By the time dawn arrived, I was no closer to sleep and felt even worse than before. I couldn't stop thinking about Gracen and Clara, how perfect they'd looked together, how I was sure that if history played out the way it had originally the two of them would be married. And with that came the knowledge that to preserve history, I couldn't interfere, no matter how much I wanted to. Besides, I had my own time – and my own fiancé – I needed to get back to.

It was time to leave.

I knew that I had at least another hour before the household woke up and started their morning rituals, so if I slipped out now, I could be a decent distance away by the time anyone noticed I was gone. I looked about the room, gathering a few things in my pillowcase as I pushed the guilt aside. The Lightwood family was wealthy enough that they wouldn't miss any of this. I needed to move quickly so as not to lose my head start.

Or my nerve.

I opened my bedroom door and peeked out, checking the landing for any sign of servants waking up early. When I was sure I was in the clear, I stepped out, taking care to keep my steps as soft as possible as I made my way downstairs.

As I descended the staircase, my mind tried to reason with me, tried to get me to go back upstairs and forget this whole thing. After all, I had no idea where I was going. This entire endeavor seemed as foolish as it was unplanned.

What was I going to do? Head back to the place where Gracen found me? Even if I could find it, I had no doubt that I'd run the risk of being caught by either army. While I was now dressed as a woman, the officer who'd interrogated me before might remember who I was. They might have old-fashioned notions about women, but that didn't mean they wouldn't hang me for killing their soldiers. If nothing else, it would've solidified the captain's suspicions that I was a spy.

I shook my head as I continued down the stairs. I’d worry about that once I was on the road. The one thing I knew for certain was that I couldn’t stay here. It would hurt too much, and I'd be far too tempted to try to change history.

I reached the ground floor and waited, listening for any unusual sounds. When I was satisfied that I was still the only one awake, I made my way down the small hallway to the kitchen. I moved quickly, keeping my eyes on my feet to avoid any missteps. I was pretty sure that women were required to dress like this so that running away would be more difficult.

As I made my way toward the back door, Dye's face suddenly came to mind. I hadn't made any friends here, but if I stayed, she could become one. Part of me wondered if I should have waited another day so I could tell her I was leaving, maybe even offer her a bit of insight into the future so she could protect herself. As noble as that sounded, I knew it was one more excuse to try to convince myself to stay.

I opened the back door and stopped cold when I saw Gracen standing in front of me. His eyes, which had looked half-asleep, widened in surprise, and I swore under my breath. In part, I was cursing my luck, but another part of me was cursing myself. While I, logically, didn't want to see Gracen, my heart went off in a series of skips that made my face flush and my stomach twist.

“Honor.” His voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat as his eyes fell to the pillowcase I clutched, and he frowned. “Where are you going?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I stuttered something incomprehensible as I quickly tried to find an explanation that would both make sense and still hide my true plan.

Unfortunately, he came to the right conclusion before I could manage to speak again. “Are you leaving?”

Scowling, he reached for my sack, and I pulled it back. Technically, the things in it were his, but I needed at least some supplies, even if the only food I now possessed were a couple day-old rolls I'd grabbed on my way through the kitchen.

“It’s complicated,” I said finally. I could've told him that it was time for me to finish my journey to Canada, but I knew that he'd ask why I was sneaking out. I couldn't give him a reason for that.

Gracen’s frown deepened. “Complicated? You're sneaking out while everyone is still asleep.”

“I never meant to stay here for long,” I reminded him. “It was just supposed to be until my leg healed.”

“I know, but I expected at least the common courtesy of a goodbye. You’re sneaking out like a common thief.” His eyes darted to my bag again. “Is that the truth? Have you decided to rob my family after all we've done for you?”

I struggled to keep my temper. “I'm not a thief. I've worked for my room and board. All I have in here is some clothes and some bread.” I held out the pillowcase. “Take it.”

He shook his head, color staining his cheeks. “That's not necessary. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you.” His eyes met mine, and a thrill ran down my spine. “It's not safe for you out there alone.”

His voice was soft, the concern on his face clear. I almost closed my eyes. I didn't want to see that he cared about my well-being because it would be easier to walk away if I could think that I was only a responsibility to him, nothing more. If I knew that he felt anything at all for me as a person, I wasn't sure I could leave.

Even now, I could feel it, the pull toward him, the inexplicable draw that I'd spent the last few days trying to ignore. I didn't understand it, and I was sure that I didn't like it. I knew that I wasn't supposed to like it. Not with Bruce's ring tucked safely away in my luggage somewhere in the future. I always took it off when I was overseas, not wanting to risk it being lost. Now, I wished I'd worn it onto the plane, if for no other reason than as a reminder of who held my heart.

Or, at least, who was supposed to.

I couldn't deny that I wasn't sure anymore.

All the more reason for me to get away before things got even more complicated.

“Please step aside,” I whispered. “I’d like to leave.”

“No.” Gracen practically growled the word. He took a step toward me and my heart thudded wildly against my ribs. “I won’t allow it.”

“We had an agreement,” I repeated. “I'm not a prisoner here, am I?”

“Of course not.”

“Then let me go.” I had to force the words out of me.

Every fiber of my being screamed at me to stay, to beg Gracen to keep me with him. The intensity of what I was feeling scared me, fueling my need to escape. I'd always prided myself on my independence, on my strength. I never felt like I needed Bruce. I wanted to marry him, and I hadn't liked being away from him, but I'd never felt this inexplicable need for him. Not like what I was feeling right now.

The worst part was, I knew it was dangerous, and a part of me didn't care.

Gracen shook his head in response to my request. “Go back to your room and think this through.” His eyes narrowed. “Is it because of my father’s friends? They’re Loyalists, but they’re harmless. And no one other than myself knows that your views aren't...similar.”

“It has nothing to do with the company you keep,” I said. Then I amended it, wanting to be honest with him about this. “Not entirely about them, anyway. This is your house, and I have no say over what happens within these walls.”

“I demand a proper explanation.” He crowded into my space, his eyes flashing. “I deserve that. After everything we’ve been through, I deserve an honest explanation.”

I looked out the kitchen window at the first signs of daylight and realized that if I didn’t leave now, I would have the entire staff to deal with.

“I don't have one,” I whispered. I needed to leave.

Now.

I tried to push past Gracen, but he grabbed my shoulders, stopping me from going more than a few steps. His fingers burned through my sleeves. I'd never before craved human touch so much.

“Let me go, Gracen,” I begged as desperation filled me. Tears burned my eyes, and I struggled not to cry. I couldn't let him know how much this hurt me. “Please, just let me go.”

His eyes locked on mine, and those impossible butterflies in my stomach fluttered. The room was suddenly too warm, the air too thick to breathe. His body was less than an inch from mine, and despite the layers of clothing between us, I imagined I could feel the heat of him.

“Gracen,” I murmured, unsure what I was asking him to do.

He decided for me as he bent his head and brushed his lips across mine. A shock went through me, and then his hands were sliding up my arms, one to linger on my neck, the other cupping the back of my head. He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding across my bottom lip. As my lips parted, I leaned into him, feeling his hunger matching my own. I forgot where I was, what I was supposed to be doing. All that mattered was how right this felt.

Then, as suddenly as the kiss began, it was over. He pulled away, and I could see the confusion in his eyes as he stared down at me. This wasn't right, and we both knew it. Even though Gracen didn't know about Bruce, we both knew about Clara, and that alone was enough.

Still, I couldn't lie to myself any longer. No matter how many times I told myself that this was a bad idea, that I couldn't get involved. Hell, it didn't even matter that I'd never believed in the kind of connection I felt toward him. It was real.

And it could never happen.

He lowered his eyes even as his skin flushed a deep red. I wanted to comfort him, tell him it was okay, that it was just a spur of the moment reaction that meant nothing. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it, even if it hadn't meant anything to him. I knew, if he decided to kiss me again, I would welcome it and damn the consequences.

“I’m sorry,” Gracen muttered, his gaze flicking toward me, and then away again.

I nodded, still unable to find the words I needed to say. There was nothing, actually, that I could say. It was all just too complicated.

“I shouldn't have done that,” he said, rubbing the nape of his neck. “You’re right, Honor, you aren't a prisoner here. But, I beg of you, reconsider what you are doing. It isn’t safe out there. You’re safer here.”

“Gracen,” I began but stopped when he held up his hand.

“The choice is yours,” he continued, his eyes falling to my lips as our bodies seemed to want to pull together. He looked away. “Just know that if you decide to leave, I won't stop you, and I won't be able to protect you.”

With a shake of his head, he brushed past me, leaving me alone in the kitchen with the chaos in my mind.