I was always clear, but she had this idea, I guess…”
“Uh, I can’t speak for Inga, but I don’t think most women can separate sex and emotion, even if they tell themselves they can.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
She shrugs. “Too bad.”
Yeah, I’ve definitely beat this conversation into the ground. But it felt good to get it off my chest. It’s not really something I would discuss with any of the guys. I lean over and kiss her forehead. “Thanks for listening to that, baby. I’m sure it’s the last thing you felt like hearing.”
She pats my chest in response. I can’t believe how kindhearted my girl is. Every other woman I’ve ever known would have used that conversation as an excuse to tear Inga down or bitch me out. Not Hope. I’m a lucky fuck.
Incessant buzzing reaches me from the floor. “My phone, babe.”
“Go ahead.”
Crawling out of the bed, I dig around ‘til I find my jeans and dump my cell phone into my hand. “It’s Wrath. He was worried about you,” I explain.
“What?” I snap into the phone as I settle back into the bed. I hold the phone away from my ear so Hope can hear him.
“Where are you, dick?”
“At Hope’s.”
He blows out a relieved breath. “She okay?”
“Yes.”
“Are you guys okay?”
Next to me, Hope sighs, “Awww.”
I run my hand over her hair. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“Are you coming back up tonight?”
I glance at Hope and quirk my eyebrow. I’m leaving it up to her.
“Yeah, we’ll be up in a little while,” she answers.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, are you going to turn into one of those annoying couples who answers every phone call together?” Wrath bitches.
“Bye, Wrath.”
Hope grabs my phone and ends the call for me.
Eventually, she rolls over and clicks on a light. Blinking from the glare, I don’t see the room right away. But when things finally come into focus, I’m shocked.
“You’ve been packing?”
A nervous smile flickers over her lips. “Well, we talked about moving in together… and I just thought it was time to get rid of some things. It’s harder than I thought, though.”
Her hands flutter in the air as she’s talking. Even flustered and rumpled, she’s effortlessly beautiful. My eyes zero in on her slender fingers and notice how naked her ring finger looks.