Chapter Eleven
Sadie
It’s pouring buckets by the time we pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex. We rush up the stairs, racing each other as our laughter rings through the air. I unlock the front door, and goosebumps break out on my skin. I tell myself it’s from the rain, and that’s part of the reason, but I’m way too aware of the sudden quiet between Ash and me.
A single moment can change everything. The sky from overcast to pouring. Laughter to dead silence. Easy-going fun to sexual tension. It was different when I was on the back of his bike. Of course, being so close to him affected me, but there were too many other stimulations to let this buzzing awareness take hold of my throat—cinching until I can hardly breathe.
The smell of the rain, the wind on my cheeks, the roar of his bike in my ears. Now all that’s left is him and me in a quiet apartment. I swallow hard as I turn up the heat.
“When’s Mandy supposed to be back?” he asks, peeling off his soaked jacket.
“Around five. We have a few hours.” I look up in time to watch him pull his T-shirt over his head. Letting my eyes wander down his ripped abs, I stall on the V low on his abdomen. Too many seconds sneak by, and when I bring my gaze back to his face, his lips are curved into a knowing smile.
“Like what you see?” he asks, unbuttoning his stonewashed jeans and lowering the zipper.
I’d have to be dead not to.
He slides all of that denim down his muscular thighs, exposing his hard cock.
“What are you doing?” Why does my voice come out so high-pitched? I’ve seen his cock before. For fuck’s sake, I’ve had it in my mouth.
“I’m undressing,” he says, kicking off his boots. He picks up his wet clothes and takes a step in my direction. “You need to do the same.”
“Why?”
“We’re going to take a shower to warm up while our clothes dry.”
“Oh,” I mumble, my cheeks flaming from my ineptness. It’s like the sight of him annihilates my brain cells.
“And you’re gonna suck my cock.”
Liquid desire floods the space between my thighs, but I ignore it, instead shooting him a vexed look. “Wow, Ash. Try asking next time.”
He closes the distance, and I hold my ground, even as he begins unbuttoning my flannel shirt. “Isn’t that the point of this, sweetheart? Your mouth needs more practice.” He pauses long enough to glance down at his erection. “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my cock is happy to oblige.”
I smack his chest before retreating a step. “Jesus, you’re horrible,” I say, biting back a smile as I finish unhooking the buttons on my shirt. His dirty sense of humor is something I’ve secretly loved about him for years. I remove my clothes then clutch them to my chest, shivering. It’s chilly in the apartment, but that’s not the only reason I’m shaking like a leaf.
He takes my bundle of soiled clothing and leads the way to the compact laundry room off the tiny kitchen, where he throws our things in the dryer for a cycle. The machine has barely started tumbling when he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder.
“Ashton!” I’m about to pound on his back and demand he let me down, but the sight of his naked ass grabs my attention. God, it should be criminal to look as good as he does. His back is a canvas of hard muscle and smooth skin tapering down to a toned ass. How in the hell did I manage to be around him all of these years and not know what he was hiding underneath his clothes?
Because I hadn’t wanted to know. Instead of following my heart, I followed my head and buried my attraction to him. Too many years as friends were at stake, and too many women came and went from his bed.
Turning a blind eye to Ashton Levine was pure self-preservation.
With each step he takes toward the private bath off my bedroom, I self-destruct a little more. The fear of how this will end is too much to bear, so I toss my apprehension into the empty grave in my soul where my feelings for him used to reside.
I’m going to give myself permission to follow his lead. I’m going to give myself permission to fucking enjoy him.
And somehow, I’ll find a way to keep from falling for him too hard.
Our teeth are on the verge of chattering by the time he sets me on my feet in the shower stall. He switches on the water, turning the knob to hot, and pulls me under the spray with him.
“Turn around,” he says, voice rough with desire. I pivot, facing the wall, and he slides his palms down my arms. Taking my wrists in his hands, he lifts my arms and makes me flatten my palms against the tile.
“Ash?” I can’t hide the nervous tremor in my voice—it matches the flutters of excitement going off low in my belly.
“Shhh, just follow my lead.” He speaks the words in a low tone, his breath warming my neck. Slowly, he edges my feet apart with his foot.
My hands are on the tile.
My feet are planted on the floor shoulder-width apart.
And I’ve never felt so vulnerable. Part of me likes this feeling too much.
“Don’t move your hands.”
A shiver breaks out on my skin, despite the heat from the water, and all I can manage is a muted nod. He shifts behind me, then his fingers are trailing down my spine, sparking zaps of awareness on my skin.
Is that his lips on the small of my back? The undeniable heat of his tongue spreads low on my spine, and my breath hitches.
He’s making me light-headed. Dizzy with longing. I bite my lip to keep quiet because I’m about to beg him to touch me. Really touch me. The space between my legs is throbbing for his hands and mouth.
He drags his palms over my butt-cheeks before bringing a hand down with a loud smack. I can’t hold back a small cry of surprise.
“I like a red ass, Sadie. Can you handle it?”
Can I? I’m not sure, but I’m aching between my legs too much to care. “Uh-huh,” I mumble.
“That’s not an answer.” He lets loose another smack. “Answer me.”
“Yes!”
Smack!
The blow comes with more force than the last two, and with a small whimper, I shoot to my toes.
He snakes an arm around my waist and gently pulls me into his body, bending me until I’m arching my spine. Until my ass is raised for better access.
“Perfect,” he rasps out. “You’ve got the finest ass. Anyone ever tell you that?”
“No.” Shit, no one’s ever touched me like this either. Looked at me like this. And no one has ever wanted to spank me before. The more time I spend with Ash, the more we tumble down the rabbit hole of whatever this is.
Who knew he was hiding this side of him all these years behind that flirty grin?
He spanks me again, and I jump once more with a small gasp. Jesus, I’m surprised I like it so much. His palm comes down over and over, alternating between my left and right cheeks.
Fuck, it’s starting to sting, and I can’t help but whimper and squirm. The urge to press my thighs together is overwhelming. The longer I stand like this, the more likely my arousal will drip down my legs.
I sense him crouching behind me, his hot breath fanning over my left butt-cheek. He parts his mouth over my flesh and sinks his teeth in.
“Ash.” His name is little more than a throaty cry, and I clench my jaw to keep from moaning again. His nibble doesn’t hurt. If anything, the location of his mouth is making me wetter. Needier. God, I’m desperate for him to touch me.
He runs his nose down my inner thigh. So close, but so far away. It’s pure torture.
“I’m gonna touch you,” he says, planting soft kisses on my skin as he grazes my other thigh with his fingers. “Unless you don’t want me to.”
I’ve never wanted it more. But getting my vocal cords to work is proving to be impossible. I arch into his touch, hoping he’ll get the message.
“No, Sadie. I want you to say the words. If you want my fingers in your pussy, you’re gonna have to tell me.”
“Jesus, Ash. You’re driving me insane.”
“I can drive you insane for hours, and I will if you don’t say the words.”
My pride lets an endless amount of seconds tick by, but eventually, I cave to the need clawing inside me. “Touch me,” I choke out.
He slips his fingers inside me, and his touch is different from last night, when he shoved them into my pussy while spanking me. Now, his movements are careful. Teasing. He’s taking his time, extracting low moaning cries from my throat.
“You’re so wet.”
I’ve been drenched since the restaurant, but I suspect he already knew that. I can still see the smug tilt of his lips as he sat across from me, watching while I engaged in an embarrassing but entirely thrilling display of public indecency.
His fingers dip in and out of my pussy, his pace unhurried, and I’m rocking my hips, moving with his hand in a dance of want and need. My breaths become choppy as water drips off my hair and slides down my face. And his fingers…
God, he knows how to use them.
He glides up to my clit and rubs circles on that sensitive bundle of nerves. “I want you to come.”
“Don’t stop,” I whisper as my lids drift shut. I block out everything—the tile under my palms, the spray of the shower raining down on us, the rapid pace of my thumping heartbeat.
I focus all of my attention on his fingers and what they’re doing to me between my legs. Hot and drenched to the core, I can’t stop the pressure from building. That soaring high is almost within reach. A groan escapes my mouth. I’m so close, but he won’t touch me the way I need him to.
“I need more, Ash.”
He groans. “You’re sexy as sin when you’re desperate, Sawyer.” Pressing more firmly on my clit, he bites into my ass again.
“Please,” I whine.
He reaches around and palms my breast. The caress on my nipple, his teeth nibbling in naughty places, and those fingers swirling through my most intimate spot—all of it crashes together, igniting an explosion, and I cry out his name.
The orgasm seizes my limbs, and I can do nothing but stand there with my thighs trembling as my body pulses and contracts around his fingers. Long seconds go by, and my uneven breaths mix with his ragged ones as the shower tries to drown both sounds out.
Ash stands behind me, and the hard length of his cock presses against my lower back. “If I don’t get inside your mouth, I might die.” He whirls me and pushes down on my shoulders until I drop to my knees. Grabbing the base of his cock, he pushes the wet crown against my lips. There’s no waiting for me to take him in this time. Ashton takes control by fisting my hair as he thrusts into my mouth.
My heart beats fast as adrenaline rushes through my veins. Apprehension also creeps in. I want to swallow. I want to know what it feels like to make a guy come in my mouth. He thrusts hard and fast, holding nothing back, and I know this is it—this is the day I’m going to know what it’s like to swallow.
To really taste a man.
“Goddamn, Sadie. Feels amazing.” He shoves his cock deeper, making me gag, and I jerk back without thinking. He pulls out and places both hands on the tile. He’s glancing down at me, his chest heaving, water dripping down the perfect cut of his abs. “Do you want to swallow?”
I nod, but doubt plagues me. “I need you to make me.”
He raises a brow. “Are you sure? Because making you swallow my load is a bigger turn-on than you realize.”
He likes the control. Likes to call the shots. Right then, I get the sense he’s been holding back, and this is his way of warning me.
Make a decision, and be sure about it.
Problem is, I don’t think I’ll ever be sure. It’s one of those things I’ll just have to do in order to get past the fear of the unknown.
“I want to swallow.” I lock my eyes on his. “Don’t let me back out.”
“Not a chance in hell, Sawyer.”
This is what I wanted, right? For Ashton to teach me how to suck off a guy. From the moment I saw Jake thrust into the mouth of his assistant, I wanted to be the one on my knees, and now I am.
Keeping his hands on the wall, Ash pushes the tip of his cock against my lips again. “Open.” It’s only one word, but there’s an undeniable note of command behind it. Protesting is impossible with that tone ringing in my ears.
I part my lips, and he pushes in again.
“Hands behind your back. Don’t move them.”
I follow his orders. The pose is one of complete submission. I’ve never felt so vulnerable. I’m putting my trust in Ashton’s hands, counting on him to take what I so desperately want to give.
He pumps in and out of my mouth for a while, his tempo languid as if we have all the time in the world, as if my mouth was designed to be used like this. Each time he shoves in again, my pulse ratchets higher, drumming at my collarbone. Sounding off in my ears.
The way he’s drawing this out is driving me crazy.
“Close your eyes,” he says in that raspy tone he uses when he’s on edge. As my lids drift shut, he grabs my head in both hands.
I start shaking. There’s no backing out now.
“Nothing to be scared of, Sadie. Just let it happen.”
My heart skips a beat as he starts plunging with purpose. He’s got such a tight grip on my head that I couldn’t pull back if I wanted to.
It happens so fast.
I gag as he thrusts down my throat. He expels a long series of grunts and groans as he holds me immobile in his grasp. My gag reflex can’t take anymore, and I try jerking back, but he won’t let me.
“Fuck, I’m coming, Sadie. I’m fucking coming.”
I whine around his cock, begging for mercy. Hoping it’ll be over soon.
And then it is.
Ashton withdraws, and I glance up to find him breathing hard, arms shaking under his weight as he props himself against the shower wall.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod, but before I can speak, he lifts me to my feet. Our chests smash together as he buries his face in the crook of my shoulder. Spearing one hand through my hair, he presses the other against the small of my back, holding me against him as warm water sprays on us.
And I love the way he’s trembling—it’s a surefire sign that what we just did affected him the way it affected me.
“You bring me to my knees, Sawyer.” The words blast against my neck as powerfully as the truth in them blasts through the last of my defenses. Something too strong for me to fight coils around my heart. Rises in my throat.
Fear.
I let out a shaky breath, scared of drawing him closer even as my arms tighten around him. I can’t even think straight as I run a hand up between the valley of his shoulder blades and sink my fingers into his hair.
And that’s the moment I know we made a horrible mistake.